I can speak for many parents, but today I am speaking for single parents who were never married when they had their child or children. Our child or children are our JEWELS in our crowns TOO. In spite of the way they were brought into this world, they are no less loved and no less cherished. Regardless of whether a father is present or absent, they are no less important, their dreams and education are no less important to us. We may live with a certain DOUBLE stigma due to the way society and the religious sector is set up, and so may our children from the overly righteous and the morally perfected of society. When we step back and take a look at the faces of our children as they thrive in spite being raised in a one parent household, as they glitter with becoming “good human beings”, we are filled with pride. There shines our JEWELS.
I have had my moments before RA and Fibro where I didn’t want to be bothered but usually, like everyone else, I was going through something or simply moody. You eventually come out of that and get back to life. Well, this isolation that occurs with chronic illness and chronic pain is a different slope. A very slippery one that can have you sliding down a slope into deep dark valleys of depression or becoming a permanent hermit. Whether you know it or not neither one of those scenarios is going to improve your pain in the long run. It’s going to make your suffering worse and often facilitates it.
Yes, we all need time alone and some of us more than others. However, I have learned that if I don’t eventually turn that ship around I am headed into the deep waters. The truth is we need human interaction. Some of us can’t get away because be have a spouse or children or family or all three to take care of. We find ways to isolate ourselves by skipping family outings and gatherings. This is okay but, when it becomes all too often and never getting out what are you really shrinking back from?
We have to address the mental toil our illnesses take on us and not let it get the best of us. I found myself drowning numerous times in isolation because of the pain, because I KNOW no one understands and to avoid certain things I thought “people” thought about me REAL or PERCEIVED. Alone time and isolation are two different things and I think you can be isolated even if you have a spouse or family. You can be there but NOT there mentally and emotionally. I urge you to get the help you need by finding a good therapist to help you cope ,understand or deal with whatever you are going through. Many of us feel the same way. You are not alone.
Of course I did the research on this proverb that Jesus quoted in the Bible “Physician, heal yourself” but, I want to take a different perspective on this proverb. What if we are all Physicians in this day an era when it comes to HEALING not only our bodies but, our minds, hearts, and souls? Meaning what if we have the knowledge, the information, the “wherewithal” (just wanted to say wherewithal because I have never used that word! LOL) to heal whatever ails us?
We KNOW making healthy choices and giving up bad habits can help heal our bodies. We know that meditation, a spiritual life and prayer can help heal our souls. We know that talking with a good therapist, wise friend or good leader can help us repair the mental anguish we suffer from. For all we know, all of these things combined can work miracles. We are miracles! Developing a listening ear for you body, your heart, your mind and taking heed…(please take heed) can make us better physicians to heal ourselves. Oh yeah, and a good physician knows that what works for her or him may not work for others.
In a relationship, we may have been taught to TAKE more than we GIVE. I wanted to gear this blog post towards women doing the taking and men doing the giving but, when I think about it that is not all ways the case. I think we can find many situations in our relationships where one person is doing the taking and not giving back as much as they take. Perhaps, they can’t help it and the person that takes it is well aware and equip to handle it. But what about those who take and never think to give back in some kind of way?
Sometimes we berate our partner’s ears with our woes and complaints but we never give the same ear to their woes. We ask “Well, how was your day?” while we wash the dishes, sweep the floor or whirl around the bedroom preparing for the next day simply nodding and saying “Mmm. Un huh. You don’t say.” Or while we sit in front of the television we ask ” So what’s going on?” Never truly hearing or feeling what they are saying.Yes people want you to HEAR and FEEL what they are SAYING. EVEN MEN!!!
We complain and we complain about everything they do but when do we give compliments? I think if you compliment more than you complain those complaints may not be worth talking about at all or maybe the things you don’t like that they do may diminish. Or just maybe….maybe you will discover they are not going to change that and you will give it a final resting place.
What about GIVING interests in the things that interests them? What about GIVING quality time? What about GIVING them a break? Take a few moments and reflect where you can GIVE more of these things in your relationships. Sometimes it’s as simple as GIVING then space. I am a creative being and sometimes I just need space to create.
I feel. I have tried not to feel or to be as “feeling” as others wanted me to be. I was told I was too emotional. I have tried to shut down my feelings. Pretend I don’t have any feelings. I have tried to emulate others who are TOUGH because you are TOUGH if you don’t feel or show any emotions…RIGHT? You are weak if you do. RIGHT?
I won’t answer those questions. They are thoughts fed to you as facts by others. You can answer them for yourself. God created me to feel. God told me so. I was created to have a heart for the people. I couldn’t be a writer or as nearly creative if I didn’t feel. I couldn’t rush to the side of the underdog if I couldn’t feel. I was not created to pretend to be something I am not.
