Tag: single parents

My Top 12 Lessons of 2022 Lesson #4 “Parenting Ain’t Easy but, Somebody’s Gotta Do It”

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Photo by Nikki’s Confetti Life 2022

You’d be surprised how many parents are trying to parent a 12-year-old as if they were parenting a 3-year-old. It’s because we get stuck thinking in the traditional role of parenting. We parent as our parents parented without questioning what worked and what didn’t work. It’s because we get stuck in cultural parenting. We do not explore or welcome any new information. We also don’t listen to our intuition, spirit, or Holy Spirit. We don’t take sound advice. Most parents are just now realizing that no two or three children are the same and you have to parent them in different ways at different times. Yep. Parenting is hard.

I now have a young adult. This year I discovered I needed to step into my new role which comes with many hats. Those hats are Guide, Confidant, Spiritual Teacher, Supporter, Friend with Boundaries like Doctors with Borders 😀 and yet I am still MOM.

I also learned from my dad, “Okay. I am praying for you.” If you are a parent, check this one out https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2022/11/06/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-okay-im-praying-for-you/ It is wisdom you can take with you.

This leg of parenting was part of my evolution. It took some HUGE adjustments like letting go of control. Yes. We want to control our children out of fear and out of wanting the best for them. We want to protect them from everything. With all of the control in the world, our parents could not shield us from failure, mistakes, heartaches, and heartbreaks. They could not keep us from the ugliness of prejudice and racism. They could not keep us from finding out some things the hard way. It is scary. It is tough. It can be rough parenting and navigating the unknown. We still have the “unknown” in our own lives. The unknown of what the future holds. This is why we must stay in the NOW as parents as much as possible. We shape and mold in a different way at different stages of their lives and I am certain that after all of this “young adult stuff” is over with it will be up to her, God, and life to continue to shape and mold with me adding my two million (as oppose to two cents) of bought lessons and wisdoms.

~Nikki

You’ve Been Played. Or Have You?

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized, Woman Power Up

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This year I got played. Fooled. Bamboozled. Played. As smart as I am, as careful as I am, it happened. I think the worse thing you can do when it comes to matters of the heart is lie to a person. But let’s face it, it happens to the best of us. I sit back and I reflect on how things unfolded. I looked at my role: Trying to give chances where I should have CUT ALL TIES. Ignoring my own intuition, gut, Holy Spirit. But, to my credit, I took my Loss, turned it into a Lesson by finally CUTTING ALL TIES and bounced back. After all, you haven’t learned anything if you remain in a situation with all of the evidence and facts. I’d question YOU (and what it is in you that makes you think you deserve that type of treatment) at that point and not the behavior of the perpetrator.

So, I was thinking about the thought “Nicole, you got played” and how attached to that statement, true or false, are feelings of shame, stupidity, and inadequacies. The WHY ME and WHOA IS ME sagas. After all, I was familiar with those thoughts and feelings. It’s a stagnant lake of negativity that has a stench of reality and self pity. Just when I was about to dive in, Spirit kicked in. “No. They played themselves.” Oh? How so?

Think about it. What did I lose? Several months out of my life. Wasted time. Yes, that’s pretty bad in my mind because I cannot STAND to have my time wasted. Why did I try, why did I hope, why did I believe? I did it because I believed in love. I took a chance and a gamble and I lost time in the form of months. What’s my karma for that? Nothing bad or negative. I sowed hope, love, faith, trust, forgiveness and while I didn’t reap it in that relationship, surely I can reap it in another or blessings. (I mean that is a blessing to get the love you give).

How did they play themselves? What did they lose? They lost the opportunity to love, to trust, to build, to grow, to be blessed. Hell, they lost me. They lost a gem. But, I was never theirs and they were never mine. They can miss what they could have had, but I can’t miss what I never had. It wasn’t real anyway. What’s the karma for playing with a person’s heart? I can’t answer that specifically because that’s none of my business. That’s between them, God, and the Universe.

So, my loves, you haven’t been played, so to speak. The other party has played themselves. You’ve got a whole lot of goodness coming your way. Believe it.

~Nikki

I like goodness. 🙂 The majesty of it all!

