Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Hope for Tomorrow

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Today I had to speak at church. Some would call it preaching, but I call it teaching. I talked about Hope for Tomorrow. Romans 12:12, Romans 8:24-25. What is hope? Hope is a joyful or confident expectation for the future or the promises of God, or both however you chose to look at it or need it. Hope is a joyful or confident expectation for the unknown and the unseen. Who hopes for what he or she can see? We hope for what we cannot see and we wait for it patiently. In other words, you don’t hope for what you already have or what is already worked out. You hope for that which you do not have yet to manifest or be worked out.

Hope is a virtue, a good quality for the Christian life experience and in my own opinion, hope is a virtue we all should obtain. Hope makes waiting or walking in faith easier. When you have hope, you have joy or you have confidence that things are working out for your good. You don’t know how, you can’t see how, but you have this expectation that it will.

Without hope, we become bitter, sad, depressed, anxious, fretful, and perhaps angry. Without hope, you become desperate and take desperate actions. Many times these actions lead to making things worse than what they were. Without hope, a joyful expectation or confidence in the future or promises of God, people contemplate suicide or commit it. Without hope that you’ll be okay if the person leaves you, you do foolish things to get them to stay or even worse.

We need hope. Hope helps us to hold on while we patiently wait for the outcome. Hope, a joyful expectation, puts a pep in our step as we walk out our faith. Hope, a confident expectation in the promises of God to you, helps you to hold on until you see the life you desire to live unfold. Yes, we need hope for tomorrow. We need hope, for tomorrow in this world. The audacity, or the boldness of hope. Hope gives us boldness in the times of trouble. The nerve, the boldness to believe in our darkest hours that light will surely shine again happens when we turn on our hope. In the world we live in, particularly and personally me for, in the these troubling political times, I have HOPE that things will make a complete 180 and put us back on track to be greater human beings which will make a greater America and a greater world to live in for all people.

~Nikki

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The Danger With Pretending Everything Is Okay

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The problem with pretending everything is okay when it’s “not” okay is you begin to accept behavior that is not okay. Once you begin to accept behavior that is not okay, you begin to NORMALIZE this bad behavior and mistreatment. You know what is worse? Anything that points to you having to confront or deal with REALITY sends you into retreat or lies to protect that which you don’t want to disturb. You make excuses. You don’t want to deal with the elephant that once was simply in the room, but is now on top of your head or chest. You are cracking up on the inside. You are miserable as hell. You will have a nervous breakdown, a heart attack,  before you deal with the elephants. Yes. With an “s” because an elephant not dealt with becomes a heard.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: It’s Not Personal?

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Before I saw this quote the other day, I received a phone call from someone and they were telling me about something very important they misplaced. This person misplaces numerous things on a regular basis. As I began to try to have a conversation about them needing to slow down, pay attention, which is something even strangers have said to them, they did what they usually do to me and a few others they don’t “seem” to value much, they got offensive.

I continued to make my case in a non-threatening, caring way and I got off the phone. I almost became irritated. I almost took it personal, but I remembered what I have been drilling in my head for the past year, “It’ not me, it’s them.” “They have the problem. I can honestly say I didn’t do anything wrong. I am going to continue with my pleasant morning.” Sometimes it is personal. Sometimes it’s not. You just have to know when and decide what your response will be. I read this quote over and over until something else stood out, “compulsion to react.” I’ve been compulsively reacting to this person’s madness, with madness, ever since I realized I was old enough to do so. I reacted with madness and anger because that is all I knew. It is what I was taught to do by this person. (I didn’t even know that until therapy). You hurt me with words, I hurt you with words. Especially, since no one can stop me or I can’t be punished for talking back. In that moment when the person became defensive, I could have became offensive, but I didn’t. I didn’t compulsively react. THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO PRACTICE and it was effective that day for me. In other attempts, this person would get more and more belligerent and obnoxious. And I would explode!

As I navigate this complex family dynamic, with more knowledge and practice, I hope to gain for myself the peace I have so rightly deserve from childhood until the present moment. I hope to be able to not compulsively respond, not take it all personal, to rightly respond, to insist on my boundaries, to protect my peace, and to not beat myself if I don’t “always” get it right (another burden placed on me by the same authoritative figure).

