When you say I don’t know what I want or I don’t know what to do, you NEGATE Infinite Intelligence within you. You VOID, you nullify, you make ineffective the GOD within you!
You really are saying you are too lazy to determine your own experience or that someone else IS better equipped to determine your life. NO ONE IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO DETERMINE YOUR LIFE, YOUR GOOD, YOUR EXPERIENCES, BUT YOU!
Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker
YOU ARE THE CHOICEMAKER. YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF YOUR LIFE.
You must understand that you are one with the Creator, or God, or The Infinite Intelligence. In other words, you were created by an intelligent being therefore you have the ability to make intelligent decisions about your life. You are ONE with GOD. You are one with the CREATOR. You are one with Infinite Intelligence. It is within you ALREADY. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. The Power to Make DECISIONS is already in you.
We are discussing the power of decision making. It may seem like a small thing to you but, the highest function of your mind is to make decisions. Hence, “make up your mind” is a phrase we use often. Every day you are making decisions about your life. Even when you decide to be indifferent and not decide, it is called indecision.
Let’s talk about that first. Indecision is the individual’s choice to fail. If you decide not to make a decision, then the Universe or Life will make the decision for you. Life waits for no one. It goes on. And usually, you will receive what you do not what or what you fear the most. Your energy of indecisiveness brings forth what you are feeling which is hesitation, frustration, fear, and uncertainty.
Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker
Hello and Welcome April! April brings us the 1 energy and how is this important to some of us? Well, it’s as important as knowing the signs of the times and what spiritual season is happening in our lives. With this information we know how to guide our energy and what energy to tap into. It’s like a cheat sheet or study sheet for those that would never cheat on a test!
This is the second quarter of the year and April offers us a FRESH START. If you have done all the work from January – March, then you are ready to begin the creative process of your work. If not, it’s okay because this is the time to get creative and this is also the time for some MEGA spiritual growth. The “One” energy is mainly about:
Courage, Confidence, Leadership, and being a Self-Starter
I think it’s important to highlight this Self-Starting energy. It’s like David in the scriptures when he said he would “Encourage himself” and that is what you and I need to do this month. It’s going to take some self-encouragement and the ability to support yourself in your ideas and plans. You cannot rely on others for that in this season. You have to be your own cheerleader and biggest fan. People may not understand your vision and where you are headed. Therefore, they may not be able to support and encourage you. They may be busy doing that for themselves!
You must resist laziness and excuses this month and you must SELF START yourself! You must hype yourself up. So, make sure you get plenty of rest because a tired and sleep deprived body will not hold up to the demands of your ambitions this month. Make sure you eat properly and exercise to give your body and mind endurance and the nutrition to function in this high production period. You have meet and greets, videos to shoot and create, chapters to books and blogs to write, you have the revealing of a shop or business, etc. to do. You have “STUFF” TO DO and you have no time to be pussyfooting around!
Organize and execute. Line up the actions and knock them down like dominoes. Be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back. In Christianity, we have been taught to accept no praise for the things we do because it was thought to be ego. It was thought to be “boisterous”. Sad, we didn’t know the difference between being proud of your work and efforts, your accomplishments and being some ego maniac. It is okay. You know the difference between being proud and BRAGGING and having the “BIG HEAD”. You know an inflated ego when you see one and hear the “ME ME ME and the I I I” being sung. You know when the person wants you to praise them and requests praise for what they have done. That is not you! You are intelligent enough to know the difference because you were created by an intelligent being and that intelligence resides within you. TRUST Spirit will let you know if you are getting too far gone. You are in partnership with the Creator and you have to do YOUR PART and the CREATOR does his/her part. When a child says, ” I DID IT” we don’t lecture on ego and pride comes before a great fall because we know the energy in which that claim comes from.
Here are some affirmations to help you during this month:
I am encouraged.
I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
I am confident in my work and calling.
I move forward with courage to complete my goals.
I take calculated actions towards my goals and dreams.
I learn from my mistakes and I quickly move on.
I am a self-starter. I nip excuses in the bud and get on with doing what I set out to do.
I enjoy resting. I take the necessary actions to rest so that my mind and body can continue safely and creatively the rigorous course before me.
I reach for the right foods and beverages to fuel me.
I welcome the lessons this month as I welcome the spiritual growth it brings me.
I am patient with myself and others as I get things done.
