Take out a sheet of paper and get a pen. No, this isn’t a pop quiz. It’s much more important. Write these questions down. Meditate on each one and then answer.

How do you feel about yourself?

How well do you understand yourself, your thoughts, your emotions?

Do you confirm or validate yourself? Do you respect yourself? How?

Is your inner dialogue self defeating and self depriving?

Are you going along to get along with your tribe? Your family? Your partner? Your coworkers? Your friends? Your church/religion? Your political circle? Your environment?

Personal power comes from within and not outside of you. In this year of YOU there will be so many opportunities for you to discover or excavate the real you. Not the you that ignores what you know deep down inside is right. Not the you that says stay small. Not the you that tells you that you are a minority and everything about you is minor and subpar. Not the you that tells you that you are no good and you will never be any good. Not the you that says because you have a disability you shouldn’t have a voice or be happy. Not the you that tells you because you are overweight you don’t deserve to enjoy nice fitting, quality clothes. Not the you that tells you that you are too old, too ugly, too late, too little, too small, etc. ALL OF THE THINGS THAT CAME FROM OUTSIDE OF YOU. All of the things that come from unhealed and misguided, well intentioned and the intentionally hateful people are outside of you. Turn them off.

Tune into you and get on the frequency of the Creator. What does your spirit say about you? What do you really think about you? If what you think doesn’t line up with what the Creator says about you, you are wrong. And if you are anything like people say, because maybe you do have a bad attitude. Maybe you are mean. Maybe you are hateful. Maybe you live in a fantasy world and like to pretend everything okay while everything is on fire in your life. MAYBE you should get some GUTS to face the truths about yourself and start to work on CHANGE. But it starts with a fair assessment and you are going to need HONESTY from yourself.

People told me I was “wishy washy”. They said you can’t seem to make up your mind. You are all over the place. I was in my teens and early 20s and well, this is typical of some teens and 20 year olds. But I couldn’t make up my mind about simple things. I would go back and forth over what to wear, where to eat, what I wanted to eat, what I wanted to do and it frustrated others. It frustrated me. Why was I so afraid to make decisions? Why was I so uncertain of myself and choices?

Well, when you have a parent that lets you know almost every choice you make is the wrong one you start to think several things. One, you don’t know what you want. Two, everything you choose is the wrong thing. Three, you don’t want to make others upset. Four, you want to please people like you want to please that parent who will rarely be pleased unless it’s done their way or what they want for you. You start to second guess, third, fourth guess every little thing you do subconsciously and consciously. After you make a choice you worry excessively. Especially, if it can’t be reversed. If I chose red that parent would say, “You should have choose pink. I would have chosen pink.”

I had no personal power. I remember starting to make simple choices when I was dating this guy because he forced me to. Not in a bad way but he said, “It can’t be all about where I want to go and what I want to do. What do YOU want? Forget what I want sometimes, and think about yourself. Don’t just go along with what I want. If we don’t want the same thing to eat then we can figure it out. Compromise or something.” Think about yourself? What a foreign concept that was to me. Literally, I started by making a choice on where I wanted to eat or what I wanted to eat. Guess what? I was ridiculed if where I chose was crowded or the service sucked or if the food wasn’t good. But even to this day if the parent that is at a high level of dysfunction chooses a place and things are great it’s never their fault or poor choice. In fact, not much will be said. But if you choose it, after the fact, it will be your fault. And it will be harped on until you hate to hear a harp.

So, as you can see, something from the outside of you could have shaped your thoughts and behavior. Taking away your personal power or lessening it when it comes to certain things. But it is up to you to take it back. Repair it. And there are so many ways you can do this work. The word “NO” is a complete sentence. And I like to say, the word “YES”, to what YOU want to do is freedom and power and does not need to be explained to those hell bent on controlling you or misunderstanding you.” -Nicole Jackson

~Nikki