We could blame the way we are on our personalities saying “This is just the way I am or I have always been “that” way. If “that” way has gotten in the way of jobs and relationships maybe you should think about getting to the root of “that” way. WHY are you the way you are?
You could blame your parents, your childhood, your past experiences, and your illnesses. When it comes to some of our negative and damaging ways, it’s not so much about who’s fault it is as much as it is about who’s responsibility it is to change those ways. You are not a dog and you can be taught new tricks. Instead of assigning blame which gives us a way to justify our behavior or relieves of us of responsibility, I propose the idea of citing these things or people as sources. They are the root causes branching out into our thoughts, actions, and words. What are the “sources” of my behavior? What are the “sources” of my feelings and thought patterns?
It is a matter of will, choice,and work. Real work. A real look at the source but, the real WORK begins in the effort to change those thoughts which will change those feelings and replace those actions with new and improved actions. The work is NOT easy. Sometimes help has to come from a spiritual figure or professional help to assist you in the unravel of those tangled roots and put new tools in front of you. This overhaul is a long haul and can take years to improve. I’m still untangling roots!! I don’t want to keep producing spoiled and rotten fruits in my life. I want to cut the root that produces the bad fruit.
Not again!!!!! All I did was respond to a news article with my opinion (not a fact) and I was attacked verbally. Called all kinds of names. Presumed to be all kinds of things. I defended my opinion. But Oh My Gosh…it just kept going and going. So, as one who prefers to agree to disagree for the sake of keeping positive or neutral energy, I made the decision to delete my “opinion”.
It is not often I get sucked into a dispute. Once I gather I am dealing with a person who simply likes to argue, loves to insult, insinuate, dominate a conversation, I realize quickly this is a waste of my intelligence and energy. If we are not trying to get reach an understanding respectively I want no parts of it. It’s the casting your pearls to a swine sort of thing.
So, I begin to think, as I did some years ago when I cleaned up my timeline on social media what do I want to see when I log on and how much of it can I tolerate. The power to control your energy around you in the virtual world, unlike you can many times in the real world (on the job or a loud talking person in the doctor’s office (happened to me yesterday lol)), you can have some control of who shows up in your news feed and who you follow. The power of HIDE, DELETE, UNFOLLOW and UNLIKE is like fairy dust! You just sprinkle it and poof! They are gone!
Now ask yourself why don’t I just do that? It may be because some of us enjoy the drama of people’s life sadly. Sometimes, we want to gossip about it. Sometimes, we want to argue. Well, may I humbly suggest you reevaluate your motives if you want to invite more positive energy into your life and to spend your peace of mind wisely and ask yourself: WHY? And should I feel good when I see post about something negative happening to someone? Should I burn with desire to report the post of drama from a neighbor or ex-classmate or coworker? Why do I get so excited to smash another person’s theory or opinion to pieces not with facts but, with my opinion in the nastiest way possible? Why do I feel good and powerful afterwards? (It’s really a false sense of power and accomplishment). Why like a celebrity or news outlet or candidate you don’t like so you can say mean and nasty things?
Fairy dust is now available to you in the form of Unlike, Unfollow, Hide and Delete. Go forth and do some fairy dusting today!
It must be nice to be not have to work 40 hours or not to work at all. It must be nice to receive food stamps or assistance. I wish I got food stamps. I wish I didn’t have to work.
It never ceases to amaze me the dumb and thoughtless things that fall out of the mouths of human beings in relation to the unknown situations or hardships of other people. I don’t know if I am get older and less tolerant of ignorant statements. Standing in line, the woman in front of me paid for her food with food stamps. After she left, the cashier says to me, “Must be nice not to have to pay for food. I wish I had food stamps and could sit at home.” Before I knew it I responded “Really? You wish would lose your job or due to an unforeseen illness or accident be rendered unable to work and take care of your family so that you wouldn’t have to pay for food and sit at home?” Silence.
Must be nice to wonder where your next meal is going to come from. Must be nice to fall on hard times or be marked as disabled. Must be nice to feel like a loser because you receive government assistance and everyone in line thinks you’re a leech. It must be nice to worry about your family’s future. It must be nice to all of a sudden have it all and lose it. It must be nice to work all your life and retire and can barely make ends meet.
No, it must be very stupid to say things without thinking about how a person ended up where they are. And for all you don’t know, it just may be a temporary set back. Be careful what you wish for this could be you.
