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The heart wants

The heart needs

The brain taunts

Action proceeds

I’m getting nowhere and I am getting there fast

Nothing comes easy and when he does it doesn’t last

It’s an endless cycle. I hardly can cope

Letting go feels like giving up hope

As I struggle with how to keep hope on a respirator

The light in my heart is being supported by a generator

Love wails

Romance sails

Off into the distance

Against the tears of resistance

~Nikki 3/19/2017

 

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing:After A Series of Unfortunate Events

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Jorden Keith. Follow him on Instagram. Photographer. Style blogger jordenkeith.com

I know I had plans for my life at a very young age. Some people at a young age were dealt a blow that would change their course very early and some seem to have set their goals and achieved without much hindrance. We should have enough common sense to realize and comprehend that we all start our journey from different points with many things to factor in from the supporting parent to the non supportive parent. From a prestige education to surviving an environment where a parent didn’t care if you made it through school or not. It’s clear to me how these things and many more things affect each one of us differently. This blog is for those of us whom have had a series of unfortunate events.

Overcoming a series of unfortunate events in your life is not an easy feat. I have learned not to expect it to be. I can’t tell you why some are born and seem to have things knock them down back to back to back with barely enough room to catch a breath. I can only offer my philosophy like anyone else. I do recommend taking a philosophy that helps you to become stronger and to persevere verses one that teaches you to blame yourself without forgiving yourself. I can tell you what I did that probably brought Rheumatoid Arthritis out of remission but, I can’t tell you for sure why I developed Juvenile Arthritis in the fourth grade. I could say it was my lot in life. I could blame myself for the Rheumatoid but, that would only keep me in a state of stagnation. You could blame yourself, God or others for what happened to you or where you are but, that will only keep you in a state of stagnation. In other words, you won’t move or progress. Even if you manage to achieve great things in the realm of education and career, you will still be stagnant emotionally/mentally destroying relationships and self carrying anger or resentment.

During unfortunate events in my life, here is what I have learned so far in no order:

Cry. Don’t cry. Be upset. Be angry. Yes, feel and then make a deliberate decision to take the necessary steps to heal.

Do I need to know why? Yes. I find my why. I decide to acknowledge it. Learn from it. Sometimes I feel bad about it but, I move on into a productive action. Sometimes swiftly, sometimes eventually. If I am stuck I seek help. From God, friends, therapy, meditation, a book on what I am going through, etc.

Do I need to know why? No. Just keeping going I tell myself. The why will come later or it may never come. I still must keep going.

It just is. Deal with it now or later but, you must deal with it.

Do I know better? Then I must do better.

Helping others go through what I have experienced makes me feel good.

Survive the ordeal first then thrive.

Baby steps can turn into a brisk walk then a jog, then a run and then leaps and bound and now you are flying!!! This is thriving!

Dang, I’ve been through so much. I am still here. I am strong.

I don’t have to be strong all the time.

To love myself and to love others after what I’ve been through, going through is what being strong really is about. Bitterness makes me ugly. It makes me vulnerable to hate. I can hate what happened but, I can’t let hate reside in me.

Rest.

Learn.

Eat, Love, Pray, Meditate, Create.

Pain is energy. Energy can be transformed.

Let go. If it’s negative, bad for you.

Hold on. To yourself. To your children. To God. To Peace. To laughter.

Healing hurts. But letting a wound go unhealed hurts worse and could kill you dead (ha).

Some unfortunate events can lead you to a fortunate journey.

~Nikki

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Lesson. By Nikki

 

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Lesson. By Nikki aka F.Y.E ©2014
Bury your heart deep in me
I will keep it safe with me
She may have loved you
But she never loved you
She was thinking of him
Never thinking of you
I can’t pay for another woman’s
Mistake
I can’t pay for your pain
But if the student is ready
I can teach you how to love
Again

 

~Nikki

Kissing Fire

 

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His Lips to impress meets the press
Of my lips
Getting wasted on an embrace his arms around my hips
Heart beats in Morris code It was everything I wonderfully feared
In the heat of the moment our hearts were forever seared

~Nikki