My father, who is a Purple Heart Veteran and a retired pastor, has Parkinson’s. He still preaches and teaches and practices Christianity. My siblings all pitch in, in their own ways to help with his care. He still able bodied to a degree and fully functioning mentally. But the toll this dis-ease has taken on him physically, mentally, and emotionally has been brutal. He is like a worn out battleship but still powering on.

Last week, I spent the night for 5 nights because my mom was out of town. I had no idea how terrible his nights had become. Out of those five nights I was up to check on and assist him 3-8 times each night. Two nights were incredibly challenging. I realized my dad needs to have an aide at night. I asked him what does he do when mom is there because I know he is not waking her up. If so, we would have heard about it. Any time he has ever waken her up she is not pleased and we hear about it. In response to my question, he said, “I struggle until I can get up. I lay here until I can move. I only call her in the early mornings about 5 a.m. if I have to.” I was shocked!

This entire time he had been struggling, devoid of sleep, experiencing anxiety (which he admitted to me openly as we talked about it one night and we (the family) already knew this). He also admitted to some depression. This is rare for people of his generation and even more rare for Christians of his age. His legs have become unreliable. Sometimes weak and locking up and he has little strength in his arms to pull himself out of bed. It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle in the times he tried before I stepped in to help. It was sad to see him sad but, I had to put on my spiritual cloak and encourage and my caregiving skills to help him. He said to me one day as I was getting him ready for his doctor’s appointment, “It’s so nice to have someone help me to get dressed without an attitude or without being so rough with when they do help. I do this all myself even though it can take me hours to get ready and then I have to fix my own breakfast.”

Taking care of my dad this week at night brought back memories of my caregiving days in my early 20’s when I worked specifically with the elderly. Some of them were alone because they were either always single, divorced, or their spouse had passed away. Some had family and some barely had family. Was I frustrated getting up several times during the night? Yes. Did I let him know it or show it? No. Was I exhausted because I couldn’t go home and simply go to sleep? Yes. Did I tell him about it? No.

It takes patience to be a caregiver. This is essential and many do not have it and many are shocked when they discover they do not have enough of it. It takes care to be a caregiver and if you don’t have “care” within you then it is not for you. And do you know that is okay? No one should feel bad because they cannot care for their loved ones or they need help in caring for their loved ones. I could not do what I did last week every night for my dad. Even if my mom was a healthy 80 something year old, she couldn’t do it. He needs night time care.

I type this as an adult child that is heavily involved with the care of a parent and with the support of most of my siblings. In fact, we are caring for two parents whether the other one admits it or not. It’s happening and there is nothing we can do about it. It will happen to us one day, too. We do not know what it will be like but, I do believe we, young adults and middle aged adults should do all we can to remain healthy so that it will not be an even bigger ordeal than it needs to be. We need to decide now that we will do our best to follow doctor’s orders or do the things to counteract or ward off the illnesses or diseases we may have now. I guess I am just committed to doing the best I can now so that it will possibly (because no one knows the future for certain) be easier for me and my daughter as I began to age. I hope to age well as in wellness. I mean, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease and other things already. I am committed to doing the best I can with these ailments.

~Nikki

Oh before you go, I wanted you to know that I enjoyed being there with my dad more than usual. I mean I am always around because I stay next door! But we had some great conversations and we really had a ball watching the opening game of the Kansas City Chiefs and the Baltimore Ravens. There also were plenty of laughs as my dad has always had a sense of humor. ❤ I pray for a miracle, a cure for this disease for everyone who has it. He doesn’t deserve it. No one does. I feel as though it is impacting the best years of his life. The years where he finally gets to just be dad and grandad and most of all, himself.