Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Let’s Give Up Together

I was asked nicely to give up Monday evening and very loudly Tuesday morning of last week. Not in the way you may think. I wasn’t asked to “give in” to anxiety or depression in the way that takes you in mental anguish. I wasn’t asked to “give in” to grief that overwhelms you and takes you in the depths of Hades. I am not saying that hasn’t happened or won’t happen. I hope not (again). But I was asked to give up my plans in order to give up some things that were weighing me down. It’s incredibly hard to concentrate, function with thoughts and emotions running around in your head and body like children at a theme park.

But what would I do if I didn’t have anything to do? Wouldn’t I be bored? Wouldn’t I fall behind on the list of things that never seem to end? Isn’t this considered laziness? Oh, I better not take a nap. I may get in trouble or seem to be doing something others can’t do and that is unfair! (Consequently, my therapist made a point. Who would know? Who would see me? 😂 I was like, “Yeah. Right!”) I was asked to be bored. To listen to worship music. To be still and stare into space or out the window. I was asked to pray and listen to a few prayers. I was instructed to meditate. To do some yoga for the chakras and take notes of what came up.

I was ask to speak to myself and to be quiet most of the day. I was asked to do a very hard thing and that was to ask anxiety, depression, and grief what did they want?!!! What are the lessons here? What are you trying to teach me? In the meantime, I nurtured myself with mostly healthy foods and hydrated. Hey, everyone needs a little ice cream on days like these. I nurtured my mind by writing, moving the body. I turned my phone off. Not on silent. Off. And I didn’t know what I was doing but, I was led to follow my spirit and if something I was doing agitated me then I STOPPED.

I was uncomfortable. It was not easy. I had to acknowledge those things. I did take a nap as the rain poured down, lightening, and thunder rolled. It was a good 45 minute nap. And no one saw me. And you only know because I told you. I flowed and followed spirit and Spirit. I actually took a med to help take edge off anxiety. I actually took a sleep med Tuesday evening to help me to wind down for the night. Wednesday was better. Thursday was better but I could tell I was still dealing with quite a bit. However, I am here. It is well with my soul.

~Nikki