If I say “prophetic” your ears perk up or this is the “season” you get excited. So put that where I say “energy”. October’s energy brings to us a time to FACE OUR FEARS. Whatever it is you need to do (whatever it is Yeshua tells you to do, do it) DO IT with BOLDNESS and do it in spite the fear you may feel. When you run towards fear it runs away. It gets out the way. Courage is built by continuously trying and succeeding. There is no failure. Only LESSONS. -Nikki, fluid in tradition, non-denomination, spirit, dreams, the deep (deep meaning God and I on something else), loving people that don’t believe what I believe without shade.
October, is that you? Wow, I thought with all that was going on in 2020 you might not make it! Or maybe, show up looking spring and smelling like winter. You know these are crazy times we are living in said by every generation at some point or every decade. In 2020, every day or so. So, what does October bring? What can we do with our October that will help us every day?
Side Note: This has nothing to do with this blog post but, have you set your October goals? Okay. Now back to what can help us each day in October.
October brings to us a 5 energy when added to the 4 energy of 2020 (If you are like what?!!! Don’t worry about it. Just eat the fish and spit out the bones. In other words, grab what works for you and the leave the rest). There would be much to sift through but, I pulled some major highlights,
Face your fears this month. Face your fear EVERYDAY this month. DEAL. Do it anyway type of energy. In spite of doubt, naysayers, do it. TRY IT. TRY it again. Try it another way. Try.
This is a crossroads type of month. What do you want to do with the rest of the year? What needs to change? Job? Career? Relationships? Mindset? You? Location?
October is all about PLANNING and PRIORITIZING. Without planning and prioritizing you create chaos and chaos is stressful! Change is going to happen so you may as well be as prepared as one can be.
Prepare for 2021. What?! Yes. NOW is the time to think about 2021 and the direction you want it to go.
I enjoyed my sabbatical last month. I will eventually write about some of the things I observed this month. I hope OCTOBER brings you a harvest of good, plenty, and peace.
When I was younger (because I am still young!), I use to abhor hearing the words, “It’s going to be alright or okay.” Why? It wasn’t comforting to me at those stages of my life. For one, I couldn’t see how. For example, how could being talked about, made fun of, and being bullied ever be okay if I had to go back to school the next day? I couldn’t imagine how things could possibly get better if I had to go to school until I was 18 and people would do this to me in the 2nd grade! I had a long way to go I thought. I had no understanding, perception of HOW! It’s going to be okay.
I couldn’t get past what I was feeling easily. As a child, teen, young adult I was feeling things I hadn’t felt before or something entirely new. A heartbreak. A heartache. A death. A disappointment. Are these things going to keep happening? I feeldeeply many things. Maybe your feelings go 2 inches into the heart but, mine probably go 10 inches in. You’re not thinking about the clerk that got an attitude with you by the time you get home. I am still thinking about it the next day. Don’t tell me it’s going to be okay, tell me you know how it feels. It’s going to be alright.
I couldn’t see how because I had not lived long enough yet to gain the many more or similar experiences that would surely come. Many even greater than a junior high school crush breaking your heart and many NEW ones that would knock me off my feet or onto my knees. I had not lived long enough yet to LIVE through these things. AND it would take many more years to understand that just having more experiences without gaining understanding of self and others is the reason many still don’t understand or like hearing, “It will be okay.”
Life building blocks such as faith, trust, understanding, knowledge of self, others, and your beliefs come through living and experiencing life. I did not truly know it was going to be okay until I lived through it by days, months, and years. I did not know that it was going to be alright, until I was in fact, alright. I guess, when I now see others going through things and I am the one that has to comfort or lift up, I try to at first acknowledge their bewilderment of how and why and feelings.
When talking to those who have been through so much and so many things over and over, I try to help them to see the knowledge gain, the insight of self and others, to help them shape their hurt into healing and their knowledge into wisdom and their wisdom into stepping stones or rocks to lean on in the future because there is more to come. If we live this life haphazardly, in the shadows of others, or with defining and redefining it for ourselves, we will never gain some stability. One of the many ways we learn is by repetition, here a little, there a little, and situation after situation. We even learn by the mistakes and mishaps of others if we so choose.
These building blocks of life are already in us when we arrive in this earth. We come into awareness of them and then we use them to build our lives. Therefore, offering us the stability we so much need in a volatile environment.
9 “Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts.
10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little.”
Why did I decide to take a month long vacation? And no, it’s not a vacation it’s to one of my dream locations like Costa Rica. It’s not a paid vacation. It’s not a vacation away from my city. It’s not even a stay-cation. It’s time away from church. Church. Not God. Church.