It is okay to clap for myself when I accomplish a goal. It is okay to be happy when I put forth efforts, take actions, and receive desired results.
Friday I decided to have a really good cheeseburger and fries combo with a diet coke for a late lunch. This was suppose to be it until dinner with the exception of a 15g snack. After the meal I was still thirsty. I was still a little hungry. That’s not a problem because I could have chosen something else to eat but, it needed to be healthy. I didn’t do that. I CHOSE some corn chips and a bottle of ginger green tea. That bottle of ginger green tea has a serving for 3 and guess what? I drank it all!!!
I am diabetic. In about an hour I began to feel really bad. I checked my blood sugar and WHOA! I’d never seen it that high before! I didn’t panic. I knew what to do. But boy, was I miserable for the next few hours. I admit I also had too many corn chips…and dip. WHY DID I DO THIS?
You may say it was a lack of self control. I think that’s a part of the puzzle. However, I took a closer look and I examined how I was feeling. I was feeling anxious. I was thinking about the vacation I had coming up and if things would be go well. I was thinking about the guy I am dating and if I’d made the wrong choice inviting him along.
I also wanted those chips and I wanted all of the tea. It was a deliberate choice and decision. I kind of felt like I deserved to have it. I mean after all, my thoughts at that time were on “Why can’t I have what I want in this life? I want what I want now. It’s taking so long to get there.” And so and so forth. FOOD can sometimes be a way to achieve the satisfaction you are lacking at times in life. I wanted to feel satisfaction that I was making the right decisions and that all was going to work out. I went the quick but, temporary route. I took a short cut with consequences.
Take a look at what happens when you have what you want TOO SOON or TOO MUCH? It can make you ill. It can be a disaster. It can not last. In life, we want what we want, and we often want it now. We may feel we have waited long enough and we deserve it. This type of thinking can lead us to make rash decisions and choices. It will lead to frustration and ultimately come to an end. If only I would have had the proper portion at that time. If only I would have gotten control of my emotions or thoughts and then I would have had control of my ACTIONS (DECISIONS). I would have been in a better frame of mind.
I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know if you are tired of waiting on it to manifest. I don’t know if you don’t have the drive to make it happen and the proper patience as it happens. I don’t know if you are worried or have anxious thoughts. I do know that having what you want when it’s not time for it is not a good thing. I also know that too much of something, that you do want, could become a problem. And we circle back around to TIMING, BALANCE, PRAYER and PATIENCE. But might I add for those of us that struggle with anxiety, PAUSE and ask, WHAT AM I FEELING? WHY? and answer HONESTLY. Then do what you need to do to calm those thoughts and feelings in the least destructive way. Seek out therapeutic methods like exercise, something creative, something relaxing that won’t have a negative impact on you later.
I wake up at 3 am from joint pain. I get up and take some pain medication. I doze off and I awake at 4:15 am to a beeping smoke detector that informs me the battery is low. Thanks. I get the footstool and I remove the batteries. I get back to bed. I am up at 7 am. An inbox from the speaker that is suppose to bring a message to the congregation cancels due to a fever. I call the pastor and the pastor will have to fill in. I get dressed only to look down to see the hem of my dress has unraveled and is shredded. I change clothes twice after that and I am ready to go. But, my daughter is not. I arrive at a church with 3 minutes to spare and I am asked to fill in here and there, all over the place because only a hand full of members are there. Just when you think it’s over we arrive to the restaurant for dinner only to find out they close at 2pm and will reopen at 4pm. New hours because there is a shortage on employees.
We decide to go to a restaurant that is close to where we are but, it is very expensive. We are seated with no issues and the food was delicious. I stuffed myself silly as it was a brunch buffet. Sad but, true.
With everything that happened this morning before I could leave my home, I almost said, “Everything that could have went wrong this morning did!” But, before I could finish it, I stopped. I thought, “Words have power. They have the power to create and to evoke emotions.” Instead I changed it to, “Everything that could have gone right this morning did!”
I know that may seem opposite of what happened. I reflected on what was going on and how at every turn I talked myself into remaining calm and hopeful. When I woke up for the third time at 7 am I was still in quite a bit of pain from Rheumatoid and my muscles were aching from fibromyalgia. I am in the middle of a flare up of both! A bowl of cereal and coffee. CBS Sunday Morning. Nodding off at times and praying things would calm down. During the getting dressed fiasco, “That’s ok. It’s alright. I know I am running short on time. It’s ok. Next dress. Next pair of shoes. Next on the accessories. Keep moving Nicole.” I am ready! My daughter is not. We will be late! It’s okay. It’s alright. Breathe. Write your notes. Start the car. Wait. Wait. Breathe. Wait. Don’t fuss when she gets in the car. She is having a rough morning, too.