~Nikki

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Hello 2019

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My first week of 2019 was peaceful as in a peace of mind. I spent New Year’s Eve at home and my daughter went to a sleep over. I was kind of solemn on New Year’s Eve, but things seem to dissipate some late in the night after fireworks and people shooting their firearms into the air with no care of where it may land. I was able to sleep in a little late and woke up refreshed. Even though, I am facing one huge obstacle (depending on who’s eyes you are looking through, mines or the Creator) this year, I feel that it will be resolved. I am just not certain if the process will be smooth and I think this is where the anxiety lies.

Last night I wrote in my new journal an honest assessment of my anxiety towards the obstacle I face. It’s not that I don’t have faith that God will work it out or has already worked it out. But, it is the processes I have been through in the past to get to the other side of working it out, have usually been rough and turbulent. I have done so much BELIEVING and FAITHING and CRYING my entire life, especially, these last 9 years it’s like I want to brace myself for the worst. In many ways, life has been traumatizing for me. I pray that is not the case. I pray that the “how” it is worked out doesn’t involve turmoil for me. You know, some of us seem to go through more than others I have found it doesn’t ALWAYS have to do with “sin” or “karma” or poor choices. I am not sure it’s because of some “test” because I feel after so long there is no need for a test on addition or subtraction at a certain age. Which leads me to ponder fate and destiny. And the realization that some thing really “just is/are.” You didn’t do anything to deserve it. I think the task is to learn to live without becoming bitter and always looking at the big picture. And in case you can’t see the point or the picture to be at peace with what is.

1Now as Jesus was passing by, He saw a man blind from birth, 2and His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him.… -John 9:1-3.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Women Doing the Most to Our Own Detriment

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I had a great, terrible, struggling, successful day yesterday. Sound familiar? I hope not! My artwork was on display and I sold two more pieces. Sold my first last week. In case you are a new reader, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia and some other things. Well, I  am also very stubborn and I have a tendency to take on too much not considering y health. In the past, I never had to consider it. Old habits die hard and some never die.

Anyhow, at the end of the fabulous art show, I was hit with a MEGA migraine. My neck was hurting as it was very cold in the building. I had my compression gloves on the entire time (these help with my joints and fibromyalgia). Three weeks of crocheting, painting, driving to Nashville for a fall break with my daughter for two nights, and back home to get ready for the art show…you see, this is me being defiant. So, when hit with the migraine, I continued to pack and load. I heard the Spirit speak and say, “Get help.” But, I didn’t want any of the people there that I didn’t know to help me. I made two trips and I got to the car and well, nausea was for a reason. I got in the car and called one of my brothers. He came. He loaded the car, insisted on following me home, and insisted he unload the art. He also gave me some encouragement. I told him I get tired of being strong and I was sorry I had to call him out in the chilly weather and rain. “Sorry? We are family. That’s what we are here for in times like this.”

After he left, he sent a scripture, “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalms 55:22 I needed that. And you know what else I needed? I needed everything that happened yesterday, how it happened, and when it happened for multiple reasons. Plenty of lessons in yesterday as well as life nuggets.

  • Women (and men) that are too prideful to ask for help suffer unnecessarily all to prove we don’t need anyone’s help, or the helpers don’t need help, or whatever it is we are trying to prove or image we are trying to uphold
  • Some of us are like this because we have been let down so much, talked about so much for needing help
  • We will override a gut feeling, the Holy Spirit, and voices of reasons to do it all on our own and then damn near die and some have died
  • I constantly have to remind myself to ask for help, it’s okay to ask for help, it’s not righteous to always be the helper and it’s not weak to need…anything including help
  • No man or woman is an island. Even if they think they are. They are disillusioned at best.
  • Family is good to have. Friends are family, too.
  • I could have strangers. I am a stranger that will help anyone in need.
  • I shouldn’t be so hard headed but sometimes I get tired of being bound by RD, Fibro, etc. etc. and etc. And I just go mad lol

So, I recover today not only from last night but for the last three weeks. Breathe, meditate, medicate, elevate, easy going do it easy, and realign with the universe.

