My first week of 2019 was peaceful as in a peace of mind. I spent New Year’s Eve at home and my daughter went to a sleep over. I was kind of solemn on New Year’s Eve, but things seem to dissipate some late in the night after fireworks and people shooting their firearms into the air with no care of where it may land. I was able to sleep in a little late and woke up refreshed. Even though, I am facing one huge obstacle (depending on who’s eyes you are looking through, mines or the Creator) this year, I feel that it will be resolved. I am just not certain if the process will be smooth and I think this is where the anxiety lies.
Last night I wrote in my new journal an honest assessment of my anxiety towards the obstacle I face. It’s not that I don’t have faith that God will work it out or has already worked it out. But, it is the processes I have been through in the past to get to the other side of working it out, have usually been rough and turbulent. I have done so much BELIEVING and FAITHING and CRYING my entire life, especially, these last 9 years it’s like I want to brace myself for the worst. In many ways, life has been traumatizing for me. I pray that is not the case. I pray that the “how” it is worked out doesn’t involve turmoil for me. You know, some of us seem to go through more than others I have found it doesn’t ALWAYS have to do with “sin” or “karma” or poor choices. I am not sure it’s because of some “test” because I feel after so long there is no need for a test on addition or subtraction at a certain age. Which leads me to ponder fate and destiny. And the realization that some thing really “just is/are.” You didn’t do anything to deserve it. I think the task is to learn to live without becoming bitter and always looking at the big picture. And in case you can’t see the point or the picture to be at peace with what is.
1Now as Jesus was passing by, He saw a man blind from birth, 2and His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him.… -John 9:1-3.
~Nikki
Nikki's Confetti Life 
Life is just what it is sometimes Nikki. It feels like “Why me’ sometimes. My pastor in response will say,” Why not you”. I am reminded of Apostle Paul’s plea to have a thorn removed and the answer he got was “my grace is sufficient for you”. I don’t understand how God chooses to deal with me too sometimes… I guess he is the all knowing God & father. Hard to believe in his kind of tough love in the face of tough & painful situations. But hey we still can trust in his love and know that he is working it all out for good. And sometimes we take a stand and say no more to some things that are rubbing us of our joy & peace. I pray that the peace & love of God will flood your heart and life. This year shall be joyful for you… Things will work and be better, don’t believe any less because your heavenly Father does care and is ready to give good gifts.
So be it. I agree.
I sometimes used to wonder why I have RA, AS or diabetes, or especially why all three. I have found that the reason seems increasingly clear. It is my parents fault. LOL
OK, well maybe my real reason is that I can laugh about it. Lets face everyone needs a good laugh.