Nobody likes feeling judged. Someone facing a difficult situation as a result of their actions may have done some self-judgment already.
Regardless, when seeking support, people generally don’t want to hear a critique — even if you offer constructive criticism with the best of intentions.
When offering support, try to keep your opinions on what they should have done or where they went wrong to yourself.
Avoid asking questions they might interpret as blaming or judgmental, such as, “So what made them so mad at you?”
Even if you don’t offer any direct judgment or criticism, tone can convey a lot of emotion, so your voice might share emotions you didn’t intend to say outright.
Take care to keep notes of disapproval out of your voice by focusing on feelings like sympathy and compassion when you speak.
Think about the last time you went through something difficult. You probably wanted to talk to someone about the problem, but you may not have necessarily wanted them to fix it for you or make it go away.
Maybe you just wanted to vent your frustration or disappointment and get some soothing acknowledgment in return.
Support doesn’t require you to fully understand a problem or provide a solution. Often, it involves nothing more than validation.
When you validate someone, you’re letting them know you see and understand their perspective.
The support people often want most is recognition of their distress. So, when a loved one tells you about the challenges they’re going through, they may not need you to jump in and help. You might offer the best support simply by showing concern and offering a caring presence.
Some validating phrases you can use are:
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with that situation. It sounds so painful.”
“That sounds so upsetting. I understand why you’re feeling so stressed right now.”
People show emotional support for others by offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion. This might include things like verbal expressions of sympathy or physical gestures of affection.
Emotional support can come from other sources, too — religious or spiritual sources, community activities, or even your pets. Whatever form it takes, this support can improve anyone’s outlook and general wellness.
Some people have a knack for being emotionally supportive, but this skill doesn’t come naturally to everyone.
When you want to provide emotional support to someone you care about, asking a few questions is a great place to start.
“How can I support you?” can sometimes work, but it’s not always the best approach.
While good intentions lie behind questions like these, they sometimes fail to have the impact you desire.
People don’t always know what they want or need, especially in the middle of a difficult situation. So, this question can be so broad it leaves someone unsure how to reply.
Instead, try asking questions tailored to a situation or the person’s state of mind, such as:
“You seem a little upset today. Would you like to talk about it?”
“I know your boss was giving you a tough time. How have you been holding up?”
If you know someone has faced some challenges and aren’t sure how to open a conversation, try starting with some general questions, such as, “What’s been happening in your life lately?”
Try to keep your questions open-ended instead of asking questions that can be answered with a “yes” or a “no.” This invites an explanation and helps keep the discussion going.
It’s not enough to simply ask questions. Listening actively, or empathically, is another important part of providing emotional support.
When you really listen to someone, you give them your full attention. Show interest in their words by:
displaying open body language, like turning your body toward them, relaxing your face, or keeping your arms and legs uncrossed
avoiding distractions, like playing with your phone or thinking about other things you need to do
nodding along with their words or making noises of agreement instead of interrupting
asking for clarification when you don’t understand something
summarizing what they’ve said to show you have a good grasp of the situation
Using good listening skills shows others you care about what they’re going through. For someone who’s struggling, knowing that someone else has heard their pain can make a big difference.
Simply knowing they have someone they trust in their life can often help them feel less alone, whether they actually want to talk about your symptoms or not.
One of the major keys to dealing with anxiety and depression is to get ahold of it before it spirals out of control. But exactly how is that done? Also, having a plan for when it does spiral out of control is necessary to expedite your recovery to mental and emotional stability. Therapy, scriptures, and affirmations are three major tools that have helped me. Also, having someone you trust when you can’t talk to your therapist and having a SOURCE, which I call God/Creator/Divine/Source when you have no one to talk to is major. For me, Source is always available but, I know there are things I can do on my own to help myself. And this is encouraged by Source.
