Tag: Living with RA

RA BLOG WEEK DAY 3: PARTNERS

RAFibroOAEtc., Uncategorized

Partners  – Where would we be without our partners? They are often not just partners but caregivers. Tell your partner’s story. And if you do not have a partner what will your ideal partner be like, or do you even want one?

Partners. Well, from what I have seen in my lifetime and heard, it is very important if you are going to have a significant other or spouse, it certainly makes a major impact on your quality of life if you have a good person that is will to be by your side. Sickness, temporary or permanent will surely bring out the worse in some and I have seen divorces and just mean treatment. With those things in mind, I have decided to choose carefully because I know RA is not going anywhere and I would rather be with one that is compassionate and patient. These are just two of the qualities along with others I look for in a person.

As RA resurfaced in my life five years ago, I was devastated and really down about the possibility of being in a relationship decrease all the more. I believe quite a few singles who have RA or any other disease feels this way. I didn’t want to tell anyone I dated I had RA. I had to figure out if you should say it sooner rather than later. I figured it was best to say something depending on if the getting to know each other phase was going well. If not, then it was no need to go into detail. And also, details needed to come in phases, as necessary, and in small doses. They don’t need to know everything in an hour. That is overwhelming! Here a little there a little.

Yes, I want a relationship and then marriage. But, I do not want someone that will add tremendous stress to my life.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing:God & Anxiety

FROM MY SPIRIT, RAFibroOAEtc., Uncategorized

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I didn’t see in the Bible where worry, anxiety, having cares is listed as a sin. I don’t know if in your religion, if it differs from mines, if it is listed as a sin or not. I do know in most Christian cultures, or so I have heard it preached it is a sin to worry. You know “You are doubting God if you worry because you don’t believe he can do xyz or you don’t trust god enough this is why it’s a sin to worry.” So on top of your worry/anxiety/depression you are now doubting God and you have trust issues. Great. That helps. However, I don’t see it or it doesn’t read to me as a sin but, it does register to me as not a good thing.

This morning I didn’t go to church as last night I began to feel anxious about going to church. I have not quite figured out where the root of those thoughts or even began to process those thoughts. This morning I simply asked God a loaded question/statement, an offering of thoughts so to speak: “Is being anxious a sin? If so, I certainly don’t see scripture list it as a sin and what about those who suffer from anxiety? I do see plenty of scripture on how to deal with anxiety. I see some don’t worry and don’t be anxious is that a command or is that comfort? Even when I see “be anxious for nothing” or “do not worry” it still doesn’t say it’s a sin. Because in the mind of an anxious person they have to feel more guilt about now sinning. Has the church ever thought about that? I guess not because many don’t acknowledge anxiety or depression as a real illness. Everything not understood or involving science can possibly be evil.” Whew.

Did I get an answer? Yes. It is not a sin to worry. It is not a sin to be anxious. It is not a sin to be depressed. BUT, it is not good because it can lead to what one may call sin but not only that, it can lead to bigger issues: mentally, emotionally, physically, even death i.e heart attacks and strokes, cancers and illnesses/dis-eases.  It can affect friendships and relationships. It can affect your job and hinder your progress. Impede your destiny. Even parenting! Etc. (yes, I believe the mind is connected to emotions, connected to the body).

Gee whiz God! I am just glad it’s not a sin so I don’t have to feel guilty. That is enough right there to set some free and allow them to get help. I was recently told by my doctor it seems as if I am experiencing some anxiety, possibly anxiety and panic attacks. I had no idea what was going on. So I am new to it all and as always I am a seeker of knowledge to gain an understanding.

There wouldn’t be so many scriptures combating worry/anxiety or depression if God didn’t know we were all different and some of us would experience these things in life. I also said to God this morning “How can I cast my cares if I don’t know what my cares are?” You see, anxiety or depression may not always have a source at the moment. It may not always have a reason you can put your finger on right away. God’s answer to me was “You don’t need to know because I already know.” And that, eased my mind.

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This is my blog. These are my thoughts. You have a blog. You express your thoughts. Thank You. Love you.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Don’t Crowd Fund Your Self Esteem

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized
Cup of coffee and clementines
Cup of coffee and clementines. Photo by Natalia van Doninck on Getty Images

It’s not possible you would know everyone who walks along a crowded street or those standing with you at a concert. Crowd funding consists of strangers and a few people you know contributing to your cause or project. It’s not likely those people know you from the eyes of a good friend or the perspective of a wonderful family member. So, in this life why do we seem to crowd fund our self-esteem? I know I am guilty of this from time to time but, oh I remember the days where I relied heavily on the opinions of others and even sought-after validation. Thank God! Thank God because I did the hard work and made it through the mistakes to get to this point to talk to you, unashamed, about crowd funding your self-esteem.

