One thing for sure, your step siblings didn’t ask to be here and they didn’t make the decisions for your parent and their parent to get together. They didn’t ask to be born no more than you did. I realize that parents play a role in how people feel about their step brothers or sisters. The behaviors tolerated by step siblings and also, the rumors circulated about a child being born outside of a marriage or relationship. What does the child have to do with two adults? A baby, a child born didn’t break up a home. The act of the adults did. Being taught to HATE or have disdain for a child, to children, by an adult is not right. Yes, I understand the pain or disappointment the adult may be feeling but, direct that towards the adults. Please and Thank You. Blended families are the result of adults making choices and not the children.

I only think of these things as my oldest brother’s birthday is coming up. He passed away two years ago due to Covid’s effect on his underlying conditions. In my family, my siblings didn’t make a distinction of us being “step” anything. In fact, my brothers would “almost” fight about anyone saying that we were STEP brothers or sisters. However, as I grew up, I began to see the words used by my mother to make distinctions between us. We never did. When he became ill, I noticed my mother and my sister, his “whole” sister, my sister, step sister technically, made ALL of the decisions about his care. I noticed they didn’t ask us anything. I had to interject on decisions being made for the funeral arrangements and repass. Also, I notice how ways to celebrate him after are solely made by my sister and my mother. I don’t like it.

Last year we were not told until the last minute. This year we were informed this week and instead of getting bent out of shape about the non-involvement, I decided to remember none of my “step” brothers ever made me feel like I wasn’t their WHOLE sister (and neither had my sister up until these current events). AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERED. They never made a difference with me and my younger brother. To this day, there are people that have no idea all six of us are not biologically my dad’s. They call him dad or pops. When someone finds out, they are shocked.

I guess I will go to visit his grave which I am not big on as I feel his spirit is not there. I think I will bring a pinwheel to place instead of flowers. I will come back home and have a big slice of cake and light a candle in memory of him for his birthday. I do not wish to be sad on his birthday. In our growing up, STEP was a bad word and never to be uttered by anyone.

~Nikki

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. -Romans 12:18