Do You Want to Get Married?

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Yesterday, a guy asked me if I wanted to get married (not as in a proposal ha!) I said “I don’t know and I know that is strange coming from a woman,but maybe not. Most of the time I do but, today I am not sure.”

I remember when my answer to this question was a certainty. A resounding “Yes!” And then in my late 20’s to my 30’s I think it was more of saying yes to this question, trying to convince myself that I still did want to get married. I mean what woman wouldn’t want to? (You don’t have to answer that because I do know not every woman wants to be married) As I reflected on my answer last night and this morning I logged onto Facebook and began to scroll my timeline. Someone had posted the 8 a.m. service of my church so I clicked the play button.

He talked about remembering, visions, dreams, and revelation. I remembered the dream I had at the beginning of the year where I was attending my niece’s wedding (she is already married), and a very good friend was there whom I trust more than most. Well in this dream my niece had on a lavender robe (her favorite color is purple/lavender) but, everything  involving the wedding was pink. A soft pink. The bridesmaid dresses were pink and I had one on. The flowers were a mixture of pinks. I held up some lingerie which was a gift to her and I said “What are you going to do with this?” And we both laughed and laughed. When I went out to the living area, it was if we were in a suite, my friend was there in a suit. He said “Someday, you are going to make a beautiful bride.” And then I woke up.

I researched the color pink down to the shades. I found that the color I was wearing and that mostly dominated the dream was symbolic of hope. I immediately got the message “Keep hope alive. Never let your hope of being married wither.” You keep hope alive by actively choosing faith. Hope and faith, like many other things are connected in the spiritual realm of this world and our lives. If you lose hope, faith can waver or dissipates over time. If you lose faith, hope wavers or dissipates over time. However you spin it, they belong together.

I accessed my feelings in relation to the question asked. How have you been feeling lately Nikki about relationships and dating? I have been feeling doubtful, frustrated, impatient. This is why I answered, “I don’t know.” My pastor reminded me that vision and dreams are connected and you needed to remember what God, (or your source-that’s me talking to you), has promised you. Also, God will give a revelation, instructions, on how to go about making the dream manifest. You just do as the instructions come or as the instructions say. This could be about anything. For me, at that moment is was about the marriage. It was about me remembering the many dreams I have had about love, relationships, and marriage. It was about connecting my vision of what love looks like and what love means to me, to dreams I’ve been given and following the instructions (like blocking a number of some crazy guy I met) or hearing the voice of the Spirit say “This guy still has feelings for his ex. Keep your heart to yourself.”….so you see, revelation must be followed. Do you want to get married? Yes. Yes I do.

~Nikki

Stop. Breathe. Think.

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Each morning this week, before you walk into work, before you receive your first client, before you decide to talk crazy on social media to somebody, just remember you are not the only one going through some things. Other people that are minding their business are probably going through some things too. So before you spread your bitterness, open your mouth to say something sideways, just think how incredibly strong they must be going through their storm and not making it rain on everyone around them. Blessed are the hurting people who don’t hurt other people.-Nicole Jackson

Talk to me. Not at me. Race Relate.

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I met a lady of a different race and she says to me I have a headband like the one you have on. I love it but it just slides right off. I say when I straighten my hair, it does the same thing. She says to me in a shocking tone “Why would you ever want to straighten your hair? I wish I had hair like African Americans. I would never straighten my hair. I’d do all of that creative stuff you do like twist it, braid it, dread it…all of that!” I laughed and many times I have wished I had hair like yours until I learned to love the hair that grows out of my head. “Absolutely,” she says “There is nothing wrong with your hair. People should just get over it already.” 
Then we started to talk about life and come to find out she always wanted to be a fashion designer too and to be an actress. We talked about how we were discouraged from seeking out those dreams. I encouraged her to try acting and learn to sew. She encouraged me to to do the same and to keep writing and stop being afraid to submit the manuscript. We even talked about loving Memphis and we both said the only thing missing is the beach! We talked about how we have this underground but emerging arts scene. I told her there are auditions all the time in Memphis and gave her the Facebook site for one. You see, God causes the strangest things to happen in the strangest places. She says “We have much in common.” I said “Yes.” 
This reminds of how just last week I sat on a beach in Alabama and instantly bonded with three white women who were sitting next to me. We laughed so much until we were gasping for breath and could hardly get words out. We shared things, bits and pieces of our lives and we could all relate as human beings and women.
These things give me hope as it related to race relations. If we can just forget about what we see and TALK we would find out just how much we are a like and dispel the lies we have been fed by our parents, leaders, media and few bad experiences.
~Nikki