What people don’t understand about those who struggle with self-esteem issues is it didn’t start yesterday. They also don’t understand the complex journey it takes to go back in your life and discover where the seeds were planted and the hard work it takes to cut the roots of low self-esteem. Crowd funding your self-esteem is when you rely on the contributions of others’ opinions to fund how you feel about yourself. You should cancel this fund raiser (thought) each time it pops in your mind. I could go through a bunch of steps on how to do this but there is this one saying that sums it up and you could tape it to your forehead or mirror. Whichever is more fashionable for you!

The quote is: Comparison is the thief of joy-Theodore Roosevelt

Why are you sad now? Why are you feeling defeated now? Why are you feeling bad about yourself now? You just compared your progress, success, where you are, to someone else’s progress, success, how farther they are in life than you are and now your joy has been stolen by comparison. Stop that. Learn to admire others and set your OWN goals. If June buys a million-dollar home don’t try to buy a million-dollar home simply to measure your success by June’s. Look at your bank account, do the math, and buy what you can afford. If Courtney just ran her first marathon and you just made it running a mile, how UNFAIR is that to compare yourself? Your diligence and her diligence are simply diligence. I tell you “a truth” as Jesus said in the Bible when he was about to introduce a new concept: If you learn to CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES AS WELL AS OTHERS you wouldn’t need to crowd fund your self-esteem.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Instead, celebrate yourself and others.

~Nikki

Pain and Potato Chips

RAFibroOAEtc., Uncategorized

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If you suffer from chronic pain such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus or any of the likes you know what it’s like to be in some sort of constant discomfort whether it’s on a scale of 10 during flares or that annoying low grade pain that eventually wears you down. Many of us have weight issues before we ever have the diagnosis or you gain as soon as you are put on the medication. It makes losing weight a challenge to say the least and then to add insult to injury the connection between pain and eating.

I understand emotional eating but, tack on a physical pain and you are certain to go off the radar into the black hole of weight gain. I find myself mindlessly snacking or over indulging during low to mid grade pain that is working my nerves literally and figurative. The stabbing pain of fibromyalgia and the joint pain of rheumatoid is taken down a notch by medication or pain meds but, many times it doesn’t go away. I rarely mindlessly snack or overindulge during big flares. I can’t. But maybe some of you do.

I have decided to make sure I prepare by purchasing some healthy snack alternatives to have on hand so I can get some nutritional value during those times. I also will try to turn my attention to something other than the TV because that can lead to more snacking. Share your tips and ideas if you don’t mind or maybe some of your favorite healthy but tasty snacks or some of your hobbies to get your mind off your pain and food. Perhaps we can help each other out. Many times when you have pain you don’t want to do anything too strenuous but snacking all day and overindulging is not helping us at all.

~Nikki

Kanye-ing Anxiety

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized

 

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There are  times in life when we will face some really difficult situations which can cause us to “worry” or to become “concerned” about the outcome. Anxiety is a perpetual worry and concern. It can come like a flood seemingly out of nowhere or it can come immediately when something foreseen or not begins to manifest right before our eyes. And many times  it may never manifest or at least not to the full degree we allow ourselves to imagine. It is when our active imagination takes us out in the deep where we lose sight of the shore of hope and faith. We are no longer anchored to the shore. We are floating out on a sea of shaky thoughts. We become “see” sick by the things we imagine will happen.

I ran across this quote and I had this thought: “Oh, it’s like Kanye-ing thoughts which create anxiety.” Imagine anxiety with a mic and you run up on stage and say “Look, I’m not going to give the mic back. However, I would like to thank the Creator for all that I have. I am grateful for life. I am thankful for the breath I breathe. I am thankful for the clothes and shoes I have. I am happy I can see, walk, talk and taste the food I have. I am so very grateful for the lessons I am learning….”  You know blah blah blah good stuff until Anxiety walks off the stage and has a seat.