Relationship Confetti: And Now We’ve Got Bad Blood…

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized

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I know it’s Friday and I am suppose to be TGIF and believe me I am! Let me get this in before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. Let me be honest. I made a mistake. I jumped the gun. I thought I had something perfect for me, BUT I WAS WRONG! And by perfect I mean mature. I have done the work on myself and continue to work on myself to be the best woman I can be on all fronts. Granted, I am not batting a thousand, but I am damn sure am not batting 200. It’s hard working tearing down strongholds, tapping into your authentic self, coming into realizations about yourself and others, and taking actions to CHANGE. When you find yourself in a relationship that pulls you back into old ways and old habits it’s time to let it go.

Some people are not going to change anytime soon and you have to ask yourself if you have the time wait for them to change. You also have to consider these aren’t small changes, but major changes. Also, what’s your age. I am 44! They could change in a year if they do the hard work or it can take 10 years! The risk is you don’t know and if they aren’t improving now…well. Not only is this about change, this is about maturity levels when it comes to disagreements, money matters, and time management. If we both like being late for work, like wasting money, like wasting food, and don’t care about our health or our spirituality, then WONDERFUL! But if one us cares about all of those things with great passion and the other don’t, then those opposites attract DEMONS and a hellish environment.

And now we have bad blood. Do you know how to get rid of bad blood? You have a blood transfusion. You transfer this bad energy out of your space and bring in positive energy.

I have said this time and time before, I will choose peace of mind over everything.

~NIKKI

 

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Relationship Confetti: It Will Be Easy, I Thought

Relationship Energy, Uncategorized

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Let me guess. You’re a woman that has been single for a while and all this time you have been diligently working on yourself. You finally find a guy or the guy finally finds you and surprisingly you two are compatible. However, as time seems to go one you realize several things about him that you don’t particularly care for and some of them may be major (and perhaps he has done the same). However, you carefully decide if you want to “deal” with them and see if you two can work out the kinks. Great.

But, in the process you began to realize that with all the work you have done on yourself, some of the old you is still there. Triggers. Also, you now see that you have work to do on yourself as well. Two things will keep sink or float a relationship like this: A person that is not willing to work together to improve the relationship and a person you are so unequally (yoked) out of balanced with it would be better to preserve the woman you have become than to deal with the turmoil ahead. This person has not even began to THINK about doing the work on themselves, growing, or changing. Depending on your age and tolerance, dealing with a person like that can bring you down.

I thought I would meet someone on my level in EVERY way. I thought it would be easy. I am learning that even if you are compatible 90% the 10%, if major can keep you out of harmony. I am learning that I share some of the 10%. (Or whatever percentage it may be. I am just throwing out numbers.) I don’t know if it’s going to last, but I intend to do the work to find out. We often see these “power” couples and think they are so happy. We often see these Facebook couples and they are only posting the good and not the bad (I mean it’s their business and we would probably have something to say about that, too). In the meantime, I will keep praying my way through like I have been doing and letting things unfold naturally.

~Nikki

Mother’s Day: Fish & Bones

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized, Woman Power Up

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There is this saying: You have to learn to eat the fish and spit out the bones. It’s a secret to some and obvious to my bloggers, that my relationship with my mother can be described as turbulent. I am not ashamed of this. Many mother and daughter relationships are at it’s best, “complicated” and I speak on behalf of some of those women. Here is the post I posted on Mother’s Day about my mom and photos from my day as a mother.

My mom and I are like oil and water sometimes. Some say it’s because we are alike and some say it’s because we are different. At the end of the day we love each other. I get my strong value for family from my mom. I get my strong work ethic from my mom. I get my cooking skills, my creativity, my fashion sense & need to have a lovely home from my mom. The idea of the finer things in life yet making the most of your lot in life. I am a giver and will try to help everybody and will feed everybody. I get that from My mom. My mom has her own big personality and it gives us many laughs. My mom is the best because she’s going to put family first and she’s going to protect it. She’s going to come through and this is why we come through for her. I love it when I make her laugh and she says “Nicole, You’re so crazy.” That’s us. That’s family. That’s love.

 

Autumn. One of My Favorite Seasons.

FROM MY SPIRIT, Memphis, Uncategorized

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Photo does not belong to me. 

Fall is like the Yield Sign of the four seasons. It’s not a complete halt or a green light. It’s the slow down, take it easy, let it go season. It’s the season of putting things away from spring and summer and pulling things out for it and winter. It’s the season of turning and falling leaves. It’s cool mornings, warm in the day, and chilly nights. It’s just right for fire pits and bonfires. It’s time for apples, cinnamon, pumpkin spice and vanilla. It’s another reason to have an extra cup of coffee, hot cocoa with marshmallows or tea. It’s time to make soups and hearty stews. Yes, grab the flannel blankets, take off your boots and hang your scarves, wraps, hats, and sweaters.