I think you should really get to know who you are and how things affect you. The only way to do that is to be totally honest with yourself. I am sensitive as I found most creative people are. It allows us to channel our emotions into what we are creating. I have a tendency to take things more personally, overthink, and overanalyze. I have learned how to back out of those things and become an observer for the most part. I also know that it takes me time to move past things. Over the years it has become easier to move past things. I think that comes with wisdom and not age.
Here are some of the things I do to help me to get ahold of anxiety and depression:
I acknowledge what I am feeling and then I ask myself why I am feeling it. What happened? Who said it? Consider the source from which it came from and are they credible? No one is more credible than God for me. If it’s coming from a person I don’t know, a person that is negative, a person that doesn’t like me, why would I feed into their opinion? Exactly. Unless, deep down inside I feel that way about myself and I am honest if I do! If they say, “You are ugly” and lately I have been ripping myself apart I’m going to feel bad. BUT YOU have the power to change what you feel by changing what you think and speak.
I use affirmations for anxiety and depression. If I feel afraid to sleep, I say to myself over and over, I am safe in my body. I am safe in my home.
I use scripture pertaining to whatever I am feeling or scriptures to contrary. If I feel weak, I say I am strong. If I feel afraid, I say God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and love.
I pray.
I say, “Oh. I am feeling some anxiety today. I can fold my clothes. I can do some work as I work through this. I can do some exercise.”
If I have persistent thoughts or episodes, I make an appointment with my therapist (currently searching for a new one).
I talk to a friend I trust.
I cry. Crying is a release.
I pamper myself. I take hot showers. I oil and lotion up. I give myself a pedi/mani or go get one. I soak in a lavender Epsom salt and pink Himalayan salt mix. I schedule a massage session.
I go to my bathroom and read my yearly marching orders or my affirmations to reset my brain.
Now, what about when anxiety is CODE RED or depression is CODE BLUE!
My plan is to shut things down for a day or two this can include social media and putting phone calls on hold.
I call my therapist.
I rely on all the things above.
I immerse myself in Netflix, a blanket, and the couch.
I allow myself to sleep.
I lose myself in a hobby.
BUT the maximum I give myself is TWO DAYS and then I MUST come out of it. Anything longer than that can set me up for darker and deeper holes that are difficult and require help to come out of. I come out of it by pushing, forcing, and dragging myself to get back to a routine. A little at a time. And during this time, I make sure personal hygiene stays on top. If you don’t wash your face, brush your teeth, change clothes, shower, YOU WILL FEEL EVEN MORE LIKE CRAP. People tend to let themselves go in bouts of anxiety and deep dark times of depression.
During this time, I stay hydrated. I do allow myself some treats but I also make sure I eat as healthily as possible. Too much sugar or salt will make you feel worse. I add one of those packs of Vitamin C to my water. I sit on the porch. I go for a walk. I do 10 minutes of yoga if I don’t feel like doing 30. I do tai chi because it is slow movement. I may just stretch every two hours.
I hope this helps someone. Recently in Memphis, this week, we went through so many tragedies many of us are feeling things we can’t explain and some of us know exactly what we are feeling.
It’s funny that I am typing this right before bed and I have my journal out because I need to write in it tonight. I am also starting a new journal practice called Morning Journaling. It’s when you write whatever comes to mind in the morning. This can show you so much of what you are thinking about first thing in the morning. It could be something silly or it could be something heavy. Knowing this can help you navigate your day.
Journaling helps get what’s in your head and heart onto paper. Once it’s onto paper, it aids in relief of whatever you are feeling. It helps you to see things more clearly. It can help you process emotions and be an indicator of inappropriate thoughts and feelings. You can also audio journal by using your recorder on your phone. Once it’s recorded you can play it back and hear what you are thinking and process what you are thinking. It’s up to you to keep it or erase it.
I think journaling helps our peace of mind. Especially, when you have so much on your mind. Clearing your mind is a huge help in fostering peace of mind. Sometimes before bed I am overwhelmed or anxious thinking about what I need to do the next day. Writing a list before bed helps me to worry less. If it pops in my head, I tell myself, “You wrote that down. Relax.”
