Getting an Understanding

One thing I have observed when it comes to race relations there is a lack of understanding. Also, there is a lack of wisdom. Stephen Covey said something to the effect of “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” And the Bible said “Wisdom is the principle thing. Therefore, get wisdom; and with all your getting, get an understanding.” Proverbs 4:7

I have heard some races say, they don’t understand this or that about a particular race but, I often wonder if they really want to understand. Understanding a thing is a matter of wanting to understand and having the mental capacity to comprehend. What I mean by that can be summed up in this proverb: You can’t wake a person, PRETENDING to be sleep. You can’t get a person to understand or at least empathize if they don’t want to. Some even pretend not to understand. To understand means you will have knowledge of a thing and sometimes to have knowledge of a thing such as inequality or the someone else’s journey may make you uncomfortable. It may cause you have to do something about it. It may cause you to become aware of your on stereotypes, racism, sexism, and prejudices. It may cause a rift in your family because they have taught you many things subconsciously and intentionally about another race.

I really don’t waste time trying to explain anything to those who are pretending to be sleep.

~Nikki

 

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Pain and Potato Chips

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If you suffer from chronic pain such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus or any of the likes you know what it’s like to be in some sort of constant discomfort whether it’s on a scale of 10 during flares or that annoying low grade pain that eventually wears you down. Many of us have weight issues before we ever have the diagnosis or you gain as soon as you are put on the medication. It makes losing weight a challenge to say the least and then to add insult to injury the connection between pain and eating.

I understand emotional eating but, tack on a physical pain and you are certain to go off the radar into the black hole of weight gain. I find myself mindlessly snacking or over indulging during low to mid grade pain that is working my nerves literally and figurative. The stabbing pain of fibromyalgia and the joint pain of rheumatoid is taken down a notch by medication or pain meds but, many times it doesn’t go away. I rarely mindlessly snack or overindulge during big flares. I can’t. But maybe some of you do.

I have decided to make sure I prepare by purchasing some healthy snack alternatives to have on hand so I can get some nutritional value during those times. I also will try to turn my attention to something other than the TV because that can lead to more snacking. Share your tips and ideas if you don’t mind or maybe some of your favorite healthy but tasty snacks or some of your hobbies to get your mind off your pain and food. Perhaps we can help each other out. Many times when you have pain you don’t want to do anything too strenuous but snacking all day and overindulging is not helping us at all.

~Nikki

Moving Too Fast in the Dating Lane Pt.1

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“Wait! What was that? You’re not ready for something serious?” “Oh. Never mind. He said “yet.”

I was the Queen of jumping in! Time and time again even when my head and heart hit rock bottom against reality. I can tell you from experience “Head over heels” hurts when you come to yourself and realize you’ve been unconscious and willfully oblivious to the red flags and the tugging of your woman’s intuition (aka the Holy Spirit aka your Higher Self aka I have to say all of that to get you to read this), that at times banged on the door of your heart like a swat team before a raid! Yes…a raid on your the mind you have lost and woke up to find it somewhere in the wilderness. You’d think we’d be more careful with it and our hearts after the many heartbreaks and aches we have endured.

Slowing down when it comes to relationships and love is a wise thing to do. However, it only comes when you make a conscious decision to actually slow down and to think through your emotions. This coming from one of the most emotional creatures you may know/should get to know, me. Too many “I love you’s” too soon. Too many “In a relationship” statuses before it ever was a status on Facebook. The do you like me and I like you, check box yes or no from elementary carried into adulthood is a sign of immaturity in the area of relationship and love. You truly have to be willing to face your habits. When asked have I ever been in love I can honestly say NOW, only a few times.

Moving too fast even when the other person is riding with you can result in tickets of disappointment and embarrassment. It can result as a moving violation of the heart and God forbid you are a single parent with children involved. It can result in a head on collision with reality: He is not the one after all and now you are clinging for dear life to the fantasy you’ve been living in your head. You’re looking around at the damage you have caused and the clean up crew called TIME arrives to clean up the mess and to heal your wounds…AGAIN.

I do know no one can not predict a heartbreak  or when a relationship when end. However, I do know the chances of an accident increases with speeding. If you are blindfolded by the THRILL and ADRENALINE rush, being HIGH off emotions puts you at risk for a serious crash and burn. You might want to buckle up your emotions and feelings.

Independence Day Conflict for the African American

Teenage African American teenager flying an American flag at beach

Teenage African American teenager flying an American flag at beach

Do I celebrate America’s Independence or do I celebrate Juneteenth only? Can I celebrate both? If I raise my American Flag, knowing people were not free then, am I considered a traitor to them? Or worse, am I considered to be ignorant of history because I celebrate the  4th of July ? Or do I exercise my right, my freedom to celebrate whatever I want to, for whatever reason I choose? After all, is it not my right? To wave a flag when many have to very what type of American they are when some are just automatically considered American…only in America but, abroad…your just American if you come from America.

