In Elementary, Junior High/Middle School, and High School there were times you were included in circles and excluded. You would think there would be no surprise when you find yourself outside of a group of friends or associates. But, sometimes you are indeed a bit surprised.
Before you begin to make assumptions take a look at the circumstances surrounding the situation. Maybe it was talked about and planned when you were not there. Maybe they honestly forgot to mention it to you. Maybe they thought someone else in the group let you know. Maybe you were too busy. Maybe you forgot.
However, there are times when you will be purposely excluded. You are not in High School and this is adulthood. They don’t always want to hang with you and you must be mature enough to handle this by knowing it’s perfectly okay. It’s not to be taken personal. However, sometimes exclusion IS a signal to you about where you stand with this group or associates. Take note.
You know my daughter had this situation among two friends of hers. One of her friends would get jealous if her best friend spent time with another friend. I laughed a little because I remember those days. I told her well, this is something that doesn’t change much among many women as they get older. It is because they are afraid of losing that special bond with a friend. It’s a bit selfish but, I can understand those feelings. She has to learn that it is okay to share friendships and most of the time it takes nothing away from the friendship you have with that person. As a matter of fact, you can actually lose some friends by being too possessive. If she is this way with a friend she will be this way with a boyfriend and it’s not healthy (of course boyfriends shouldn’t be shared!). I explained all of this to my daughter.
I started my early years as mostly a loner with other loners. Then I associated with a main group of friends in middle school but, had other associations. Once I reached high school I kept a core group but expanded into other associations. I have learned to be PRESENT when I am included and NOT PRESENT when I am excluded (lol). I don’t take it personal. At least, not anymore.
Muhammad Ali was a champion in many ways but, what made him a champion in those ways was his ability to champion his thoughts.
As I reflect on my life I look at the ways I use self defeating thoughts verses champion thoughts. Many of us have been preprogrammed with thoughts or conditioned to think certain thoughts through experiences. Either good or negative, we think. If I’m to be honest, my thought process didn’t begin to change until I was 30 (however, I woke up so to speak at 26) and here we have it 11 years later, finally taking root and blooming.
Champion thoughts requires hard, grueling, relentless and challenging work. Long hours at the spiritual gym within and a spiritual diet fit for a champion. You can’t eat (listen to, digest) anything that’s put on your plate. You will suffer some defeats, barely make rounds, but you will begin to win more than you lose when you learn to never change your champion mentality. But, you need only to adjust your approach, strategy, study your opposition and hit the spiritual gym more. Reflect.
A champion doesn’t become a champion by building the body only. Many men have lost relying on brute force alone. Many have lost the fight in this life with brute force alone. Champion thoughts help you get through the toughest times in your life. I look at Muhammad Ali and even though his body was attacked by Parkinson’s and it silenced him physically, HE WAS STILL SEEN AS THE CHAMP. Champion thoughts have no need be verbalized all the time. Champion thoughts don’t care about your pain, wins, losses or draw. Champion have a need to be lived. May we live out our lives from here on out with champion thoughts. May we not see the world as we have in our twenties but, as the champions we are. Are you not still standing? Raise your arms up high, fist to the sky, Champion.
Let’s cut to the chase. Maybe you don’t know YOU are the bad energy toting family member. Here are clues and what your energy does to others who don’t know how, don’t have the heart or guts to confront you.
Certain family members no longer show up or limit their time in your space because they can’t deal with your behavior
You’ve been asked several times to tone it down but you don’t because you don’t see anything wrong
You can’t wait to get a rise out of a particular family member. Even though they’ve told you to stop
You feel good when you make other people upset or you think nothing about it
You refuse to apologize for embarrassing family members
Family members cringe at your off colored, off putting remarks and you go “What?”
You get offended and defensive when confronted about your behavior
Deep down inside you know you have a problem and your behavior is a problem but you don’t have the courage to admit it and tackle the real issues behind your mean spirit
You say “So what. Others are too sensitive. Lighten up!”
