Relationships: Watered Down You

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Before the relationship, you were determined not to fall for the “okie doke” again. You knew exactly what you were going to deal with and what you were not. You were vigilant about your values and you held your morals in high regard. Maybe you were routinely tending to your spiritual needs: meditation, reading or attending regularly a spiritual institution. You were focused on your goals and what really mattered. Suddenly you meet someone and now you are either barely holding on to what you built up while single or have completely abandoned all that you built. What happened?

I’d like to describe it as the watering down of you. Whiskey is strong because of the proof of alcohol in it. If you add water to a glass of it, it’s only as strong as the ratio of water added. So imagine it’s 70% water and 30% whiskey. A person that enters your life and is able to sway you away from what you have built or are building, to the point where it’s affecting your foundation: your thinking, your judgement, your sound mind and reasoning, your money, your peace, your priorities, is a person that is watering you down. You’ll be back to a breakdown in no time. Especially, if they are a good distraction.

Let me be frank, sex and gifts are an illusion. Sex and gifts, mixed with good game (lies, smooth talking, con artist language) will have you in a daze. Dazes don’t last long. When you come to, you just might find yourself in a hog pin doing laps in the mud when you thought you were doing laps in the pool.

An addition to your life is just that, an addition. The person knows how to add value and deepen morals. The person knows how to add water to the garden of your life and add some more flowers…you know, some things growing in a garden look green but they are really weeds! Too much water will kill the garden.

Don’t let your feelings overtake your head until you find yourself weak in your convictions of who you are, what you stand for, and who/what’s important to you.

~Nikki

The Unwelcomed Mat

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God has not called u to be a doormat. Not for friends, family, relationships, marriage, church folks, kids…nobody. Get that. Saying no is the beginning of self love and teaching others to respect your feelings.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Don’t Crowd Fund Your Self Esteem

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Cup of coffee and clementines. Photo by Natalia van Doninck on Getty Images

It’s not possible you would know everyone who walks along a crowded street or those standing with you at a concert.Crowd funding consists of strangers and a few people you know contributing to your cause or project. It’s not likely those people know you from the eyes of a good friend or the perspective of a wonderful family member. So, in this life why do we seem to crowd fund our self esteem? I know I am guilty of this from time to time but, oh I remember the days where I relied heavily on the opinions of others and even sought after validation. Thank God! Thank God because I did the hard work and made it through the mistakes to get to this point to talk to you, unashamed, about crowd funding your self esteem.

What people don’t understand about those who struggle with self esteem issues is it didn’t start yesterday. They also don’t understand the complex journey it takes to go back in your life and discover where the seeds were planted and the hard work it takes to cut the roots of low self esteem. Crowd funding your self esteem is when you rely on the contributions of others opinions to fund how you feel about yourself. You should cancel this fund raiser (thought) each time it pops in your mind. I could go through a bunch of steps on how to do this but there is this one saying that sums it up and you could tape it to your forehead or mirror. Which ever is more fashionable for you!

The quote is: Comparison is the thief of joy-Theodore Roosevelt

Why are you sad now? Why are you feeling defeated now? Why are you feeling bad about yourself now? You just compared your progress, success, where you are, to someone else’s progress, success, how farther they are in life than you are and now your joy has been stolen by comparison. Stop that. Learn to admire others and set your OWN goals. If June buys a million dollar home don’t try to buy a million dollar home simply to measure your success by June’s. Look at your bank account, do the math, and buy what you can afford. If Courtney just ran her first marathon and you just made it running a mile, how UNFAIR is that to compare yourself? Your diligence and her diligence is simply diligence. I tell you “a truth” as Jesus said in the Bible when he was about to introduce a new concept: If you learn to CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES AS WELL AS OTHERS you wouldn’t need to crowd fund your self esteem.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Instead, celebrate yourself and others.

~Nikki

Moving Too Fast in the Dating Lane Pt.1

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“Wait! What was that? You’re not ready for something serious?” “Oh. Never mind. He said “yet.”

I was the Queen of jumping in! Time and time again even when my head and heart hit rock bottom against reality. I can tell you from experience “Head over heels” hurts when you come to yourself and realize you’ve been unconscious and willfully oblivious to the red flags and the tugging of your woman’s intuition (aka the Holy Spirit aka your Higher Self aka I have to say all of that to get you to read this), that at times banged on the door of your heart like a swat team before a raid! Yes…a raid on your the mind you have lost and woke up to find it somewhere in the wilderness. You’d think we’d be more careful with it and our hearts after the many heartbreaks and aches we have endured.

Slowing down when it comes to relationships and love is a wise thing to do. However, it only comes when you make a conscious decision to actually slow down and to think through your emotions. This coming from one of the most emotional creatures you may know/should get to know, me. Too many “I love you’s” too soon. Too many “In a relationship” statuses before it ever was a status on Facebook. The do you like me and I like you, check box yes or no from elementary carried into adulthood is a sign of immaturity in the area of relationship and love. You truly have to be willing to face your habits. When asked have I ever been in love I can honestly say NOW, only a few times.

