Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: A Healing of Mind Ponder & Finances

Coffee_Photography_5

I know how much things can affect the mind. Your health, your relationships, jobs, school, and your finances. These things have literally driven people over the edge and if not to that extreme, these things have cause a great deal of stress for many. It creates a terrible environment but, it also creates chaos within.

So, as I sat to write this I asked, “Can the mind be healed? Maybe when my finances are healed then will I have a peace of mind.” But, I heard the Spirit speak and say: “In order for the mind to be healed, the soul must be repaired. And, your finances being heal will bring you a “piece” of the peace of mind. But, you can have a peace of mind right now with soul work.”

I’ve done soul work in many areas. I did not think that finances were connected to soul work. Yes, I know that our spending and saving habits can be traced back to how our parents spent and save their money. But, I also know that we can “unlearn” these habits and replace them with better habits. Still, how does money and soul work belong together?

A lack of finances, a huge debt, creates worry. Worry creates illnesses, bad moods, foul environments and strained relationships. Worrying does not add to our life but, takes away from our lives. It takes away “life” from our life. We miss everything else around us. At first we worry about what we will do. Then we worry about what will happen. Then we worry about it as we are working on saving and paying down debt because many times it leaves us with very little to work with and that creates stress. Here is where the soul is damaged. Worry is like a cancer it just eats up the good and the bad. It gnaws away on something until it’s gone. Boom…peace of mind gone. You get it back and then bam! It’s gone again.

The soul is being overpowered about what is happening in the natural world and we forget or severe ourselves from our Source. It doesn’t matter to me what you call the Source or Creator or God. We forget God is with us EVEN as we correct our financial situations. God is with us the moment we realize we are in trouble. God is with us when we look at the financial books and realize we don’t have enough to do anything after paying on our debts. The reason we get so upset about not having is because we know we are suppose to be able to live in abundance. And let me say, your abundance could be millions and my abundance could be $30,000 a year.  It’s all about how we work it.

Something in us knows we were not created to barely make it. Yet, how do we have peace when we are barely getting by or in the process of improvement? We take a break. What? We take a break. On a job, they give you breaks. What you do on those breaks are up to you.

Soul work: On your morning break, your lunch break, evening/night time break, pray or meditate, read about financial empowerment, affirmations and scriptures as you are in the process of creating your abundance on this financial level. (I say that because we do know that being in peace (mind) and having good health is also a part of abundance). Scriptures or affirmations that speak on worry/anxiety or finances and abundance, knowing that the Creator is there and will see you through the process is a powerful elixir for the mind as well as the healing agent for the soul. Reading books or taking a course or seeking help to repair your finances are all empowering but, staying connected to the Divine throughout this process keeps your mind on the track of peace. This is the soul work map for me and I hope that it helps you to. Abundance is come and will come.

~Nikki

 

A Peaceful Saturday: Do Not Disturb

54e01ab4ad96dd861286119ccb4b7802

It’s a chilly Saturday morning here in Memphis. Most of the snow has melted and patches of ice are still hanging on for dear life. It’s partly cloudy and my daughter is at her dad’s for the weekend. It’s a quiet morning for the most part and I don’t want to be troubled about anyone’s troubles today. I have had a very long and painful week that started last Sunday. I had oral surgery Monday. Tuesday the neighbors pipes busted…and wait…I don’t want to go on about this week. However, I did just get off the the phone with a person, whom name is being withheld to protect the guilty, on how they have these mountains of a problems today (two), which has greatly (not even barely) inconvenienced them. I just held the phone. Solved one of their “problems” by asking a simple question and listen to them solve the other. You know, before coffee I just don’t want an earful of woes.

At some point of a roller coaster week you have to get off. You have to carve out not just a moment, a minute, but an entire day. 24 hours of leave me alone. 24 hours of this is how the day will go. 24 hours of I can’t help you. 24 hours of I am closed. 24 hours of, sorry, that’s going to rush me, put me in a bind, throw my entire day off. 24 hours of I see your text, message, but I am not answering. I don’t want to think. I want to be quiet. I want to clean. I want to create. I want to eat good food. I want to binge watch. I want to listen to good music. A Do Not Disturb: It’s My Saturday.

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Waiting and Doing

ab74dd04a967fe2c35b96a0da8ceb046

One morning when my daughter was a baby and I was on my way to work, I recall being extremely upset.  I don’t remember what my daughter’s father said or did to make me so upset that early in the morning, but I do remember driving on the expressway fighting back tears and anger. I do remember wanting to wish ill will on him, but holding myself at bay. I remember feeling immense mixed emotions. And I said “I am so angry, I can’t even pray!” Immediately, I heard a voice saying: “I will pray for you.” I wasn’t sure if it was the Holy Spirit or Jesus or an angel. It really doesn’t matter.