Affects the mood of every family event
Makes others feel demeaned in an environment they should feel uplifted
Makes others feel constricted because they have to avoid you at all cost
Makes others feel attacked when they should feel love
Makes others ill when you arrive
Makes others feel rushed because they know they can’t stay long and enjoy other family because they can’t take your bad energy
Figure out what the real problem is in your private life. Take a good look in the mirror at what you do and what you say and ask yourself why can’t you stop doing the things that cause harm and rifts in the family? Rather it’s a coming to Jesus, Self or Therapist moment, I hope you build up the nerve to come. As you are.
I dreamed about something and I was certain that’s what God was showing me. I was sure of the instructions. So, I did what I saw as I was told. After all, I had confirmation. I’m sure this has happened with your intuition or gut feeling which I believe to be the Holy Spirit within. Well, it turned out not to go as I saw in the dream. I made a mistake as things were running smoothly. I caused the glitch in the plan.
After careful thought and with much delay, I asked for a second chance. Now, I don’t know if I’ll get that opportunity again. I’m still waiting. However, I begin to feel really bad about it all and I said to God, “What if they don’t give me another opportunity?” And it came to me “I have a ram in the bush.” But, I still felt bad. I felt why did I bother asking for another opportunity. And again the voice said to me “You have done your part. It is up to them to do their part. Either way, I have a ram in the bush.”
Yeah, but I thought, maybe this ram, won’t be as good as what I had at first. God speaks “Equal or greater, I’d never give you anything less than what you had before.” But, I just couldn’t get past my feelings and I guess that’s why all I heard in my spirit last week was “I have a ram in the bush.” Well, I’m finally at peace knowing either way, I’ll be well taken care of pertaining to my destiny.
We all make mistakes concerning our destiny. Sometimes, the other party is forgiving and sometimes not. Either way, the the ram in the bush will appear at the moment of sacrifice or when your heart is ready, and not a moment sooner.
The best graduation gift you could give your child is the gift of letting them be what they want to be and not what you want them to be. I mean, haven’t we learned from the movies and real stories of others? The tragedy of you wanting them to be what YOU THINK they would be good at or what would be a SAFE BET to bring them financial gain or worse, what you wanted to be but never did achieve.
Take it from a victim of this. Even if it comes out of concern, you’re destroying someone’s dream. Your child’s dream. You’re creating insecurity and fear and self doubt, pushing them into a life long career that they will hate or despise the rest of their lives. Unless they wake up 20 years later and say I hate this! I’m going to Africa or I’m opening the flower shop I always wanted to open. Or worse, they’ll quit mid semester and wonder aimlessly from job to job trying to figure out what to do. Anything but what you told them not to do or be. Hopefully, they discover they should just be that!
Give your child the gift to choose their path and then give them another gift of unwavering support as they navigate the waters of adulthood. They’ll change their minds several times but don’t you waver in your support. Just guide if they get too far off course but never push them out the way and steer their ship of dreams.
Sunday Morning Musing With Coffee 🍵
P.S. IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO CALL AND TELL THEM YOU WERE WRONG. THEY SHOULD BE WHAT THEY DESIRE IN THEIR HEART TO BE!
It takes you about 12 years to realize you’ve been preprogrammed by your parents, environment, religion, and society. Some of us wake up startled and angry. For others it’s a “coming to yourself” and we sit and ponder.
No, I don’t like pink. No, I don’t want to wear my hair like you wear your hair. No, I don’t want to be a teacher, doctor, work on this crazy job, anymore. No, I don’t necessarily believe someone’s going to literally burn in a pit of fire 🔥 because they didn’t believe what I was raised to believe. No, I don’t think I have to choose classical music over hip hop but, I can like them both. And as a matter of fact, I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them Sam I am!!!!!
Whether you’re in your mid 30’s switching gears or early 60’s getting a divorce, it’s obvious for this final act YOU WILL NOW DO YOU. YOU WILL NOW DO AND BE WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT AND OTHERS CAN GET WITH IT, OR GET GONE. You’re going to say what you really think and what you really feel without being a jerk but, oh your going to stand firmly in your core beliefs. You’re not nodding your head with the masses but, in your heart yelling no! And if the teacher calls on you, you’re done giving textbook answers.
