The Danger With Pretending Everything Is Okay

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The problem with pretending everything is okay when it’s “not” okay is you begin to accept behavior that is not okay. Once you begin to accept behavior that is not okay, you begin to NORMALIZE this bad behavior and mistreatment. You know what is worse? Anything that points to you having to confront or deal with REALITY sends you into retreat or lies to protect that which you don’t want to disturb. You make excuses. You don’t want to deal with the elephant that once was simply in the room, but is now on top of your head or chest. You are cracking up on the inside. You are miserable as hell. You will have a nervous breakdown, a heart attack,  before you deal with the elephants. Yes. With an “s” because an elephant not dealt with becomes a heard.

~Nikki

 

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Flawed Diamonds Do Shine

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My Coffee Mug, Crochet Hook, Yarn

Flawed Diamonds Do Shine by Nicole Jackson 7/27/18

Flawed diamonds are very common A perfect diamond is rare

These situations, tribulations, burdens, pressures of life are things WE ALL SHARE

For who can travel this life unscathed?

A girl is born, but a woman is often made

They say what doesn’t kill you makes stronger, but there are times I feel as though I am being buried alive!

Abba! Abba! Father! I have cried. Under these circumstances how do you expect me to thrive?

It’s dark in here!

And the Master Jeweler replies: “Yes, it is my dear.”

And it’s hot! I can’t breathe! And I am falling apart again!

And the Master Jeweler replies:

High temperatures and pressures you may crack, but you will not break, I need the light to get in.

Trust me, the Master Jeweler. I am expertly skilled in my trade. I formed you. Designed you. Carefully, with great detail, you are wonderfully made.

I cut, repair, adjust, and inspect. I heal, I cover, I lovingly correct.

I have prepared this season. I have set forth this time.

A diamond is a diamond and flawed diamonds do shine!

~Nikki

My poem may be shared, but not copied, printed, or altered without my permission. Thanks.

 

Single Life Confetti: Dear Journal

Dear Journal,

What the hell was I thinking going out there in the cesspool of the dating pool? AGAIN. I can’t swim. I should have just stayed on the edge of the pool dangling my feet in the water and heck, even they can be bait for sharks! Exhale.

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Where is my towel? I dry myself off from inconsistency, a pattern of disappearing on the weekends, excuses, and an emotional attachment to an ex. Yuck! I need a shower. “Someone call a bus!” (Random. I’ve been watching a Blue Bloods marathon 😀 )

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When you have been dating as long as I have you either are going to cycle in the same mistakes or mature and spiral up and out. You are either going to recognize what’s going on and ignore it or find power in the choice to see it and leave it. Yes. Have patience and “see” and then once you see it, believe it, and leave it. Now, back to my shower. I need to shower in silence and distance. I need to cleanse my psyche of that person being a possibility for now or forever. It just depends. I am open, but I don’t stay open to foolishness or a person that is not ready for dating seriously. And that does not make them a bad person (well the one that is not ready and has issues to resolve), it just makes them not a good match for me. It doesn’t make me perfect and without issues, it just makes me unwilling to put myself through the drama and trauma. Let’s face it. I’ve had enough at 43. I should know what I can handle and what I can’t.

Thanks Journal. You always listen without judging me!

~Nikki

The Single Confetti Life Continues

 

 

 

 

Morning Self Pep Talk: You Can’t Turn This Train Around

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Illustration by Megan Hess

Morning Pep Talk to Self: “Ain’t no turning this train around. Where you gonna turn it around at? On the side of some mountain (problem/situation)? To turn this train around in the midst of adversity would be disastrous. To lose faith, give up, right now, right here would be a major set back. Power through baby. Full speed ahead.” -Nicole to Nicole

 

 

The Liberation Journey: Transitioning to Levels of Freedom

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From the Nicole that life had shaped, to my AUTHENTIC SELF, to this current LIBERATED JOURNEY so that I can be LEGENDARY, I can truly say you will be looked at strangely and misunderstood and not understood at all. If you take this journey or are living this journey you will be called weird and funny acting. My now Authentic self cares nothing about that! Once you are free, you are FREE INDEED. The Son sets you free, you set yourself free, or however you become free it is liberating to the soul. I believe there are different levels of freedom happening in our lives. Sometimes you have to free yourself. Sometimes you need help from a Higher Power and for ME that is God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and Angels.  Sometimes it is just granted to you. Boom! You are free!

You are so free you will not let anyone deter you. You are so free, if it threatens your peace and love for yourself you will let go even if it hurts. You are so free, you only have time to help others and not to tear them down.

~Nikki

Single Life Confetti: Loving Yourself Beyond Treating Yourself

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She said “I do love myself. I get my hair done, I get my nails done, I take myself out to nice places, you know, I treat myself.” Yet, she continues in a job she hates, she moves from man to man, she allows the mistreatment of her heart, mind, and body. She is unfulfilled spiritually and goes through the motions as a single parent. Question: Has it ever occurred to you that loving yourself goes DEEPER than an hour long mani and pedi? Beyond expensive purses and exotic trips?

Those things are surface and fine. However, I urge you to search for a deeper love of self that involves self worth, self esteem building and fulfilling your destiny. I urge to a deeper connection to being in the present moment with your child/children if you are single parent. I urge you to a commitment to living in the now. Seek healing from the past wounds. Discover what is you want, need and desires in a relationship and don’t accept anything less that God given. Define what a healthy relationship to you. What are your values and your morals and grow your roots in them. Take care of your body via exercise and healthier choices. Invest in quality time with the religion you have chosen. TREAT YOURSELF to a JOYFUL, expanding life and not fleeting happiness or relationships (friendships or “workships”) that are everything you DON’T desire.

~Nikki