43; The It Is Well Within Tour Log: A Debt Paid Off to Psyche & Spirit

43; The It Is Well Within Tour: I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I suppose this is long enough. We often subject ourselves to certain environments unnecessarily when our psyche or spirits scream no. And I get that we have to sometimes. I get that we do it out of obligation and loyalty. You can’t simply blanket “no” or “no more” to everything you don’t want to do. If that were the case, you would not have a career. Dinner would not be made. Etc. But, many times it’s a sometimes too often that drains the life and light out of you. In order for me to live this “It Is Well Within Tour” for 43 it’s some cities I can’t tour in. It’s some tables I can’t sit at. It’s some pews I can’t sit in. I have to value my mind and spirit on this level. It’s self abuse to my mind and spirit. I owe my mind. I owe my spirit. I owe it my truth.

I get up and go to Sunday School because I like to learn and I enjoy being part of the lively discussions. I do not always like the spirit of the one that teaches Sunday School when they teach Sunday School. I am going to put it like this, today was the worst I have ever seen the teacher’s response to a question asked and an idea presented that total went against the “doctrine.” She gave it the old “Don’t question God, the Bible, don’t add or take away from the Word” answer that many religious teachers give when they don’t know the answer or don’t like your “thoughts” on the matter. It got worse and carried on way after Sunday School as the teacher felt she was vindicated by the Pastor. She began to give fake praise and worship. I was nauseous as I often am when she puts on these type of shows.

After sitting there 45 minutes into 11AM service, uncomfortable with all that had occurred, trying to convince myself to stay or else suffer the wrath of God for leaving, I left. (Note, I do get why we think like this. It’s called mind control of the masses and it has worked very well throughout slavery and even now in churches and synagogues for centuries.) This person has a habit of not wanting to be wrong when they are obviously wrong and would rather blame everyone else. It’s madness.  Then on the ride home I had to talk myself out of feeling “guilty” about doing what was right for me which was leaving and possibly limiting my Sunday School attendance. When the person saw me leave, they texted me and wanted to know if I could do them a favor. I told the I could not. Afterwards, I went on to take myself out to eat and I am now home resting from an extremely exhausting, but profitable yesterday and an unexpected debt paid today which is also profitable to my well being.

~Nikki