I used to think that when I asked or talked to God about something and God gives me an answer that seems unrelated, way out in left field, God didn’t care about what I was talking about. Since I’ve grown, I have learned that it means these things thus far:
1. I hear you but that’s not the pressing issue right now. We’ll get to that later.
2. I’m telling you this, showing you this, because this is what I want you to focus on.
3. Let me take you forward and then back to what you were talking about and it will all make since soon.
4. This is a piece of the puzzle. Hold that until you find the other piece. Let’s go on an adventure to the answer. Guided footsteps. (Sometimes, I don’t “be” feeling like going though! )
5. That is the answer. Look again.
6. That’s not your business.
7. You wouldn’t understand it right now. Wait until you grow some more.
8. I’ll tell you when you get to the next realm and even then you wouldn’t care as much about it as you do now. So, be at peace with never knowing some things and never understanding some things. (How? Trust God. Accept the peace Jesus willed to us.)
No one can be there for you 24/7 and you can’t be there for people 24/7 either. Folks have lives outside of you and you have other things going on.
Yeah, you will be disappointed and let down in this life. You don’t have to be mad and upset with people that couldn’t be there for you. Because guess what? You’ll let someone down. They’ll be disappointed because you couldn’t show up.
There isn’t but one person that can be there for you 24/7 and that’s you. And even that’s shaky at times. There is a GOD that is there 24/7. And that’s going to have to be enough if you’re going to depend on any being to get through this life. So, forgive them, give grace and mercy. You’d want it. Let it go. They are only human and so are you!
You think if others are not supporting you, God isn’t either. False. Don’t project on to God all of your concerns about the authority figures in your life, friends or relatives. God is not involved or part of the dysfunctions of a hierarchical society. Trust God’s love. God would not only heal you but God will support you as well.
At its core, inner work is the process of getting to know yourself. It’s a form of introspective self-care where you can help yourself let go of harmful attachments, habits, people, and thoughts. -brainmd.com
The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. It determines how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you allow others to treat you. I did some research and along with my personal experience, came up with some signs you may need to work on yourself. I’ll say after reading some of this I can tell you that WE ALL probably need to do some inner work.
Inner work can be scary and daunting because it requires you to take an honest look at yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself about yourself and NOT blamed others or came up with excuses for your behavior or thoughts? You can’t control others but you can learn to control your responses. And even after you become aware or honest, what do you do about it? Shrug your shoulders? Apologize over and over and secretly say to yourself, “Why do I keep doing that?” Maybe it’s not your behavior that’s an indication that you need help or to work on yourself. Maybe it’s your obsessive worrying that is anxiety. Maybe it’s your mood swings you can’t explain but expect everyone around you to just deal with it or get used to it.
You think negatively or have a negative view about yourself/other people, gender, cultures, etc
You suffer from anxiety and depression
You’ve had a traumatic change in your health
You’re going through or have been through a rough patch in your life
Your childhood was not the best and deep down you suspect it has impacted your thinking. other relationships and your behavior
You don’t treat yourself with respect and/or you don’t treat others with respect
You are in an unhealthy relationship
You allow people to take advantage of you
You have unreasonable expectations of yourself and others
You are unhappy with your life
You are a habitual giver and you give more than you can afford or have to give. This includes time.
There is a persistent feeling of emptiness, unfulfillment, or failure
You have anger issues
These are just a few examples. Have you ever read a book, talked to a spiritual leader, or therapist because you knew you needed to do some inner work? If you don’t mind sharing, what were some of your signs?
It feels good to no longer be in love with a person that was never in love with me.
It feels good to file them in the proper category. Associate. Everything and everyone in their proper place.
In order for me to make a clean break from a relationship, entanglement (on and off again), I first begin the process of emotionally disconnecting BEFORE I leave. I write down everything said or did that affected me so that I can REMEMBER why I need to leave. I read it every day or anytime I think about staying, continuing, or prolonging the inevitable. Once I am ready, I make a clean break. There are no emotions or no significant emotions to pull me back in. I figured this out years ago.
It’s time to practice work-life balance. I don’t have to prove to people what I do is important.
Self-love is a lifelong practice.
Life goes on…and it gets better for me! (Is what I now say instead of the “life goes on” part).
It’s okay if they don’t like or love you. It’s not okay if you are still there trying to make them.
Get them out of your system (by fasting from contact and conversation) because their way of liking you and loving you was poison.
Self-respect is a form of self-love. Don’t lose your self-respect in the name of love. I did. I have.
