The Separation of Self, Church, and Relationships

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I don’t know what I would I do if I were  married to a person that was not motivated or disciplined enough to achieve their dreams and goals. What if you wanted a better life and they were okay with just getting by? I would be so miserable in either situation. I have known marriages to break up over one not wanting to advance, while the other one did and I have seen another break up because one was content just getting by. I’ve seen hardworking men and lazy women, hardworking women and lazy men. I’ve also seen Churches command people to say in these marriages and I’ve seen people encourage others to stay in misery. I mean yes, try, try as many times as you can, get counseling, etc. but at what point do you walk away? I guess only YOU can be brave enough to make that decision and that is the way it should be. You should be able to make it without judgement and without guilt. You should have the support of friends, family, and your God. After all, God is like a Father and I wouldn’t think any loving, caring, father would want you to be miserable in any relationship. And just remember, back then and even now in some countries, women had no say in who they would marry. I don’t think that was of God either! I think it was more cultural than anything.

Well, what about those of us that are dating, in a relationship, living with a significant other? If you see they are not motivated or disciplined enough to pursue their dreams and goals how does that make you feel? Are you slowing down to be their 24/7 cheerleader? Are you doing things for them they could do for themselves? Filling out applications and calling to see if someone is hiring? Googling and researching how to start a repair shop? These are things they can DO FOR THEMSELVES. We can get so involved in helping others we neglect our own dreams, goals, and visions.

Listen, I am about to say something to those of you that are NOT  married. You need to continue to go after your dreams with all of your might and heart while you are not married. Especially, if you have a partner that seems to be lethargic. I mean if your fire doesn’t light their fire, if your encouragement is not enough, if your support and help is not enough, it never will be. I’d rather see manifestation before I say I do, than to see it after and the person lives off of my success. I don’t think there is enough love in the world for me to marry someone that wants to struggle, makes crazy decisions about finances, or that is unstable in employment. I guess in the past, I may have been so blind and so in love, I would have. BUT now that I am more mature and have a better understand of myself, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. If it’s a strain NOW it will be a BURDEN later. The same stands for me spiritually. If I am in a spiritual place they are not in, if our souls are not aligned, I must say good-bye. I don’t have the time for them to play catch up at my age (44). I mean to be 3 miles behind is different than being 30 miles behind. Our ideals, hearts, minds, souls, have to line up somewhat, close I would think. Not perfectly, but certainly not miles and miles and ideals apart which leads to and unequally yoked environment. Personalities and temperaments matter! Comprehension levels and upbringing matters. Maturity levels matter! No relationship or marriage is easy or perfect and I get that. But, should I be sad, mad, 5 days out of 7? Should we be pretending to be okay at church, in front of friends,  and on social media?

I don’t know what the other person is going to do if they are not trying to build a stable life, live out there dreams, or grow. I just know that I have chosen to go forth, full steam ahead, making stops and slowing down to help those that are trying to help themselves as far as dreams and goals are concerned. I don’t want to be bound by Church to stay and I don’t want to be bound by a relationship. I have a right to peace and happiness. Contrary to popular belief, God does care about my peace of mind, my happiness, and what I am called to do. I don’t know if I will ever marry, I hope so. I want to. But, I would have to be 100% certain. In the meantime, I will continue to wait on Divine Intervention. 🙂

~Nikki

 

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Life Doesn’t Get Any Easier????

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There are a couple of quotes that state something like, “Life doesn’t get any easier, you just get stronger or Life doesn’t get any easier, you just get better at handling the things you go through.” I would read these quotes and literally roll my eyes. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the part that says “Life doesn’t get any easier” because I want life to get easier. Don’t we all? Raise your hand if you want life to get harder and remain difficult. I thought so. Can we just get strong enough and learn enough and life gets better? Oh, wait, there is a thought. Life gets easier because we get stronger and we learn to handle the things we go through with accrued wisdom. -Nicole Jackson Yes, quote me on that.

You see, I am at this ebb and flow period of my life. This, nothing is happening, something is happening, but very slowly and we are going from 0 to 100 the next day or moment. I don’t like this phase of things. I imagine this is what being sea sick is like or motion sickness. I just want to get to my destination and BE STILL and ENJOY. I don’t want to ride the ups and downs of these sometimes humongous waves. Heck, I can’t surf or swim! Topsy turvy much? Yes. Much. This type of phase doesn’t work well with my anxiety and depression. What is a girl to do?

A girl is to hold on. For dear life. To her Creator’s unchanging hand. A girl is to cry, get upset, be happy, meditate, have a margarita or go to bed. However, a girl deals with this phase of life is how a girl deals…without judgement from others or herself.

Life gets easier because we get stronger and we learn to handle the things we go through with accrued wisdom. -Nicole Jackson

The Art of Suffering?

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I don’t know if I will master the art of suffering, but I know that I have suffered a lot in this lifetime. My suffering is not to be compared with others. I don’t believe in who suffered more because as I have said my whole life, “We all have our own personal hell(s) to live through.”

