RA BLOG/Anxiety: Walk With Me

It’s Saturday evening and suddenly things begin to spin out of control. I am flustered. I can’t breathe. I am becoming irritable. I have things to do and many of those things won’t get done. I have only been gone for 4 hours and it feels like I have done a full day of labor. I hate Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. I am frowning and I remember I took a prednisone pack and this has the propensity to change my mood dramatically but, no, no that’s not it. Thoughts swirl in my head. I am dropping things, the door jams, I curse, I get into the house and I see things are getting junky, I am angry that I seem to always run out of energy before I run out of time.

When I worked for an adult mental health agency there was this phrase said to a patient after a “meltdown” subsided in order to move the patient from one area to a calmer environment. That phrase was, “Walk with me.” After I made my sandwich I sat down and I took a deep breath. Why are you so angry? I asked myself. It’s because I am so tired and I was thinking in the car not only about being fatigued, and all that I needed to do but, also about my current situation and what will I do if…you know…things don’t work out. Where will I stay? How will I survive? I started to imagine myself broke down like those who sacrificed their bodies to provide for their families. I felt sorry for them and then I thought they were mothers and fathers with illnesses, too. I thought about how sad and depressed I would be. Then I started to get angry with God for letting that happen even though it has not happened.

Walk with me…

I ate my sandwich. I saw this photo I saved and I thought there is where I want to be at the end of days like this. Walking on the beach at sunset. Sending all of my thoughts and cares of the day on the waves. And then what would you do?

I would no doubt feel peace. I would return to my beach home and prepare for the night and the next day (Sunday). What would you cook? I asked myself. It surely wouldn’t be a lean cuisine warmed in the microwave. I would make a salad, pan sear some salmon, steam some veggies and pour some strawberry lemonade. Sounds good.

Walk with me. If you can steady your thoughts by steadying your breath and just take a mental walk somewhere else. Find a photo of where you would escape to and just imagine what you would be doing. So, as I came back to present, I decided on what needed to be done and what must wait. I feel so much better I didn’t go into a full anxiety attack or need the inhaler or remained frazzled and angry the rest of the evening.

#Expansion2018

~Nikki