The Heart Epiphany Part 5

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki, from the Heart Epiphany Lecture March 2020

 

The Heart Epiphany Part 3

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I want to talk to you about the DIRTY, GRITTY, PUT ON YOUR STEEL TOE BOOTS SIDE OF SELF LOVE. SURPRISE! SELF LOVE IS HARD WORK AND HEART WORK. It’s a mind heart body soul spirit connection.

Are you sure you want to REALLY, REALLY love yourself because if you do, you are going to have to REALLY, REALLY WORK.

Self-love requires CHANGE and CHANGE is HARD WORK. It’s easier to stay the same and say “What? This is just the way I am.” If the way you are is not a reflection of love or self-love is it really the way you are or just the way you have grown accustom to being and responding?… You might have to change circles. You may lose a few friends. And though you are loyal, it means nothing if you are loyal to people who don’t respect or value you or use you. If they are using your mind, they are using you. If they are using your heart and emotions, they are using you. If they are using your body, they are using you. Change is hard work. Self-love requires change.

~Nikki

“You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those patterns have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a new result.” – Emily Maroutian

My Personal Thought Reflections During this Pandemic

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My thought REFLECTION during this pandemic: 1.What does God, the Universe want from me? What is God or it saying to me? 2. What does God want from Christians? Pastors? Leaders? 3. What does God/Universe want from each country, continent, government, the world? What is God, the Universe saying?
REthink, REbuild, REflect, REpent, REvise, REplace 2020 Number 4 energy (Also working the 2 energy, 20 energy)

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Off the Grid

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I’ve been wanting to get away from here, the city, alone, or at some retreat long before the world was hit with this pandemic. I didn’t want a vacation, but a restoration. Peace and quiet. When all of this is over, I am not going to drag my feet. I am going to find a place to go, to restore, to transform. I feel like I have been gathering supplies for the past five years. I have been shifting and changing. I feel as if I have been living a double life at times. One foot in tradition and the other foot in spirituality.

I am ready to fully devote my time to spirituality, the deeper things of the Creator. Here I am free, and a matriarch of the family keeps pulling on my robe. I am irritated by it. So, I have decided to finish out April and be done with it. I am also, serving a notice to a blog I managed in the past. I don’t want to do that anymore and I will not have time for it.

One of the things 2020 has done for me is forced me to open my eyes and ears. And in this stillness I move, breathe, and have my being.

~Nikki

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Freedom Tough Love Talk

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I love being a free spirit. God made me that way. Every free spirit has their own path, do’s and won’t do’s, guides, handbooks. I’m like John the Baptist. I like the wilderness of life. I don’t particularly care for being trapped in four walls. But you know…I go. I got some David in me. Elijah and Elisha me. Elisha was working for his family in the family business. Elijah walks by and Elisha burns the oxen, use the equipment to feed the people, kiss his parents good bye and gives up his land. It’s a Prince Harry moment. Outta here! I don’t care if we’ve been doing it this way for centuries. I don’t want to do it this way! I don’t want to stand in the same spot, be on a board, do it the traditional denominational way. I can do both somewhere. I thought whom the Son set free was free indeed? I’m free. I’m free indeed. I’m saved whether you think so or not. I’ll buy meat from the folks that aren’t saved. I’ll sit with those you call sinners. I’ll chill at the shop with the Buddha statues and talk about life and give hope to the people doing my nails. I’ll talk to the bartender about ginger ale drinks and listen to him talk about his father with cancer. I’ll tell him that I’ll pray for him. He’ll tell me about growing up Catholic with an abusive father. I’m that broken vessel. I’m the voice in the wilderness. I’m that vagabond. Let me loose. Never mind, I’ve got the sword and permission from on High. Don’t judge me…judge yourself.
#sheOnOne

You’ve Been Played. Or Have You?

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This year I got played. Fooled. Bamboozled. Played. As smart as I am, as careful as I am, it happened. I think the worse thing you can do when it comes to matters of the heart is lie to a person. But let’s face it, it happens to the best of us. I sit back and I reflect on how things unfolded. I looked at my role: Trying to give chances where I should have CUT ALL TIES. Ignoring my own intuition, gut, Holy Spirit. But, to my credit, I took my Loss, turned it into a Lesson by finally CUTTING ALL TIES and bounced back. After all, you haven’t learned anything if you remain in a situation with all of the evidence and facts. I’d question YOU (and what it is in you that makes you think you deserve that type of treatment) at that point and not the behavior of the perpetrator.

So, I was thinking about the thought “Nicole, you got played” and how attached to that statement, true or false, are feelings of shame, stupidity, and inadequacies. The WHY ME and WHOA IS ME sagas. After all, I was familiar with those thoughts and feelings. It’s a stagnant lake of negativity that has a stench of reality and self pity. Just when I was about to dive in, Spirit kicked in. “No. They played themselves.” Oh? How so?

Think about it. What did I lose? Several months out of my life. Wasted time. Yes, that’s pretty bad in my mind because I cannot STAND to have my time wasted. Why did I try, why did I hope, why did I believe? I did it because I believed in love. I took a chance and a gamble and I lost time in the form of months. What’s my karma for that? Nothing bad or negative. I sowed hope, love, faith, trust, forgiveness and while I didn’t reap it in that relationship, surely I can reap it in another or blessings. (I mean that is a blessing to get the love you give).

How did they play themselves? What did they lose? They lost the opportunity to love, to trust, to build, to grow, to be blessed. Hell, they lost me. They lost a gem. But, I was never theirs and they were never mine. They can miss what they could have had, but I can’t miss what I never had. It wasn’t real anyway. What’s the karma for playing with a person’s heart? I can’t answer that specifically because that’s none of my business. That’s between them, God, and the Universe.

So, my loves, you haven’t been played, so to speak. The other party has played themselves. You’ve got a whole lot of goodness coming your way. Believe it.

~Nikki

I like goodness. 🙂 The majesty of it all!

Hello November! Harvesting Good

Let’s do this November! Bring all the good seed harvest I’ve sown this year. I need every bit of it to make up for the time wasted. But was it really time wasted? Ok it was BUT I learned. I paid for those invaluable lessons. IT’S ALL FOR MY GOOD (My growth because when you love God, have a REAL relationship with God, you are open to learning & growing) because I love God.

I feel like things are settling back into peace and back to work for me. It’s back to my creative grind, growth, and doing all of the wonderful things that I was born to do. Peace is a priority in my life and has been for the last 14 years. As you know, it has to be maintained. It has to be protected by any means necessary.

I went to the doctor this morning and my blood sugar level was good and I’ve lost some weight. My doctor was pleased. I love this getting back to normal. Back into the grove of my little big life. Focused on my family and gifts. Determined to build wealth and see the manifestation of my gifts and talents. And still waiting for the love that is true and adds to the peace I need. Not take away from it. I hope your November is filled with JOY.

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~Nikki