Poem: On the Verge

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I am exhausted from being a daughter, a mother, a teacher, a preacher, a sister, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear

A sounding board, a punching bag, a punchline, a woman, a black woman, an adult, a spiritual being having a human experience, can you hear?

I don’t care what you need from me, I don’t have it to give

Take your blame, take your shame, take my name out of your mouth

I could care less than a damn what you are talking about

Is that harsh? And so are your demands on my time and my mind

I have lost myself and the rage is making me blind

I am on the verge of depression

Miles from a much-needed therapy session

I’m having thoughts about wishing I never existed

Thoughts of why I ever enlisted

To come to this place called earth

Whose idea was it for a rebirth?

I’d scream my head off if I didn’t need it

But I’ll just say I am fine and you’ll believe it

Because nothing can ever be wrong with me

As if you are the only one that needs to be free

Free from responsibility and tasks and drama and reality

I am going to escape this place and dive into fantasy

I’m packing my bags. DO NOT DISTURB. DO NOT WAIT until I get back

Solve it or seek a professional as a matter of fact

I’m on the verge, the verge of change and evolution

I am on the hinge of a permanent solution

I’m going to cry a river and set sail

Inhale, exhale, and wail

by Nicole Jackson

Why Some Can’t Change

Some people can’t change because guilt has a stronghold on them. Grace and mercy and forgiving yourself will fix that.

You may have to apply grace and mercy to your life over and over and forgive yourself over and over until you get to a place of acceptance. Or you could accept the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that is available to you at all times. You may think you can’t accpet it until you change completely and how is that working out for you? Change is a process and accepting grace, mercy, and forgiveness until the chains of guilt are broken is part of the process.

When you start to blame yourself, feel guilty, remind yourself that you are forgiven and you are covered by grace and mercy. You do not have to stay defeated. You do not have to live a defeated life because of guilt. You can move on. You can grow. You can enjoy this life.

~Nikki

Sleep Walking Through Life

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Maybe you don’t realize you are sleepwalking through what could be the BEST and MOST fruitful time in your life???!!!!! It aint over! It aint over! Your work, your life, is incomplete! You are not finished being a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend, a spouse, you are not finished!!! You’ve got more life left in you! You’ve got more to give! Wake up!

You can’t stay mad too long. You can’t stay sad too long. You can’t stay nonchalant too long. You’ve got to grow. You’ve got to move on. I know it’s difficult. I know it’s scary. I know it’s not fair but, you must, we must wake up and see what’s going on. We must open our eyes and deal with the reality and tragedies that are going on. God is asking you to care about the church. God is asking you to care about yourself! God is asking you to care about other people!

Believe it or not, God really does care about you. God cares about your success, progress, your hopes and dreams. God cares about your disappointments, heart breaks, and let downs. God cares. And I am mighty glad that he cares, and he is working things out for you! But you’ve got to get back in the game of life! You can’t win sitting on the bench!

~Nikki, from my message last Sunday, Strengthening What Remains

No Room for Complacency

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The church and our lives are in a time of great stagnation and mediocracy on many levels. I’m talking spiritually as far as the church and our lives. I’m talking about career and personal goals, dreams and so forth. I love to be the one to tell you that there is no room for stagnation and mediocracy in our lives!

No, no! This is not the time to sit back and see. This is not the time for compromising on your standards and requirements. This is not the time for tolerance and complacency.

He came that you may have life and have it more abundantly. The Word says may you prosper, and be in good health.

From my teaching (preaching, okay sermon), Strengthen What Remains

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: BIG August Energy

August brings to the table a 5 energy and a 14 energy. Whether you believe it or not energy exists. You can walk into a room a couple was arguing in and “feel” the tension. Tension, just like happiness, carries energy. You are made up of energy.

If you take heed of last month’s energy, you will be prepared. If not, you will have to get prepared as you go. You will need to ground yourself often this month because there is not much structure to the 5 energy. It likes its freedom. It does not want to be nailed down. It can be unpredictable. So, you may have your own plans and God will have plans. Life will have plans. People that you are working with will have plans. All of these plans will work out but, there will seemingly be so many hiccups big and small. BUT BY ALL MEANS…PLAN!

It will all work out if you remember to ground yourself and breathe. And pray. And meditate. And go for a long walk. Whatever it is you do to HELP you to think of solutions. If you are getting your rest and doing some of these things regularly, you will be able think quickly on your feet. After big episodes or back-to-back episodes of annoyances, TAKE SOME TIME to unplug and enjoy yourself. Go to your hobby. Take a weekend getaway or staycation. This is grounding.