Therapy helps protect our peace of mind. Yes, it does because therapy helps us to see patterns, interrupt those patterns, and even assist us in developing new patterns of thinking. Therapy can help us see where our thinking goes off the rails and help us to understand why and how to keep it on track. It can help us to make connections with how we think and our past or present, family environment, or if it’s based on trauma. I know this from personal experience and I am a huge supporter of therapy. Your mental health matters.
I have to admit that when I have too much sugar in my diet, I feel terrible. When I don’t eat enough carbs, I feel terrible. When my insulin level rises, I can’t think straight and when it is too low, I can’t think straight. I feel grouchy. Whether you are diabetic or not, the body needs balance. A fatty, sugary diet doesn’t help your body or your mind. A diet lacking in nutrition or protein doesn’t help your body, brain, organs or mind.
What we eat doesn’t just affect our physical health: it can also affect our mental health and wellbeing. Eating well – which means having a balanced diet full of vegetables and nutrients – can improve your sense of wellbeing and your mood. -mentalhealth.org/uk
When you stick to a diet of healthy food, you’re setting yourself up for fewer mood fluctuations, an overall happier outlook and an improved ability to focus, Dr. Cora says. Studies have even found that healthy diets can help with symptoms of depression and anxiety. -aetna.com
When I am in a depressive state or dealing with exhaustion, water helps me tremendously. What I take into my physical body helps me tremendously. I am tempted to eat sugary foods and salty foods. More so salty when I am feeling anxious and sweet when I am feeling depressed. These types of foods only bring me a temporary feeling of satisfaction. Below is an explanation from aetna.com
Here’s how it works: Your GI tract is home to billions of bacteria that influence the production of neurotransmitters, chemical substances that constantly carry messages from the gut to the brain. (Dopamine and serotonin are two common examples.)
Eating healthy food promotes the growth of “good” bacteria, which in turn positively affects neurotransmitter production. A steady diet of junk food, on the other hand, can cause inflammation that hampers production. When neurotransmitter production is in good shape, your brain receives these positive messages loud and clear, and your emotions reflect it. But when production goes awry, so might your mood.
Sugar, in particular, is considered a major culprit of inflammation, plus it feeds “bad” bacteria in the GI tract. Ironically, it can also cause a temporary spike in “feel good” neurotransmitters, like dopamine. That isn’t good for you either, says Rachel Brown, co-founder of The Wellness Project, a consultancy that works with corporations to promote good health among employees. The result is a fleeting sugar rush that is followed shortly thereafter by a crash “that’s terrible for your mood,” she says.
When you stick to a diet of healthy food, you’re setting yourself up for fewer mood fluctuations, an overall happier outlook and an improved ability to focus, Dr. Cora says. Studies have even found that healthy diets can help with symptoms of depression and anxiety. Unhealthy diets have been linked to an increased risk of dementia or stroke.
As soon as confusion or anger arises your mind becomes cloudy. When you FEEL frustration and disappointment, you have trouble thinking or concentrating. There is no escaping the fact that there is a mind and body connection. Exercise can help you to CLEAR your mind and when you have a CLEAR mind you have clarity. You can think straight. You can gather the correct response and you can receive solutions to your issues. So, literally take a hike!
How does it work?
Part of the reason exercise enhances cognition has to do with blood flow. Research shows that when we exercise, blood pressure and blood flow increase everywhere in the body, including the brain. More blood means more energy and oxygen, which makes our brain perform better. – scientificamerican.com
Exercise can help provide: Sharper memory and thinking. The same endorphins that make you feel better also help you concentrate and feel mentally sharp for tasks at hand. Exercise also stimulates the growth of new brain cells and helps prevent age-related decline. -helpguide.org
Before you “pop off” or go off go for a walk. Do some yoga. Pump some iron. Go for a swim. Jog. Wog (walk and jog combo). Taekwondo. Zumba. Go to kick boxing class. You get the picture ❤
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 14:2
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. John 16:33
8 They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:8
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:16
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Nikki's Confetti Life 