When you are healing or getting over a situation there is a middle ground. A gray space. A partly cloudy with a chance of rain. In this rarely talked about space, you can see sunshine and then clouds. You can see a beautiful sunrise and sunset and then out of seemingly nowhere, heavy rain. Here is the comfort: You are almost there. You are almost to the closing up of the wound. You are almost to the healing phase. You just have to rest and keep moving.
In this middle ground, this gap, do you know what you need? You sincere, specific, meaningful prayer, meditation, and affirmations. Stand in the gap of this moment. This where you go in deep. This where you stand in the corner and pray. This where you lay prostrate and wail if need be. This is where you lose your self in the silence of meditation.
This is also where good flows in. The sunshine, the sunrises, and the sunsets. This where light comes into the cracks. You get ah ha moments, deep revelations, vivid visions, and waves of goodness. It’s where nature speaks and heals. It’s where messages come from the strangest places and things. Embrace it with your whole mind and heart.
May the Lord (the Law) bless you. May the Lord (the Law) keep you. May the Lord (the Law) make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord (the Law), lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace. The Bible, Numbers 6:24-26
Why did I decide to take a month long vacation? And no, it’s not a vacation it’s to one of my dream locations like Costa Rica. It’s not a paid vacation. It’s not a vacation away from my city. It’s not even a stay-cation. It’s time away from church. Church. Not God. Church.
I was being pulled into, sucked into, staying on board when I really wanted to leave. I knew my time was up. But, because I felt “sorry” for the person I stayed on. They are in over their head because they are in a position they forced their way into. I need to finish this year strong and I can’t do that when I am in a place and space I don’t belong. Plus, it’s stressful and I don’t enjoy the atmosphere.
What do I plan to do? Well, because I understand numbers and I have relationship with my Creator, I have a clue as to what needs to be done for me personally. Yet, I stay flexible for directions and shifts.
Collectively this is a time for turning limitations into strengths. This is a time for getting systems (immune systems, financial systems, spiritual systems (ding ding ding), legal systems) and the (further) expansion of mind. And much more. If you want a Biblical reference (some of you are like, “No, I don’t” 😀 ) Then the passage I was given was Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. So, we are talking fluff or fu-fu. We are talking energy, time, sign of the times, things in the sky that God put there. But, that’s another in depth study you can do on your own. P.S. We are entering into a season of flu virus and Covid hasn’t disappeared so really hone in on boosting/helping your immune system out and body by eating properly and physical activity. Operate in wisdom.
Personally, this time for me (based on my life path number, other numbers, coupled with a relationship with my God) is about introspection and assessing the self knowledge I have gained thus far this year. It’s about looking at where I am and what changes I need to make or table. It’s about preparation for next year. Yes, next year. It’s also a time for me to see if there is anything I can celebrate. I feel behind because I have been caught up in church business and not my Father’s business for my life.
With that being said, I need not beat myself up, go into depression, or increase my anxiety. Of course, that will be a battle of the mind and emotions. I have to ground myself constantly. It is what it is BUT, all is not lost or wasted. It’s time for what I KNOW to become WHO I AM. It’s as a great modern day philosopher, teacher, Moojiji says, “It’s where knowledge becomes not what you know but, what you do, how you are, being.” You can know scriptures, quotes, texts, and spew them. You can know right from wrong. You can know what you “should” do. But if what you know doesn’t become WHO you are and WHAT you do, if it doesn’t become more than knowledge, you will never become all that you already are.
God has made everything beautiful in it’s own time.
I am grateful for another morning. I rise with power (after coffee lol but really I rise with power before coffee). Power to do right. Power to love right. Power to get wealth. Power to be my authentic self in a world that wants me to “do me” but not unless I do me like them? Power to be soft and bold. Good Morning. Don’t know where all of that came from but I flowed with it.
Yesterday I taught in a room where wisdom was openly spoken by every one. It was the greatest feeling of freedom in the world. I will share this week what I talked about, but for now I just want to bask in the afterglow of what it must feel like to be your authentic self and not bound by chains of tradition, culture, and man made rules. I taught or shared, and while all but one was mostly free to listen and not interject or impose, it was a good to my soul. It was like minded people, yet unique. Very mature and secure in their relationship with God. All, but one had no need to challenge my experience, my divine conversation with God, and the one was soon quiet. It is a mark of divine intelligence when you can let a person be and instead of challenging them on everything you think differently about, you seek to understand!!!
I appreciated the opposition as I now know how to handle that when I get the opportunity to teach and share again. I see she is one who has not learned to listen to understand instead of listening to oppose and impose. It is all good. Nothing can take a way from that day. When I was done we sat around for 2 1/2 more hours sharing. I felt like we were connecting and filling each others backpacks for our own individual journeys. I did not feel like I was in a prison as I can sometimes feel like when I am in other spiritual or religious settings. I much rather feel like I am at school. Learning. Except for in school, you don’t get to always share freely your thoughts because you don’t want the teacher or those that idolize the teacher to be upset with you for thinking differently (ha ha ha). So you share the part of you they can handle or you just be quiet. However, not the case yesterday. I was free as the eagle I am! Yes, God…more of that please.
When I gave birth to my daughter, I suffered from post partum depression. Suddenly, my worst fears took over and I felt incompetent as a mother. I felt she would be better off without me because of the things that happened to me in the past. No one protected me and I couldn’t protect myself. I thought there is no way I could protect her. I had an irrational fear that the same things that happened to me would happen to her. I was on the verge of a serious breakdown. As a matter of fact, I was having a breakdown.
As I was getting the help I needed, the doctor asked me what is the one thing you gained from this ordeal, the one thing you feel about yourself? I thought for a second and out of my mouth came these words “I am stronger than I think.” She looked directly at me and said “Yes you are. You are stronger than you think.”
I have used those words throughout my life to get me through some serious tough times and some pitch black moments. I use those words often when I feel as though too much is happening and I am losing the battle. I use those words to push through. I also have realized I am smarter than I think. I am also braver than I think. When you say these things to yourself over a period of time, even at what appears to be the worst time, they take root in your core. And it’s as if the Creator or angels take hold of that anchor in your soul and help pull you through. I have learned if you just try a thing, learn a thing, you can do it. Especially if it’s your calling or your gifts and talents. I want you to know today…
You are stronger than you think or believe. You are smarter and you are braver. Look at all that you have survived and now it is time to thrive. You survive by living your best life, by walking in your destiny with confidence and becoming the beautiful being you were created to be. You are more than a conqueror. The build up is in what you tell yourself in the dark times to get you back to the light. The build up is in what you say and not what you feel at the time…you say it until you feel it and you recall the other times you pulled through to give you strength.