Discoveries from “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016

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I NEEDED TO BE BORN AGAIN (AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BAPTIZING).

I needed to be born again as the girl I was before so much information was downloaded into my being by life, relationships, parents, teachers, preachers, trauma, drama and experiences. True, much of that “made” me who I am today, but I also loss some of the good parts of me. To be honest, some of the very good parts of me. Some of those things have held me back, kept me in bad relationships, made me “bitter” for a time, made me mean, judgemental, and worst of all some of those things made me silent and stifled my creativity. Really, my creativity dwindled down to zilch. And guess what…CREATIVITY is WHO I AM. (excavated that too).

Close my eyes and take several dips in the waters that can wash away the programming of the world…as many dips as I need. Coming up from those dips with something washed away and with the power and conviction not to be deterred or reformed. I was born a rebel. I had to learn, however, my rebellion was not for “bad” but for “good.” I never wanted to conform to much of anything, but I did by force and choice. I rebelled in other ways.

Here is what was reborn or reinforced (so far):

I am a rebel. -Be the rebel I created you to be and use it for good. If “they” don’t like it don’t take it personal. They are not your people, but they are still my people. Be a rebel with a cause.

I am creative. -I created you creative. Write, draw, paint, design and go for it. Don’t censor it to make others happy. Censor it if you feel it offends me (God) and just know people will tell you that it offended me but really it offended them), but IF you and I have talked about it…keep creating. Sometimes the truth offends and makes others uncomfortable. And sometimes, they simply can’t relate.

I love the sky and the signs in it. -Be interested in the signs and wonders in the sky. Who else creates those “signs” every month and there are seasons to those signs. You know what is and what is not true. There are some anointed in these areas and there are many taught to “taboo” what they don’t know anything about. Don’t worry about it. You’ve been studying the sky since you were a child. Lay down in the grass and dream and talk to me like you use to. Come out to the night sky. Read all you want about zodiac signs, stars, moons, and planets. I don’t have a problem with you doing that. I know you don’t trust horoscopes, but you trust ME. Whatever you feel enhances your experience here…just depend on me and the Holy Spirit for discernment.

I am a free spirit. -I created you a free spirit. Embrace it. You don’t like being confined by rules, theologies, denominations, culture or walls. BUT YOU DO LOVE ORDER. Use wisdom and my guidance of when to sit and when to fly. Stop pushing down what you don’t agree with. Remain respectful. It’s not that you don’t like being told what to do, as they said, you don’t like the suffocating feeling of being “untrue to yourself.”

I like time to myself but I like friends. -Play by yourself until friends show up. You use to do that without any problem.

I trust myself. -Trust yourself again and add what you have learned. Easy.

I am strong. -You were born strong, courageous, and resilient. You all were.

I feel. -Be emotional. Be sensitive. Be proud of it! You are strong enough to FEEL and not pretend you don’t feel. Be honest about your feelings and govern yourself accordingly to move on.

 

~Nikki

I probably need a few more dips…

 

 

 

Merry Christmas

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~Love Nikki

Discoveries from “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016 (2)

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I LIKE BEGINNING AND ENDING MY DAY WITH A LIKE SOUL. I LIKE SPENDING MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH LIKE SOULS.

“Time is money. It is your currency on this earth. Where you spend it, how you spend it, and who you spend it with is your choice and consequence. There are no refunds.”  -Nicole Jackson

 

You don’t realize how precious your time is until you are in the presence of others that are nothing like you. You do, however,  recognize how miserable you are. True, you may not can always control the times you are around or encounter those people, but oh what joy for the times you can!  There is nothing like being comfortable at a party, at a dinner, at a get together. I don’t like a lot of bickering and arguing. I had enough of that growing up. I don’t want to spend my time defending myself, explaining myself or being ignored. I like friendly people. I like kind people. I like joyful people. I like helpful people. I like honest people. I like funny people. I don’t want to sit around and talk about other people. Or whispering about another “friend or associate” in a room. I don’t really want to talk about someone who thinks we are all associates, family, or friends. I don’t care about their hair, makeup or attire.

