Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and lust. Both are associated with physical attraction and an intoxicating rush of feel-good chemicals, coupled with an often-overwhelming desire to be closer to another person, but only one is long-lasting: love.
Love is something that is cultivated between two people and grows over time, through getting to know him or her and experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. It involves commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance.
Lust, on the other hand, has to do with the sex-driven sensations that draw people toward one another initially and is fueled primarily by the urge to procreate. Characterized by sex hormones and idealistic infatuation, lust blurs our ability to see a person for who he or she truly is, and consequently, it may or may not lead to a long-term relationship. – Good Therapy https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/love
I wholeheartedly agree with this article. It also mentions that some people believe it’s a mix of both in order to sustain the relationship. I think that is true and the key word is a mix and not a balance. I think you need more love to sustain a relationship and added to that love is lust or physical attraction. However, relying on the lust to be thought of as sex only will eventually fail you. Why? We all age. We won’t have the same bodies we had at 20. Things change. Some people have families and they are working and raising children. Illnesses may happen and that can get in the way of the frequency of what once was.
So, if you build it or accept it as, let’s say 70% lust and 30% love you’ll find out years later you’re missing something. However, the signs probably were already there. Being in a space where a person values the physical connection more than they value you creates a space of confusion. They love you and care about you but not as deeply as you desire.
What sayeth ye? Do you have a different perspective from the article or do you agree?
I have a friend that deals with reality by not dealing with it. He likes to pretend that his world is perfect in public. He puts his parents and marriage on a pedestal to the world. He is in photos that would make you think all is well. Yet, in his private life there is a different story. He’s the type that makes idle threats about what he’s going to do and say but never acts on them. He’s the one that upholds the wrong doing of his father by being silent. He needs the acceptance of that parent. Plus, the public thinks his parents are amazing. Deep down inside, he’s drowning. The things he does, the moods he has, the thought patterns that keep him trapped, all connected to childhood, religion and young adulthood experiences. He internalizes all of his grief, sorrow, hurt, disappointments, and I worry about the toll it takes on him physically.
If you are ready to heal, grow, improve, stop a bad habit, if you have lost too much and too many people, then take a couple of deep, deep breaths and prepare to go inward. In fact, you may need an oxygen tank because it’s going to take many deep dives to get to the root of some things. Some people start in shallow waters and then make their way to the deep and some just jump in. It’s an unraveling. Some said it’s like peeling back and onion layer by layer. But for me, some of my baggage had more layers than an onion. And if you want to know how long it takes to be healed, check out my other blog post from last week https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2023/01/11/how-long-does-healing-take-inner-work/
You just may have to admit that you are not perfect. You are not always right and may be rarely right. You may have to tell yourself the truth about your household, your feelings about it. You may have to tell yourself the truth about how you grew up and that perhaps your parents were not so perfect, either. You may have to untangle the web of your actions and behaviors. This can be some work and this is why most people leave this earth bound instead of free. They remain the same, sad or angry, silent or pretending, trapped in denial, and steeped in open or hidden misery.
Truth and Honesty are like ammonia or some strong cleaning agent mixed with water. Mixed just right it can get the job done without damaging what it is cleaning. If you ever decide to HEAL or CHANGE you can’t do it without Truth and Honesty. Here is what I have learned about inner work, it’s rewarding. It’s freeing. The “work” can be tiring, dirty, exhausting, but when you are clean, when you come into the light of understanding why you do what you do, say the things you say, act a certain way it gives you knowledge. It gives you POWER to be your AUTHENTIC SELF and to walk in the fullness of your destiny. It gives you WHOLENESS like you have never known but before you may feel like you are being ripped apart. Fear not. It’s only so you can be put back together, with some new parts and reprogrammed. This is when people will say, “Hmm, you’re acting funny. You have changed. There is something different about you.” And it will be true. There is something different about you when you do the work of healing yourself.
