Compositions of my life energy
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” ~Dalai Lama 1. Fight the urge to run away or shut down Let’s face it, it is in our nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Seeing a loved one suffer is one of the most […]
Saturday Morning Coffee Musings
YOU’RE CRAZY.
IN RELATION TO YOUR DREAMS, WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU’RE CRAZY, THEY ARE SAYING YOUR DREAMS ARE BEYOND THEIR SCOPE OF POSSIBILITY, REALITY AND IMAGINATION. -NICOLE JACKSON
Yesterday, I talked to a publisher for one of my clients. He told me how it took him 3 years to leave HIS JOB as a top guy with 700 employees under him. He said people kept telling him MAN YOU’RE CRAZY. Then he said plus I was mid age. Then I just couldn’t fight it anymore and here I am. Sometimes, I pinch myself and can’t believe I’m living my dream.
Me: Usually when they say YOU’RE CRAZY, in relation to your dreams, it’s a sure thing you’re on the right path.
Him: I can see that!
Me: Yeah, just think of all the people with a success story, even in the Bible, (he’s Christian), who were told THAT’S CRAZY and things worked out.
Him: Right! It’s been 9 years. An unbelievable 9 years.
Me: YOU’RE CRAZY means it’s outside their scope of reality, possibility & imagination. That’s all.
Him: WOW. Are you in ministry?
Me: Something like that.
Temperamental much? You bet!!!! We don’t know if it’s the medication or the pain so “STAND DOWN” is what we are yelling in the inside to those around us that’s adding to the irritation or in our heads they are adding to it. I mean that’s only for you to determine.
It doesn’t matter if it’s that dull nagging pain in that one area that’s been going on all day or all week. It doesn’t matter if it’s a full fledge flare and it’s going from your hand to hip. It doesn’t matter if suddenly you snap and yell “I’M TIRED OF HURTING ALL THE —- TIME!!!!! You’re in the DR Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phase. It can sneak up on you when you’re trying to open up a container with a plastic top or you see someone jogging and you remember when you use to be able to do that. The MOOD suddenly swings and there you go. Hey, who pushed me???
What’s that noise?!!!!! Who’s running the water? Who left the light on? Are you getting smart with me? What are you looking at? And honestly, nothing more than a normal day and normal sounds and normal children/ teenagers or a spouse doing what they always do. It’s just 10 times as irritating because you’re in pain or your in reflection of the illness.
Here are my tips:
1. Hey, I’m in pain. (Well yeah, (they say), you’re in pain everyday). Here’s where you have to break it down to them I’m having a flare a high grade one or a low grade one (the nagging dull pain). So, could you keep the noise down or lose the attitude until further notice???
2. Retreat. Go to your room. Close the door. Turn the light off. I literally just did this and I’m typing this blog on my phone. My daughter seemed to get the picture right away.
3. If you have time off use it or see if you can come in later. (Honestly, I don’t know people that have this kind of job where they can come in later. But, if u do, do that!)
4. If you have a friend or relative that lives alone, and they have an extra room, run away to their home for a day or night. Tell them you just want peace ✌ and quiet.
5. Or, if I felt like getting up, I’d show u my sign for my door. It reads as follows: Flare. Enter at your own risk.
6. Find a quiet place outside, a walk if you can, the porch or patio and have your moment if you’re just feeling emotional about the changes your illness has put you through.
7. Many times I think of all the things I can do or still can do. That lifts your spirit.
8. I know it’s corny to some but, give thanks. Place to stay? Food to eat? Clothes to wear? People that care and love you? People that put up with your madness? In pain but can you see? Talk? Read? Walk? Taste good food?
So, as I lie here tonight in “I’m BATMAN” braces (they look like batman’s gloves. You know like I should be able to call for the bat car on my arm) for carpal tunnel syndrome, I hope your mood swing subsides… And mines too. I shouldn’t be typing but, I had to get this out! Free therapy!
~Nikki
Monday Morning WEEK POW WOW
It’s a productive week and the atmosphere is conducive for miracles & favor
I stand firm in my beliefs without stooping to low level energies
I choose peace to keep my creative ideas flowing
I feed my body good food and exercise
I operate in possibilities
I give my time and energy to worthy recipients
Money & Promotion is attracted to me like a magnet
When I saw the above photograph, it immediately got my attention as I searched for a quote on peace. I looked at it and thought this is how we should operate in the midst of everything that is going on around us. I named each stone as I looked at the picture and said there I am also. Peace in the midst may not be consistent for many of us but, the simple truth that you have it at times lets me know it’s always available.
I’ve discovered I need different types of blankets depending on how I feel. I can’t explain it. I have a thin spread, as my mother would call it on my bed, a chenille blanket for downstairs because it’s always cooler downstairs, a thick fuzzy blanket to go on top of the thin “spread” if it’s not doing it’s job and what I now need is a quilt.
Yesterday I suddenly became ill while visiting my parents. It’s warm here but I was freezing. They turned the air off gave me a blanket and I still couldn’t get warm.
Then my mom brought a quilt my granny made. I fell asleep right away. Now I would like to have a quilt my granny made or when I finish my sewing classes, I’d like to take the ones she had left undone and finish them. It’s the one thing I wish I would have learned to do from her before she passed away or as I say, transformed (from the physical body to the spiritual body). I dreamed she was showing me yesterday evening as I slept. Now, I really believe I can do it. Even if it will be a challenge with my RA.
~Nikki
Energy zap, nausea and shock waves of pain. They come out of nowhere. On their own and when they darn well please.
You’re halfway done grocery shopping or washing dishes and suddenly the lights go out. That’s the feeling of energy zap. It can happen and all you did was get dressed for the day. Surprise!!!!