Beach Wisdom Pt 2

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Sometimes the manner in which you arrive to your destination is not a pleasant one. Yet, the desitnation will make the struggle not have that much of an impact on you. You can’t be in awe of beauty and hurt for long. Nature heals. #BeachPleaseWisdom

You shouldn’t have to fight for a peace of mind when you are surrounded by the beauty of nature. If so, check the company in your environment.#BeachPleaseWisdom

When you rise up early in the morning to observe the dawning of a new day, God will speak to you about the troubles on your heart. Meet God in the cool of the day.#BeachPleaseWisdom

The storm was on the left side of the water and clarity was on the other side. Eventually, clear skies pushed the storm along. #BeachPleaseWisdom

Some can be on vacation physically and still be mentally enslaved to chaos, contention, and confusion. #BeachPleaseWisdom

Sometimes we put ourselves in situations that could have been avoided if we would have waited on God. We just couldn’t pass up the opportunity when all along the opportunity was not ours to began with. Let God order your steps. Even if it is a step back or a stand still, or a “not this time.” #BeachPleaseWisdom

©2016

~Nikki

 

 

Facing Trauma (s)

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When bad things happen, what do you do with them? I know we say we get over it but, I am talking about really really bad things such as trauma. Do we really get over it or do we bury it somewhere deep in the psyche (or at least think it’s buried deep enough)? Only to have it resurface in the oddest or “triggering” moments. Has the results manifested into “personalities” we label as “this is just the way I am/always have been” to the mysterious “I don’t know why I do “that.”

We tend to believe, because it’s been said that if you are over it, you don’t talk about it. Well, if you never talked about it in an environment or with a person that can help you, certainly you are nowhere near over it. I don’t necessarily buy if you are over it you stop talking about it or don’t think about it. I think a sure sign that you are over something is when you can address it properly when it does show up. And it takes skills to do such.

I was embarking on a journey to write about how I got over some things but, then I realized in order to address those things, I had to think about other things in my life. The light went off in my head how connected one experience can be to many other experiences. Imagine living a life of multiple traumas…well some of us don’t have to imagine. We did live them and we are still here. I also realize the degree of trauma varies based on the individual. This should be obvious because we all handle things differently in our lives.

Well, when I realized I wasn’t as healed as I thought I was or perhaps, old wounds may not hurt but the memory does, I realized I was going to need support. I hate to say this, as a Christian, sometimes a “talk” with your spiritual leader is not always enough because they are not equipped to help you on the level you need assistance. It is not their area of expertise and if they were honest, they would tell you that and help you get the help you need. I do believe God works through professional counseling just as God works through doctors, teachers, the mechanic, the designers, etc.

I am reminded of the story where the man is drowning and asks for help, and when God sends several boats the man refuses help. Well, sometimes we may take a boat that can only take us so far.Maybe the boat can get us to land but, they can’t take us to the hospital. All I am trying to say is, if you need professional help, to help you face whatever you are going through, take it.

~Nikki

It Will Come to You

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Can’t go backwards? Can’t go forward? Stuck in the middle or paralyzed by fear? Prayer and meditation. One step at a time. Guided footsteps. Flexibility. Be still in mind but active in body(walk, move, music, clean, art, go, etc) and conscious thinking (aware of your thoughts, changing your thoughts, making decisions). The way out will come to you. What to do will come to you. -Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing:God & Anxiety

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I didn’t see in the Bible where worry, anxiety, having cares is listed as a sin. I don’t know if in your religion, if it differs from mines, if it is listed as a sin or not. I do know in most Christian cultures, or so I have heard it preached it is a sin to worry. You know “You are doubting God if you worry because you don’t believe he can do xyz or you don’t trust god enough this is why it’s a sin to worry.” So on top of your worry/anxiety/depression you are now doubting God and you have trust issues. Great. That helps. However, I don’t see it or it doesn’t read to me as a sin but, it does register to me as not a good thing.