At its core, inner work is the process of getting to know yourself. It’s a form of introspective self-care where you can help yourself let go of harmful attachments, habits, people, and thoughts. -brainmd.com
The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. It determines how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you allow others to treat you. I did some research and along with my personal experience, came up with some signs you may need to work on yourself. I’ll say after reading some of this I can tell you that WE ALL probably need to do some inner work.
Inner work can be scary and daunting because it requires you to take an honest look at yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself about yourself and NOT blamed others or came up with excuses for your behavior or thoughts? You can’t control others but you can learn to control your responses. And even after you become aware or honest, what do you do about it? Shrug your shoulders? Apologize over and over and secretly say to yourself, “Why do I keep doing that?” Maybe it’s not your behavior that’s an indication that you need help or to work on yourself. Maybe it’s your obsessive worrying that is anxiety. Maybe it’s your mood swings you can’t explain but expect everyone around you to just deal with it or get used to it.
You think negatively or have a negative view about yourself/other people, gender, cultures, etc
You suffer from anxiety and depression
You’ve had a traumatic change in your health
You’re going through or have been through a rough patch in your life
Your childhood was not the best and deep down you suspect it has impacted your thinking. other relationships and your behavior
You don’t treat yourself with respect and/or you don’t treat others with respect
You are in an unhealthy relationship
You allow people to take advantage of you
You have unreasonable expectations of yourself and others
You are unhappy with your life
You are a habitual giver and you give more than you can afford or have to give. This includes time.
There is a persistent feeling of emptiness, unfulfillment, or failure
You have anger issues
These are just a few examples. Have you ever read a book, talked to a spiritual leader, or therapist because you knew you needed to do some inner work? If you don’t mind sharing, what were some of your signs?
It’s not that I didn’t know this. It’s that I ignored this. I learned this year many people are at physical places of worship out of loyalty, tradition, and ritual. They are not getting much out of the leadership that is delivering the Word and they long to be somewhere else. They are trying to stick it out. They are confused about what to do. They know what to do but are afraid to do it. So here we sit. Here we struggle on Saturday or Sunday to get dressed. We drag ourselves to a building to hear a dry and stale message for us. It may be someone’s word but it is NOT our Word. We have to strain to get something each Sunday. We are shamefully glad when service is over.
What I eat spiritually four to five times a month matters greatly. Who I get it from matters greatly. If the Shephard that feeds you is not after God’s own heart but, a shepherd passed down or chosen by a board or worse, a shepherd that called him or herself, you won’t be fed knowledge and understanding. You will be fed something below your level of spiritual maturity. You may even be fed lukewarm food, baby food, or microwave food. You may be fed a sermon from another pastor wrote off the internet. You may be fed slop from a pastor that doesn’t study the Word. You may be fed by a leader that doesn’t walk the walk of the talk they preach on Sunday. Your flesh may be fed by slogans, catchy phrases, and slang that makes you shout but, doesn’t change your life or enlighten you. If there is no oil running from the head then there will be no oil on the people. You need oil. You need the anointing to reside in a holy place.
I found myself eating stale bread this year more often than I would have liked. It is not like fresh bread wasn’t available. I went because I was asked to do something or speak. I went out of obligation. I went because I know it looks bad for me to not be there. I went out of love and then was upset after the meal was served as if I didn’t know there would be mediocracy on the menu.
My spiritual diet is vital to my soul. It is vital to my life. If I didn’t tune into other spiritual leaders and guides, myself, I may have given up on God and I may even have given up on life. Thank goodness, and God, I had eaten enough in the past to pull from. Thank goodness, thank God, I had something to hold onto and that I do have a strong relationship with my Creator.
I asked my daughter, “Have you ever had someone like you but they don’t like you?” And before I could explain she exclaimed, “Oh my God! Yessss mama!”