Moving too fast even when the other person is riding with you can result in tickets of disappointment and embarrassment. It can result as a moving violation of the heart and God forbid you are a single parent with children involved. It can result in a head on collision with reality: He is not the one after all and now you are clinging for dear life to the fantasy you’ve been living in your head. You’re looking around at the damage you have caused and the clean up crew called TIME arrives to clean up the mess and to heal your wounds…AGAIN.

I do know no one can not predict a heartbreak  or when a relationship when end. However, I do know the chances of an accident increases with speeding. If you are blindfolded by the THRILL and ADRENALINE rush, being HIGH off emotions puts you at risk for a serious crash and burn. You might want to buckle up your emotions and feelings.

Kanye-ing Anxiety

 

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There are  times in life when we will face some really difficult situations which can cause us to “worry” or to become “concerned” about the outcome. Anxiety is a perpetual worry and concern. It can come like a flood seemingly out of nowhere or it can come immediately when something foreseen or not begins to manifest right before our eyes. And many times  it may never manifest or at least not to the full degree we allow ourselves to imagine. It is when our active imagination takes us out in the deep where we lose sight of the shore of hope and faith. We are no longer anchored to the shore. We are floating out on a sea of shaky thoughts. We become “see” sick by the things we imagine will happen.

I ran across this quote and I had this thought: “Oh, it’s like Kanye-ing thoughts which create anxiety.” Imagine anxiety with a mic and you run up on stage and say “Look, I’m not going to give the mic back. However, I would like to thank the Creator for all that I have. I am grateful for life. I am thankful for the breath I breathe. I am thankful for the clothes and shoes I have. I am happy I can see, walk, talk and taste the food I have. I am so very grateful for the lessons I am learning….”  You know blah blah blah good stuff until Anxiety walks off the stage and has a seat.

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In many cases it’s rude to interrupt but, it’s perfectly fine to interrupt negative thoughts and “what ifs” that create and build up negative emotions that send you into anxiety rap battles also know as anxiety attacks. I remember reading a book by Inyanla Vanzant that stated “If you are going to play the “what if” game, play the other side.” In other words, what about “what if” it doesn’t happen? Instead, use your imagination to create solutions and calm. Also, if you play the what if game, then ask yourself what can I do if that does happen. I know it’s not easy. I know from experience. However, it’s worth cutting off negative thoughts or anxiety and filling your mind with gratitude instead.

~Nikki

Family Ties or Tourniquet?

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When it comes to the dysfunction of family, your’re either the problem, part of the problem or have distant yourself from the problematic people. The latter has chosen a means of survival to preserve their peace of mind and sanity. The fighting (physically in some families), the bickering, the drinking and apologizing later, the spilling of family secrets, the manipulation, the games, the ones who switch sides faster than a blink of an eye, who’s mad at who this year, the constant windmill of gossip is more than a few can take but, seems to be very enjoyable by others in the family. I mean some just can’t get enough of the drama and they say to their detriment “Well, you can’t get rid of family. Blood is thicker than water.” Blood is not always thicker than water and while you can’t get rid of your family you don’t have to be a part of the circus. WARNING: I’d think twice and twice again before marrying into a family full of chaos and drama. I have found the way people interact with their family is how they interact in their relationships. My nerves are too bad for your family’s constant turmoil.

Some family ties are more like a tourniquet cutting the life and light off within you. You can barely make it through a cook out or another pot un-luck dinner. You get sick to your stomach thinking about “going over there.” Torture.

It takes  a strong individual to command peace in an environment of chaos and a brave one to go in time after time into the “Family Feud”. Instead of a host for the show you need a referee! If your spiritual life and your family life are polar opposites then it could be because of the ties are becoming a tourniquet. No way your busy body becomes a holy body at mass, a mosque, or whatever your holy day of the week is, and goes back to a busy body in the family keeping up mess. No way you can teach forgiveness and you can’t forgive your sister. No way you can read daily devotions and scriptures and curse everyone out in a drunken tirade every family gathering. What’s going on here?

You may not can be light to everyone in your family but, you’ll surely die if you don’t cut those ties that are tourniquets.

~Nikki

Just a free flow of thoughts today on this. No particular organization of thoughts. I hope you get something out of it.

 

Rising Fear, Rising Faith

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I live in a city where senseless and violent crimes take place daily. I live in a city where educational programs are often squandered and where politics lean towards the influence of the wealthy. This produces fear, anger, and flight. This produces arguments and lethargy.

Now factor in raising children, health problems, unemployment, starving artists, underpaid teachers and overpaid leaders, aging parents, debts, low paying jobs, past catching up, uncertainty about the future, marriage, divorce, single life and dating, finances, careers, family matters… You’ve got a whirlwind of fear dancing about your mind, body, and spirit. Torture. Did I say whirlwind? I meant a category 5 tornado.

