Becoming. Allow yourself to become! We, that are doing the work on ourselves or just living our lives are all becoming something. The choice is yours. But, when you are trying to empower yourself, change, be a better person you can easily become frustrated. It takes time to become who you are becoming. Let it unfold and be patient with yourself. Numerous times I said yes when I wanted to say no and then found myself dealing with drama. There were times I wanted to say something, but I didn’t. I had to find my voice and then take the opportunities to use it! A decision to change overnight may come, but change itself won’t be overnight.
I am a reader. I like to read a wide variety of books and I have to be drawn to them. This year I will be finishing up some books from last year and years ago. I have two new books, Becoming by Michelle Obama and The Wisdom of Sundays from the Soul Sundays on the OWN channel. That one will sit on my nightstand all year as I will read it when moved to do so. It has excerpts from those that appeared on Soul Sunday and it’s a good to read it in the morning to start your day or at night to end your day. The book Inner Engineering is so deep and heavy you have to read a chapter and rest. Mind boggling and blowing. Sometimes you have to read the chapter over again to understand it. It’s from last year.
So, what are you reading or what’s on your list? What kind of books/genre do you like? I’ve never really had a line up of books like this before. It sort of just came to me this way. I also have two novels to read.
WOW! What a weekend! I met one of my favorite, most influential authors of all time and got the last book of a series signed. I met Kimberla Lawson Roby! It was her book Casting the First Stone that led me to believe it was possible to be a Christian and still write novels with a spiritual undertone. My novels may be a bit more unconventional as far as most Christians would think, but I am not really concerned about that! I have my own path to take. Anyway, I was over the moon and treasure the book and the moment. My daughter was there to help me stand in a very long line. Some day I’ll be signing books!
I also went out for cocktails and small plates with…brace yourself, my daughter’s father mother….and his wife. Yep. You read that right. As a single parent, the road has not always been easy and neither are the relationships involved with raising my daughter. Some of our thoughts, actions, and ways are different and well that makes for conflicts of interests. It was extremely rough starting out, but we try to get along and sitting down with all of together was a miracle within itself. Conversation, cocktails, and food made it a pleasant outing.
Oh, yeah. I got a new hairstyle! Lol! I think it may last for a few weeks. Natural hair can be a challenge. Especially, for someone like me who has Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. Which took a toll on me by the time Sunday rolled around. I felt so bad, but I am grateful for the two days, Friday and Saturday, in which I had little discomfort. Sunday was very difficult and I am feeling better on today. I hope you enjoyed your weekend, too!
“We are having chicken again ma? You gonna fry it or bake it?” he asked.
“FRY IT!” yells Roland.
“I am going to bake it.” I look at Jalen and I wink at him. He goes to his room and starts his homework.
“Queen Furniture called me about the-
“Look Angie don’t start in with me about no bills because I had a hard day at work and you know what? Never mind…” He jumps up from the couch grabs his leather Steelers jacket I bought, his Steelers hat, and slams the front door so hard the windows shake. I keep cooking. He’ll be back in a few minutes because I see his keys on the kitchen counter. I am used to this. He probably will come in and say a few curse words and “Angie it’s your fault I ain’t got no money blah blah blah and your fat ass blah blah blah”. I can handle it. I just ignore it. I used to argue back until one time he got in my face. It’s just words.
I hear the door open, but not close. He comes in the kitchen and snatches his keys off the counter. He grabs my arm and I drop a piece of chicken on the floor.
“Look, I’m about sick of your ass starting stuff when you get home. Don’t come up in here telling me nothing about no damn bills because if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be in this situation. You better be glad me and Monique getting along or she would be calling asking me for more money and you know I got to take care of my children. Come up in here one more time telling me about a damn furniture bill and I am gonna leave you!”
He let my arm go and slammed the front door. I stood there for what seem like an hour. He never put his hands on me.
“Ma.” I looked over to my left and Jalen was standing there with tears in his eyes. Instead of me running to him he ran to me and put his arms around me. Instead of me comforting him he said to me “Ma, you are not fat you are just fluffy and I like fluffy and I don’t like Roland anymore!” He hugged me so tight. I chuckled when he said fluffy. I wiped the tears from my baby’s eyes.
“I am alright Jalen and you will be alright.”
Jalen looked at me and then looked at my arm. His big brown almond shaped eyes widen even more…
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If you seem to be off track in your thinking and emotions, if you are questioning life, if anxiety is running wild and depression is on the prowl, I am going to ask you what was asked of me: Are you reading anything that keeps you grounded or growing? Well, it wasn’t asked of me like that but, that’s how I took it. And my answer was: “No. I haven’t “felt” like reading.” This coming from an author and avid reader.
Well, pick up a daily devotional and take a moment to read it and as you go about your day reflect. If you are like me, one with a heavily distracted mind as of late, I have to read it a few times through out the day. I feel like I am cleaning the cobwebs out of my mind or third eye. I also have a really good thought provoking book that I want to get into and I am going to after getting back into the routine of daily reading and meditating more.
Each year God or Spirit directs me to books to buy and some I just find interesting. I never know when I am going to read some of them but, I know when the time is right those books are for me. This year, the one I am using as a daily devotion and for my “43: All is Well Within Journey” is this one:
I also have decided to start back taking key points that resonate with me or I want to remember and put them on my mirror. I can focus on them as I do my morning routine or nightly routine. Reading something significant helps improve your mind and spirit. If you can improve your mind (mental state/health) and spirit, you can improve your quality of life.