I was shocked she understood and I continued to go in depth into the matter. “It’s like they would like you if you they didn’t have a reputation to uphold.” They would like you if they hadn’t been talking about you behind your back so badly or in the same room as they text their friends about you. There are moments when they let their guard down when others aren’t around but as soon as their clique appears or squad the part of them that would be in harmony with you disappears. Deep down inside they suspect you would be a good friend or an asset but their pride won’t let them connect with you. Instead, they find ways to drive more wedges between you and them. I mean after all; they would have to admit they are wrong about you and face the firing squad of their group. They remain two-faced. Two-faced people can never, ever be trusted. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” James 1:8 You wouldn’t trust a two-legged chair.
It takes a courageous and mature person to say, “I was wrong about you.” I’ve had people say that to me and I have said it to others. It is usually after you get to know a person or see something in them that indicates you have misjudged or misunderstood them.
Lesson: With great deliberation and intention, make meaningful connections with people that want to do the same with you. Remove yourself from places and spaces you’re not welcomed.
“And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” Matthew 10:14
When you say I don’t know what I want or I don’t know what to do, you NEGATE Infinite Intelligence within you. You VOID, you nullify, you make ineffective the GOD within you!
You really are saying you are too lazy to determine your own experience or that someone else IS better equipped to determine your life. NO ONE IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO DETERMINE YOUR LIFE, YOUR GOOD, YOUR EXPERIENCES, BUT YOU!
Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker
YOU ARE THE CHOICEMAKER. YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF YOUR LIFE.
You must understand that you are one with the Creator, or God, or The Infinite Intelligence. In other words, you were created by an intelligent being therefore you have the ability to make intelligent decisions about your life. You are ONE with GOD. You are one with the CREATOR. You are one with Infinite Intelligence. It is within you ALREADY. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. The Power to Make DECISIONS is already in you.
We are discussing the power of decision making. It may seem like a small thing to you but, the highest function of your mind is to make decisions. Hence, “make up your mind” is a phrase we use often. Every day you are making decisions about your life. Even when you decide to be indifferent and not decide, it is called indecision.
Let’s talk about that first. Indecision is the individual’s choice to fail. If you decide not to make a decision, then the Universe or Life will make the decision for you. Life waits for no one. It goes on. And usually, you will receive what you do not what or what you fear the most. Your energy of indecisiveness brings forth what you are feeling which is hesitation, frustration, fear, and uncertainty.
Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker
Hello and Welcome April! April brings us the 1 energy and how is this important to some of us? Well, it’s as important as knowing the signs of the times and what spiritual season is happening in our lives. With this information we know how to guide our energy and what energy to tap into. It’s like a cheat sheet or study sheet for those that would never cheat on a test!
This is the second quarter of the year and April offers us a FRESH START. If you have done all the work from January – March, then you are ready to begin the creative process of your work. If not, it’s okay because this is the time to get creative and this is also the time for some MEGA spiritual growth. The “One” energy is mainly about:
Courage, Confidence, Leadership, and being a Self-Starter
I think it’s important to highlight this Self-Starting energy. It’s like David in the scriptures when he said he would “Encourage himself” and that is what you and I need to do this month. It’s going to take some self-encouragement and the ability to support yourself in your ideas and plans. You cannot rely on others for that in this season. You have to be your own cheerleader and biggest fan. People may not understand your vision and where you are headed. Therefore, they may not be able to support and encourage you. They may be busy doing that for themselves!
You must resist laziness and excuses this month and you must SELF START yourself! You must hype yourself up. So, make sure you get plenty of rest because a tired and sleep deprived body will not hold up to the demands of your ambitions this month. Make sure you eat properly and exercise to give your body and mind endurance and the nutrition to function in this high production period. You have meet and greets, videos to shoot and create, chapters to books and blogs to write, you have the revealing of a shop or business, etc. to do. You have “STUFF” TO DO and you have no time to be pussyfooting around!