She gets in with college size attitude. I ignore. At church, I kept going with the flow of the turn of events. Dinner, I may have been a bit frustrated but, adjusted my attitude before walking in and hoping they had space. I realized, I had ACED the TESTS of the day. Everything that could have went right, did. It may not have been RIGHT but, it was happening and this was truly a series of tests to see if I could put into practice things I have been reading, experiencing, learning, over the years. We are tested often in this life but, there are times when we get an EXAM. This was an exam. I aced it. I felt joy and then I thought maybe I shouldn’t be too happy. After all, this is spiritual stuff. Is it okay to be happy about this?
Absolutely! Understanding brings us joy! Enlightenment brings us joy! Why not celebrate when we pass tests and exams in life? It made my heart happy to see growth. I would have gotten angry. I would have given up. I would have been miserable. But, no. I just went with the flow of things and rode the wave on out to shore using a set of skills developed over time. Breathe. Self talk. Flow. Adjust. Think. Adjust Attitude to a better one. Smile. Ignore. Adjust internal emotions with truth to override facts. Pep talks. Shuffle. Repeat. Repeat.
Ahhhhhhh the day is done!
Don’t’ believe the hype in your life that can come from what you SEE. Seeing isn’t always believing. It looked like I was having a bad day but, it was all an illusion. Are there bad days? Of course! But this was just an exam and I am glad it is over.
“There comes a time” and that time will come again and again in your life if you choose to GROW and CHANGE. It will also come whether you choose to accept things or not. There comes a time when loved ones transition and transform. You either accept it or not or fall in between. That time will come again and again. There comes a time, you may have your heart broken or break a heart. That time comes again and again for some.
I have chosen to grow, develop my higher self until I choose to leave the Earth school, and to change for my good. My current “there comes a time again and again” is the fact that I am becoming aware of what a love for yourself and others can do when it comes to choosing or accepting a mate. When you embody love, or even attempt to embody a deep love for self and others, it’s difficult to accept unloving behavior in your own personal space. Therefore, if it’s not love, if it’s not love reciprocated, in your own personal space, it falls away. I’m speaking of a romantic love. Eros.
When you understand the importance and the depth of equally yoked, of being in synch, being on the same page or at least in the same book, it’s almost impossible to accept or remain in a relationship that is vastly a contrast to what love looks and feels like for you. For me, it’s not perfect but, it damn sure isn’t habitual cheating and lying. It definitely isn’t 80% hell and 20% peace. It isn’t stale or a settling. There is no chase for me but, a meeting up. A linking of energy and chemistry. It can happen quickly or it can happen over time. I like a steady pace. There is acceptance and likeness when it comes to spirituality and religion. There is an atmosphere of “team work” and making dreams work. There are disagreements to be expected but, no one is ready to jump ship for rain or storms. And prayerfully, the storms are far, few, and in between.
I’m still in this evolving, “there comes a time again and again” when it comes to love and I am starting to think (Okay. I know.) it’s a HUGE part of my journey and evolution. Some days I willingly accept the assignment and other days, I rebel.
Yesterday (Wednesday), I had a yellow plate, eggs, and lemon cream yogurt chosen without thinking. I said to myself, once I noticed, I must be eating for the solar plexus. For my fellow Christians, it’s the place where we say “I felt that in my belly!” or the place where you get “butterflies”. Little did I know I would have to assert myself today. It’s the place of personality, ego, and identity, as well as personal freedom, choice, and authenticity. You see God and I have this language, when I say, “God, let them do this or let xyz happen and I am going to say what I really think or want to say.” I can tell you that 99% of the time, God doesn’t let it happen. On the rare occasions that it does, I have learned to say what I need to say tempered (controlled) and direct. Most times. Today, I had to assert my personality, my ego, my identity, my personal freedom, my choice and my authenticity in DIVINE ORDER to one that is considered a leader in ministry. This toxic masculinity in Christianity must go and will go.