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In many cases it’s rude to interrupt but, it’s perfectly fine to interrupt negative thoughts and “what ifs” that create and build up negative emotions that send you into anxiety rap battles also know as anxiety attacks. I remember reading a book by Inyanla Vanzant that stated “If you are going to play the “what if” game, play the other side.” In other words, what about “what if” it doesn’t happen? Instead, use your imagination to create solutions and calm. Also, if you play the what if game, then ask yourself what can I do if that does happen. I know it’s not easy. I know from experience. However, it’s worth cutting off negative thoughts or anxiety and filling your mind with gratitude instead.

~Nikki

The Mental Whip of Fibromyalgia

RAFibroOAEtc., Uncategorized

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As I type this there is a shooting pain in my fingers. It was pain in my face and well as you may know, fibromyalgia pain can move around your body fast and sharp like lightening. I have swelling and I am tired. I don’t want to talk. However, it’s not easy to do when you have to be a parent and you must put on your parent face. Even if that face feels like it’s being electrocuted.

I am not surprised there is a link to chronic pain/illnesses and depression. The way the two chronic pain twins I have, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia wrecks havoc on my body, I can tell you it can be more than a battle. It can be a war.

Today I have experienced little sharp pains on and off. I did not rest well last night because of carpal tunnel in both of my hands and forearms. So, I am very tired. Later, this evening the sharp pains began to move around and intensify. Again, on and off. Add stress from an event today and my mind is on a roller coaster of I can handle it on the way up and I can’t take this @#$%! on the way down. I’m angry. I ‘m sad. I am hurting. My skin feels like something is crawling on it and it’s itchy at times. This is so annoying and it drives you nuts.

The mental whip of chronic pain is one with sharp objects attached to it. It rips away at your soul as it pulls out and damages your psyche as it comes back in for more. The thoughts to stay strong, when you really want to crash and burn, and sometimes, many times you do, is war. Your body and your mind, and your spirit is taking a beating.

I will pray for us tonight.

~Nikki

 

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Rise Up Again

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized

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You have the courage and the strength to rise up again. Again means you have done it before and  if you have done it before you can do it again. I know. it’s never been this devastating. I know, it’s never been this dark. I know it’s never been this hard. Still, you have it in you to rise once more and again if you have to. And when you rise, pray.

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And when you rise up, TAKE courage. Sometimes you have to TAKE courage and do what needs to be done.

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Rise up.

~Nikki

 

 

Cooking w/Chronic Illnesses? Yeah. Right.

RAFibroOAEtc., Uncategorized

 

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Some of us loved to cook before Chronic Illnesses invaded our lives. Before fatigue, pain, damaged nerves, etc we didn’t mind getting in the kitchen and whipping up a feast or our favorite meals. In many forums I’ve seen some give up by force and some by choice. And that’s okay. Then there are those like me, stubborn and not willing to give up completely. I’ll go down in this ship and they will have to pry that spatula from my rheumatoid arthritic hand.

I’ve been known to be a bit hard headed. I’ve been known to spontaneously decide to do zumba when I’m not suppose to because it’s high impact and then pay the cost later. Usually, friends asking, was it worth the pain? Was it worth the flare? The correct answer is no. But I do feel some sort of satisfaction for doing something RA/RD took away from me. I’m sure I’ll stop that madness soon… Especially after that recent big flare and fatigue.

But cooking, especially when you have a family is not so easy to give up. Plus, I don’t have the money for a personal chef and my daughter is just now old enough to be trusted in the kitchen (thank God). However, when she wasn’t I had to cook. But I’m teaching her and it’s helping out more and more. I’ve scheduled her days and my days. I love cooking and having family/friends over and while I won’t give it up, I must make the necessary adjustments and take calculated risks at best. I really can’t do big feasts and extravagant meals like I did in the past but I can find new ways and new meals. I can adapt old recipes and plan meals out. I can. I will. Until I can’t.

Today, I’ll share a tool I love. The wok. Stir fry. Quick. Easy. And if you are worried about chopping vegetables don’t. Buy them at your local grocery in the frozen section. Also, I learned with Rheumatoid in my hands not to use so much force in stirring and to keep the wrist straight, using swift gentle motions. I’ve even used the wok with my compression gloves on. Also, investing in a chopper or processer is the best thing you can do.