Organize and execute. Line up the actions and knock them down like dominoes. Be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back. In Christianity, we have been taught to accept no praise for the things we do because it was thought to be ego. It was thought to be “boisterous”. Sad, we didn’t know the difference between being proud of your work and efforts, your accomplishments and being some ego maniac. It is okay. You know the difference between being proud and BRAGGING and having the “BIG HEAD”. You know an inflated ego when you see one and hear the “ME ME ME and the I I I” being sung. You know when the person wants you to praise them and requests praise for what they have done. That is not you! You are intelligent enough to know the difference because you were created by an intelligent being and that intelligence resides within you. TRUST Spirit will let you know if you are getting too far gone. You are in partnership with the Creator and you have to do YOUR PART and the CREATOR does his/her part. When a child says, ” I DID IT” we don’t lecture on ego and pride comes before a great fall because we know the energy in which that claim comes from.
Here are some affirmations to help you during this month:
I am encouraged.
I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.
I am confident in my work and calling.
I move forward with courage to complete my goals.
I take calculated actions towards my goals and dreams.
I learn from my mistakes and I quickly move on.
I am a self-starter. I nip excuses in the bud and get on with doing what I set out to do.
I enjoy resting. I take the necessary actions to rest so that my mind and body can continue safely and creatively the rigorous course before me.
I reach for the right foods and beverages to fuel me.
I welcome the lessons this month as I welcome the spiritual growth it brings me.
I am patient with myself and others as I get things done.
It is okay to clap for myself when I accomplish a goal. It is okay to be happy when I put forth efforts, take actions, and receive desired results.
Friday I decided to have a really good cheeseburger and fries combo with a diet coke for a late lunch. This was suppose to be it until dinner with the exception of a 15g snack. After the meal I was still thirsty. I was still a little hungry. That’s not a problem because I could have chosen something else to eat but, it needed to be healthy. I didn’t do that. I CHOSE some corn chips and a bottle of ginger green tea. That bottle of ginger green tea has a serving for 3 and guess what? I drank it all!!!
I am diabetic. In about an hour I began to feel really bad. I checked my blood sugar and WHOA! I’d never seen it that high before! I didn’t panic. I knew what to do. But boy, was I miserable for the next few hours. I admit I also had too many corn chips…and dip. WHY DID I DO THIS?
You may say it was a lack of self control. I think that’s a part of the puzzle. However, I took a closer look and I examined how I was feeling. I was feeling anxious. I was thinking about the vacation I had coming up and if things would be go well. I was thinking about the guy I am dating and if I’d made the wrong choice inviting him along.
I also wanted those chips and I wanted all of the tea. It was a deliberate choice and decision. I kind of felt like I deserved to have it. I mean after all, my thoughts at that time were on “Why can’t I have what I want in this life? I want what I want now. It’s taking so long to get there.” And so and so forth. FOOD can sometimes be a way to achieve the satisfaction you are lacking at times in life. I wanted to feel satisfaction that I was making the right decisions and that all was going to work out. I went the quick but, temporary route. I took a short cut with consequences.
Take a look at what happens when you have what you want TOO SOON or TOO MUCH? It can make you ill. It can be a disaster. It can not last. In life, we want what we want, and we often want it now. We may feel we have waited long enough and we deserve it. This type of thinking can lead us to make rash decisions and choices. It will lead to frustration and ultimately come to an end. If only I would have had the proper portion at that time. If only I would have gotten control of my emotions or thoughts and then I would have had control of my ACTIONS (DECISIONS). I would have been in a better frame of mind.
I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know if you are tired of waiting on it to manifest. I don’t know if you don’t have the drive to make it happen and the proper patience as it happens. I don’t know if you are worried or have anxious thoughts. I do know that having what you want when it’s not time for it is not a good thing. I also know that too much of something, that you do want, could become a problem. And we circle back around to TIMING, BALANCE, PRAYER and PATIENCE. But might I add for those of us that struggle with anxiety, PAUSE and ask, WHAT AM I FEELING? WHY? and answer HONESTLY. Then do what you need to do to calm those thoughts and feelings in the least destructive way. Seek out therapeutic methods like exercise, something creative, something relaxing that won’t have a negative impact on you later.