Where do you stand? (Stand Nikki? I’m laying down and taking a nap. I’m drinking. I’m chain smoking. I’m overeating. I’m not eating. I’m confrontational. I’m not doing anything. I’m not sleeping.) Let me rephrase, “How do you stand?” I heard an intelligent being say, by the name of Nicole Jackson, “Rising fear is met with a rising active faith.” I love to be the bearer of good news. So, in other words “You have to meet fear with action! A faith that DOES SOMETHING. FAITH IS AN ACTION WORD.”

All of the knowledge/wisdom you’ve absorbed from the Creator, Shamans, Priests, Gurus, Ancestors, Life, etc. It’s time to use it. Prayer and meditation is a two way conversation between you and the universe (known to many buy God, Creator, Divine, etc.) Let prayer and meditation pour into you instructions you need “for such a time as this.” Perhaps this is new to you. You maybe a young adult. Listen, wisdom is all around you. It’s in your parents, grandparents, mentor, your beliefs, a book, mistakes, this blog. It’ll come to you Young Jedi.

Have no fear. Instead, activate your rising faith.

~Nikki

 

Confidence Seed. Take Root.

 

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Where there is smoke, there is fire.
Where there is fear, there is a lack of confidence. You’ve got the gift or gifts but, what’s holding you back? Is it the thought that you can’t do it? Maybe you sorta kinda feel that you can but, you just don’t know.

Confidence is more than saying I can do it. Confidence is a strong conviction that you CAN do it. It has to take ROOT in your core being. But how? For those of us that lack self confidence. I’m writing this via the spirit, on the fly, given to me as I type. So, here we go in no order or logic to my knowledge:

Some of us never had confidence so to speak (I believe you are born with it but, many times it needs to be nurtured as a child. Hence, confidence building. Then there are others that just have it). If you were a child brought up in an environment that tore your confidence down daily, you may not have been fortunate enough to have had the mental fortitude to survive that. On the other hand, some of you in that environment held on to that voice on the inside telling you  “you can do it” but, you’re still lacking the confidence. Illnesses, accidents, tragedies, huge setbacks, have a way of merely destroying our confidence. If you allow it and let’s be honest, some of us have allowed it. No guilt.

Confidence comes from knowing that you’re already equip with some knowledge of how to manifest your gift and knowing that whatever you don’t know will come to you via research, another person that has already paved the way, or stumbling upon a method through trial and error. Call it divine intervention or instructions. “Something” told me to…I just so happen to be at…
Confidence is strengthened by trial and error. You gain the “how to” through the “don’t do.”-Nicole Jackson. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes are teachers. Thank the teacher. Accept the answer and move forward.
Confidence is planted by action. You’ve got confidence. You’ve been SAYING IT, THINKING IT but have you been DOING IT? IMAGINE a seed 🌱 in your hand. And you look at it and say “I can plant it. I will plant it. I am planting it.” You lay down and you “think about planting it. See yourself planting it” but you’re still holding the seed in your hand! When you ACTUALLY take  ACTION is when the seed will get planted. The more you do your gift, the more confidence grows and deepens its ROOT in your soul. In your psyche. Doing your gift is the watering, sunlight, weeding.
You want your confidence to take root? Don’t mind the weather. Don’t mind the naysayers and the negative thoughts that come to you discourage you. If you do, you’ll be digging up the confidence seed. Bonus: Confidence also can be planted in any season.
This is all the Holy Spirit gave me and I have shared it with you!

do-your-best

~Nikki

Champion Your Thoughts

 

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Muhammad Ali was a champion in many ways but, what made him a champion in those ways was his ability to champion his thoughts.

As I reflect on my life I look at the ways I use self defeating thoughts verses champion thoughts. Many of us have been preprogrammed with thoughts or conditioned to think certain thoughts through experiences. Either good or negative, we think. If I’m to be honest, my thought process didn’t begin to change until I was 30 (however, I woke up so to speak at 26)  and here we have it 11 years later, finally taking root and blooming.

Champion thoughts requires hard, grueling, relentless and challenging work. Long hours at the spiritual gym within and a spiritual diet fit for a champion. You can’t eat (listen to, digest) anything that’s put on your plate. You will suffer some defeats, barely make rounds, but you will begin to win more than you lose when you learn to never change your champion mentality. But, you need only to adjust your approach, strategy, study your opposition and hit the spiritual gym more. Reflect.

A champion doesn’t become a champion by building the body only. Many men have lost relying on brute force alone. Many have lost the fight in this life with brute force alone. Champion thoughts help you get through the toughest times in your life. I look at Muhammad Ali and even though his body was attacked by Parkinson’s and  it silenced him physically, HE WAS STILL SEEN AS THE CHAMP. Champion thoughts  have no need be verbalized all the time. Champion thoughts don’t care about your pain, wins, losses or draw.  Champion have a need to be lived. May we live out our lives from here on out with champion thoughts. May we not see the world as we have in our twenties but, as the champions we are. Are you not still standing? Raise your arms up high, fist to the sky, Champion.

~Nikki