Be ye also ready. All you need is that one connection to the right person. As a matter of fact pretend like you have it and be prepared. Perfect your craft. Have your ducks lined up in a row as my mom would say. Imagine what you would say or have your pitch together. You may not even need it. I’ve got one self help book under my belt. I have my first mini novel ready to move by the end of this month. I have already decided to make my first self help book a play and script it. I have what I call the blueprints for other books, plays, movies, short films. And I am working on a business plan for my non-profit. This is my in the meantime.”Stay ready.So you don’t have to get ready”. I have no idea what is going to take off first.
The truth is I don’t know what I am doing but, I am doing something until I see my steps ordered. I am taking advice and watching other authors. I am reading about their journey for inspiration and clues. I realize writing and poetry is just one part of who I am. Fashion is also in my blood so I still sketch. I still want to design because it is my first love. I am learning to sew. The fashion designer in me will never die. Whatever pieces of the puzzle you have to who you are, work a little on putting them together everyday until you get the big picture.
In comparing our lives to a river, I don’t believe it’s a straight narrow river. I believe it is a river that is narrow at some points and wide at other points. I also believe there are many many bends in the river of life. Some very deep ones. So deep you think you are going in a circle only to end up back where you started from.
I have found myself finally at a bend in life. I was going downstream in raging waters. I had no idea there was a bend somewhere downstream. (Not all bends are on the map in this journey. Surprise!). I have felt like giving up. I have laid down in the boat and said forget it. I thought about jumping off the boat during the storms. Then the sun would rise and I would dry out but, still going down. And here we have a bend…
Approaching the bend you think “Yes, I am turning around!” But what you soon realize is this bend is so deep and miles long you just may begin to panic or think you are going in a circle only to end up where you were. Well, honey, you will not. It’s just a very deep bend in life and you will come out with a mighty force. So, just do your best to maintain a positive energy around you by putting positive thoughts in you and ride the bend. Busy yourself with what you will do better, different or new once you are out of the deep bend. No worries…Glorious view are on the turnabout.
-Nikki (In Mindful Coffee Meditation this Morning)
I have a really bad cold and if you have RA or an autoimmune disease you know having anything that will further compromise your immune system is a disaster. I woke up feeling like crap. I thought to myself: “What is this?” It’s not RA. It’s not Fibromyalgia either. “What the—-?” One minute I felt chills and the next minute I was hot. I hope it’s not the flu. It wasn’t. It is a cold. A nasty, disgusting, cold.
Well, today my fever stayed away and I had some strength. I decided to cook. I didn’t cook yesterday. Chic fil A it was and whatever one could find if they got hungry later. When you have RA you strategically cook. You want it quick and you want it delicious. So here is the quick meal I threw together in 30 minutes.
I cooked steaks on an electric grill (the old George Foreman) and stir fried some veggies. My daughter wanted rice and the complete meal was done in less than 30 minutes. I was not on my feet long. Only for the stir frying (3-4 minutes) and when I seasoned the steaks. The grill did the hard work and I sat down. I didn’t eat much of my steak but I ate all of my veggies. My appetite comes and goes with this cold. However, leftover steaks and veggies become and omelet in the morning. 🙂
I can’t because I have RA, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Osteoarthritis…etc…etc…etc…
Okay, first of all (and yes, I am doing that sassy rolling the neck thing with my hand on the hip), you can’t tell me I don’t understand because to some degree I do. So not to offend the sensitive soul of one with an autoimmune disease, let me talk to myself for a second.
Nikki: You can’t or you won’t? You can’t or does it hurt? You can’t but what can you do and don’t say nothing because you can do something. You can’t or are you afraid? You can’t or you feel as though “they” may be “looking at you funny?”
Well, Nikki (YOU), you have to change your attitude first of all. Yes, I know you went through or may be going through the “why me phase” or experiencing “B.A. nostalgia” (Before Autoimmune). But, listen, you have to become the very thing mentally you were before and that is a fighter or warrior. If you never were that then you must become one or you will speed up the process of the toil it takes on your body. Nikki (YOU), you can not or will not go out without a fight! You are the ROCKY of your illness.
So how can you improve your attitude?