Decorating the home with fall décor and making it feel warm and cozy. We watch more movies I think in the fall. I love Holiday movies. I like to gather together with friends and family

 

Even though fall maybe be harder on me as far as Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease and Fibromyalgia because of the fluctuating temperatures, I still love it just as much as I still like the rain and stormy nights.

It’s also a great time for watching the sky for full or new moons, planets, and stars. There is nothing like a clear fall night with just the right amount of chill for a glass of wine, apple cider, or a mule cocktail.

What’s your favorite time of the year?

~Nikki

Single Life Confetti: Dear Journal

Relationship Energy, Uncategorized

Dear Journal,

What the hell was I thinking going out there in the cesspool of the dating pool? AGAIN. I can’t swim. I should have just stayed on the edge of the pool dangling my feet in the water and heck, even they can be bait for sharks! Exhale.

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Where is my towel? I dry myself off from inconsistency, a pattern of disappearing on the weekends, excuses, and an emotional attachment to an ex. Yuck! I need a shower. “Someone call a bus!” (Random. I’ve been watching a Blue Bloods marathon 😀 )

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When you have been dating as long as I have you either are going to cycle in the same mistakes or mature and spiral up and out. You are either going to recognize what’s going on and ignore it or find power in the choice to see it and leave it. Yes. Have patience and “see” and then once you see it, believe it, and leave it. Now, back to my shower. I need to shower in silence and distance. I need to cleanse my psyche of that person being a possibility for now or forever. It just depends. I am open, but I don’t stay open to foolishness or a person that is not ready for dating seriously. And that does not make them a bad person (well the one that is not ready and has issues to resolve), it just makes them not a good match for me. It doesn’t make me perfect and without issues, it just makes me unwilling to put myself through the drama and trauma. Let’s face it. I’ve had enough at 43. I should know what I can handle and what I can’t.

Thanks Journal. You always listen without judging me!

~Nikki

The Single Confetti Life Continues

 

 

 

 

Parenting Confetti: Today She Turns 17

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized

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Today my daughter turns 17. 17! I remember the day and the days ahead were filled with concern as to how I would survive this world with a child and as a single parent. I look at her and think, “Wow. You’re actually okay. I am doing pretty good as a parent. Somehow. It’s a miracle!” Somehow by the grace of God, the foundation of firm principles laid by my parents, wisdom I ask for almost daily, and through trial, error, and experience she’s a pretty good young lady. There is no perfect parenting because there is no perfect parent. However, I try to make sure I am doing the best I can.

I take an active approach to improving not only myself as a person but, myself as a parent. Am I being the best parent I can be? What can I learn to help me? What can do differently? Did I say I was sorry? Did I say I was wrong? I read. I pray about it, too and ask for guidance. I approach every year by trying to remember what it was like to be 17. I read any article about being 17. I stay up on trends and current issues. I like to be “in the know” about what she knows. And I do my best to guide this leg of her journey. However, I have started to prepare myself for letting go and being more of the guide and not the driver. I think I may have started her first year in high school more so than middle school. (It’s never going to be easy no matter how much you prepare! And you’re never going to really let go!)

Some parents seem to believe that when their children turn 18 they are an adult and you let them go. You turn them loose. You let them do whatever they want to do.  You are done. I beg to differ. They need you all the more in their young adulthood but, in a different capacity. Whether they listen or not, is totally up to them. Hopefully, we have established a good enough relationship, and I believe we have, that we can at least have the conversations needed in certain times. She’s pretty honest about how she feels. I asked her how does she feel being 17. Nervous? Getting close to being independent? She said yes. I told her she will be fine. I would be there to help. To push. To prod. To fuss. 🙂 To teach. To learn with her. Things have changed. We have to adjust as parents and we have to know when to hold to certain principles, values, and morals. I am thinking person. Analytical, logical, and emotional. (Ha!). And because we have to do so much as a parent other than clothe, feed, and shelter, this is why it’s impossible to get everything right.

Cheers to 17! Here are a few articles I have read

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/parenting-without-power-struggles/201211/my-17-year-old-daughter-is-drifting-away

https://www.verywellfamily.com/your-complete-guide-to-parenting-a-17-year-old-2608693

https://www.verywellfamily.com/behavior-and-daily-routines-17-year-old-teen-2608692

 

~Nikki