There is something to be said, that I won’t say, about people that only have something to say when they disagree with what you say or have something to say behind what you say when you are a woman in ministry. For one, there is something wrong within when one has a argumentative spirit. A critic spirit. A spirit that seeks out an opportunity to argue or to show off their knowledge (puffed up is how the Bible refers to them). There is an ill skill to the manipulation of another person’s words and to use your knowledge in such a way to dominate a conversation in such a spirit of negative ego. It’s the equivalent of over talking or yelling and feeling like you have “won” when there was nothing to win. The Bible speaks about adding and taking away from the Word. I don’t like it when people add or take away from what I say. Furthermore, I don’t like it when people tell me what I meant by what I said. ASK for CLARIFICATION before you ASSume. 🙂 I also don’t need a male counterpart to “second guess” or to explain what I say or my ideas or my philosophy. I’ve seen it over and over and again on social media. A male minister/pastor says something outside of the box, either other male ministers celebrate or approach with reverence for further clarification. WOMEN in ministry do the same and they come like a brood of vipers.
This “I know more than you” or this need to assert authority in places it does not belong has been something that has “irked” me from the beginning of my journey as one considered a woman in ministry. This need to control or monitor women is so unlike the God and Christ I am associated with. It is toxic. I was not created to be your personal assistant, maid servant or child. I was created to create. I was created with the intellect, too. I was created with a purpose, too. I receive dreams and visions, too. I know how to research, search, go to school and the same education you get, too. I think Jesus, in my religion, leveled the field. I’d appreciate it if some of the men in ministry would come off their high horses (pride comes before a great fall) and into the field. The harvest is plentiful but, the laborers are few.
It’s not so funny how you think that what you and another person have is solid but, it turns out to be quite fragile. What’s really going on here I asked myself (and God) until I received an answer. Make it make sense. The simple answer is you may have been way more invested in it, the friendship, relationship, partnership than they were. It may have been layered with somewhat equal exchanges but the EMOTIONAL investment for you was much greater. Therefore, you feel a bigger let down and may have difficulty “wrapping your head around” their ability to move on as if it was nothing. I’m not saying they didn’t care. I am saying it was just not as much as you did. The bond was only on your end and your “deep” connection was more than likely a one way thing.
You know the scenario, the new kid walks into the lunch room looking for a familiar face or a place to sit only to choose a table and hear the words, “You can’t sit with us.” It’s the mean girls slogan for newcomers and it’s transferred over in so many cultures and into the work place. Why? Because mean people and childish adults exist in every culture, race, and they exist in institutions and corporations. EVEN CHURCHES!
In my race and culture I have found the same exclusivity in almost every situation imagined. I’ve been in churches where it wasn’t said but dutifully noted, “You can’t sit with us.” I have been on a job, walked into the breakroom, looking for my people and got the eyes of, “Un uh. Who are you? You can’t sit with us.” I was in my 20’s working at a well known corporate office and into the cafeteria walks the new black girl with her tray. She looks around nervously for a place to sit and I wave my hand like , “Here, over here!” She didn’t work in my department but, I saw her as she was given the tour. She came to the table and said, “Oh, thank you so much!” Eventually, she found her people in her department but, we kept friendly the entire time I was there. I’ve done this, make room and space, numerous times in settings where black men or women find themselves in a room full of us or not, with no idea how to navigate that socially awkward moment. I’ve done it for ANYONE.
I’ve been asked, “Why did you invite “HER” to our table?” or “Do you know them?” I invited her because she was black, a woman, a minority. I invited them because I have been them not because I know them and it wouldn’t hurt to get to know them. It’s okay to hold space until people find their place. It’s the nice, polite, kind thing to do.
Sunday, I attended the wedding of a friend. He was the groom. When I walked into the backyard of his cousin’s home, decorated beautifully, I didn’t know anyone that was there. I navigated towards a table that had a couple sitting at it. I spoke and sat down. I did the unthinkable and started with “small talk”. Before you knew it, we were talking and laughing. We were joined by two more of their family members and just as easily as the conversation started with the couple, so it was with the two additional family members. The people I was sitting with actually ended up being family of the bride. The conversation and laughs blossomed into the things we had in common, life, food, travel, an on the spot order of my chocolate covered strawberries, a remedy for bad knees (lol) and I now have “new” cousins and an additional auntie.
It doesn’t hurt us to be friendly, warm, and inviting to that unfamiliar yet familiar face. In society, we are often considered the outsider. The unequal. The not good enough. We should always, always welcome our own when given the opportunity. Especially, in our own social circles and environments.