Prayer works miracles
Meditation works wonders
Positive quotes on the mirror or your nightstand that relate to attitude, inspiration, etc
Instead of always searching for the bad things about your illness or disease search for people who are living successfully with it and draw from their ideas and perspective
List or say five things you are grateful for every day morning or night
Drink more water (just thought I would throw that in there)
Eat healthier because you will feel better physically and it will help you feel better mentally
Face your fears about your illness or disease and think more about what you can do than what you can’t do and be forever grateful for that
Try it again and again and again. Try something new. Create an exercise of your own.
Cherish the good moments, spurts of energy and use them to your advantage. Don’t worry about “I will hurt later” because what I have found is you are probably going to hurt later anyways.
If you read any of the first two blogs about Zeal, you would know that I lost my zeal for church but, not for God or Spiritual things. If you know how to “eat the fish and spit out the bones” you can apply what I am about to tell you to ALMOST anything if you have lost your zeal for it.
Take a break. Taking some time off and retreat to a quiet place or turn you attention to other things. This can give your mind and emotions time to settle. I was throwing everything but the kitchen sink trying to figure out “why” or “what” was wrong. It was very exhausting mentally. Maybe go on a nature walk. Attend your nephew’s baseball games or do some activities with friends or your family. Sometimes you need to get out and in touch with nature and people (other than the people you are normally around). People can inspire you and nature can answer you.
(I am going to do this next time I am out on a nature walk)
2. Prayer and Meditation. Not on the why or what you can do but just simple prayer and meditation on whatever you are lead to pray about or meditate on.
3. Read. If you are a Christian, you may want to reconnect with your Bible and if you are not, you may want to reconnect with the book of your religion or pick up a positive book. This helps you to redirect your energy on your core beliefs or discover some new ones!
4. Do something different. Let’s say I was a baker and I lost my zeal for baking. Perhaps, I would travel to Italy and learn something new about baking Italian desserts. Maybe, I could refresh my skills or take a class at the local university. Perhaps, lending yourself to other charities and volunteering outside of the church would bring back the spark and allow you to reconnect.
5. Face the truth. Perhaps you have outgrown where you are or this phase of your gift. Maybe it is time to move on to something different. I would think of it as an adventure or a new phase in your life. Some people outgrow their church, outgrow their job, career or business. It just may be time to move on.
Today is Rheumatoid Arthritis Awareness Day and I must admit for the last 5 years I have not really publicly displayed anything on this day. Sure from time to time I would share a post about RA but, really I didn’t want anyone to know I had it. And when I did talk about it, it was as if I were just as invisible as the autoimmune disease itself. This is my first year fully, okay, 85% embracing this day.
I decided to see it as a day to say HEY, WE ARE HERE. EVERYWHERE. LIKE…ALIENS THAT LOOK JUST LIKE YOU working in your office, at your schools, etc. ( YOU KNOW THE WHOLE “BUT YOU DON’T LOOK SICK” COMMENT WE GET 🙂 BUT NO 🙂 ). And by aliens I mean this foreign illness has invaded our bodies without warning or permission. Straight from the “OTHERLAND” (MOTHERLAND).
It’s a day to explain to you it’s not “JUST ARTHRITIS” and it affects more than your bones. It can affect your heart and lungs and rarely, the brain. It also likes to bring along with it Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, Diabetes and a “party of five” of other things. It interferes with friendships and every type of relationship there is.
It’s a day for others to learn a little bit more about what I go through daily.
So, last night I was going to go a bonfire, earlier this week I was suppose to go to an open mic poetry night, I also was asked to attend a business meeting but, as you can guess, none of that happened. I noticed last night that not much of anything has been happening even with careful planning. It hit me this morning “like a ton of bricks” (as I heard an old man say frequently and often thought that could be painful), maybe how you use to manage your pain is not working anymore. Your plan (manual) needs to be updated to match the increase of activities in your life or the slowing down of activities in your life. Those of us in this community know how much energy it takes to do the daily basics, keep a clean house and clothes, take care of a family and self, plus work and then other things outside of that. Even with all of the careful planning sometimes Dr. Evil (that is what I call RA) has other plans for you! (Muah ha ha ha….NOT FUNNY) and so you have to work around it or go to sleep! It is a juggling act with no applause and sometimes you feel like you are waking up to a circus of what to do now and what to next and what not to do. So, today I will take some time and see where it is I am going wrong and how can I not only manage the pain or fatigue (physically) but, manage the illness itself (mentally)….better.