Mondays Weekends

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Lifeguard station in Panama. Early sunrise.

Mondays are usually my off days. I don’t normally, if can be avoided, schedule any appointments on Mondays. I don’t really want to talk business either or heavy issues. All I want is rest. Peace. Shhhhh. Quiet please. No drama 🎭 Only good vibes. I use it to organize my week from goals to meals to appointments.

You see as a person with RA (Rheumatoid arthritis) and Fibromyalgia this is my day to recoup from any activity/activities over the weekend. I learned this only towards the end of last year. Weekends can zap ⚡ everything out of you. It’s usually then you try to do a little extra or maybe lose your mind and go overboard.
When Monday comes I discover I would miss or cancel more appointments. If I don’t rest on Mondays, I’m setting myself up for a flare. Even though RA or Fibro has a mind of its own and can flare at any given time, I don’t want to set it ablaze! And I’ll conk out midweek usually in fatigue and you guessed it, more pain.

I’m a Mom and I have parents that need my help as much as I need theirs. Any type of illness that has unpredictable symptoms and triggers adds to the unpredictability of life. Bringing in any type of routine and normalcy keeps a lid on the sanity.
I’m committed to my Mondays being light. I look forward to them. I don’t know how long all of this is going to last when I become a well to do author, fashion designer, speaker, paid blogger 😀 but for now, let’s just go with it.
~Nikki

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HYSTERICALLY, YOURS TRULY

 

The Spirit can not speak to you when you’re hysterical. If you’re acting crazed or frantic, in the movies they would slap you back into reality. (I always wanted to be in that scene so I could say “Get a grip” while shaking the person). Hysteria is beyond a slap or reasoning. You’re not hanging on the cliff of your thoughts. You’ve let go. Your thoughts are now your reality and in your MIND it’s really happening as you see it.

Last night, I was hysterical. When a person is hysterical it’s like watching a wind up toy shake sporadically and buzz noisily going nowhere. It dies down and when you touch it it just might have a little more buzz and movement left.

The entire time I’m hysterical, God didn’t answer any questions and didn’t provide any comfort. Hysterical people ask question and refute your rational answers. You try to hug them or hold them and they fight you or pull away. God or Spirit just let me wind down. I went to sleep 💤.

I woke up in a decent mood to a sunny Sunday morning. I’m now sipping French roasted coffee. And Spirit speaks:

Nikki, I love you. I’m sorry your circumstances, combined with unexpected situations yesterday, your physical issues and the news I gave you sent you seemingly over the edge. But you asked a question I felt like you needed to know the answer to. I knew you would feel and think the way you did so I just let you be. It wasn’t a good time for us to talk but, I was there of course.

I hope you enjoyed the dream I gave you in which you traveled to New Orleans. You were having FUN and I made sure it was filled with vibrant colors and vibrant energy. Did you see the beautiful fabrics you were going to buy? I wanted to show you reality and get you to feel it.

Last night, you were out of control and I’m not upset about it at all because no harm was done. I’m glad you went through that illusion. Like the hall of mirrors in a so called funhouse. Things can get strange in there. Moving stairs to throw you off balance and make you stumble. Creepy clowns and mazes. I had to wait until you came out.

Now that it’s morning I want to tell you there is a time to go with the flow and there is a time to go against the current. When you discover you’re drastically off your life course it can be an overwhelming feeling as you look at how far you have to go to get back there and how much time you think you’ve wasted. Your arms (your mind) gets tired. You get exhausted. Rational: This is too much. I’m tired. Frustrated. I need to rest. Hysteria: This is too much. I’m never going to be able to do it. I’m tired. I may as well let go. Don’t try to save me but save me. I should save myself. Look at all the people ahead of me. I was too weak to be like them. Why did this happen to me. Why did I do this to myself. I’m dying. I’m dead. Go on without me. Leave me be. I’m dead.

There you were spinning. You spun out. Now we can keep going until you get back to start because this is what you’ve chosen because you need an understanding of what happened so you can heal. You can also choose to let all that go and start where you are. Either way the time will be the same because in the universe flow as you said yesterday, there is no time! There’s no shame in needing an understanding of the trauma and how it affected you. Infected you. I needed to tell you that you were set on this course by that person at an age you didn’t know how to manage it, handle it, it’s like, picking up a wobbling toddler headed to home which she can see familiar faces and turning her around to the forest. She survives by wondering, barely escaping danger, growing up, forgetting the memories of home until reminded in her dreams and feelings in heart: I’m not suppose to be here. But here is familiar. I’ve learned alot here. But I don’t like here. And now you are grown and you are going home. Home… Where you were going in the first place. You just had a moment of hysteria while crossing the river. It took you a little further than you wanted to go. Dry off. Have coffee. You still got your lessons. Go on. Flow ahead. More lessons on the way. Count this one as a lesson. Lessons can be used anyway you choose.

~Nikki

See my blog Zen Flow Universe to see the truth that was revealed that pushed me over the edge to hysteria.

 

 

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Zen Flow Universe

 

The Zen idea, description, principle that calls out to me the most is: Zen is being in the flow of the universe 🌌. How I wish to be in the flow of the universe.

There was a time in my life where not only did I not know what I was doing with my life but also how did I end up here? No where near where I desired to be. If only I knew where I was SUPPOSE to be going then I’d go there. I was lost and very confused.

I’m no longer lost but I’m still confused on just how to get into the flow of the universe. And then as I was typing this, I said to myself how did I get so far off course?

The answer came quickly for me. It even sadden me. My life was set off course by an authority figure that discouraged my hopes and dreams. They killed my fearlessness with self doubt. So I’ve spent 22 years far away from my destiny. And here I am trying to run back to start and set my FLOW with the universe. The journey out is easy as you spin out of control. Easy but damaging. It’s harder going back mentally and emotionally to start over. I’m pushing against the negative.

