Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Two Words

This week was not a bad week. It was a good week overall but each evening it ended in flames. So, how can I say it was good? I am alive. I am well. My father is doing better. I have food, shelter, clothing. I did laugh. I did make progress and I was productive. I rested. I slept pretty good. But those hellish end of the day turn of events were extremely difficult to get through and to recover from.

Two words to describe two moments I felt on two separate occasions; afraid and verbally jumped (Jumped is somewhat of a slang word and it means when more than one person physically attacks you). Neither was a good feeling. Afraid when there was no real threat, no immediate threat and it seemed as if the feeling and word just didn’t belong to what was happening at the time. The second, “verbally jumped”, seemed accurate and appropriate. I also didn’t feel like I was in a safe place after that.

I am not completely sure what last week was trying to convey to me. Perhaps a several messages and that is not helping me either. The one thought I have is the thought I seem to have but never act upon. That thought is; “What if I do less of what others want, need me to do and more of what I want and need of me? What if I do what I want to do more often? What if I choose me more often? What if I DO SHUT IT ALL DOWN!????” Can I be brave and bold enough to do that last one? Oh, how I want to!

~Nikki