~Nikki

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These are the two paintings that sold. Lola of the Universe and Bloodgood’s Blessing.

Fix it Jesus. No, You Fix It.

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There are just somethings in this life you have to take by the horns and fix it yourself. I waited until the last minute to resolve an issue. I sought wise counsel and I got great, but mixed advice. I thought I saw the right thing to do or was it that I saw what I wanted to see? I thought I felt the right thing to do, but it was too hard to do. I was vexed in my spirit for two weeks! I knew all along what had to be done. I only wish I would have done it sooner.

The lessons and reminders for me are:

  • Leadership requires making hard decisions sometimes
  • This wasn’t a Fix it Jesus moment. This was a moment of growth in my journey. It was very uncomfortable. I had to work through that emotionally and I am still working through that.
  • Vibes and energy are important. If you don’t feel it or them, if they do not feel you, just don’t mix it with business or pleasure. People are responsible for the energy they bring to you and you are responsible for yours. You can put out good energy and they can still bring their weird or bad vibes. What are you going to do?
  • If you are in business, you should bring good energy and vibes. You are providing a service, but people are paying you for it. Why would you bring bad juju? 😀
  • You are not asking for a favor, you are acquiring a service. (wise counsel)
  • Keep it short, don’t go into detail if you feel they won’t be receptive anyway, and keep it professional. (wise counsel)
  • They told you how they felt about you through actions and attitude. It’s okay to do what you need to do. (God, Holy Spirit)
  • This helped to decipher if I were being sensitive or if this was my GUT speaking. Hence, feeling vexed versus hurt feelings. My gut was practically screaming!
  • You know what energy you want to bring to an event. You know your audience. Trust yourself to cut what doesn’t flow.

 

~Nikki

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Morning Routines: Mind & Spirit

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It started Wednesday with excruciating foot pain, but if we want to be honest it started way before that. It started with taking on Vocational Bible School when I really didn’t want to and doing most of it on my own with the nitpicking, complaining, and subtle “bitching” of others. Yes, I did use the word bitching and I could have used barking, but IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR COMFORTABILITY right now. I also had little sleep due to the oven light going out which we usually leave on. I discovered it has a shortage. Then the smoke detector went out. There was a power outage in the wee hours one morning on top of a night I was already tossing and turning. I didn’t want to take a sleep aid because…what if the house caught on fire and the smoke detector doesn’t work? (I have anxiety and this how the anxious mind goes into overdrive). I was thinking about all that I had to do. Major issues with my mother and minor ones with my sister. Drama and trauma.

So, I try to sleep better last night and I was irritable before I went to bed. Oh, and someone stole my bank card from church! I tossed most of the night and when I finally woke up it was from a terrible dream.

What am I doing wrong? What is going on here? Good things are happening and all of these inconveniences are also happening like the gnats that seem to have invaded our area. Small and irritating as hell. I had a great therapy session last week. What am I missing?

I am not centered at all. I am not thinking clearly and it is showing up. I have been fearful, angry, and peace-less. Fearful of the future, fearful of walking in purpose and marrying my authentic self to my purpose. Angry at the things said and done by family. Peace-less about a future relationship.  I am overwhelmed by household chores (tired body, achy body, little to no help, and a teen with lazy summer bones) and wanting to have a gathering, but not really wanting to be bothered. I  am missing intentional and thoughtful prayer. Meditation. A morning reading. Yoga. Either one or all of these things would do me a world of good because I need centering every day and sometimes several times during the day. I am missing the voice of Spirit and Self. I am ignoring it. And my body, my mind, is fatigued.

This morning I pulled myself up. Opened to a passage in the book: God’s Healing Power: Finding Your True Self Through Meditation where the above excerpt was pulled. I had breakfast. I watched a food documentary. I still don’t feel well. I wanted an instant fix. I still feel overwhelmed. I wanted energy. This is the beginning, Nikki. The RE-establishing of routine. It’s going to take some time and patience and effort. I think I will read this same passage every morning until…

~Nikki