Mother-Daughter relationships are very important as I am sure you already know. The relationships are delicate, fragile, and must be forged throughout a young girls developing stages in order to have a strong foundation for the teenage years and the young adult years. And for many it continues to change, but at the base of that change is a foundation of love and a REAL relationship a mother has created with their daughter. I believe a young girl should spend as much time as she can with her mother. They tell me a woman can’t raise a man, and to some degree that is probably true. Yet, I’ve seen men raised by their mother. If that is the case, can a man raise a woman? Yet, there are men that are left to parent a daughter. The truth be told, a child needs both parents. However, there are just some things a developing girl needs from her mother and a young boy needs from his father. (Or positive male and female role models).
There are so many things a mother can teach a girl and so many things she can relate to. There are just so many complexities in a girl’s life that a mother has already experienced that need to be shared.A mother has the ability to navigate a daughter through life, to shape her into a lady, a confident woman, a self sufficient human being, and a upstanding citizen. She has the ability to impart hope, self esteem, and discipline. She can help her to dream and to face reality. As much as you can tell the absence of a father figure in a boy’s life, you can tell the absence of a mother figure in a girl’s life.
A single father’s day is different in many ways depending on various things such as the relationship with the child/children, if he is divorced, if he has a good relationship with the mother or not. How would I know? I’m the product of a two parent home, my father was a step father, and I have four brothers whom have been married, still married, and divorced. I have really good male friends who are single fathers . I’ve seen a ray of emotions and drama involving the children. I’ve even seen trauma. I also am a single parent. This is my personal perspective… Do note that.
Some children still love a father that was never there or half way there regardless of how the mother feels and in spite of the poison they’ve injected into the minds of the children. Children still love their father after a divorce. Sometimes it takes a while for them to understand and sometimes it takes until adulthood. Some children never forgive… Even as adults. Children choose to see no wrong as they see their father as a hero regardless. Children can even love a step father as much as their own father, and sometimes more. They can also make up in their minds that they will never love a step father as much as they love their biological father. No matter how good the step father is.
I’ve seen fathers who were absent for years be present in the adulthood of their children. I’ve seen them be better grandparents than fathers. I’ve seen a step father inherit grandchildren from a step daughter and is dearly called grandpa. I’ve seen men mature as fathers and I’ve seen men remain immature. I’ve seen fathers and step fathers get along. Both looking after the best interest of the child. I’ve seen a father go from not speaking to the mother to laughter about the growing up of a child. I’ve seen the struggle of the single father financially, emotionally and mentally.
The advice I seem to give the most to single fathers:
1. It doesn’t matter what she tells your kids about you if you counteract that with SHOWING YOUR CHILDREN LOVE every single chance you get by being there and putting them first. By showing up and spending quality time. It’s not in things, it’s in the quality of your presence. And yes, financial support is important but, if you are not there when you are there it won’t mean a hill of beans. The more they grow they’ll see that what she says and what you DO don’t add up. Point it out if you have to.
2. If you are mean to their mother, they’ll never forget that. Put your feelings aside in the presence of your children and enjoy your time with them.
3. You don’t have to spend spend spend to be loved or to make up for the days you don’t have them or for how the marriage ended/relationship or to sooth any guilt you may have. As a matter of fact you’ll end up being liked or building a superficial love between you and the child based on things.
4. Discipline your children. You’re worried about being the liked parent. The favorite parent. Making up for not being in the home. You’ll be liked but you won’t be respected or taken seriously when the time comes. You’ll be sorry then.
Hang in there single dads.