I know it’s Friday and I am suppose to be TGIF and believe me I am! Let me get this in before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. Let me be honest. I made a mistake. I jumped the gun. I thought I had something perfect for me, BUT I WAS WRONG! And by perfect I mean mature. I have done the work on myself and continue to work on myself to be the best woman I can be on all fronts. Granted, I am not batting a thousand, but I am damn sure am not batting 200. It’s hard working tearing down strongholds, tapping into your authentic self, coming into realizations about yourself and others, and taking actions to CHANGE. When you find yourself in a relationship that pulls you back into old ways and old habits it’s time to let it go.
Some people are not going to change anytime soon and you have to ask yourself if you have the time wait for them to change. You also have to consider these aren’t small changes, but major changes. Also, what’s your age. I am 44! They could change in a year if they do the hard work or it can take 10 years! The risk is you don’t know and if they aren’t improving now…well. Not only is this about change, this is about maturity levels when it comes to disagreements, money matters, and time management. If we both like being late for work, like wasting money, like wasting food, and don’t care about our health or our spirituality, then WONDERFUL! But if one us cares about all of those things with great passion and the other don’t, then those opposites attract DEMONS and a hellish environment.
And now we have bad blood. Do you know how to get rid of bad blood? You have a blood transfusion. You transfer this bad energy out of your space and bring in positive energy.
I have said this time and time before, I will choose peace of mind over everything.
I had the displeasure of meeting a person last night and the hostility in the air was so foul we chose to leave rather than to stay and be TOLERATED. I was glad the choice was made because you could choke off the energy in the air. I am really proud of myself and how I am handling the aftermath of the situation. I was prepared because I realize the opposition I am facing being the NEW as the OLD fades to black. I realize it’s a ride to paradise, but not without turbulence! So, had some helluva turbulence last night. Still headed towards my destination.
One thing I have learned in life is to go where you are CELEBRATED and not where you are tolerated. The quote by Maya Angelou above also popped into my mind. It’s funny when you are experiencing a quote, wisdom, or the truth in real time. I won’t forget how I was made to feel. REJECTED. It’s not the first time and even though it’s a negative feeling I also know that I am ACCEPTED by so many others. Why let the negative ride? I won’t. I came home, poured my water, hugged my friend, and lit the Gardenia scented candle that reminds of my “Big Mama” and my childhood. It reminds me that I am well loved, I am beloved, I am accepted by those that matter.
Awhile: Sure I went to Paris and I have boatloads of photos to share! But, I have been going through some things, you know life stuff (matters of the heart) and I have not “made” time to write.
Here’s the whirlwind, I took a huge risk in the relationship department. HUGE. GIGANTIC. UNCONVENTIONAL. NONTRADITIONAL. Walking on a tightrope over the Seine river with no safety net and I don’t know how to swim. I don’t wish I could say more because when you’re not sure what the hell is going to happen you keep your mouth closed and keep praying.
IF this is the real deal, I can tell you that it’s not wrapped neatly in the pretty paper from Tiffany’s I thought it would be wrapped in. IF it’s not the real deal, HELL of a lot HEALING will be going on.
Don’t try to buy everyone a gift and don’t expect a gift from everyone. ~Nikki
As I muddle through life and navigate this single life aspect, I often forget about some of the fears that once tormented me in relationships. Well, I think this may happen to those of us who have been single for a while. It may also be the reason while some can’t find a mate and the same reasons some don’t want to be in a relationship ever again.
As I drifted in and out of sleep last night, a funny thing happened. I started to think about after the dating phase and the possibility of a relationship, the things I may have to deal with again. What if the guy is a flirt or has numerous female friends and associates? I thought to myself, “Nah, I don’t want to do that again.” Shutters. I think of the drama and trauma and accusations that circle around “What’s the problem with him having so many female friends or being a flirt?” “Are you insecure? You must be.” Well, I have dealt with all of the reasons I feel the way I feel about dating a big flirt and a man that has a boatload of women as associates. I can sum it up as saying, it’s not my cup of tea. After years of dealing and healing with the underline causes, and some of it is common sense and personal preferences, it came up last night. I thought I was done being concerned with that.
Well, the more I mulled it over in the day time, I realized, there is nothing to be concerned about because I don’t have to accept a big flirt or a guy with numerous women as friends and associates with behavior that makes me uncomfortable. Right. I have a choice. And one reason I remain single is because I know what things I can deal with and what things I cannot. I can no longer be coaxed, manipulated, talked into things I know just don’t work for me. And after all, is this not what the dating phase should reveal? And it shouldn’t take long into the relationship to discover if you’ve been bamboozled. No, not at my age. False alarm. I was worried about nothing.