I was being pulled into, sucked into, staying on board when I really wanted to leave. I knew my time was up. But, because I felt “sorry” for the person I stayed on. They are in over their head because they are in a position they forced their way into. I need to finish this year strong and I can’t do that when I am in a place and space I don’t belong. Plus, it’s stressful and I don’t enjoy the atmosphere.
What do I plan to do? Well, because I understand numbers and I have relationship with my Creator, I have a clue as to what needs to be done for me personally. Yet, I stay flexible for directions and shifts.
Collectively this is a time for turning limitations into strengths. This is a time for getting systems (immune systems, financial systems, spiritual systems (ding ding ding), legal systems) and the (further) expansion of mind. And much more. If you want a Biblical reference (some of you are like, “No, I don’t” 😀 ) Then the passage I was given was Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. So, we are talking fluff or fu-fu. We are talking energy, time, sign of the times, things in the sky that God put there. But, that’s another in depth study you can do on your own. P.S. We are entering into a season of flu virus and Covid hasn’t disappeared so really hone in on boosting/helping your immune system out and body by eating properly and physical activity. Operate in wisdom.
Personally, this time for me (based on my life path number, other numbers, coupled with a relationship with my God) is about introspection and assessing the self knowledge I have gained thus far this year. It’s about looking at where I am and what changes I need to make or table. It’s about preparation for next year. Yes, next year. It’s also a time for me to see if there is anything I can celebrate. I feel behind because I have been caught up in church business and not my Father’s business for my life.
With that being said, I need not beat myself up, go into depression, or increase my anxiety. Of course, that will be a battle of the mind and emotions. I have to ground myself constantly. It is what it is BUT, all is not lost or wasted. It’s time for what I KNOW to become WHO I AM. It’s as a great modern day philosopher, teacher, Moojiji says, “It’s where knowledge becomes not what you know but, what you do, how you are, being.” You can know scriptures, quotes, texts, and spew them. You can know right from wrong. You can know what you “should” do. But if what you know doesn’t become WHO you are and WHAT you do, if it doesn’t become more than knowledge, you will never become all that you already are.
God has made everything beautiful in it’s own time.
Hello September. Our day one of my month long vacation started strangely. The energy in my home this morning seemed “sticky” and “stuffy” and “stale”. I could not seem to get up. As I dozed off again into a dream like state, I felt a really hard push. I opened my eyes and lay there startled! I rolled over but no one was there. I said aloud, “Well, that was rather rude.” Of course I will do research on that later. I got up and got myself together but, still not feeling together. Groggy and foggy I remembered, “Oh, I had some pain last night and tossed a bit through the night and early morning.” I also went to bed very late.
As I did my morning routine, I tried to find peace. Finally, I decided the energy in the home and around me, within me needed to be cleared. I put on a binary beats negative energy cleansing from YouTube. As soon as I did, I heard the buzzing of chain saws. The trees in my backyard were being trimmed. They are still at it. I lit sage and after it burned out down stairs, I lit it for upstairs. I received three phone calls from one person today that did not help the energy about me. However, after that last call, I was able to recenter, and find my peace.
As I was researching, I came across one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Sadhguru. I watched the video which I will leave below. What stood out to me, the lesson MY DAY 1 of Vacation:
PEACE SHOULD NEVER BE THE GOAL IN LIFE. PEACE SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR LIFE.
I never intended to blog today or to take you on this September Vacation, yet here we are. It was when I turned 30 I made the statement that “A peace of mind is everything to me.” It has taken me over 10 years to prove it. However, I realize today two things: If I would have known that peace should have been a requirement for life, I may have not taken so long to prove it to myself. Two, I must require it not just for relationships but, for the sustainability of my life. For my goals. For my dreams. For my health. For my wealth. The rest of my days. In all I do. Not in a crazy, obsessive, demanding way but, in the same manner I breathe air. Naturally.
I know that this year has been filled with disappointments to say the least. More so than usual because of the many things that are going on in our world and in our personal lives. School in person or school online? Coming to work on a schedule or working from home? You can’t find the essentials and now we add the intentional slowing of mail. Drive by birthday parties or scaled down gatherings? It’s got many of us on edge anticipating the next let down as if we can be prepared for it. And well, in some ways we can and in some ways we can’t.