I do often ponder at the minds of a people who could celebrate their freedom in the face of those a few feet away from them enslaved. I do often think, what the hell was wrong with your mind to see a baby, possible yours, born and not think, “Damn, this is wrong. These are human beings and I should be sent to a burning hell in my conscious and literally, to want freedom only for my self and not for others. These are people. Not property.” I often think, what kind of evil is that?!!!! A frightening evil that still frightens me  today when I see the mistreatment of immigrants, discrimination, blatant racism, ridiculous prejudices, the shouts to go back to where you came from as if they came from here??? I often think, what’s wrong with your sick mind? And it dawns on me yes, Nikki, their minds were sick. Hatred for another human being in your HEART has consumed your entire body through the blood that pumps through your veins and is now passed down to your generation in their DNA to think the same way. The conscious has been seared with a hot iron-The Bible. I take a deep breath and nevertheless…

I could look at the 4th of July through the lens of history or through rose colored glasses. I choose to look at it as a day of independence that was the catalyst for the freedom and rights of all of us in this country. We all have found the basis for our rights and freedom in the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights and Civil Rights. What was written for a few is written for all. -Nicole Jackson 7/4/2014

~Nikki

 

soul Scattered

 

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Soul Scattered ©2016 by Nikki aka F.Y.E

When the soul breaks it shatters into infinite pieces

You see the heart can be mended but the soul has to me recreated

I felt the burdens weigh me down

I saw the tears form an ocean on the ground

More on me than I could bare

And now I am broken.

Hopeless never was my destination

Yet it pulled on my mind like a magnet

I wonder why I was made like this

In a world of oxygen I still find myself breathless

I’d cry if it didn’t make me look as weak as I feel

I’d tell you all about it but my sadness will make you ill

 

I hold on. They tell me I will survive

I search endlessly for a way to thrive

My heart is unearthed

While waiting on my soul to be re-birthed

©2016

~Nikki

 

Kanye-ing Anxiety

 

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There are  times in life when we will face some really difficult situations which can cause us to “worry” or to become “concerned” about the outcome. Anxiety is a perpetual worry and concern. It can come like a flood seemingly out of nowhere or it can come immediately when something foreseen or not begins to manifest right before our eyes. And many times  it may never manifest or at least not to the full degree we allow ourselves to imagine. It is when our active imagination takes us out in the deep where we lose sight of the shore of hope and faith. We are no longer anchored to the shore. We are floating out on a sea of shaky thoughts. We become “see” sick by the things we imagine will happen.

I ran across this quote and I had this thought: “Oh, it’s like Kanye-ing thoughts which create anxiety.” Imagine anxiety with a mic and you run up on stage and say “Look, I’m not going to give the mic back. However, I would like to thank the Creator for all that I have. I am grateful for life. I am thankful for the breath I breathe. I am thankful for the clothes and shoes I have. I am happy I can see, walk, talk and taste the food I have. I am so very grateful for the lessons I am learning….”  You know blah blah blah good stuff until Anxiety walks off the stage and has a seat.

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In many cases it’s rude to interrupt but, it’s perfectly fine to interrupt negative thoughts and “what ifs” that create and build up negative emotions that send you into anxiety rap battles also know as anxiety attacks. I remember reading a book by Inyanla Vanzant that stated “If you are going to play the “what if” game, play the other side.” In other words, what about “what if” it doesn’t happen? Instead, use your imagination to create solutions and calm. Also, if you play the what if game, then ask yourself what can I do if that does happen. I know it’s not easy. I know from experience. However, it’s worth cutting off negative thoughts or anxiety and filling your mind with gratitude instead.

~Nikki

The Mental Whip of Fibromyalgia

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As I type this there is a shooting pain in my fingers. It was pain in my face and well as you may know, fibromyalgia pain can move around your body fast and sharp like lightening. I have swelling and I am tired. I don’t want to talk. However, it’s not easy to do when you have to be a parent and you must put on your parent face. Even if that face feels like it’s being electrocuted.

I am not surprised there is a link to chronic pain/illnesses and depression. The way the two chronic pain twins I have, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia wrecks havoc on my body, I can tell you it can be more than a battle. It can be a war.

Today I have experienced little sharp pains on and off. I did not rest well last night because of carpal tunnel in both of my hands and forearms. So, I am very tired. Later, this evening the sharp pains began to move around and intensify. Again, on and off. Add stress from an event today and my mind is on a roller coaster of I can handle it on the way up and I can’t take this @#$%! on the way down. I’m angry. I ‘m sad. I am hurting. My skin feels like something is crawling on it and it’s itchy at times. This is so annoying and it drives you nuts.

The mental whip of chronic pain is one with sharp objects attached to it. It rips away at your soul as it pulls out and damages your psyche as it comes back in for more. The thoughts to stay strong, when you really want to crash and burn, and sometimes, many times you do, is war. Your body and your mind, and your spirit is taking a beating.

I will pray for us tonight.

~Nikki

 

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