I think it’s normal to have these things, whatever your things are, to come up from time to time when considering getting into the dating game. I think it’s important to be rational and to address any issues you may not have fully dealt with or just the ones that resurface.
There are just somethings in this life you have to take by the horns and fix it yourself. I waited until the last minute to resolve an issue. I sought wise counsel and I got great, but mixed advice. I thought I saw the right thing to do or was it that I saw what I wanted to see? I thought I felt the right thing to do, but it was too hard to do. I was vexed in my spirit for two weeks! I knew all along what had to be done. I only wish I would have done it sooner.
The lessons and reminders for me are:
- Leadership requires making hard decisions sometimes
- This wasn’t a Fix it Jesus moment. This was a moment of growth in my journey. It was very uncomfortable. I had to work through that emotionally and I am still working through that.
- Vibes and energy are important. If you don’t feel it or them, if they do not feel you, just don’t mix it with business or pleasure. People are responsible for the energy they bring to you and you are responsible for yours. You can put out good energy and they can still bring their weird or bad vibes. What are you going to do?
- If you are in business, you should bring good energy and vibes. You are providing a service, but people are paying you for it. Why would you bring bad juju? 😀
- You are not asking for a favor, you are acquiring a service. (wise counsel)
- Keep it short, don’t go into detail if you feel they won’t be receptive anyway, and keep it professional. (wise counsel)
- They told you how they felt about you through actions and attitude. It’s okay to do what you need to do. (God, Holy Spirit)
- This helped to decipher if I were being sensitive or if this was my GUT speaking. Hence, feeling vexed versus hurt feelings. My gut was practically screaming!
- You know what energy you want to bring to an event. You know your audience. Trust yourself to cut what doesn’t flow.
“I love to argue. I like getting a rise out of people.”
“I like to argue because it makes me feel like he or she loves me.”
“I like to argue because it’s passionate and it means they must really love me.”
“I like to argue and I get upset if my lover does not argue back.”
“I start arguments just to break up and make up.”
I’ve heard these things and more. I am always baffled by a person that likes to argue and even more baffled when they describe this in a relationship as “passion and love.” I have heard it so much over the years I ask myself from time to time, “Am I crazy? Is not arguing all the time, over any and everything not dysfunctional? Is there not something wrong with equivalating negative energy with passion and love?” I always thought people that like to argue are just miserable people.
In another scope of this crazy idea (well, crazy to me) is that constant arguing is a normal thing. I guess if you grew up in a house where arguing or creating division among family members was normal, either you do this or you do the complete opposite. Perhaps, it was or is a learned behavior in relationships.
I don’t like to argue. Some associate that with weakness. They associate a loud mouth or constant bickering as strength and power. Maybe, they think I don’t love them or lack passion. I won’t love you very long if you enjoy arguing I can tell you that. I won’t want to be around you much either if you argue every time we are together. Here is why:
- I grew up in a house where there was constant complaining/nagging
- I grew up where arguments in my younger years were traumatic for me (maybe not so much for my other siblings). IT CREATES MAJOR ANXIETY FOR ME to be in a room or near people arguing and yelling.
- It zaps my energy to argue. Especially, over small things.
- My temper is better than it use to be, but when you start insulting my intelligence or calling me out of my name I have a tendency to 10 up you and then I’ll be accused of going overboard.
- Arguing in general brings about a bad energy, it takes me forever to calm down.
- Arguing every day would wear me out. I wouldn’t be passionate about seeing you every day and I would not be in love with you long if all I did was see negative vibes coming when I saw you. You’d look better leaving than you do coming.
- It would get old quick in relationships and friendships if every time I had an opinion, made a statement, you would want to question it, debate it, create an unnecessary heated, inflammatory argument so that you could prove our friendship is solid or our relationship can stand the great debate of the left or right TWIX. BULL…
These are just a few reasons as to why I don’t like to argue. Do couples, family, friends, argue? Yes. Does it need to be every time we get together, or every other day? Over any and every thing? I don’t think so. You can call it weak or sensitive. I’m going to call it sanity. I’m for a discussion or a healthy debate, I am not for contention and contempt.
~Nikki, It is Well Within Me-The 43 Journey