It’s important to know when you need space and to take it. You need to know when you’ve reached your limits. You need to recognize when your cup is empty and you need a refill. And sometimes that refill is for you and only you.
I need space. I want to relinquish my roles, responsibilities, and titles. I don’t want to answer anyone about anything. “I don’t know and I don’t care.” I would love to say that. “Figure it out yourself or get someone else” sounds good, too. I’d like to tell the inconsiderate people to buzz off. Buzz is not the word I want to use. Yes. I need space.
I need space before I have a meltdown, a blow up. I need space before I have some sort of physical malfunction. I need space before I become totally depressed. I need space. I need space. I need space.
I need to be called, ma’am or Queen. I need to be told, “Our pleasure” and not by Chick-fil-A. I need room service. I need spa services. I “DARN” sure need to be chauffeured everywhere. I need a live band. I need turn down services. I need to be asked, “Is there anything else we can do for you?”. I need the arts. I need to be prayed over in an ancestorial spiritual kind of way. And when I return, I return with bolder boundaries, consequences, rules, and regulations about how NICOLE will be treated from here on out.
I need space and I am going to take it. I am going to take it in a grand way.
As I muddle through life and navigate this single life aspect, I often forget about some of the fears that once tormented me in relationships. Well, I think this may happen to those of us who have been single for a while. It may also be the reason while some can’t find a mate and the same reasons some don’t want to be in a relationship ever again.
As I drifted in and out of sleep last night, a funny thing happened. I started to think about after the dating phase and the possibility of a relationship, the things I may have to deal with again. What if the guy is a flirt or has numerous female friends and associates? I thought to myself, “Nah, I don’t want to do that again.” Shutters. I think of the drama and trauma and accusations that circle around “What’s the problem with him having so many female friends or being a flirt?” “Are you insecure? You must be.” Well, I have dealt with all of the reasons I feel the way I feel about dating a big flirt and a man that has a boatload of women as associates. I can sum it up as saying, it’s not my cup of tea. After years of dealing and healing with the underline causes, and some of it is common sense and personal preferences, it came up last night. I thought I was done being concerned with that.
Well, the more I mulled it over in the day time, I realized, there is nothing to be concerned about because I don’t have to accept a big flirt or a guy with numerous women as friends and associates with behavior that makes me uncomfortable. Right. I have a choice. And one reason I remain single is because I know what things I can deal with and what things I cannot. I can no longer be coaxed, manipulated, talked into things I know just don’t work for me. And after all, is this not what the dating phase should reveal? And it shouldn’t take long into the relationship to discover if you’ve been bamboozled. No, not at my age. False alarm. I was worried about nothing.
I think it’s normal to have these things, whatever your things are, to come up from time to time when considering getting into the dating game. I think it’s important to be rational and to address any issues you may not have fully dealt with or just the ones that resurface.
The 43: It is Well Within Tour is a tour of my life, my mind, behind the scenes so to speak. In this social media error we seem to only see the finished product of things. We see the finished product of wisdom on a post. We see the arrival but, what about the journey? What about the grit and the grind or the situations that create the wisdom or the lessons? I am not talking about the polished versions either. I am talking about the moments that led up to the light bulb going off. The moment that profound wisdom is inked into your psyche. The moment light hits the darkness was it tears? Was it shame? Was it anger? Was it guilt? Was it relief?
Well, I want to take a tour of this year as if I am the tour guide and the tourist to journey into wellness within me. I am both the guide and the observer. You see the production. The beautifully wrapped package of a body that smiles (whether forced or not). But what happened that week or that day? We are on tour of the “getting to” of well being within. I hope you can take the tour with me. It’s going to be pretty honest and pretty amazing. 3/31/18-3/31/19
“In order to maintain peace and joy within one must take care of the things without and within.” ~Nikki