I have notice my snacking getting out of hand. I mean, seriously. It does not help that I am diabetic and if I am choosing low carb snacks if I am snacking more than three times a day. It also doesn’t make sense if I am eating full meals and still I think I am hungry, or I tell myself this, and need a snack shortly afterwards. I am definitely not bored. I know I am an emotional eater. So, I needed to get to the bottom of this…again.

I am in a cycle of grief. It’s been one death, transition after another. Either related to me or a friend and sometimes a celebrity that I don’t know personally but, maybe admired them or their work. It’s overwhelming. It’s like when I try to process it, there’s another wave of some sort of death and it is also the death of certain relationships, situations and the letting go of my own ideals/concepts pertaining to romantic relationships. It seems like it is too much because it is. And I am ready to escape somewhere but, I cannot go anywhere at the moment. I have obligations and commitments.

I am also in a new place and space and I have very little clarity on how to proceed. What’s next on this adventure? What’s happening? What’s going to happen? I’m scared. And these things produce the cycle of anxiety and depression as we have discussed in other posts.

I may not appear to be as “frazzled” outwardly as much as I am inwardly but, I am. And I needed to admit that to myself. I want to yell, “CAN I JUST PROCESS THIS GRIEF!!!!???CAN I JUST HAVE SOME TIME TO GET OVER IT ALL!!!!??? @#$%! (Yes, that is a curse word from a Christian. I know some of your halos couldn’t handle that and are now in a bunch. We will both be okay.) All a girl needs is to be in a condo near water for 4 days and 3 nights and no one calling me with bad or sad news. Since that is not happening anytime soon, I must get a hold of this snacking.

I decided to refresh my knowledge on emotional eating by reading and article from the Mayo Clinic, a reliable source. I will link it at the end of this post. It really helped me to remember WHY I do this and how I can gain control over it. Since I am in therapy, I know that talking and putting into action some of the tools I have will help me. Can I tell you a secret, I was using some of that snacking as an excuse to eat more because I wanted more. And then once it was gone or I had enough I felt bad about it.

Journaling helps but what I need is a guided method to help me untangle my wires. Dumping emotions has its place but what I needed are the right questions to help me SEE clearly the hidden traps. What I need to do is to take action and use the TOOLS and ADVICE.

What do I know about where I am at this point in my life? Who do I trust spiritually? (God. I need to remember to do that daily concerning where I am in life right now.) What do I know about what I should be doing? (Bible Study at my home? Adding videos on my YouTube channel? Why am I stalling?) What do I need to have? Patience. I definitely need to have patience. How can I relieve stress from my body? (Exercise. I have missed a few because I am busy with crocheting and festivals). Meditation has been consistent.

I don’t know when I will be able to get away, alone but in the meantime, I have to take care of myself until I am able to get away alone.

~Nikki

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/weight-loss/art-20047342