Discoveries from “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016



I needed to be born again as the girl I was before so much information was downloaded into my being by life, relationships, parents, teachers, preachers, trauma, drama and experiences. True, much of that “made” me who I am today, but I also loss some of the good parts of me. To be honest, some of the very good parts of me. Some of those things have held me back, kept me in bad relationships, made me “bitter” for a time, made me mean, judgemental, and worst of all some of those things made me silent and stifled my creativity. Really, my creativity dwindled down to zilch. And guess what…CREATIVITY is WHO I AM. (excavated that too).

Close my eyes and take several dips in the waters that can wash away the programming of the world…as many dips as I need. Coming up from those dips with something washed away and with the power and conviction not to be deterred or reformed. I was born a rebel. I had to learn, however, my rebellion was not for “bad” but for “good.” I never wanted to conform to much of anything, but I did by force and choice. I rebelled in other ways.

Here is what was reborn or reinforced (so far):

I am a rebel. -Be the rebel I created you to be and use it for good. If “they” don’t like it don’t take it personal. They are not your people, but they are still my people. Be a rebel with a cause.

I am creative. -I created you creative. Write, draw, paint, design and go for it. Don’t censor it to make others happy. Censor it if you feel it offends me (God) and just know people will tell you that it offended me but really it offended them), but IF you and I have talked about it…keep creating. Sometimes the truth offends and makes others uncomfortable. And sometimes, they simply can’t relate.

I love the sky and the signs in it. -Be interested in the signs and wonders in the sky. Who else creates those “signs” every month and there are seasons to those signs. You know what is and what is not true. There are some anointed in these areas and there are many taught to “taboo” what they don’t know anything about. Don’t worry about it. You’ve been studying the sky since you were a child. Lay down in the grass and dream and talk to me like you use to. Come out to the night sky. Read all you want about zodiac signs, stars, moons, and planets. I don’t have a problem with you doing that. I know you don’t trust horoscopes, but you trust ME. Whatever you feel enhances your experience here…just depend on me and the Holy Spirit for discernment.

I am a free spirit. -I created you a free spirit. Embrace it. You don’t like being confined by rules, theologies, denominations, culture or walls. BUT YOU DO LOVE ORDER. Use wisdom and my guidance of when to sit and when to fly. Stop pushing down what you don’t agree with. Remain respectful. It’s not that you don’t like being told what to do, as they said, you don’t like the suffocating feeling of being “untrue to yourself.”

I like time to myself but I like friends. -Play by yourself until friends show up. You use to do that without any problem.

I trust myself. -Trust yourself again and add what you have learned. Easy.

I am strong. -You were born strong, courageous, and resilient. You all were.

I feel. -Be emotional. Be sensitive. Be proud of it! You are strong enough to FEEL and not pretend you don’t feel. Be honest about your feelings and govern yourself accordingly to move on.



I probably need a few more dips…




Facing Trauma (s)


When bad things happen, what do you do with them? I know we say we get over it but, I am talking about really really bad things such as trauma. Do we really get over it or do we bury it somewhere deep in the psyche (or at least think it’s buried deep enough)? Only to have it resurface in the oddest or “triggering” moments. Has the results manifested into “personalities” we label as “this is just the way I am/always have been” to the mysterious “I don’t know why I do “that.”

We tend to believe, because it’s been said that if you are over it, you don’t talk about it. Well, if you never talked about it in an environment or with a person that can help you, certainly you are nowhere near over it. I don’t necessarily buy if you are over it you stop talking about it or don’t think about it. I think a sure sign that you are over something is when you can address it properly when it does show up. And it takes skills to do such.

I was embarking on a journey to write about how I got over some things but, then I realized in order to address those things, I had to think about other things in my life. The light went off in my head how connected one experience can be to many other experiences. Imagine living a life of multiple traumas…well some of us don’t have to imagine. We did live them and we are still here. I also realize the degree of trauma varies based on the individual. This should be obvious because we all handle things differently in our lives.

Well, when I realized I wasn’t as healed as I thought I was or perhaps, old wounds may not hurt but the memory does, I realized I was going to need support. I hate to say this, as a Christian, sometimes a “talk” with your spiritual leader is not always enough because they are not equipped to help you on the level you need assistance. It is not their area of expertise and if they were honest, they would tell you that and help you get the help you need. I do believe God works through professional counseling just as God works through doctors, teachers, the mechanic, the designers, etc.

I am reminded of the story where the man is drowning and asks for help, and when God sends several boats the man refuses help. Well, sometimes we may take a boat that can only take us so far.Maybe the boat can get us to land but, they can’t take us to the hospital. All I am trying to say is, if you need professional help, to help you face whatever you are going through, take it.