Speaking of hell, I had a migraine last night that could be considered and EF4 if it was a tornado. It was a 9 on a scale of 1-10. As I lay on the couch in darkness, a lavender candle lit, I thought to myself, “Why do I have to suffer so much? I have suffered my entire life physically and with matters of the heart. I want this suffering to be over. I deserve more peace, love, and joy the rest of my years.” And then I said to myself, “You can endure this. You can get through this. This pain will not last forever. You just have to wait it out. You’ve done everything you could in the natural and spiritual. Wait it out. Think of things that bring you peace and comfort.” It took seemingly forever, but after a migraine that started with a suddenly stiff neck around 4pm and turned into a full blown migraine around 7pm, after 11pm I could finally sit up without the feeling of severe nausea. I got up from the couch and went to bed.

When I woke up this morning I saw this quote. How true I thought. Even though I get tired of suffering, it is better that I work with the suffering, instead of against it. Working against it only makes it worse. I get upset about the migraine, start to go into why and my heart rate raises. Blood pressure goes up and the pain worsens. I go into panic when what I am doing is not working fast enough. It only makes the pain worse. I let go last night and just endured. I have decided not only to not compare my suffering to others, I have also decided to not accept that I suffer more because I am stronger than others. Hell, I get tired of being strong. I am also weak in my suffering many times in private, but it is my God that is stronger during those times. God sends angels and earthly angels to help me through my sufferings. I am thankful and grateful for them. I may never know why we suffer more than others. I accept that it just is and this is why I cherish the simple things in life as if they were the most valuable because many times those are the only things I can focus on in times of suffering.

~Nikki

A2Z: No, I Will Not. My Personal Self Empowerment Journey

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No, I will not sit here and wallow in self pity. No, I will not lay in bed and think myself into depression. No, I will not resort to old habits when things do not go the way I hoped. Last night, I had to get up, go back downstairs and wash the dishes. Something didn’t go the way I thought it would and I was disappointed. I turned off the lights and almost let the feeling stew. Then, I began to think about if this was the way to handle what happened. There was nothing I could do about it. It wasn’t major. Even though, it was feeding into my fear of being lied to and played. Breathe.

You can’t control people and their actions. You can, control your response and what you allow them to do or continue to do. If you want POWER over a situation you have to take action. You have to do the small normal things and this will propel you into doing the major things like ending the saga of a not so good relationship. It will propel you into avoiding anxiety and depression for that day. Life goes on and you don’t have to give your power over to others, situations, and depression. I sit here disappointed, but remarkably at peace. I feel, but I have things to do and things I can do. Of course there will be times you give in, but let’s just celebrate the times that you don’t because the more you move forward in spite of your feelings, the more empowered you become to heal those feelings and get back into living and loving.

~Nikki

A to Z. Jump. Empowerment, My Personal Journey.

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I had researched enough. I had practiced enough. I had thought about it long enough. I had stood on the sidelines watching and observing others. It was time to JUMP. TRY MY HAND AT IT. LEARN AND LIVE THROUGH THE PROCESS. RIDE THE WAVES. It was writing a book. It was putting it out there. It was learning to crochet, selling it, and doing festivals. It was working on a mini-series. It was taking sewing lessons. It was creating abstract art and putting it out there for the world to see.

JUMP. It’s scary. It’s nerve wracking. It’s exhilarating. It’s freeing. It’s fun. It’s faith building for sure!

~Nikki

Introspective. Empowerment, My Personal Journey

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in·tro·spec·tion
[ˌintrəˈspekSH(ə)n]

NOUN
the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.

Observing what I am THINKING behind what I am saying and doing, checking my OWN EMOTIONS behind what I am saying and doing is forces me to examine myself. LEARNING to this BEFORE I say and do is the POWER in the EMPOWERING myself! In order to do this you must be honest with yourself about what you are really thinking and feeling. Before you “lose it” at the person behind the counter for getting your order wrong, what are you REALLY thinking and feeling before you arrived at the place? On the job? Home? Is it s right thought? Is it a right action? Are you mad about what happened on the job? Are you stressed about bills? Are you unhappy in your relationship? And you go out into the world already “feeling and thinking” about something. So, when your child gets in the car and forgets to tell you they have practice you “lose it.”

We are often good at reading others, but can we read ourselves. Checks and balances with yourself through introspective empowers you to be a better person. For me, it works for me because I can locate my mental state and emotions and MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION about what I am really feeling. Therefore, I can handle the wrong order at the counter better. I can avoid having to apologize to coworkers, a child, or a mate about your outburst or sudden mood change. I  have the power to address the real issues on my job instead of taking it out on other people that have not a clue about my money problems. I learn my triggers. I also have the power to address my mental and emotional state to solve the real problems. I place my energy where it needs to go and not on the nearest person or distraction.

~Nikki

A to Z:Good Health Choices. Empowerment, My Personal Journey

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Merging my G and H together for GOOD HEALTH choices. It’s always empowering to me in spite of having Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and other health issues/concerns to make as many good health choices as I can. It’s true that when you eat better you feel better. Plus, with all of the medication I take, I try to give my body a fighting chance to counter act the medicine.

I am not one for diets, trends, or gimmicks. I simply believe in making better choices, more positive ones than negative ones and getting some exercise. Also, what you eat can help your mental health as well. Too much salt or sugar doesn’t help your anxiety or depression.

~Nikki