Yesterday and this morning I am dealing with depression and some anxiety. It was late when I got up and I laid there and just prayed some. I said, “I just don’t know what to pray anymore as I feel I may say the wrong things out of frustration.” I did not have an appetite yesterday, but ate dinner. I don’t have one today, but I have eaten lunch as I was urged to do in my spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit to pray for me and then I began to do my part. I wait for strength and change of mood and I “do” as much as I can. Yesterday, I could just do the basics and today, I am typing, sharing this with you. I have eaten.

Here is something, the entire time you are in a dark place of depression or anxiety, God is sending you messages. God is in touch with you. It could be the call from a parent, something that makes you laugh, sun on your face, an angel number with a message, a quote, something that you read, things brought to your remembrance…a number of small brief things. Inches of rope in your hope that “This moment too shall pass.” I want to encourage you, and hopefully others that have love ones that have moments like these, to let them wait and do as much as they can. Even if it is very little to you. Encourage them for the simple things. “That’s great you sat outside for a while. That’s good you got something down to eat. Eating will give you strength.” You don’t have to run over and slap oil on their heads or pray demons away. Sometimes just waiting with them, praying on your end, and encouraging is enough. My soul is waiting.

~Nikki

Anxiety: Getting to Happy, Thanks, and Giving

15230785_10155531689623266_2264308434370629756_n

Wednesday I was certain I wasn’t going to Thanksgiving Dinner. I just did not want to be bothered with all of the noise and hoopla. I’d experienced a really bad night of anxiety and insomnia Tuesday night. Worst in a long time, maybe of all times. Later on Wednesday evening I began to feel better, but not enough to change my mind.

When I woke up Thursday, I felt okay. I forced myself to have breakfast with a friend. I got dressed and made it to my family’s house with a plan in mind. If it gets to be too much, I can escape to my parents room or I can leave. To my surprise, my mother was much calmer than usual. She usually is high strung. I was grateful because I don’t operate well in panic and hype mode. I gave by putting ice in the cups, rolls in the oven, arranging the food. It was hectic getting food in a small space with almost 20 plus people. So, I went outside and sat until the line died down. Cool fall air and peace. I was happy as my nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, eyes lit up when they saw me and they ran to give me hugs. I was happy to see my latest 6 month old great nephew for the first time.

I gave thanks for good food as I escaped to my parents room to eat in peace as I watched HGTV and Unsung. Only to be interrupted by by wobbly walking one year old great nephew as he looked in on me and came to my plate for anything I would give. He’s not hard to please and out the door he went.

I made it. I made it back to my house with my sanity in tack and a to go box for breakfast this morning. I am thankful I did not experience the agitation of anxiety.

~Nikki

Anxiety. I Don’t Understand It Yet.

ca8bfa12abbfcb6c899e27a3682f9218

I can’t tell the difference from my own ways of overanalyzing and anxiety. I start to wonder if they are connected. I am pretty sure they are. Last night was a hell of a night of overthinking, worry, concern, and you name it. The worst I have had in a long time. I still do not understand anxiety as it is new to me this year. It may sound crazy, but it frustrates me all the more that I don’t understand. I don’t like it. And if I dare to think about it, I have probably had it longer. I can identify the on start, and I have caught it and followed the plan to calm it down. But those times where it spirals out of control…like last night…is the worst. I could not stop it. I fell asleep off and on and each time I woke up it was back again.

About a month ago, a strange thing happened. I was suppose to go out on a date and the guy took forever to call. I was getting dressed and the next thing you know I started to feel anxious. I started to think about all the other times guys have let me down where we were suppose to do something and didn’t. I started to think about all of the times things didn’t work out and then I started to cry. I was shocked! What the hell was I crying about? I did not understand this at all. I felt, abandoned. And when I thought that, I thought about a very very bad relationship where this guy was always leaving me high and dry. And the many other times this has happened in relationships. And there…there was the trigger. But then came the shame. “I am Nicole. I am strong. I don’t care about these things. Right? I have been through so much and well, look at how tough I am. No one needs to know about this. Get yourself together. You can’t take that to therapy.” And I didn’t. But, I will have to this time.

I am fatigued. I am still fighting those thoughts this morning. I do not like myself right now. I wonder if I will ever be okay. If I will ever be understood. If I will ever be loveable. I don’t want to be bothered. I think what I want is to be understood about all of the things rattling around my head.

I am trying my damndest to be gentle with myself as I go through this, but it is very hard.

