Sleep Apnea Worries

I started using my CPAP machine in October. It has taken some getting use to and since I am single I don’t really worry about what I “look” like when I have it on. I try to laugh about it with my daughter. I do, however, think about it when I have to go out of town and share a room with someone. Or what if I get married? (long shot there lol). I don’t want anyone to see me with the smart machine that makes me look stupid while improving my sleep which improves my health. How vain is that? But we are talking about the same woman who cried when she has surgery on her ankle because of the scarring. My surgeon gave me a puzzled look and said “That’s my best work. After all we have been through to figure out what this lump was…you cry about the scarring?” Forgive me, I  love my legs. Plus I was in my late 20’s and getting over myself. SHAME! LOL

The greatest concern about sleep apnea for me is understanding it’s link to my daytime breathing. I didn’t have a significant other to tell me I stopped breathing at night. It was my day time “forgetting” to breathe or holding my breath that lead to all of the studies. It was my taking deep breaths or heaving when doing nothing. It was my vacuuming and holding my breath more often than usual, an increase of these things that sent me to numerous tests. It ruled out asthma. Mind you, from time to time in my life I would have to say “Hey, Nikki, breathe!” Now I wait for a straight answer from someone (doctor, pulmonary doctor, sleep specialist) to tell me why does this continue to happen in the day time. Yesterday was so bad with the on and off shallow breath, inhaling big breaths, accompanied by a dull headache across my forehead, I thought I would have to go to the ER. It made me afraid. It made me angry. It made me sad. It made frustrated. I just want to be normal.

~Nikki