Newsflash! We are human. Even if we control our responses, we may not always do it right away. That is okay. Sometimes things hit us from behind and we have to gather our senses and come to ourselves (or the facts or become aware of our options). Sometimes our plan B goes out the window and there are no plans C-Z available and we have to feel the sting of being let down. Disappointment. In this unpredictable time, this strange year, it can make us weary. This is one hell of a roller coaster that none of us volunteered to be on (But we did when came into this world and if one could understand that, it would make the ride a little less traumatizing and more what the hell did I sign up for?).
So, I pondered yesterday, what the hell did I sign up for? What lesson is in this disappointment that I seem to be experiencing over and over this year? Am I hearing you right God? I seem to be missing it in this area. I seem to be losing money that I don’t really need to lose in these uncertain times. It’s August. What is the lesson in this money themed disappointment? And, I am tired of learning it late!
The lessons for me are: “Listen when you first hear it and take action. DO NOT IGNORE THE FLASHING RED LIGHT.” The second lesson is: “Listen. See it not go the way you planned and do it ANYWAY (adjust) or do it ANOTHER way (another time).” God is fine tuning my intuition, my listening ear to Spirit. My disappointments this year have antagonized me and many times I have wanted to throw in the towel on everything. But, what about the things you are DEVOTED to? That’s right, you can’t live in your disappointments, you must live through them and you must remember the path you are devoted to.
Your devotions to yourself, your family, your life path is what matters. It is what you must choose over your disappointments no matter how many you may experience. Focusing on your disappointments keeps you living in the past and you were not created to live in the past. You were created to live in the NOW and to create the future with your thoughts and actions. Your devotions over your disappointments will propel you forward, like the catalyst I talked about last Sunday. It will compel you to come out of the darkness of sadness, trauma, anxiety, depression, anger and back into the marvelous light of life, love, ups and downs yes, and your path. Your devotions bring you back to reality. Disappointments can be temporary, they can be lessons, and they can be signs to guide you into a greater understanding of your mission, YOU, and life itself.
2020 is such a mixed bag of things. One thing I feel the most is this year seems to catapult you into “something”. 2020 could be dubbed “The Year of the Catalyst”. I wrote that in my journal. I knew it would be more than the obvious 20/20 vision. I knew it because I FELT it. The heavy gray cloud filled with rain right before all hell breaks loose. You know what the “hell” was breaking loose? Chains. From the GLOBE, to each continent, to each country, to every state, to every city, down to every citizen. I never knew there were so many things that I needed to be FREED from. It is like I said last week…so many layers to freedom. You are going to see everything clearly. Including yourself. You can deny it to the rest of us and yourself but, you still know it. That is your 20/20 vision. IT TAKES COURAGE if you want to be FREE. That is why people ignore the truth. They do not have the courage to face it and to do something about it. I am people. You are people.
You are going to be catapulted in some form or fashion and you have to land somewhere. Covid 19. Need I say more? The light at the beginning of this tunnel ahead is; you can decide where you want to land and how you want to land. Being thrown is not an option. Choices are being handing to us daily. Options are being handed to us throughout the day. Some small. Some that are in your face. If you choose to ignore the changes or adjustments in your life that NEED to be made, you will only set yourself back. This is not the time for pretending things are okay in this country or in this world or in your life.
I have been guilty of trying to do it all. Trying to do it all for a family member. Trying to do it all for the church and preserve a legacy that is not even mine. Trying to do it all with my business and feeling the pressure of success of others swirling all around me. Trying to hurry up and get it all done. Trying to hurry and break free. All the time I am on the brink of breaking. I thought I was about to break down but, turns out my spirit is trying to break free. You see sometimes the process of breaking free can feel like the stress of breaking down. The noise I hear are the chains rattling. 27 years worth of chains breaking but, the cuffs are still on. My spirit wants out of those cuffs. She does not want to ACT like she is okay because all the other family members are acting like they are okay. She does not want to NOT say anything or much or sit down in the presence of wrong-doing and accept it as NORMAL. She does not want to do what she does not want to do. She wants to do, what she wants to do and what she was created to do.
As the year continues to pick up and catapult our lives, I want to at least CHOOSE where I am going to land and where I want to land. I aim it for a safe and prosperous landing. I aim to come out on top and healed. 2020 has put us in the hot seat. Examine yourself. Confess your faults to friends. Look at your life. Is it the life you imagined years ago? If not, you can imagine something better. Are you who you imagined yourself to be? If not, you can imagine and ACT on a better you. Where do you want to land after all of this is over? You can choose. Position yourself for the land.
P.S. Age is nothing but a number. It’s never too late to live dreams or create new dreams!