~Nikki

Unsteady: Depression and Anxiety

f70da78920dfecfbc22afdc6e7e7d1ae

From depression to PSTD (which is not just for soldiers), I think about how unsteady the mind and emotions can be. I think about how physical illnesses can create a certain unsteadiness in our lives. We are often trying to hold onto ourselves and others. We are often seeking someone to hold on to us during those times the winds start blowing in our lives and the oceans of our emotions start to rock and the wind of thoughts began to blow. It’s a scary state to be in.  A very fragile state.

You are trying to stay afloat. You are grasping for your tools to help you pull through. You hope you make it. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you wish someone would simply hold onto you and give you the balance you need and at the same time you don’t want anyone around. (Side Note: If you are the person trying to hold onto the unsteady person, sometimes your presence, YOUR LISTENING EAR and your silence and your prayers ARE THE ANCHOR).

Last night I found myself overwhelmed with helplessness as I could not help a parent who is suffering from an illness only to come home and open up a letter of disappointment that sent me thinking about a decision I felt pressured to make. I opened another letter of a bill that was greater than I imagined and could afford. I then hopped on social media to find out about a horrific death of a doctor that saved my life in 2001. It was too much. The stress, the anxiety, the fear, the concern, the helplessness, the anger, was coming in relentlessly like pounding waves. I was between crying and throwing something. I needed to talk, but to who? I don’t trust people. People don’t understand. To God? Eh….not right now. I just don’t have words. I am grasping for something to pull me out or keep me afloat. And then the stress brought on physical pain. I read. I cried. I prayed. I cried. I listened to music. I cried. I went to bed. I woke up.

I think I just stayed afloat. I think it was the Creator and my angels…they love me enough to not let go. And I love myself enough to not let go of me.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing:God & Anxiety

8685f29a0e8c6c009d74e5a38833240e

I didn’t see in the Bible where worry, anxiety, having cares is listed as a sin. I don’t know if in your religion, if it differs from mines, if it is listed as a sin or not. I do know in most Christian cultures, or so I have heard it preached it is a sin to worry. You know “You are doubting God if you worry because you don’t believe he can do xyz or you don’t trust god enough this is why it’s a sin to worry.” So on top of your worry/anxiety/depression you are now doubting God and you have trust issues. Great. That helps. However, I don’t see it or it doesn’t read to me as a sin but, it does register to me as not a good thing.

This morning I didn’t go to church as last night I began to feel anxious about going to church. I have not quite figured out where the root of those thoughts or even began to process those thoughts. This morning I simply asked God a loaded question/statement, an offering of thoughts so to speak: “Is being anxious a sin? If so, I certainly don’t see scripture list it as a sin and what about those who suffer from anxiety? I do see plenty of scripture on how to deal with anxiety. I see some don’t worry and don’t be anxious is that a command or is that comfort? Even when I see “be anxious for nothing” or “do not worry” it still doesn’t say it’s a sin. Because in the mind of an anxious person they have to feel more guilt about now sinning. Has the church ever thought about that? I guess not because many don’t acknowledge anxiety or depression as a real illness. Everything not understood or involving science can possibly be evil.” Whew.

Did I get an answer? Yes. It is not a sin to worry. It is not a sin to be anxious. It is not a sin to be depressed. BUT, it is not good because it can lead to what one may call sin but not only that, it can lead to bigger issues: mentally, emotionally, physically, even death i.e heart attacks and strokes, cancers and illnesses/dis-eases.  It can affect friendships and relationships. It can affect your job and hinder your progress. Impede your destiny. Even parenting! Etc. (yes, I believe the mind is connected to emotions, connected to the body).

Gee whiz God! I am just glad it’s not a sin so I don’t have to feel guilty. That is enough right there to set some free and allow them to get help. I was recently told by my doctor it seems as if I am experiencing some anxiety, possibly anxiety and panic attacks. I had no idea what was going on. So I am new to it all and as always I am a seeker of knowledge to gain an understanding.

There wouldn’t be so many scriptures combating worry/anxiety or depression if God didn’t know we were all different and some of us would experience these things in life. I also said to God this morning “How can I cast my cares if I don’t know what my cares are?” You see, anxiety or depression may not always have a source at the moment. It may not always have a reason you can put your finger on right away. God’s answer to me was “You don’t need to know because I already know.” And that, eased my mind.

59c7906606e0312ced1d88fb25efa02f

0521738bba1ce4eec2a51d4bdd29d21c

33-verses-about-fear-and-anxiety-5-640x640

62b7a79b54b88554669fd7f71d073cd1

This is my blog. These are my thoughts. You have a blog. You express your thoughts. Thank You. Love you.

~Nikki