When I was a child, I spent time with friends. When I was a teenager, I spent time with friends. When I was a young adult, I spent time with friends. The people I hung around were not mean or low down. They were not backstabbers, liars, or cheaters. They were not mean girls or rude. We could hash out any differences and move on. I don’t know what happened to those days or those kind of people, but I do know they are still alive and well. We told each other when we were wrong and we would help mend each other. Those are my kind of relationships.

When it comes to spending my life with someone, I prefer someone with a like soul. Someone similar in core beliefs and someone who can allow me the freedom to be myself. I don’t want to wake up miserable and come home to miserable. I will not and I do not believe God would set me up in that environment. God knows my creativity, my heart, my soul could not thrive in that type of environment. I am a delicate soul, yes. I am also strong, but my dynamics are complex for many.

~Nikki

 

Discoveries From “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016

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I HAVE FOUND THE POWER BEHIND MY VOICE AGAIN.

I’d lost the power behind my voice. I would say something and when someone would challenge what I said, I would try to explain. If someone would insult my intelligence I would just ignore it. When in reality I wanted to assert myself or opinion. They made me feel as if my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings were wrong and theirs were right. They were not trying to get an UNDERSTANDING of Nicole, they were trying to get a session to berate me. They were trying to have a debate about what I THOUGHT, I FELT, OR I BELIEVE.  Some wanted to tell me what I should feel and think when I had already told them what I thought and felt. They wanted to argue for the sake of arguing and not seek to understand. Many times, they wanted me to THINK as they THINK. Feel what they feel.

Let me tell you about Nicole. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care what you feel about politics, the Bible, gay people, cakes, pies, sports, natural hair, permed hair, tutus, etc. I don’t care enough to argue with you about it, to try and change you, to insult you. I have an understanding that you and I are two different people. We all are individuals with similarities and differences based on how we were raised, religions, race, experiences, and environments. I seek to understand your view and perspective. I don’t seek to destroy your theory, crush your heart, and tear your views a part. I get no joy or satisfaction out of being right or making you look stupid. I don’t feel empowered when I use a plethora of verbal assaults and curse words. I don’t seek to demean you, I seek to learn more about you.

The POWER in my voice to say “Look, if you want to discuss why I think the way I think, feel the way I feel, view the way I view, believe what I believe that is what we can do. If you are trying to understand me, that is awesome. I don’t need you to change me. I don’t mind being enlightened and even that is a choice of consciousness and you cannot beat it into me by belittling my religion/ideas/beliefs. You cannot change my preferences by calling me dumb or saying that’s stupid or calling me out of my name.”

The POWER TO BE QUIET is an option. The ability to discern when a person wants to argue and not discuss is sharpened. If I discover, “Oh, this is an argument to show me how stupid that sounds or how I should think like them or how I don’t make sense because they can’t comprehend it…” to say “Hey, let’s talk about something else because I am not going to change my thoughts or feelings” is POWER behind your voice. I don’t have to explain a damn thing about me. I don’t even want you to explain a damn thing about you that I don’t “get.” I’m not here to “get” everything about everybody or you. I am here to understand and when I don’t that is okay. When I don’t agree, that is okay. When I ask, trust me it will be to better understand you as a person and not to change your mind. It will be to exchange views and not to exchange profanity, put downs, rolled eyes, insults, conversion, etc.

~Nikki

 

Do Something or the Universe Will

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The inevitable. You have that nudging, intuition, Holy Spirit, that pressing in your spirit to take care of something. It could be your health, it could be handling a financial matter, it could be leaving certain people alone, etc…but you resist that feeling or that unction. Well, it’s not going anywhere and I have seen/experience the Universe working to make sure certain things happen whether you do anything or not. WHEN YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT A PROBLEM OR SITUATION YOU LEAVE IT UP TO CHANCE! Then you are standing there saying…”I should have done that a long time ago. It probably wouldn’t have been as bad or negative.” Hindsight doesn’t have to be 20/20 because the Spirit is giving you the 411 with that urge to do whatever it is you need to do. I hope you and I find the courage to do those things instead of the excuses and fear.

~Nikki