Speaking of chopping and slicing vegetables, it’s difficult to slice and chop hard, thick, dense vegetables such as potatoes. Get someone else to do it if you can. Get a slicer. I didn’t mind slicing and dicing before. You know, it’s the touching and creating, the work of the art of cooking. I do sometimes still cut, slice, chop, easy vegetables like: Squash, zucchini, bell pepper, etc. I like fresh vegetables. On a good hand day I’ll cut and freeze them for later. Many times with help from my daughter.

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I hope to bring you more of my mishaps and lessons, simple recipes and meals.

~ Nikki

Confidence Seed. Take Root.

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized

 

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Where there is smoke, there is fire.
Where there is fear, there is a lack of confidence. You’ve got the gift or gifts but, what’s holding you back? Is it the thought that you can’t do it? Maybe you sorta kinda feel that you can but, you just don’t know.

Confidence is more than saying I can do it. Confidence is a strong conviction that you CAN do it. It has to take ROOT in your core being. But how? For those of us that lack self confidence. I’m writing this via the spirit, on the fly, given to me as I type. So, here we go in no order or logic to my knowledge:

Some of us never had confidence so to speak (I believe you are born with it but, many times it needs to be nurtured as a child. Hence, confidence building. Then there are others that just have it). If you were a child brought up in an environment that tore your confidence down daily, you may not have been fortunate enough to have had the mental fortitude to survive that. On the other hand, some of you in that environment held on to that voice on the inside telling you  “you can do it” but, you’re still lacking the confidence. Illnesses, accidents, tragedies, huge setbacks, have a way of merely destroying our confidence. If you allow it and let’s be honest, some of us have allowed it. No guilt.

Confidence comes from knowing that you’re already equip with some knowledge of how to manifest your gift and knowing that whatever you don’t know will come to you via research, another person that has already paved the way, or stumbling upon a method through trial and error. Call it divine intervention or instructions. “Something” told me to…I just so happen to be at…
Confidence is strengthened by trial and error. You gain the “how to” through the “don’t do.”-Nicole Jackson. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes are teachers. Thank the teacher. Accept the answer and move forward.
Confidence is planted by action. You’ve got confidence. You’ve been SAYING IT, THINKING IT but have you been DOING IT? IMAGINE a seed 🌱 in your hand. And you look at it and say “I can plant it. I will plant it. I am planting it.” You lay down and you “think about planting it. See yourself planting it” but you’re still holding the seed in your hand! When you ACTUALLY take  ACTION is when the seed will get planted. The more you do your gift, the more confidence grows and deepens its ROOT in your soul. In your psyche. Doing your gift is the watering, sunlight, weeding.
You want your confidence to take root? Don’t mind the weather. Don’t mind the naysayers and the negative thoughts that come to you discourage you. If you do, you’ll be digging up the confidence seed. Bonus: Confidence also can be planted in any season.
This is all the Holy Spirit gave me and I have shared it with you!

do-your-best

~Nikki

Champion Your Thoughts

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized

 

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Muhammad Ali was a champion in many ways but, what made him a champion in those ways was his ability to champion his thoughts.

As I reflect on my life I look at the ways I use self defeating thoughts verses champion thoughts. Many of us have been preprogrammed with thoughts or conditioned to think certain thoughts through experiences. Either good or negative, we think. If I’m to be honest, my thought process didn’t begin to change until I was 30 (however, I woke up so to speak at 26)  and here we have it 11 years later, finally taking root and blooming.

Champion thoughts requires hard, grueling, relentless and challenging work. Long hours at the spiritual gym within and a spiritual diet fit for a champion. You can’t eat (listen to, digest) anything that’s put on your plate. You will suffer some defeats, barely make rounds, but you will begin to win more than you lose when you learn to never change your champion mentality. But, you need only to adjust your approach, strategy, study your opposition and hit the spiritual gym more. Reflect.

A champion doesn’t become a champion by building the body only. Many men have lost relying on brute force alone. Many have lost the fight in this life with brute force alone. Champion thoughts help you get through the toughest times in your life. I look at Muhammad Ali and even though his body was attacked by Parkinson’s and  it silenced him physically, HE WAS STILL SEEN AS THE CHAMP. Champion thoughts  have no need be verbalized all the time. Champion thoughts don’t care about your pain, wins, losses or draw.  Champion have a need to be lived. May we live out our lives from here on out with champion thoughts. May we not see the world as we have in our twenties but, as the champions we are. Are you not still standing? Raise your arms up high, fist to the sky, Champion.

~Nikki