After you have jumped through hoops, served with excellence, bought every expensive gift, never let him see you barefaced and messy hair, dropped everything and everybody every single time to come running to their beckoning call, laid yourself down as a willing sacrifice, be everything they needed you to be, a lover, a secretary, a psychiatrist, a maid, a door mat….and finally! They love you!
But now, that love has appeared you are tired. You just want to be yourself but, noooooooo you’ve got to keep up the charades honey! You’ve got to “Put On the Ritz.” Don’t go a’ changing on them now! Go out there and break a leg! It’s show time! No?
No is right. All kinds of tips on how to make a man fall in love, how to make a woman fall in love, and just be yourself is almost always at the bottom or never on the list. Well, as a great performer once in my life or 100 times, lol, I opted out of the showbiz of “making” him fall in love and just decided to be myself. If a loving, honest, caring, romantic, moody at times, spiritual, etc etc you get the picture, woman is not enough then that is okay. It just means that you are not the one.
I don’t why you go to the fair if you don’t ride the rides and play the games. Well, I go to eat! Okay and play the games. I have never been big on rides but, when you have a daughter who wants to ride you get on a few rides. When she becomes a teen you are so happy to have her thrill seeking friends to come along!
A friend said to me a nutritionist told her you’ll know you are on the right diet/eating the right things if you are not hungry all the time. I was thinking you’ll know you are with the right person if you are not hungry all the time. Hungry for affection, attention, love, appreciation, time, commitment, faithfulness etc. I understand missing a meal from time to time but, if the person is STARVING you…you’re probably at the wrong table.
A single father’s day is different in many ways depending on various things such as the relationship with the child/children, if he is divorced, if he has a good relationship with the mother or not. How would I know? I’m the product of a two parent home, my father was a step father, and I have four brothers whom have been married, still married, and divorced. I have really good male friends who are single fathers . I’ve seen a ray of emotions and drama involving the children. I’ve even seen trauma. I also am a single parent. This is my personal perspective… Do note that.
Some children still love a father that was never there or half way there regardless of how the mother feels and in spite of the poison they’ve injected into the minds of the children. Children still love their father after a divorce. Sometimes it takes a while for them to understand and sometimes it takes until adulthood. Some children never forgive… Even as adults. Children choose to see no wrong as they see their father as a hero regardless. Children can even love a step father as much as their own father, and sometimes more. They can also make up in their minds that they will never love a step father as much as they love their biological father. No matter how good the step father is.
I’ve seen fathers who were absent for years be present in the adulthood of their children. I’ve seen them be better grandparents than fathers. I’ve seen a step father inherit grandchildren from a step daughter and is dearly called grandpa. I’ve seen men mature as fathers and I’ve seen men remain immature. I’ve seen fathers and step fathers get along. Both looking after the best interest of the child. I’ve seen a father go from not speaking to the mother to laughter about the growing up of a child. I’ve seen the struggle of the single father financially, emotionally and mentally.
The advice I seem to give the most to single fathers:
1. It doesn’t matter what she tells your kids about you if you counteract that with SHOWING YOUR CHILDREN LOVE every single chance you get by being there and putting them first. By showing up and spending quality time. It’s not in things, it’s in the quality of your presence. And yes, financial support is important but, if you are not there when you are there it won’t mean a hill of beans. The more they grow they’ll see that what she says and what you DO don’t add up. Point it out if you have to.
2. If you are mean to their mother, they’ll never forget that. Put your feelings aside in the presence of your children and enjoy your time with them.
3. You don’t have to spend spend spend to be loved or to make up for the days you don’t have them or for how the marriage ended/relationship or to sooth any guilt you may have. As a matter of fact you’ll end up being liked or building a superficial love between you and the child based on things.
4. Discipline your children. You’re worried about being the liked parent. The favorite parent. Making up for not being in the home. You’ll be liked but you won’t be respected or taken seriously when the time comes. You’ll be sorry then.
Hang in there single dads.