Single Parent Holiday S.O.S

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The Holidays can bring about depression and anxiety for single parents. I could say well, it’s not about the gifts but, what I should point out is it goes beyond the gifts as to why a single parent may experience some anxiety and depression.
A single parent may have struggled the entire year and the very thought of purchasing anything outside of the budget (or means) brings about a feeling of insufficiency. It may bring about thoughts of “If only there were two parents” and truth be told I have seen everything from a single parent sacrificing to get things (for Holidays and Birthdays) and then find themselves behind on bills, in a viscous cycle of debt to becoming extremely moody and bitter and the children begin to associate this time of the year with lack, shortage and insufficiency in the material sense. And as adults they let you know this is how they feel about the holidays and birthdays. Holidays and birthdays stunk as children therefore, they stink as adults.
When you are spending money to fill a void of not feeling like “the parent” it’s not about the children. It’s about YOU not feeling like you are enough as a parent. It may be competition with the other parent to show you can do as much as they can without them. And the truth is, I have seen single fathers on child support struggle financially and whether they admit it or not, they also become depressed or bitter during this time of the year because they too have to find extra money to buy things for their child/children. They too go into further debt during the holidays or birthdays. So there are many sides to a story.
Listen, single parents (fathers and mothers), you need to know your parenthood success is not built on gifts of the material things but are built on the gifts of love and time. It is built on the gifts of pouring into your children principals, values, morals that will last a lifetime while those toys and clothes will be a thing of the past in a week.
If you are not in the mood for the Holidays or Birthdays because of what you can’t buy then you are missing the entire point of these days. Re-evaluate the reason for the season and what it means to be thankful your child saw another birthday.
Keeping gifts and celebrations within reason creates children that are grateful when you provide extra and grateful when there is little or none because they know you love them and care for them and that is ALL that matters.
~Nikki
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Single for the Holidays and at Peace.

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I know you are single and it’s the holidays but when you lie down tonight and count your blessings being single just might be one of them. You could have ended up in some sad relationships, some jacked up marriages and don’t lie to yourself talking about you would rather have that than to be alone…no piece of “tail” is worth a peace of mind. Some say it’s better to have a “piece of a man/woman than to be alone” but I hardly ever want a piece of anything! So don’t exchange your PEACE for a PIECE. Sleep in heavenly peace…

Let It Burn

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Saturday Morning Musings: Until you stop looking back in the PAST at your EX and what you two USE TO have, you will NEVER be able to uncover the JEWELS that God presents to you in the PRESENT. You’ll keep hurting other people. You’ll miss WHO YOU SHOULD HAVE pining away over WHO YOU USE TO HAVE. My advice: Let it burn. He or she is the past. Let there be no remnants of what use to be and let there now be new memories of what is with whomever you are with. And if you are not with anyone prepare your self to have no residue of him or her in your mind. Clean up for the NEW. Let it burn. Let it fade. Celebrate the NEXT not your EX.

Much is Required

To whom much is given much is required-The Bible.

In a relationship, if I give you my time and heart then that is the “much that has be given”. You are absolutely right much will be required from you. Time is precious. You cannot get time back. My heart is priceless so if I give that I expect much in return.

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God, take care of my Lightweight

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It’s too early in the morning for the day to start off on the wrong foot. It’s a great day because you are alive and well. However, you may have woke up late. Maybe you can’t find your other shoe. Perhaps, you are out off cream for your coffee after you have made your coffee. You forgot your presentation. Everyone is cutting you off in traffic and driving like they are under the influence of being late. The worker was rude. The parking attendant had an attitude. You say hello and people keep walking as if you are invisible. You can’t find your keys.

I left my phone at home and I couldn’t get back into my gate. I waited for about 30 minutes and no one came to the gate. I knew I would be late for an appointment.Finally, a woman pulls up and when she opens the gate she speeds past me and almost hits my car. (She’s a neighbor I have let in the gate several times). It’s just one of those mornings but, it doesn’t have to be one of those days. I felt my temper rising, my mood changing and I silently said to my Higher Power: “God, handle my lightweight”.

I know we think we are here to serve God but, God is also here to help us in our weak moments. These little foxes that are trying to spoil your vine (your day) may be plentiful. You can’t address every small thing that appears to be big when they are happening back to back. Your lightweight issues can pile up and you need not go on a rampage. You need not respond as a raging lion to an ant of a problem. Just ask God or your Source to handle your lightweight. Angels will be dispersed.

RA ENERGY VAMPIRES

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Before my diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis at this young age, I never was very fond of chronic complainers. There is nothing like trying to enjoy a meal at a restaurant, an outing with friends, a family gathering only to hear a complaint after complaint after complaint.

Nothing zaps your energy faster than being bombarded with an earful of complaints. I think you may even find yourself hurting more after a positive event with a cloud of negativity surrounding it. I often excuse myself early or move to another room (or outside for quietness and fresh air) if I can. I have been trapped in a car or an outing with a complainer and it is no fun. By the time I get home I am drained. In a situation like this I can only run (in my mind) to the front door and lay in bed. I try to watch something on television or read a book/magazine or “Pinterest”my way back to happy. 🙂

The point is you have to detox from complainers and be vigilant about not being the chronic complainer because you can also increase your own pain.

 

 

About Tonight…

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There is a “Spoon Theory” used by those of us who have an autoimmune disease such as Lupus or Rheumatoid or Fibromyalgia. I will get to the relevancy of that shortly.

I woke up with much energy. I slept in a little. I went to the outlet mall in Mississippi which is only about a 25 minute drive from where I live. I went in one store with my daughter, my mother, and my sister. We left there and stopped for a late lunch on the way back. I dropped them off and came home. I felt my energy waning right after I left the outlet. I thought if I could get home and get some rest I would be fine to go to an event with my old classmates. I purchased tickets last week. I have had my dress and shoes and accessories planned for a week.

I came home but, I had to get back out because the dog (I am dog sitting for my brother-last minute) needed food. I came back home and I couldn’t relax. I know I needed to but, I just couldn’t. I asked myself, what the hell happened to all of my energy? I only went to the mall and back. Then I thought about the Spoons. I just started using this even though I have known about it for some time.

So where did my 12 spoons go?

  1. Two loads of laundry this morning and folded one= 1 spoon
  2. Breakfast-no spoons
  3. Clean up room (didn’t finish) = 5 spoons
  4. Get dressed=1 spoon
  5. Pick up sister and mom, drive to outlet=2 spoons
  6. Help daughter pick out clothes=1 spoons
  7. Drive home and drop off mom and sister=2 spoons Out of spoons at this point but, I have to do more
  8. Go back out get dog food=(-13)
  9. Fix a snack = (-14)
  10. Get dressed for bed (-15)
  11. Chic down!!!!

Well…there you have it. About tonight…