The Ugly Moments of Single-dom

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When I first saw this, I thought to myself, I can relate. I never cared for the hoax of “I am single and I 100% enjoy it, 100% of the time, and I never ever have lonely moments or times when I want to through in the towel” type of single people. Or the “Sure, I get lonely, but you’ll never know it” type. I like real single people with ups and downs. I like real single people that can encourage, but say hey, I had a bad day, week, month. I like single people like me!

The other night, I don’t know what came over me. I was thinking way too much and feeling way too much. I said, “You know what? I give up! I’m never going to find someone or someone will never find me. This is taking forever! Just forget it!” I turned off the computer and I went to bed. All kinds of crazy thoughts bombarded me. I kept telling myself, I had the ability to respond to this situation….so respond. It took me some time to pull my disheveled emotions together.

“Okay, what is the root of this madness?”

You have to answer yourself honestly to get to the root. SO I went through some BS answers and got to the root…”You’re lonely. Things are not working out with the guys you are coming across, you are tired. You are upset.”

Now, “Do you want to just continue the self destructive talk and talk about this in the morning or do you want to try to handle it now?”

I chose now because I needed some sleep.

1. Deal with the self destructive talk. Are these things true about myself that I am saying? Are these things that I am spewing about myself coming from insecurity, frustration,  or has someone said those things to me in the past? If so, is that person relevant now? If it is true I can fix it. If it’s not true then what is true? Speak those things about myself! (I did!I started feeling better instantly. But, I had to come out of that place of frustration).

2. Breathe. No really. Three deep breaths. Yoga. Breaths for clearing.

3. Now, reassess. “You’re having a meltdown. A single’s temper tantrum.You want what you want and you want it yesterday. It’s not happening now. It’s like 10:45 P.M. and you’re home in the bed. It may happen tomorrow. You should give up! You should give up for the night and get some rest. You should give up trying to make something happen before it’s time, AGAIN. You can’t force it. If you did, it wouldn’t last or you would be miserable forever. So, you know none of that stuff you said about you is true. Reaffrim the good things, the good qualities…and chill.” Then I prayed. And that was it! (still had to settle in).

Look, some of us will never be the poster child for the strong confident single woman/man. It’s too much pressure for me. 95% of the time, use to be about 50%, then it kept rising as I kept learning, I am okay. Other times, not so much. I don’t mind. It makes me reachable and relatable and I love to encourage others from a realistic point of view.

~Nikki

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