Approaching the victim or showing up in places when the victim didn’t want them to be there; making unwanted telephone calls; leaving the victim unwanted messages (text or voice); and watching or following the victim from a distance, or spying on the victim with a listening device, camera, or global positioning system were the most commonly reported stalker tactics by both female and male victims of stalking. [Matthew J. Breiding et al., “Prevalence and Characteristics of Sexual Violence, Stalking, and Intimate Partner Violence Victimization – National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, United States, 2011”, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Morbidity and Morality Weekly Report, Vol. 63, No. 8 (2014)]
If you need CONSTANT contact to make sure he is not with anyone else or where he says he is or If you CONSTANTLY show up at places she says she is to make sure she is “safe” or really where she says she is. If you drive by their home when you know they are at home and sit outside…looking for something…anything. Something is wrong with your thinking and behavior. Thinking controls behavior.
What is this? I call it stalking. You can be stalked in a relationship or marriage. Stalking is born out of irrational thinking, feelings, emotions, past traumas (abandonment, abuse), deep insecurities, a multitude of other things and result in what a person think is normal behavior. It’s not. It is an irrational thought that if I can control the person and environment I can control the outcome of them not leaving me. Setting people up to fail your litmus tests is not normal. Setting the person’s family, his or friends up to look like the bad guy in order to gain his or her attention is not normal either. And if this type of person is your mate you are in danger because they are dangerous. If you don’t think so, you too, are not being rational. Excusing this behavior as they love me so much or they are just overprotective is foolish mistake.
Stalkers often emphasize that they “love” their victims and occasionally say they stalk to keep others safe. For example, an abusive ex-husband might say he stalks his ex-wife to ensure she’s properly caring for their children. Psychologically, however, stalking is a crime of control.Apr 5, 2013 goodtherapy.org
I called this the FINALLY for a reason. The finality/finally of a person DANGEROUSLY in LOVE at a stalking stage and at a “I will kill myself or you, if you leave” stage is the height of this twisted relationship. It is the last resort to “keeping you as their’s” that no one else can have or play with. And I don’t mean in the form of being unfaithful. They really see you as an object and not as a person with feelings. It doesn’t matter that their behavior makes you uncomfortable or upset. In their minds friends, family and even your children pose an imagined threat to them and your union.
I want you to know this person is sick. You are not their psychologist. They need professional help.
Be safe. Be well. Be wise.