I don’t know if what happened with a relative was intentional or not but, regardless of their shoddy explanation, what they did was hurtful. It was reckless. And it was not the first time this type of behavior has risen in this person. They have a streak of jealousy, selfishness, and a loss of common sense from time to time. I am not shocked at the behavior but, a bit thrown off by it. It set me back in how to move forward with them. It’s like going along a smooth road and suddenly there is a huge drop off. I mean, where do we go from here?

When it’s sibling hurt or parental hurt, or hurt from someone you respected, thought you were close to, it’s a different type of hurt. I tend to think there are many factors that can go into why people do what they do but, at a certain age, you should not only know better, you should do better. I think some people use excuses for themselves and others as if they are still children or teenagers. Granted, many adults still act like this and never grow up. There can only be so many, “You know he is like “that” or “that” is just the way she is. So, does that make it okay for them to remain “that” way? Does that mean I should take their abuse or nonsense? I think not. However, I think we believe because they are family, a sibling, a parent, we should indeed endure all of their manure. I beg to differ.

Maybe it’s not okay for them to remain that way but the truth is you cannot change them. You have to know there is a possibility they will let you down and how many times does one have to be “hurt” by the carelessness, recklessness of others that should be more mature by now? Well, if you read the Bible it tells you to forgive infinitely. It does not tell you that you must keep putting up with nonsense and foolishness infinitely. It does not tell you that you have to remain in a relationship with anyone, no matter their relation. You do know you can love people from a distance? You do know you don’t have to show up at dysfunctional functions and if you find yourself at one you can literally gather your belongings, children and leave. You don’t have to answer the phone. You can say, “I won’t be able to make it” and you don’t have to go into details. I once was asked why and responded, “I don’t like arguing, yelling, backhanded compliments, invasive questions, and unsolicited advice.” I also was asked why and I said, “I just won’t be able to make it and I don’t want to tell you or anyone why. Maybe next time.”

Yet, I am saddened by this NEW infraction. I am hurt but healing. Just when I thought all was well and this relationship was deepening or being restored, it is severed again. They are forgiven but the terms of this relationship has be renegotiated with love. Love for myself and to help protect myself from further disappointments that I will have to take time to heal from. I may not be able to dodge all of the fiery darts but, standing in as the target is not an option. Or having to post traumatic stress wondering when they will do something again is not an option either. I am going to lessen my chances.

~Nikki