Tag: Children
Grow Up.Your child. Your Responsibility.
You don’t get to opt out of the parenting programming because it’s hard or it’s an inconvenience on your sleep and free time. You don’t get to dump them at your parents’ house during the week and every weekend because you have to hit the club or need some “me” time (every weekend? Yeah right). Your child. Your responsibility. Do your job.
The Teenager Thinks Deep: Dimensions
Mom, can u see different dimensions in the light or sun? I mean, are there different dimensions with other people? How do you get there or are people here from other dimensions?
Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Don’t Crowd Fund Your Self Esteem
It’s not possible you would know everyone who walks along a crowded street or those standing with you at a concert. Crowd funding consists of strangers and a few people you know contributing to your cause or project. It’s not likely those people know you from the eyes of a good friend or the perspective of a wonderful family member. So, in this life why do we seem to crowd fund our self-esteem? I know I am guilty of this from time to time but, oh I remember the days where I relied heavily on the opinions of others and even sought-after validation. Thank God! Thank God because I did the hard work and made it through the mistakes to get to this point to talk to you, unashamed, about crowd funding your self-esteem.
What people don’t understand about those who struggle with self-esteem issues is it didn’t start yesterday. They also don’t understand the complex journey it takes to go back in your life and discover where the seeds were planted and the hard work it takes to cut the roots of low self-esteem. Crowd funding your self-esteem is when you rely on the contributions of others’ opinions to fund how you feel about yourself. You should cancel this fund raiser (thought) each time it pops in your mind. I could go through a bunch of steps on how to do this but there is this one saying that sums it up and you could tape it to your forehead or mirror. Whichever is more fashionable for you!
The quote is: Comparison is the thief of joy-Theodore Roosevelt
Why are you sad now? Why are you feeling defeated now? Why are you feeling bad about yourself now? You just compared your progress, success, where you are, to someone else’s progress, success, how farther they are in life than you are and now your joy has been stolen by comparison. Stop that. Learn to admire others and set your OWN goals. If June buys a million-dollar home don’t try to buy a million-dollar home simply to measure your success by June’s. Look at your bank account, do the math, and buy what you can afford. If Courtney just ran her first marathon and you just made it running a mile, how UNFAIR is that to compare yourself? Your diligence and her diligence are simply diligence. I tell you “a truth” as Jesus said in the Bible when he was about to introduce a new concept: If you learn to CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES AS WELL AS OTHERS you wouldn’t need to crowd fund your self-esteem.
Don’t compare yourself with others. Instead, celebrate yourself and others.
~Nikki
Single Fathers. A personal observation.
A single father’s day is different in many ways depending on various things such as the relationship with the child/children, if he is divorced, if he has a good relationship with the mother or not. How would I know? I’m the product of a two parent home, my father was a step father, and I have four brothers whom have been married, still married, and divorced. I have really good male friends who are single fathers . I’ve seen a ray of emotions and drama involving the children. I’ve even seen trauma. I also am a single parent. This is my personal perspective… Do note that.
Some children still love a father that was never there or half way there regardless of how the mother feels and in spite of the poison they’ve injected into the minds of the children. Children still love their father after a divorce. Sometimes it takes a while for them to understand and sometimes it takes until adulthood. Some children never forgive… Even as adults. Children choose to see no wrong as they see their father as a hero regardless. Children can even love a step father as much as their own father, and sometimes more. They can also make up in their minds that they will never love a step father as much as they love their biological father. No matter how good the step father is.
I’ve seen fathers who were absent for years be present in the adulthood of their children. I’ve seen them be better grandparents than fathers. I’ve seen a step father inherit grandchildren from a step daughter and is dearly called grandpa. I’ve seen men mature as fathers and I’ve seen men remain immature. I’ve seen fathers and step fathers get along. Both looking after the best interest of the child. I’ve seen a father go from not speaking to the mother to laughter about the growing up of a child. I’ve seen the struggle of the single father financially, emotionally and mentally.
The advice I seem to give the most to single fathers:
1. It doesn’t matter what she tells your kids about you if you counteract that with SHOWING YOUR CHILDREN LOVE every single chance you get by being there and putting them first. By showing up and spending quality time. It’s not in things, it’s in the quality of your presence. And yes, financial support is important but, if you are not there when you are there it won’t mean a hill of beans. The more they grow they’ll see that what she says and what you DO don’t add up. Point it out if you have to.
2. If you are mean to their mother, they’ll never forget that. Put your feelings aside in the presence of your children and enjoy your time with them.
3. You don’t have to spend spend spend to be loved or to make up for the days you don’t have them or for how the marriage ended/relationship or to sooth any guilt you may have. As a matter of fact you’ll end up being liked or building a superficial love between you and the child based on things.