Affirmations to heal painful childhood memories: I know what is best for my life. I trust my ability to make decisions for myself. I reinforce boundaries. My gifts and talents of art, of writing, of creating clothes, are an important contribution to this world. My pain has been witnessed by Heaven and Ancestors (Spiritual Realm Stuff). I am comforted by Heaven and Ancestors.
It takes some money to make some money. A little of it can go a long way. Invest in yourself spiritually, physically, educationally, and career or as a business owner. You will get a return in due time. It takes some TIME and EFFORT on the spiritual front and sometimes money if you are going READ books to help further your growth or attend seminars to listen to invaluable messages from certified leaders like myself lol. Eventually, you see a return. Put in nothing, something, or much but, it is up to you.
I am most happy when I am creating. Most people are most happy doing what they love and enjoy.
Stay positive and optimistic. Do not give up. This does not mean you will not waver, become upset, but USE the tools of BREATH, WISDOM, EXPERIENCE, WHAT YOU HAVE READ, SKILLS FROM THERAPY, PRAYER, MEDITATION, ETC to remain positive, optimistic, and determined. Oh and sleep. Sleep schedules matter.
All bad things must come to an end. If you are out of line, life will align you. If you can, line yourself up. It hurts less and saves valuable time.
Still The Temple each day to fill it with the Divine and watch your become powered by the Divine and not your own physical power that wears down quickly. God’s power flows through you unhindered by your outward circumstances and your physical and mental limitations. Even your finances. My summary from a devotion in the book, In His Presence by Eva Bell Werber
I’ve wrapped my head around the idea that I have more work to do on myself as far as releasing the painful past of childhood. What I did not know was that there were layers to freedom. I got this thought from my own spirit as I was in conversation, meditation, or prayer with God (whatever you choose to call it is fine with me). I was venting that I just want to be free to enjoy and live out my full potential from here on out. I vented “I thought I was free! Who knew that there were so many layers to freedom!!!” And it hit me, “layers to freedom.” Like and onion.
Onions are just fine sitting in the produce section piled up on top of each other. But once you get them home and peel back a layer, you open up the strong smell that creates watery eyes without your consent or control. And so it is, with opening up old wounds that have never healed. Layers and layers of years have gone by. Years and years of masking the uncomfortable that manifest in mood swings, meanness, sadness, arrogance, nonchalant-ness and irritability for no apparent reason. Layers of hurt, embarrassment, inadequate feelings, and shame concealed by one thin layer.
When you have experienced some sort of trauma or continued drama, the emancipation of your soul may take a very long time. I don’t know if it can be sped up. I think maybe it can and I am going to find out if that is true. All week long the spiritual things from my daily devotions to meditation and wisdom from spiritual leaders have centered around freedom. Coincidence? No. I am calling this freedom in and that is why it is showing up. Even in numbers.
Sandhguru said, “Freedom requires courage.” I listened to one of his talks this week. It does require courage and I have taken some courageous steps in peeling back the layers. But, this step, requires “a whole heap” (as my Granny would say) of courage. I feel like I have to muster it up. Get up the nerve. Face it. Deal with it. Defeat it. I feel as if this will be the last barrier to my own freedom. I am tired. I am weary. I am ready. So maybe the speeding up the process is to DEAL with it HEAD ON knowing it’s going to get messy, become tiring, and hurt. But…I need my freedom. I need to live my FULL, UNCHAINED LIFE. I am ready to peel back every layer, chop the onions up and use them to flavor my life. God is my help, my strength, my source, and I feel as if I have not only God, but angels, my angel, and my ancestors on my side. I need all the help I can get. I need all the love I can receive. I may need many shoulders to cry on. But victory…victory is mine.
1 Corinthians 13:11, NIV, says: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (woman, an adult), I put the ways of childhood behind me.
Becoming a better woman, requires us to not simply be grown in body and age, but it requires us to become mature spiritually. Paul said that when he was a child, he talked like a child. This means his conversations were childlike. Uh oh! We have to grow up our conversations. “He said, she said. Did you see, Girrrllllll call me after rehearsal (The Zoom Meeting). I have something to tell you. ” Grow up your conversation!
Paul said he thought like a child. “Mines!!! That’s my job. That’s my spot. It’s all about me! What about me?” Paul said he reasoned like a child. “Mmm hmm. I see you left my name off the program again! You just wait until I’m over The Garden for Churches Program. I won’t ask you to help!” Sons and daughters of the Most High God, that is childish reasoning!