Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Focusing on The Bigger Picture of Social Media (For Me)

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I have social media pet peeves. Everyone does. I can list so many things that burn my britches when it comes to social media but, in the larger scale of who I am and what I am trying to represent, who cares about the things that irritate me to the core? I shouldn’t. I’m not talking about things that we should be appalled by or things that we should report. I am speaking of just things that can pull you into the “comment” section and the “reply” section. I have to remind myself, it’s not that serious. I tell myself, just eye roll, shake your head, and realize they are “on some other stuff” (on another level ). I thank God for unfriend, unfollow, and snooze for 30 days if it really starts to irritate me. There is only so much negativity or shade throwing I can take. Thankfully, I don’t see much of the shade throwing on my timeline or feed. But, I do see other things that can really vex my spirit. And I know for sure I probably irritate others with my posting! Touche!

However, when you are trying to be positive or tend to the business side of social media, you can get distracted by the bull, drama, politics, immaturity, negativity or whatever your pet peeve is. Sometimes, I am just being social and trying to catch up with others. Here is what I have been reminding myself and teaching myself for the last year:

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…LET THEM HAVE AN OPINION EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT AND EVEN IF YOURS IS DIFFERENT

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…IF THEY FEEL THAT IS THE BEST WAY TO GET CUSTOMERS/KEEP CUSTOMERS (SHRUGS SHOULDERS)

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…THAT IS FAKE NEWS

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…YOU KNOW THAT PERSON LOVES TO ARGUE AND NOT DEBATE

JUST KEEP SCROLLING…AND FINISH WHAT YOU CAME TO DO

GO BACK AND DELETE THAT (You do not have time to go back and forth)

DELETE DELETE DELETE (LOL)

Sometimes when someone says something crazy or off the wall on my posts I let it stay there and never respond. I leave it for others see how crazy the person is HAAAAAAA!!!!! But most times I just delete it and keep it moving.

You see, I have several pages and social media outlets are more than just a place to be social for me. I like to joke, I like a good debate, discussion from time to time but, you know life is still going on around me. Goals have to be met, dreams have to come true, family has to be taken care of and friends have to be chatted with. So, the bigger picture of why I hopped on in the first place helps me to stay woke lol…focused on the bigger picture.

~Nikki

RA, Friendships, and Relationships

When I first developed Rheumatoid Arthritis one of the main things I was worried about was relationships with the opposite sex. I was worried about everything! During a counseling session, the counselor said, “If he doesn’t like you for who you are, if he can’t love you for you, he is simply not the one, end of discussion. You are probably more worried about being seen as weak or needy given you have a superwoman complex.” In my head response:”Well! I never!!!!”

So as I cleared my throat, and swallowed that chunk of truth, I responded with “Superwoman complex? Do tell…”

Anyway, as life has gone on, it’s been easier to say “Hey, dude, I have RA and blah blah blah.” Most guys are like “Oh, okay. No problem. What do you need? Do you need anything? How are you feeling today? What movie do you want to see? What’s for dinner? Etc etc….” They don’t care much. You get an occasional jerk, but I figure he was born that way.

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To my surprise, relationships and family have not been the hardest thing for me. The hardest thing for me has been developing and on going friendships. First of all, I don’t take the word friend lightly. It’s in a category with love. I do use it when shared energy is among myself and another person. I hope you can understand that.

Friendships and associations were and are difficult for me. I was use to being everywhere at one time. On the go. Move move move. Let’s do this. And somewhere as a person with RA or Fibromyalgia you began to lose a connection with some people because:

1. They don’t get why you hurt so much and why you can’t do the simplest things. They don’t understand how you can be so tired. They don’t understand how you were just fine two minutes ago and now you are not. They do not understand why peace, quiet, and no drama is important to your health.

2. You want to go but, you just don’t feel like being around certain people. People can work your last nerve. Especially, when the positively negative crew is on deck. I thought this was a party not Wrestle-mania . YOU LIED TO ME!!!! (dramatic scene)

3. They don’t believe you are ill. They will never tell you that outright (cowards!) but oh do they consistently imply. You know you don’t look sick.

4. I don’t feel comfortable. Sometimes, having all of these things interfere with your life on a daily basis gets to me. I long for myself and I have no idea who this “new” person is after 5 years going on 6 with RA and I am just not use to her. I am still trying to figure it out.

5. New people also think you are flaky. She said she was coming, she said maybe…she always says maybe. Hey look, give me a minute.

6. Patience. If we are going to deal with each other we need patience. Patience is something missing in most of us. I struggle with having patience with myself tremendously. I guess that is why I don’t bother when others don’t.

So, I navigate the waters of friendships and associations with a long rowing paddle. Plus, I am a Pisces who doesn’t let everyone in my castle. Sure we can play on the front lawn and the palace porch, but come in? I don’t know about that. Meet me in the courtyards. I have to trust you. I have to trust you won’t see me as I sometimes see myself. Weak and vulnerable to RA but, never weak and vulnerable. Yeah…double talk.

~Nikki

 

You Woke Up Like This

Sleep Walking

We honor “No Feels” and we dole out “Zero F’s” and have a back up generator for our “Petty Machine” but if we stood in the mirror instead of a self portrait we would see that we reflect society. For society has no feels about people of color, immigrants or women. They give zero f’s about how many of us are murdered or the violence we are subjected to as minorities and women (women of any color are considered minorities….did you know that?). The petty machine generates unfair pay to women and minorities, inequality in education, incarcerated minorities on minor infractions and others roam free on major fraud scandals and rape charges, women still can’t decide what to do with their bodies without man telling what to do with it….but you know….You Woke Up Like This and You Go to Bed Like This and You Live Like This.  -Nicole Jackson

 

~Nikki

Talk to me. Not at me. Race Relate.

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I met a lady of a different race and she says to me I have a headband like the one you have on. I love it but it just slides right off. I say when I straighten my hair, it does the same thing. She says to me in a shocking tone “Why would you ever want to straighten your hair? I wish I had hair like African Americans. I would never straighten my hair. I’d do all of that creative stuff you do like twist it, braid it, dread it…all of that!” I laughed and many times I have wished I had hair like yours until I learned to love the hair that grows out of my head. “Absolutely,” she says “There is nothing wrong with your hair. People should just get over it already.” 
Then we started to talk about life and come to find out she always wanted to be a fashion designer too and to be an actress. We talked about how we were discouraged from seeking out those dreams. I encouraged her to try acting and learn to sew. She encouraged me to to do the same and to keep writing and stop being afraid to submit the manuscript. We even talked about loving Memphis and we both said the only thing missing is the beach! We talked about how we have this underground but emerging arts scene. I told her there are auditions all the time in Memphis and gave her the Facebook site for one. You see, God causes the strangest things to happen in the strangest places. She says “We have much in common.” I said “Yes.” 
This reminds of how just last week I sat on a beach in Alabama and instantly bonded with three white women who were sitting next to me. We laughed so much until we were gasping for breath and could hardly get words out. We shared things, bits and pieces of our lives and we could all relate as human beings and women.
These things give me hope as it related to race relations. If we can just forget about what we see and TALK we would find out just how much we are a like and dispel the lies we have been fed by our parents, leaders, media and few bad experiences.
~Nikki