The insight given to me in questioning God as to why I was made like this was this:
“I created you in my image. I feel. I feel more than you feel believe it. However, you are in a place where you can’t take on everyone’s battle. There are lessons for them to learn. I created you emotional. Your lessons with your emotions or feelings is to learn to MANAGE them not to get rid of them. How to care but not so much it drowns you. The lessons for the super tough “I don’t feel nothing” is to learn to feel and open up. Be who I create YOU to be and be proud that you are a person that FEELS openly and honestly.”
Once I got that eye opening insight I am learning to MANAGE my feelings. I am also no longer trying not to be emotional. I am who I am. Ya’ FEEL ME?
8 Awake, my glory (my inner self); awake, harp and lyre! I will awake right early [I will awaken the dawn]! Psalms 57:8
Your inner self is your glory. Getting your inner self up before dawn so that you can worship/meditate/pray. Now this is how you wake up. Waking up to wake up the dawn with whatever your instrument is (prayer, music, song, meditation). That blessed me. Or you can think of it as greeting the dawn with praise and worship, meditation or prayer.
I also thought of it like this: In your darkest hour or hardest time you can awake your inner self, your soul, and bring in the dawn. It’s no secret that meditation, prayer, music, song, praise brings in LIGHT. That is what the early dawn does…it brings light to the world., light into our situation.
Yesterday, I wanted to get out with friends but no one was available. I decided to head out alone to sit on a patio, get a bite to eat, head to Mississippi River and catch the sunset. Perhaps, be inspired.
I did just that and parked next to a car where the young man was sitting by himself. Later I found out he was 26. I hesitated to get out but, I wanted some good pictures (shared below). I spoke and the next thing you know we talked for over an hour and a half as the sun set. We talked about nature, being humble, spiritual things, the community, the violence, history, what’s in the food we eat, aliens (yes aliens lol), the what ifs, a few personal references about turning points in life, success, what is it? what is money?, Tupac (rap), traveling etc.
Everything under the sun watching the sun…And we shook hands after we snapped our pictures and went our separate ways with a simple “Nice to meet you and see you around”. Leaving no names.This was a Divine Appointment to exchange with a like minded individual and to be enlightened and to also be a light.
You are free to do whatever you want to do in this life but, you are not free from the consequences of the laws that govern the heavens, the earth (laws of nature) and the laws of the land. – Nicole Jackson
You’re too YOUNG to have…Arthritis.
Response: First of all, it’s not Arthritis it’s Rheumatoid Arthritis and yes there is a difference. Second of all, I know.
Well, you know, we all are getting old, we all have Arthritis.
Response: It’s not arthritis, it’s Rheumatoid Arthritis. It’s not your grandma’s arthritis. It affects more than your joints.
What’s wrong with you anyway?
Response: That’s a rude way to ask me.
You’re ALWAYS sick.
Response: Probably because I ALWAYS have R.A. (Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibro).
We didn’t ask you because we thought you may be sick or “that” may be too much for you.
Response: That was very considerate of you BUT, could you please ask me what “I” would like to do and not decide in advance what I can and cannot do? Thank You.
You’re always sleepy.
Response: I don’t sleep well at night.
I really hate R.A.
I remember my parents telling me when I was in school “Your education comes first. You don’t have time for boys.” I can’t say I always listened to this instruction but, I can say it always came back to me. I tell my daughter to focus on her education while she is in school and eventually, college and not on boys. This is the time to figure out what makes you happy and what you enjoy. In other words, don’t make boys your priority. Impress yourself.
Well, as a woman, I want to tell you, I still don’t have time for boys. However, I do have time for men. I don’t have time for boys for different reasons other than education and trying to figure out what makes me happy and what I enjoy ( I was a late bloomer in that area and I am still figuring some things out). When you are mature in your emotions, when you are working towards achieving a more fulfilling life, be it socially, emotionally, physically, etc you don’t have time for boys. Boys will jerk your emotions around. Boys will destabilize your foundation. Boys will waste your time. Boys will play games. Boys don’t know what they want. They are still trying to figure out their role as a man. Sure they work. Sure some have financial goals but when it comes to relationships I find boys are still in it for selfish gain. I find men are in it for the satisfaction of themselves and their partner. I think you can be a man in many areas but a boy in other areas. I think the same about women. We can be a woman about our financial affairs but, a girl when it comes to what we allow in a relationship. What I mean by both of those statements is it comes down to growth and maturity. When you were a child, you acted like a child but when you became an adult, you should have or at least be aggressively working on putting away childish motives, attitudes, actions, fears and phobias.
Let me clarify this: I have time for men, who may be boys in an area but, are doing their best to grow in the area of love and relationships. However, I can’t allow the repeated abuse of my heart.