Nausea shows up anywhere. It doesn’t care if you just sat down for dinner or a date or both. It doesn’t care that you had a decent night of sleep and all you did was sat up on the side of the bed. Nausea can come and go or stay with you and nag you all-day-long. Surprise!!!!
You’re sitting there chatting with a dear friend and out of no where you feel as if you are being electrocuted with a wave of pain. You reach for your arm or leg and press into it. You’re friend asks “Are you okay?” With a look of concern. A few moments past and you say “Yeah. What was I was talking about?” As if that just didn’t just happen. Surprise!!!
These are the bad surprises of chronic illnesses that you never get use to. Well, at least I haven’t. It’s no wonder many of us are mean and crabby but I don’t let my illness determine my weather. Not much. I try to adjust my funky attitude or send myself to my room. I’m in my room now.
Lifeguard station in Panama. Early sunrise.
Mondays are usually my off days. I don’t normally, if can be avoided, schedule any appointments on Mondays. I don’t really want to talk business either or heavy issues. All I want is rest. Peace. Shhhhh. Quiet please. No drama 🎭 Only good vibes. I use it to organize my week from goals to meals to appointments.
You see as a person with RA (Rheumatoid arthritis) and Fibromyalgia this is my day to recoup from any activity/activities over the weekend. I learned this only towards the end of last year. Weekends can zap ⚡ everything out of you. It’s usually then you try to do a little extra or maybe lose your mind and go overboard.
When Monday comes I discover I would miss or cancel more appointments. If I don’t rest on Mondays, I’m setting myself up for a flare. Even though RA or Fibro has a mind of its own and can flare at any given time, I don’t want to set it ablaze! And I’ll conk out midweek usually in fatigue and you guessed it, more pain.
I’m a Mom and I have parents that need my help as much as I need theirs. Any type of illness that has unpredictable symptoms and triggers adds to the unpredictability of life. Bringing in any type of routine and normalcy keeps a lid on the sanity.
I’m committed to my Mondays being light. I look forward to them. I don’t know how long all of this is going to last when I become a well to do author, fashion designer, speaker, paid blogger 😀 but for now, let’s just go with it.
~Nikki
Uh oh 😞. This can’t be good. You know the outcome of this type of situation because you’ve done it and seen it before. You pull the string and there it goes. You put it in the washer or dryer and when you open the door it it’s no more but shreds of what it use to be. Or what about that fine garment that you can just pull the thread and watch it go from a scarf or skirt to this amazingly long piece of very fine threading. Poof!!! Vanished!!!
Whenever I think of something unraveling I think of nothing salvageable being left. You may as well toss it and get a new one or say your farewell. Maybe both.
I give the years 2010 until 2015 for me the ominous title THE UNRAVELING. I imagine it in big red scary creepy Steven Spielberg letters. You’re afraid to open the book!!! It’s the years I’ve been dealt the most blows, seen the most valleys, cried the most tears, lost quite a bit, and mostly spent in darkness catching glimpses of light. Anguish and hell. It’s the unraveling of everything you once knew and once were. The familiar is gone. It’s a how did I get here, let me count the ways moment. It’s a “Wait. No. I wasn’t ready.” The sudden death of your life as you know it. Yes. The unraveling is fast but seems to go on forever and you can’t stop it. And you know when it gets to the end there will be nothing left that you can make sense out of. You’ll have the memory of what it use to be and the scars to prove it existed.
As I look at the heap of life I once knew, I know it’s gone. So now what do I do? I say to God. Now what? In the natural we replace it if it’s a necessity or we really like it. And it may not be the exact same one but, we learn to love it or like it. Sometimes we say”I’ll purchase a better one this time and make sure I take care of it.” Heck it may even come with an extra pocket or hood or fancier stitch.
So the Universe speaks. Hold it right there. I’ll get you a NEW ONE. I’m sorry your old life got ripped to shreds in the unraveling but it was time. (you frown) Listen says the Universe, I’ve got to make this NEW LIFE for you but I need your input and cooperation. Work with me. Let’s make it the best NEW LIFE ever! Dream it up! Find your new pleasures, scrap the good from the old going forth with lessons learned as the new pattern. We’ll weave it all in. Oh oh I know. You’ll have your moments threading a NEW LIFE but cry your way through. Shout your way through it. Just keep sewing sewing sewing (Universe sings in Dori voice from Finding Nemo) and before you know it you’ll start to smile more. You’ll step back and see things are coming along. It’s going to be fabulous. It’s going to be rich with love and opportunities to improve. To live up to your highest potential.
So as scary as the unraveling is… You will be given NEW LIFE and this time you’ll remember working with the Creator to create it. Hmmm… It’s all coming back to me. Now lets get back to making this pattern…let’s see. Where did I put that lesson on self love…oh here it is! Right in front of me!!!
~Nikki
Thoughts that Count:
Hello? Hey! I was just thinking about you.
Hey. I called to check on you. How’s it been going?
I was at the market and they had your favorite flowers. Here. For you. Just because.
I’m cooking your favorite meal.
Stopped by your favorite place and picked up your favorite dessert.
I’ll cook tonight.
I’ll get the dishes.
I’ve been praying for you.
I bought you a souvenir from my trip.
I made you coffee.
I made you tea.
Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.
Foot rub. Put ’em up here.
I ran your bath 🛀 water.
One of my brothers (I have 4 and 1 sister), was out with a friend of his and purchased me some Shea Butter because he knows I like natural products. He also brings me honey from the Honey Guy on his job. 100% natural. Straight from the bees.
Thoughts do count. They count as kind acts deposited in the heart’s account and a withdrawal at anytime can be made at anytime from the memory bank.
~Nikki
Nikki's Confetti Life 