Whenever you begin to set boundaries to preserve and protect your peace of mind and your sensitivity, or even to enforce those boundaries, there will probably be fall out from individuals who lack the respect of those boundaries. I have discovered that people want you to bend and break to appease them and often they wouldn’t do the same for you. Nor would I want anyone to compromise their peace of mind for me. And that is the difference. People will create problems, want you to solve them, and then become upset if you don’t. They don’t care if what they want makes you unhappy. This is blatant selfishness. Recognize this as a flaw in character. Also, people like this will often either get angry in hopes you will change your mind or run a guilt trip hoping for the same results. When you comply to neither they will call you mean and selfish (I am laughing as I type this) but, you and I both know they are merely describing themselves! Some leave you alone entirely or distant themselves.
You have to become okay with this. I know it may be difficult but, do not cave and compromise your peace or the sensitivity of your nature. I was created with a big heart and compassion but, not at the sacrifice of my own peace. Never again. Emotional manipulators are professionals at what they do. They have been use to throwing tantrums, running guilt trips and playing games to get what they want and you are left footing the bill, debt, or uneasiness. I stood my ground recently and I owe no one an explanation of what I want and why I want it the way I want it. I can’t do what you want me to do to make you happy and I am left to grin and bear it or wallow in the nagging feeling of “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say NO?” Just remember even if you have the money or can accommodate someone’s request, if you don’t FEEL at ease, DO NOT DO IT AND OFFER NO EXPLANATION. You don’t have to explain your no.
I was 30 years old when I made the statement, “My peace of mind means everything to me” and it was after a terrible relationship but, it would take another 8 years, a process before I would be able to truly mean it.
The 43: It is Well Within Tour is a tour of my life, my mind, behind the scenes so to speak. In this social media error we seem to only see the finished product of things. We see the finished product of wisdom on a post. We see the arrival but, what about the journey? What about the grit and the grind or the situations that create the wisdom or the lessons? I am not talking about the polished versions either. I am talking about the moments that led up to the light bulb going off. The moment that profound wisdom is inked into your psyche. The moment light hits the darkness was it tears? Was it shame? Was it anger? Was it guilt? Was it relief?
Well, I want to take a tour of this year as if I am the tour guide and the tourist to journey into wellness within me. I am both the guide and the observer. You see the production. The beautifully wrapped package of a body that smiles (whether forced or not). But what happened that week or that day? We are on tour of the “getting to” of well being within. I hope you can take the tour with me. It’s going to be pretty honest and pretty amazing. 3/31/18-3/31/19
“In order to maintain peace and joy within one must take care of the things without and within.” ~Nikki
- It was legendary because I stretched out my faith, moved beyond my fears, and took leaps
- Some wounds by those closest to you can change the dynamics of the relationship forever even after you have forgiven them
- Not my circus. Not my monkey. Liberation.
- I don’t need anyone to sign off on my relationship with God. No one gets to decide if I am a REAL CHRISTIAN. Liberation
- I don’t need to be believed or understood. I don’t need to explain. I am who I am. I be who I be. Liberation.
My 42 Journey was about Liberation and Legendary Actions
I don’t know about other cultures or races or environments…or religions for that matter, but what baffles me are adults who are adults according to age but, not according maturity. By observations, we seem to be hurt children trapped in adult bodies. I often hear things in my community like “I’m a grown ass woman” or “I am a grown ass man.” But, what does it mean to be a grown ass woman or man and do grown ups have to make such statements? I’ve seen us ready to fight each other over nothing in the community, at family functions, and even at church. Church, a sacred place. Some adults are about as mature as the children they are raising.
Hurt children trapped in adult bodies need HEALING. Hurting people hurt other people. They hurt them with words. They hurt them with violence. They hurt them by being vindictive. They hurt them with malicious gossip.
Hurting children trapped in adult bodies hurt themselves. They set themselves up for failure by making choices that keep them in a vicious cycle. They choose the wrong friends. They choose the wrong woman or man. They choose to do nothing about their circumstances when presented with a better option. Hurting children are afraid of change. Hurting children are hopeless. Hurt and Hopeless equals anger. Hurting children throw temper tantrums when things don’t go their way and they do not like to be corrected because they do not like to be wrong.
Growing up grown folks takes healing of the hurts and harsh realities they have harbored deep in their hearts and souls. Only the Creator can heal them. But first they have to give up the ghosts. Give up the ghosts that haunt them. Give up the horrible childhood. Give up the traumatic losses. Give up the horrendous acts done to them by others. Give up the abusive relationships. They have to give up the ghosts so they can be raised from this dead life they are living. Growing up grown ups takes correction. Growing up grown folks takes clear directions. They need these two things during the HEALING PROCESS…WHICH CAN TAKE MONTHS AND YEARS. It’s going to take relying on strength within, a HIGHER POWER, and someone or some books divinely placed into your life for guidance. Dear Hurting Grown ups, Give up the Ghosts….
I’m still giving up ghosts…I am still learning and growing and I can see that. I can measure that by the actions I take and the ones I don’t take. I can measure that by the words I use and the silence I choose. I can measure that by how well I manage my emotions and practice self control. Make your world, the world in you a better place and that will make your children’s world, your friendships, relationships, family-ships a better world. It will make this world a better, safer, place to live in. Heal up.
I felt it unraveling in the beginning of the week. Very little sleep with an amazing one night of sleep, pain in my joints from fluctuating weather patterns and humidity. Sore and tender muscles, knots in my muscles from fibromyalgia. A moody teenager and drama from the small family church I have returned to. I struggled to keep the eggnog nogging…but alas a toothache was the ache on top of the aches. Not even a glass of wine can fix this. I had to talk to the other “Spirit”. You know, the Holy One.
Me: I am NOT in the Christmas Spirit.
God: Doesn’t matter. You kept the Holy Spirit through it all.
Me: I swea-, uh promise because I really wanted to “loosen” my temper. Yes, loosen it. Not lose it. I really wanted to go ham and cheese and turkey. I really wanted to let depression take over. I really wanted to show them how a cow chews cabbage (something my daddy said a lady said on his job which he later found out meant curse). I wanted to be like you know what, forget it.
Me: I think the Holy Spirit might have kept me. I’m still down about all of this. And a toothache. Like really? Rheumatoid is ruining everything.
God: Not everything. You have insurance and the money to pay for it.
Me: Money I will have to put back.
Me: However, with insurance it’s about 477.00 less. But, it’s going to costs THOUSANDS TO GET AN IMPLANT.
God: I got it.
Me: Maybe my Christmas spirit will return in the morning. On Christmas Day.
God: Don’t count on it. Just do the best you can.
Me to Self: “May the Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’
Dear Late Bloomers, Don’t be deterred by your age. Hold on to the promise and the Promise Keeper-Hart Ramsey
As a very late bloomer when it comes to doing the things I love and learning the things I have always wanted to do, it can be disheartening to hear and read all of the YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE BY NOW posts, blogs, and lectures. Or to tell someone what you are doing and they look at you sideways or even chuckle. At your age? Well, I thought age was just a number. I thought it was okay to “do me” I mean after all, I’ve done what everyone else wanted me to do and things I never wanted to do…so….
Listen, we late bloomers have already figured out why it took us so long or we wouldn’t be doing what we are doing. We have already analyzed, reflected, and are continuing our education on our life as you should be on yours (just saying). So let us bloom and get out of our sunlight. Help us weed with good advice. Water us with encouragement and support. We are planted and rooted and we are now sure of ourselves and what we want to do. Applause. We have arrived and we are working towards our dreams and goals.