Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: The Other Side of You’re Not “The One”

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There is this video (Steve Harvey: Women Don’t Know How to Pick A Man with a subtitle How to Know if You are the One) where Steve Harvey paints the brutal reality of the choices in men “some” (keyword today is “some” which means not all. And if not all is is you, then guess what? This article is not for you!) women make (have made or sometimes make) and how to know if you are the one. You can find the video on YouTube but I must warn you, he does curse and if you can’t get past that, don’t worry about watching it. I agree with everything he says about knowing if you are the one and about picking the wrong man. I will have to be honest and say I have picked the wrong guy in my life quite a few times. And I have remained with the wrong guy once I recognized he was the wrong one! I know women don’t like to admit this, but how are you ever going to to heal or help others if you can’t be honest with yourself?

In the video he says something my spiritual mom and many others have said,  “A man can change, but he is only going to change for the one.” Well, here is something never addressed, how do we as women deal with realizing we are not “the one?” I mean after so many times of dating, in and out of relationships, you may start to feel many doubts and questions. Can we be honest? Great! Questions like: How many times can I NOT be the one? It makes me feel sad and hopeless that I have not found someone to spend my life with or to just be in a good relationship with. Is it me or is it him? It hurts to be in a relationship and realize you have made a mistake or the person turns out to  be the complete opposite after you two are intimate or after being together for some time. ( I am just being REAL). What do you do when you discover you are not “the one” he is going to change for? You are not the one rejection letters seem to ALWAYS come to you. You may wonder “Will I ever find the one or be found?”

May I present to you the others side of YOU ARE NOT THE ONE. The other side of discovering you are not the one is:

  • There is still someone out there for you. Keep going or take a break.
  • He is not the one EITHER!
  • You were smart enough to recognize you were not the one BEFORE you got into a relationship with the person
  • You came to your senses after you got into a relationship and JUMPED SHIP to save yourself
  • If you began to make a conscious choice to OBSERVE the behavior of a man (his consistency or inconsistency, his words and actions) you can quickly make better choices of how much of you to share and open up. You can also pull back your emotions at anytime. YES you can reign in your emotions! I should blog about that!
  • If you slow down, you can not only LISTEN to your GUT/INTUITION/THE HOLY SPIRIT/YOUR OWN SPIRIT but you can ACTUALLY DO WHAT IT IS TELLING YOU TO DO OR NOT DO AND TAKE HEED TO THE WARNING. Practice in this area makes almost perfect. I say almost because you probably will override your good senses from time to time.
  • Sometimes relationships don’t work out even after all of the vetting out you do. After all of the investigations, good vibes, prayer and the both of you commit to a relationship or marriage PEOPLE change. You cannot foresee that all the time. I know from experience. So cut yourself some slack if you “did everything right” and things with south. It is what it was.

 

Yes, we hear all the ways we are doing it wrong. But, what about how we feel once we leave the session or put the books down. How are we emotionally? And how honest can we be with others about how dating in this world makes us feel? Well, you can always be honest with me. I won’t judge you or put you down just because I have never “did” that or made that mistake. It’s rough out here for us single gals sometimes. We should be supportive.

~Nikki

 

 

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One Reply to “Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: The Other Side of You’re Not “The One””

  1. There is no wrong or right when seeking a life partner. There is only work, frustration and hope and happiness. Being in a relationship is very difficult. I have been married for 39 years so I do know something about that. It is the best work we do however. I encourage you to keep going, no it is not you it is that you have not found the right one as yet.

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