Single Fathers. A personal observation.

 

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A single father’s day is different in many ways depending on various things such as the relationship with the child/children, if he is divorced, if he has a good relationship with the mother or not. How would I know? I’m the product of a two parent home, my father was a step father, and I have four brothers whom have been married, still married, and divorced. I have really good male friends who are single fathers . I’ve seen a ray of emotions and drama involving the children. I’ve even seen trauma. I also am a single parent. This is my personal perspective… Do note that.

Some children still love a father that was never there or half way there regardless of how the mother feels and in spite of the poison they’ve injected into the minds of the children. Children still love their father after a divorce. Sometimes it takes a while for them to understand and sometimes it takes until adulthood. Some children never forgive… Even as adults. Children choose to see no wrong as they see their father as a hero regardless. Children can even love a step father as much as their own father, and sometimes more. They can also make up in their minds that they will never love a step father as much as they love their biological father. No matter how good the step father is.

I’ve seen fathers who were absent for years be present in the adulthood of their children. I’ve seen them be better grandparents than fathers. I’ve seen a step father inherit grandchildren from a step daughter and is dearly called grandpa.  I’ve seen men mature as fathers and I’ve seen men remain immature. I’ve seen fathers and step fathers get along. Both looking after the best interest of the child. I’ve seen a father go from not speaking to the mother to laughter about the growing up of a child. I’ve seen the struggle of the single father financially, emotionally and mentally.

The advice I seem to give the most to single fathers:
1. It doesn’t matter what she tells your kids about you if you counteract that with SHOWING YOUR CHILDREN LOVE every single chance you get by being there and putting them first. By showing up and spending quality time. It’s not in things, it’s in the quality of your presence. And yes, financial support is important but, if you are not there when you are there it won’t mean a hill of beans. The more they grow they’ll see that what she says and what you DO don’t add up. Point it out if you have to.
2. If you are mean to their mother, they’ll never forget that. Put your feelings aside in the presence of your children and enjoy your time with them.
3. You don’t have to spend spend spend to be loved or to make up for the days you don’t have them or for how the marriage ended/relationship or to sooth any guilt you may have. As a matter of fact you’ll end up being liked or building a superficial love between you and the child based on things.
4. Discipline your children. You’re worried about being the liked parent. The favorite parent. Making up for not being in the home. You’ll be liked but you won’t be respected or taken seriously when the time comes. You’ll be sorry then.

Hang in there single dads.

~Nikki

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My Sanctuary is a Beach

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The beach is one of my favorite places to be. Since I can’t be near it daily I brought it home with me. Oh and turquoise is my favorite color. So, as always within a reasonable budget (clearance, yard sales, etc) and using what I have accumulated on hand, the last picture is of my spruced up nightstands. And both nightstands were deals. One is chipped and was marked down. The other was $10 from someone selling it on Facebook (the round one).

~Nikki

Fashion Confetti/Thrift Confett 6/16/16

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Sharing some style today. The skirt I picked up from a consignment shop. It’s a Coldwater Creek skirt (an excellent brand) and I got it for $8. There necklace and earrings also came grim the consignment shop. About $8 total. Shoes are by Antonio Melani $69 but I got them on clearance for $28. T-shirt fun Target $7

 

Bubble Wrap

 

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Have you ever received a package 📦 that arrived beat up, dented, ripped or wet? You were thinking “Oh no! I hope it’s okay.” You see it’s labeled fragile, handle with care which clearly didn’t happen. But when you open it, everything is just fine. It’s whole despite the rough trip. Yep. Thank God He bubble wrapped you!!

Cooking w/Chronic Illnesses? Yeah. Right.

 

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Some of us loved to cook before Chronic Illnesses invaded our lives. Before fatigue, pain, damaged nerves, etc we didn’t mind getting in the kitchen and whipping up a feast or our favorite meals. In many forums I’ve seen some give up by force and some by choice. And that’s okay. Then there are those like me, stubborn and not willing to give up completely. I’ll go down in this ship and they will have to pry that spatula from my rheumatoid arthritic hand.

I’ve been known to be a bit hard headed. I’ve been known to spontaneously decide to do zumba when I’m not suppose to because it’s high impact and then pay the cost later. Usually, friends asking, was it worth the pain? Was it worth the flare? The correct answer is no. But I do feel some sort of satisfaction for doing something RA/RD took away from me. I’m sure I’ll stop that madness soon… Especially after that recent big flare and fatigue.

But cooking, especially when you have a family is not so easy to give up. Plus, I don’t have the money for a personal chef and my daughter is just now old enough to be trusted in the kitchen (thank God). However, when she wasn’t I had to cook. But I’m teaching her and it’s helping out more and more. I’ve scheduled her days and my days. I love cooking and having family/friends over and while I won’t give it up, I must make the necessary adjustments and take calculated risks at best. I really can’t do big feasts and extravagant meals like I did in the past but I can find new ways and new meals. I can adapt old recipes and plan meals out. I can. I will. Until I can’t.

Today, I’ll share a tool I love. The wok. Stir fry. Quick. Easy. And if you are worried about chopping vegetables don’t. Buy them at your local grocery in the frozen section. Also, I learned with Rheumatoid in my hands not to use so much force in stirring and to keep the wrist straight, using swift gentle motions. I’ve even used the wok with my compression gloves on. Also, investing in a chopper or processer is the best thing you can do.

Speaking of chopping and slicing vegetables, it’s difficult to slice and chop hard, thick, dense vegetables such as potatoes. Get someone else to do it if you can. Get a slicer. I didn’t mind slicing and dicing before. You know, it’s the touching and creating, the work of the art of cooking. I do sometimes still cut, slice, chop, easy vegetables like: Squash, zucchini, bell pepper, etc. I like fresh vegetables. On a good hand day I’ll cut and freeze them for later. Many times with help from my daughter.

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I hope to bring you more of my mishaps and lessons, simple recipes and meals.

~ Nikki

Coffee Review: Ugly Mug, First Cup Easy

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The Ugly Mug is a coffee brand roasted in Memphis, Tennessee. It is fair trade and organic. The Ugly Mug has its own personality that stands out on the package as you can see in the photos. This is my first time trying their brand and my daughter chose the First Cup Easy which may be considered a first cup of coffee in the morning for those of us who like to EASE into our mornings or for the weekenders that sleep in. You may not always need to swing from the chandeliers first thing sunrise 😊. I’d even consider it a late evening coffee as well.

It’s light-bodied, airy and has a clean taste. A beautiful brown with a gold tinge in the light. I call that “sunrise in my coffee pot.” Also, the aroma gently wafts through the air. If this coffee could speak, (stay with me), it would say “Good morning. Did you sleep well?” An Easy like Sunday Morning-Commodores type of vibe… And it is Sunday.

🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵 for being exactly what the package says it is.

 

 

You should know my daughter solely picked this coffee for me because she thinks this seems like something I’d say. Well. I never!!!!