You will not always get to decide when things end and sometimes things will end abruptly. It’s okay for emotions to be all over the place. However, with time determined by you, you will find your footing. Emotions will settle and you will be able to see and think clearly. Then you will gain the power of decision. A decision to decide how you will respond to the ending.
~Nikki
February was CHOCK full of LESSONS. WHEW! (Heavy eyeroll)
I was looking forward to New Year’s Eve for several reasons but, the main reason was I finally, wouldn’t be spending it alone. After a pretty good day that joyous mood would be crushed by him. Some sort of mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication. WHATEVER. I tried to smooth things over for him so that he wouldn’t feel bad by saying it was okay and offering a solution. The problem with that is Ioncw again put my feelings to the side. Did anyone care that I was I feeling bad? Did I care?
I did not want to be disappointed and I tried to work with it and I tried to work against it. But the TRUTH continued to be magnified with signs such as no communication during a pivotal time frame, an ignored text and phone call, and the polite, “Happy New Year” text he sent. That’s it. That is the gist of it. The TRUTH amplified in the form of anxiety and I was unable to rest even with medication.
This was NOT how I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve. This was NOT how I wanted to wake up on New Year’s Day with lingering sadness and an uneasiness in my spirit. I did not want to spend the day trying to be alright. I did not want to spend the day trying to unravel and get to the core of things so I could be alright. I knew exactly what was happening. I know this is my personal year of 9 and the ending of a 9-year cycle. This is more about endings than it is about beginnings. However, the beginnings, though few, are monarch.
This year is centered around the heart. Before you can connect to the heart, you need a heart cleansing. If not, the connection will not be clean. It will be shoddy. It will be static. It will be on and off. There I was Saturday trying to connect to heart meditation without a cleansing. “Create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit” is a scripture from the Bible. This is similar to a heart chakra cleanse. Growing up Christian this scripture usually was used when sin was talked about or an evil spirit. I can’t help but to think how that only scratches the surface.
The heart can be filled with sadness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, worry, depression, confusion and the remnants of these things or debris of the past. The wrong spirit could be any of those things. It is not necessarily that of evil or sin. So, as the heart is “CLEANsed” the renewing of the spirit takes place. The alignment of spirit takes place. I also believe you have to participate in your healing. There is work involved.
What did I have to do to get to an understanding and to align my spirit? I certainly couldn’t rush the process. I wanted to feel better. QUICKLY. SO, I wanted to skip the heart cleanse and just connect to heart happy. No. 1 hour and 11 minutes into a heart chakra cleanse and typing this I “felt” some clearing. My heart space felt a little lighter. I felt some strength and some HELP coming on. Cleansing the heart can be praying, listening to the RIGHT kind of music, binaural beats, journaling, therapy, chatting with a friend, crying, laughing, etc. This is the creating of a clean heart and the refreshing of spirit. The uplifting or alignment of spirit. The conjunction “AND” means they work together.
Above is one of the frequencies of music I play low in the background as I go about my morning or day. Sometimes I lay down and listen for 20 minutes. I also pray for help and this is the guidance “I” was given. In the words of Mary, the mother of Jesus, “Do what he tells YOU to do.” Your activity may look different from mine and that is okay.
Whenever you begin to set boundaries to preserve and protect your peace of mind and your sensitivity, or even to enforce those boundaries, there will probably be fall out from individuals who lack the respect of those boundaries. I have discovered that people want you to bend and break to appease them and often they wouldn’t do the same for you. Nor would I want anyone to compromise their peace of mind for me. And that is the difference. People will create problems, want you to solve them, and then become upset if you don’t. They don’t care if what they want makes you unhappy. This is blatant selfishness. Recognize this as a flaw in character. Also, people like this will often either get angry in hopes you will change your mind or run a guilt trip hoping for the same results. When you comply to neither they will call you mean and selfish (I am laughing as I type this) but, you and I both know they are merely describing themselves! Some leave you alone entirely or distant themselves.
You have to become okay with this. I know it may be difficult but, do not cave and compromise your peace or the sensitivity of your nature. I was created with a big heart and compassion but, not at the sacrifice of my own peace. Never again. Emotional manipulators are professionals at what they do. They have been use to throwing tantrums, running guilt trips and playing games to get what they want and you are left footing the bill, debt, or uneasiness. I stood my ground recently and I owe no one an explanation of what I want and why I want it the way I want it. I can’t do what you want me to do to make you happy and I am left to grin and bear it or wallow in the nagging feeling of “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say NO?” Just remember even if you have the money or can accommodate someone’s request, if you don’t FEEL at ease, DO NOT DO IT AND OFFER NO EXPLANATION. You don’t have to explain your no.
)
Nikki's Confetti Life 