I believe I’m on my way to get into that jet stream that will line me up with the flow of the universe for my life. Though it be very challenging, I accept. I accept because in the flow time warps and you’re right where you were intended to be and age doesn’t matter to the universe. Time doesn’t matter to the universe.

~Nikki

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#AtoZChallenge

Yielding to the Fruit of the Spirit

There’s a green light to being mean, nasty, doing evil and speaking ill in this world. We don’t have to ponder whether to snap back or plot revenge. We enjoy it in this world. It makes us feel good about ourselves and causes and powerful. It’s like drinking poison and saying ahhhh now that was refreshing! We disregard the harm of others and only think about what we did when the consequences, karma or the law catches up with us.
I’d like to throw flowers in the air tell you what the world needs now is love sweet love and that may be true but first the world needs a swift kick in the behind and a lesson on humanity. THEN we may place crowns of flowers on our heads and sway side to side or hold up a candles for a visual.
Instead taking the highway of hate one can learn by practicing… Key word practicing Yielding to the Fruit of the Spirit. Isn’t that a “Christian” principle? Um, I never knew Spirit to be associated with only the Christian religion. I’d think it applies to anyone who has a spirit. Anyways dot dot dot (…)
Yielding to love, kindness, peace, patience, forbearance, joy, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control can only help us all become better human beings. Yielding requires a slowing down to access on coming traffic to make a decision whether it’s clear for you to proceed or of you need to STOP and wait for an open space to keep going. Or you could just plow right into traffic, hurt others and yourself and receive a ticket. Yeah… That’s what we do when we don’t yield to the fruit of the spirit. We hurt others and ourselves and receive a big fat ticket from the UNIVERSE signed by Officer Karma. Slow down and have a good day… Hands you the ticket.
-Nikki

 

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X marks the Spot

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X marks the spot. The spot to the treasure or the spot where something needs to be fixed. Either way, digging has to take place to resolve the problem such as a broken pipe or line or if we are searching for treasure were have to dig one we find the X.
I’ve seen X’s marked on sidewalks, streets and in the grass. I knew the utility people or the construction workers were coming back and the breaking of that concrete or ground would begin.

X marks the spot to  treasures within you and X marks the spot to places in you that need to be fixed or healed shall I say. We have to search and bring both of these things to the light. They both need exposure. Treasures to be used to heal others, to benefit the world and pain to be healed and benefit us by becoming wisdom in which we share to help heal others. Isn’t it something that both treasure and pain are both buried in dark places?

~Nikki

The Sisterhood of WOMANHOOD

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I don’t see how a woman can look at another woman  without making the connection we are all amazing creations (from God). When you see another woman whether she is what one deems to be on top of the world or whether she has the world on top of her, how do I as a woman not feel something. A connection to the pride as well as a connection to the suffering is what women share.

This sisterhood of womanhood is where we share the strengths and suffering, the love and the pain, highs and the lows. You see, we don’t need to look alike. We don’t need to be the same shape, the same race, the same career fields or in the same financial bracket. We just have to be women. We connect from country to country and exceed religion and culture because when you think about it, we have more in common than not. We are women and it’s more than body it is soul.

We go through more of the same things than we do not. We understand what it’s like to want our minds and bodies respected and to not have ANYONE tell us what to do with it. It is OURS. And we can understand this even if that woman is on the other side of the globe, with a different religion, in a different culture. We want the same respect and honor for our hard work whether I’m Caucasian or Chinese. We love our children and want the best for them. We want them to be treated fairly in North America and in Africa. We want to be represented in the many different industries whether I’m a black fashion designer or a fashion designer from Indonesia. You get it? It’s the sisterhood of womanhood. From the painting of toes to the painting of war paint on our face if need be. It’s a bond that should transcends our comfort zone.

~Nikki

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Voice Activate Your Life

 

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I’ve got news for you! Did you know technology is behind when it comes to Voice Activation? You’re life has been Voice Activated since… Well, all your life. You think. You speak. You do or You feel. Our words can activate our lives into the life we want or don’t want. What we CONTINUALLY speak can change our thoughts and moods and actions.

Sometimes voice activation in the world we live in is sketchy. The computer doesn’t always understand what we are saying. How annoying is that! (I hear you swearing and I see you hanging up trying to get a human being on the phone!!!)

In this life when you’re trying to live and have the best life possible there will be times you will have to voice activate your moods, dreams, goals. You’ll have to speak it out loud. CONTINUALLY UNTIL IT TAKES ROOT!

In trying times Voice Activation is very powerful:

“I can do this”

“I’m going to be better than okay”

“I’ll get through this”

“This is NOT the end of the world”

“Get it together”

We have to Voice Activate our thoughts sometimes:

“I am enough”

“I am strong”

“I am loved”

“I love myself”

“My BODY deserves healthier food and regular exercise”

We have to Voice Activate our circumstances, relationships and goals:

“I will not be anyone’s doormat”

“There is a better job or career opportunity available for me”

“You’re not going to talk to me like that”

“No. I don’t want to spend $10 a day on lunch. I’m saving.”

“Yes. I do deserve happiness.”

I don’t think Voice Activation works without using your voice. Try it the next time you call to pay a bill over the phone and see if they can read your thoughts!

Your thoughts are powerful but so is your VOICE. You have one. Use it for good. Use it to correct yourself. Use it to activate goodness into your life and wellbeing to your heart mind and soul! Voice activate your life today! Also known as talking to yourself! 😀 (ha!)

I’d like to write a different version of this for those of us living with a chronic illness and chronic pain.

~Nikki