4. Discipline your children. You’re worried about being the liked parent. The favorite parent. Making up for not being in the home. You’ll be liked but you won’t be respected or taken seriously when the time comes. You’ll be sorry then.
Hang in there single dads.
~Nikki
The Worst Graduation Gift from Parents
The best graduation gift you could give your child is the gift of letting them be what they want to be and not what you want them to be. I mean, haven’t we learned from the movies and real stories of others? The tragedy of you wanting them to be what YOU THINK they would be good at or what would be a SAFE BET to bring them financial gain or worse, what you wanted to be but never did achieve.
Take it from a victim of this. Even if it comes out of concern, you’re destroying someone’s dream. Your child’s dream. You’re creating insecurity and fear and self doubt, pushing them into a life long career that they will hate or despise the rest of their lives. Unless they wake up 20 years later and say I hate this! I’m going to Africa or I’m opening the flower shop I always wanted to open. Or worse, they’ll quit mid semester and wonder aimlessly from job to job trying to figure out what to do. Anything but what you told them not to do or be. Hopefully, they discover they should just be that!
Give your child the gift to choose their path and then give them another gift of unwavering support as they navigate the waters of adulthood. They’ll change their minds several times but don’t you waver in your support. Just guide if they get too far off course but never push them out the way and steer their ship of dreams.
~Nikki
Sunday Morning Musing With Coffee 🍵
P.S. IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO CALL AND TELL THEM YOU WERE WRONG. THEY SHOULD BE WHAT THEY DESIRE IN THEIR HEART TO BE!
Monday Morning Week POW WOW
Monday Morning WEEK POW WOW
It’s a productive week and the atmosphere is conducive for miracles & favor
I stand firm in my beliefs without stooping to low level energies
I choose peace to keep my creative ideas flowing
I feed my body good food and exercise
I operate in possibilities
I give my time and energy to worthy recipients
Money & Promotion is attracted to me like a magnet
She’s Still There
Parenting: Last night I told my daughter to get ready for bed. She said she was putting her hair up and was already dressed for bed. Well when she walked into my room her hair was in five or six gigantic knots (wrapped around). I began to giggle because she looked like an alien from a sci-fi movie. But then my giggle turned into deep side aching laughter because at that moment I realized she is the same child that dressed herself with mixed match clothes. The same child that gravitates towards the unusual necklace and 8 bracelets on one arm. The same child that insists on wearing socks that don’t match. I thought I was loosing her as she is turning into a teen but, I realized she is still there and will always be in some shape, form or fashion or hairstyle. In the midst of hormones and attitudes which some times makes a parent wonder “Who is this person?” I see the little girl is still there. The core of who she is still there. Here uniqueness and funny ways remain. She is still there. What a relief.
Single Parent Holiday S.O.S
The Holidays can bring about depression and anxiety for single parents. I could say well, it’s not about the gifts but, what I should point out is it goes beyond the gifts as to why a single parent may experience some anxiety and depression.
A single parent may have struggled the entire year and the very thought of purchasing anything outside of the budget (or means) brings about a feeling of insufficiency. It may bring about thoughts of “If only there were two parents” and truth be told I have seen everything from a single parent sacrificing to get things (for Holidays and Birthdays) and then find themselves behind on bills, in a viscous cycle of debt to becoming extremely moody and bitter and the children begin to associate this time of the year with lack, shortage and insufficiency in the material sense. And as adults they let you know this is how they feel about the holidays and birthdays. Holidays and birthdays stunk as children therefore, they stink as adults.
When you are spending money to fill a void of not feeling like “the parent” it’s not about the children. It’s about YOU not feeling like you are enough as a parent. It may be competition with the other parent to show you can do as much as they can without them. And the truth is, I have seen single fathers on child support struggle financially and whether they admit it or not, they also become depressed or bitter during this time of the year because they too have to find extra money to buy things for their child/children. They too go into further debt during the holidays or birthdays. So there are many sides to a story.
Listen, single parents (fathers and mothers), you need to know your parenthood success is not built on gifts of the material things but are built on the gifts of love and time. It is built on the gifts of pouring into your children principals, values, morals that will last a lifetime while those toys and clothes will be a thing of the past in a week.
If you are not in the mood for the Holidays or Birthdays because of what you can’t buy then you are missing the entire point of these days. Re-evaluate the reason for the season and what it means to be thankful your child saw another birthday.
Keeping gifts and celebrations within reason creates children that are grateful when you provide extra and grateful when there is little or none because they know you love them and care for them and that is ALL that matters.
~Nikki
Nikki's Confetti Life 