Blogtober:Reflections:Unfiltered Rage

Notebook Entry 5-12-2025

“I wrote in my journal a second time, unfiltered rage. I did feel better. I was juggling narcissistic abuse, anger towards myself, and feeling out of control for the safety of my young adult daughter in an unsafe city at times in an unsafe world.”

I wrote in my journal a second time because the first time I felt as if were holding back. A journal is supposed to be your safe place. It is supposed to be your unfiltered place. I come from a religious family and I have always felt the eyes of God were always watching every single thing I did and said. There is no privacy with God so to speak. Not even when I am writing in “my” journal? Why not? Why can’t I have a safe place in my journal, with a trusted friend or therapist? Religion will say, God is your trusted journal, friend, therapist. I would say, as I have learned, “God gives us spaces and places to be real and raw with Him/Her respectfully and then there are spaces and places and people we can say or write exactly how we feel or say what we think.”

God is progressive, forward thinking. God in parent form knows when to give “space” and you should not feel restricted writing your thoughts and emotions or expressing them to a therapist or trusted friend. It is part of processing thoughts and emotions. I loathe feeling restricted when I journal or need to express to a friend, nonjudgmental, about how I feel! I do know, and you should know, not everyone can handle your emotions, words, thoughts. And yes, there are times when you should just write it, burn it, or destroy it. I have had to tell myself, “This is MY journal. God is not spying on me, judging me, for MY thoughts or emotions in this setting. THIS, this journal is one of MY safe spaces.

~Nikki