This morning I didn’t go to church as last night I began to feel anxious about going to church. I have not quite figured out where the root of those thoughts or even began to process those thoughts. This morning I simply asked God a loaded question/statement, an offering of thoughts so to speak: “Is being anxious a sin? If so, I certainly don’t see scripture list it as a sin and what about those who suffer from anxiety? I do see plenty of scripture on how to deal with anxiety. I see some don’t worry and don’t be anxious is that a command or is that comfort? Even when I see “be anxious for nothing” or “do not worry” it still doesn’t say it’s a sin. Because in the mind of an anxious person they have to feel more guilt about now sinning. Has the church ever thought about that? I guess not because many don’t acknowledge anxiety or depression as a real illness. Everything not understood or involving science can possibly be evil.” Whew.

Did I get an answer? Yes. It is not a sin to worry. It is not a sin to be anxious. It is not a sin to be depressed. BUT, it is not good because it can lead to what one may call sin but not only that, it can lead to bigger issues: mentally, emotionally, physically, even death i.e heart attacks and strokes, cancers and illnesses/dis-eases.  It can affect friendships and relationships. It can affect your job and hinder your progress. Impede your destiny. Even parenting! Etc. (yes, I believe the mind is connected to emotions, connected to the body).

Gee whiz God! I am just glad it’s not a sin so I don’t have to feel guilty. That is enough right there to set some free and allow them to get help. I was recently told by my doctor it seems as if I am experiencing some anxiety, possibly anxiety and panic attacks. I had no idea what was going on. So I am new to it all and as always I am a seeker of knowledge to gain an understanding.

There wouldn’t be so many scriptures combating worry/anxiety or depression if God didn’t know we were all different and some of us would experience these things in life. I also said to God this morning “How can I cast my cares if I don’t know what my cares are?” You see, anxiety or depression may not always have a source at the moment. It may not always have a reason you can put your finger on right away. God’s answer to me was “You don’t need to know because I already know.” And that, eased my mind.

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This is my blog. These are my thoughts. You have a blog. You express your thoughts. Thank You. Love you.

~Nikki

 

Black and White and “Red”On the Inside

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Yesterday morning I was in Nashville, TN with my family. I am usually up before everyone and I went down to the lobby at Homes 2 Suites to watch and read the news and to have my morning cup of Joe (the gourmet coffee there is really good). I sat down on the side where there were people on their laptops and there was a long table with comfy seating. I adjusted the bright orange throw pillow behind my back for because my lower back was aching a little. I wanted to steal a few moments before my niece, nephews and daughter woke up.

About 15 minutes later it began to get busy as people were coming for breakfast but, not much noise just good mornings and nods. A young white couple (whom I soon would learn were from Kentucky), sat down at the other end of the table. When the boyfriend chose the table, she wasn’t sure. I said “It’s okay you two can sit here” as I smiled. I think she was thinking “Hon, there are other tables for two and this woman is probably trying to enjoy some alone time.” We began to chat. The next thing you know we began to laugh at some of the things we were talking about. At one point we both were crying laughing. She talked about a concert they went to and shared videos of the band. Not once did she assume because I was black I wouldn’t be interested. I loved that. All three of us talked about farming and grandparents, places to eat good barbecue, sweet tea (in the south, a restaurant that has good food and sweet tea is alright in our book!), and we talked about strawberry lemonade. We talked about much more but, soon it was time for them to finish packing and head out. We bid farewell and safe travels.

In a matter of minutes is the reminder that we are human beings first. We are sharing this space. We are sharing our lives, experiences, and even memories. We are creating moments. We all have something that can connect us. It’s so superficial to base it all on skin color, culture, and gender.  In relation to God or whomever/whatever you believe (in), what if the one of the biggest challenges is can we coexist? Can we share our table?