I know blue doesn’t bring out your eyes out but, you love blue!!!! I know, they think you’re crazy at this age, with all of those degrees and now you want to open up a consignment shop. They are right. You’re crazy enough to FINALLY DO YOU. Look at all of the people around you that have done what they wanted to do. They were no more special than you. They too were not all in their 20’s. They too were called nuts 🔩 and bananas. Plus, you’ve got plenty of company.
It’s high time you answer the call on the inside of you. After all, it’s not calling “them” it’s calling YOU.
~Nikki, From Saturday Morning Musings with Coffee 🍵
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” ~Dalai Lama 1. Fight the urge to run away or shut down Let’s face it, it is in our nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Seeing a loved one suffer is one of the most […]
via Helping a Suffering Partner — MakeItUltra™ Psychology
Sunday Morning Coffee Musings
I don’t know the specifics of the occasion but, I do know it’s time to rise to it. It takes strength to rise. It takes courage to rise. Think about all the muscles at work when you rise from a seated position. Think about how much more strength when you’re weak and you have to rise. Some of us will need a little more strength. Some of us may need a hand.
I myself, need the the courage to rise to the occasion in my life. It’s time for me to be brave. I must confess, I’m not feeling very brave. I’m a little timid about rising to my call in my life. That’s my occasion. Why are you afraid Nikki? Well, I’m afraid I might do the wrong thing. I’m afraid I might mess it up. I’m afraid I might not do it the way others think I should and they will talk about me. It’s not just fear. It’s a paralyzing fear stemming from childhood.
So here we are. Some searching for strength and others for courage. Perhaps, both. We don’t have to search too far because it’s already in us. What we need is a made up mind to rise… No matter the outcome. What we need is knowing that it will all work out and we will learn along the way and this will help us to build more strength and courage to keep going forward. We can’t be afraid of trial and error. We can’t be ashamed if we make a mistake. We’ve been taught these things are bad things. All of our mistakes and failures in school, in life, on the job, by family friends and strangers are often HIGHLIGHTED. Don’t we do the same to others?
Sigh. Yet, it’s still time. The occasion is knocking gently at your door. Patiently, waiting on you to gather the strength and the courage to rise.
Saturday Morning Coffee Musings
IN RELATION TO YOUR DREAMS, WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU’RE CRAZY, THEY ARE SAYING YOUR DREAMS ARE BEYOND THEIR SCOPE OF POSSIBILITY, REALITY AND IMAGINATION. -NICOLE JACKSON
Yesterday, I talked to a publisher for one of my clients. He told me how it took him 3 years to leave HIS JOB as a top guy with 700 employees under him. He said people kept telling him MAN YOU’RE CRAZY. Then he said plus I was mid age. Then I just couldn’t fight it anymore and here I am. Sometimes, I pinch myself and can’t believe I’m living my dream.
Me: Usually when they say YOU’RE CRAZY, in relation to your dreams, it’s a sure thing you’re on the right path.
Him: I can see that!
Me: Yeah, just think of all the people with a success story, even in the Bible, (he’s Christian), who were told THAT’S CRAZY and things worked out.
Him: Right! It’s been 9 years. An unbelievable 9 years.
Me: YOU’RE CRAZY means it’s outside their scope of reality, possibility & imagination. That’s all.
Him: WOW. Are you in ministry?
Me: Something like that.
The bird cage is open…SET YOURSELF FREE. I know you’ve been locked up in the cage of self pity, hatred, self loathing, sadness, depression, people pleasing, fix everything and everybody, debt, dead end job, fake/bad relationship, fear, etc etc….The door to the cage was never locked! It’s a mind game. SET YOURSELF FREE. You don’t even sing anymore. SET YOURSELF FREE. You don’t even fly anymore. But just because you don’t doesn’t mean you can’t. Choose to SING Choose to FLY.