This is a good time for adventure and socializing. Get outside of your comfort zone. Change is good. But make sure it’s CALCULATED. Do something different. Try a different Starbucks refresher. Try a new exercise routine. Change may come quickly and catch you off guard. You will have to adapt.

The five energy is very, very RESOURCEFUL. This will help you as unexpected change comes and plans go awry.

Take a look at your goals from the beginning of the year. Where do you stand? What can you do, what needs to change, and what has to be let go of?

The 5 energy comes with a warning. It can be excessive and addictive. This is why I suggest grounding often. Unplugging often. Getting rest. Making sure you have your plans for the day, week, or for a project mapped out. It’s your guide and remain flexible to the unexpected. You don’t want to drown your sorrows, frustrations, etc. in drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, books, the gym, or get lost in a hobby. You may question some of those things such as books or the gym but too much of anything will keep you from facing your problems, solving them, and moving on even if it seems to have a benefit. I can’t game all day, all week, all month because what about my real-life goals? Balance my loves. Balance.

Plus, this is promotion energy. This relocation energy. This is turn up on your dreams and goals. “The strong will survive and the wise will thrive. Therefore, be strong and wise.”- Nicole Jackson

~Nikki

My Reset Weekend

On my way to the Eiffel Tower in 2019

I’m back from my RESET Weekend and I’ve decided to extend it into this week. Overall, I feel great but I’ve really felt some discouragement due to the disappointment in the lack of participation in an organization I’m a part of. I’m having to channel my inner David and ENCOURAGE MYSELF.

I can do all things through Christ that strengthen me.
All of my help comes from above.

Wait (hold on a minute, rest up, do nothing, be patient) for the Lord to renew your strength (by sending you a Word, giving you deep rest, sending solutions & confirmations).

The JOY (what I know) of the Lord is my strength.

I did some deep cleaning in my kitchen/sitting area and my pantry/laundry room on Saturday. I also took a bath in lavender Epsom salt and Pink Himalayan Salt (1 cup each). It draws out the toxins and helps you to relax and unwind.

~Nikki

Can I Get A Reset?

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Yes you can. Right now is the optimal time for a reset. This is a tidy up time. Pause for the cause. Take a moment to reset your mind. Shut down social media. Mental health day me please. Weekend getaway/stay-cation. Take a break from your projects and focus on you or your space.

Look around. Tidy up or deep clean. Look at you. Spa day? Massage? Pedicure and manicure or a facial needed? Do that. Do it yourself. New hair color. New hair cut. A hair cut or trim. Body scrub. A soak in the tub. Run away. Come back the next day.

Oh! Oh! Check your finances. Reign it in. Do the books. Find the receipts. Take some time to plan your week. Reset some goals. Readjust or cancel some things. Add some things. It’s up to you.

Take the time to reset so you can finish the summer strong.

~Nikki

Chop It Down

There is a time for pruning. There is a time to chop it down. The tree is dead. And once you chop it down, you have to pull up the stump and the roots. Whatever this is that you have been pruning in your life, these thoughts that keep hindering you. The feelings that keep you doubting yourself no longer can be pruned. It’s time for that “thing” in your life to be chopped down and pulled up. You can no longer afford to let it “get to you”.

Chopping down a tree and removing the roots takes a plan, precision, and work. It involves a licensed professional. You don’t have to destroy others around you while you SEEK therapy or read a book to heal. You don’t have to destroy others around you while you remove them or the things they have done to you from your life. When they chop off the branches, cut the tree into pieces, there is a plan, a method, precision that goes into that part of the tree that is being cut so that it doesn’t destroy what is around it.

When a tree is cut down, the scenery changes. Air flows differently. The shade…changes. Sometimes the shade is gone. In increments, your life will change as you cut down the thing that has been holding you back. The scenery changes in your life as you remove the thoughts that continue to grow back and hold you back. And then you have to remove the stump and the roots. The stump is a reminder that the tree was there. You don’t need any reminders. Remove the stump. You don’t need the roots. You have to remove what started it all. You have to overcome the past once and for all. It’s going to take time but, you can overcome it.

The tools I am using to cut down this tree are:

  • Faith
  • Trust in my Higher Power
  • Time spent with my Higher Power to enhance my “hearing” of directions and actions
  • Boldness
  • Strength
  • Therapy
  • Books
  • Prayer
  • Meditation
  • Isolation
  • Limited time and conversations with certain people
  • Letting go of what I cannot control and controlling my own responses
  • Prayer
  • Meditation
  • Breathing
  • Saying NO

I can’t wait until my scenery changes for good. I can’t wait to feel a new breeze. There is work to do but, this tree in my life has to go. It has to so it can no linger hinder my progression.

~Nikki