It’s Not You, It’s ME

 

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Dear You,

It’s not you, you have always been this negative, this mean, this intolerable, and this bitter. It’s me. I am changing. Your mean spirit doesn’t feel good to me and well quite frankly, I wish not to be around it if at all possible. At least, I would limit time in your presence…I know I just got here, but that’s about all I can take. Your smart mouth may be adorable to many or perhaps they put it up with it because they don’t want to lose you, but at this point I am willing to sacrifice it for my peace of mind. I know, you could always take little jabs at me and I would ignore you, but now, now I swing back and “How dare I?” but, hey it’s about time don’t you think? It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s me. I am finally stepping into my TRUE NATURE. You know the one you deem as weak because it has all the “feels” (emotions) and the willingness to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I wonder, were you showing me how you like to be treated by treating me the way you did? (Or worse, were you telling me this how you were treated by others and this is your norm?) Were you telling me you wanted me to have a funky attitude with you, to talk crazy to you, to belittle you, to curse at you? Hmmm…trying to figure out how that would make you feel loved and cherished or respected. Well, anyways, I just wanted you to know that nothing is wrong with you, I am just opting to be honest with myself more about my surroundings and my circle. I am opting to make a conscious choice about where I want to go, how long I want to stay there, and how much I can deal with. Self love is self preservation and by God, I must have been hating myself. No wonder I felt uneasy in your presence. No wonder I was afraid to voice my opinion, thoughts, feelings without being jumped on, challenged to defend my-own-preferences? or berated. Whew…so yeah…It’s not you, it’s a brand new kind of me.

~Nikki

Kim K the Human Being

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I know you have heard in recent news that Kim Kardashian was robbed in Paris, tied up, and locked in the bathroom. The media is now saying the robbers probably tracked her movements as she documented them on social media or perhaps it was an inside job.

Let’s first get something clear: I am one of the few that may be neutral when it come to Kim K. I don’t love or hate her or the Kardashians. Honestly, I am pretty neutral about most people in general. And maybe there are some people I just don’t like because of their behavior or character or personality. You know, some people just rub you the wrong way and well you have to deal with. But, that does not mean I dislike them enough to not care or rejoice if something terrible happens to them or to not help them if I could. Trust me, if we are all in a tragedy, no one is deciding who to rescue based on wealth, race, sexual preference or religion. I hope not.

Some were saying the robbery was a publicity stunt. I understand why they would say this because when you and I do mean anyone, do things to get attention from the media, people tend to think everything that you say and do is for attention. They can’t decipher the difference. Positive or negative. Perhaps that is a lesson we all can learn from.

After, it was found to be true, some were like so what. Who cares. That is what she gets. And now it is being said she posted her jewelry and whereabouts on social media, people are saying it’s her fault. She shouldn’t have done that.

Here is my perspective: If you strip away her wealth, her beauty, her name, her designer clothes and she was just a woman married to a black guy with two children would you think those things? Perhaps, the only thing you would have thought was she should not have posted her every move or jewelry, money. And even in that truth, it doesn’t give evil the right to take what she has. In a sense, if a candy shop advertises candy, it doesn’t give a thief the right to steal it. Gee, they should have put that candy away. Many times people that are in your own neighborhood or will come to you neighborhood looking to do harm. I don’t have 1% of Kim’s wealth…wait, .5% of her wealth, and my home was broken into twice and I felt fear, anger, sadness and it took away my peace of mind for a very long time. I thought to myself, thank God my daughter and I were not there. My child had to sleep in my room for almost a month. Every time I heard a noise I got up. I dreamed about someone breaking it over and over. When I moved to the new place I was still afraid. The second time my home was invaded, I knew for sure that it was a neighbor.

I don’t ever want to be robbed with a gun to my head, begging for my life, tied up and left in a bathroom, closet, field, wherever. I can feel fear rising in me at just the thought of never seeing my daughter and family again. So, I say all of this to say, you haven’t reached the spiritual maturity to see a human being more like you in that sense and separate what they do, their wealth or lack of, their political preferences, gender, sex, race etc…from that. Fear is fear no matter who is experiencing. Wealth doesn’t make you fearless. A scary experience or life threatening experience is not less scary or life threatening if your last name is Kennedy or Doe.Wealthy tears aren’t less salty than a man on the street who has lost everything tears. I don’t wish anyone to have to learn a lesson in such a way their life is put in danger.

~Nikki

 

Hostile Work Environment

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Monday Work Force: One thing I know for sure, a hostile work environment is not something you are suppose to endure for a long period of time. It will make you stronger but, it can also harden your heart and make you bitter. It can disturb your health. It has to change (even if you have to be the positive change) or you have to move. I remember working at a very large and prestigious computer repair company and I had a manager who didn’t like me from day one because he said I thought I could do whatever I wanted to do. You see, he didn’t understand my favor. I told him “You will be moved before I will. Trust me. I have seen God move folks that didn’t like me that were trying to disturb my peace.” Sure enough he was moved. However, I have seen God move me from a hostile environment because it affected my health. I knew I had to go because my peace of mind was everything. And even on that job my coworkers and I endured some hostile people. We formed a circle and prayed and they were removed plus we were given the wisdom and strength to deal with it until they were removed. I don’t put up with hostile environments period on the job. I came to work, enjoy my coworkers, make money and go home. I certainly don’t put up with it at home. And if I have to be in one I get in there, do what I came/come to do and go home.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: To Be Continued

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Continue to do good. Continue to to treat people right. It’s not about scoring points with God or being a saint or being a martyr. It’s about increasing your spiritual growth. -Nicole Jackson

If you can uplift your negative I can uplift my positive. If you can exercise your pettiness, I can exercise my grace and mercy. If you can spread your hate, I can spread my love. If you can harbor bitterness, I can set free forgiveness. If you can hinder, I can help. If you can judge and jury, I can understand.-Nicole Jackson

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~Nikki