When I say “the energy” of May, some of my church people get nervous. Relax, it’s the same as we say “atmosphere” in church. Breathe. Everything carries an energy. You are energy.
May’s energy gives you clarity about your gifts and your path. It weighs in especially on those that have the gifts of healing, teaching, and creativity. And as this energy of clarity arises it will cause you to become “busy” and where there is busy there has to be “balance”.
There will be new beginnings.
This is a great time to OPEN UP. To tell people how you feel about them. Get in touch with someone you have not heard from in a long time. It’s a good time to speak your truth on all levels right now or practice speaking it. This will strengthen your throat chakra (your voice) and in turn strengthen you. It will confirm you and give you strength. Speak.
Life lessons are showing up. Embrace them. If there ever was a time to be grateful, this is one. Every day of May, think of the things you are grateful for. It could be grateful to hear the birds sing to grateful for winning the lottery. Be grateful for life lessons and life changes. They will bring you wisdom and make you more mature. They will bring you experience that will help you…to help others.
You are supported. You will be able to feel it as well as know it. Bask in that.
This “musing” isn’t technically a Sunday Morning Coffee Musing but more of a Sunday Evening Coffee Musing.
It is well with my soul.
All things are working together for my good.
Obedience is greater than sacrifice in this season.
Wealth and riches remain in my house.
BREATHE.
Although my knees are tender (from Rheumatoid Disease), I’ve had a blessed Sunday. I was able to get the rest of the flowers in the ground this evening. (This is me resting, ha! Got to use my energy while I have it.) I realized I have been in ministry for 20 years today. I also was asked to speak at my home church today and it went really well.
After resting for a while, I began feeling a little disappointed because several things plagued my mind. There are so many things I want to do and need to do. It can overwhelm me. It’s too much to process at one time. I know this came about as I had to decline an invitation to take a cruise with family. It’s just not my season, again. I have other priorities. Although, I thought last year, this year would be different.
With that said, in order for me not to sink any lower in my thoughts and feelings, and for you not to sink any lower when your heart’s desires don’t line up with your pockets or you are not seeing manifestation quick enough, you have to speak life, gratitude, and call those things that be not as though they were. I started feeling bad about not being able to do several things and I just began to quote: IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.
This week I simply didn’t visit any sites, other than Amazon, that I shop on. When I became bored, I found other things that needed to be done or could be done. I told myself things like, “I wouldn’t know I missed it if I didn’t see it” and “It will be there when you need it” so, CHILL OUT NIKKI. You’ve done this before.
What I am learning about my spending and financial habits is my need to get it all right now. The urgency of if I don’t get it all right now, it won’t be there. And by “all” I don’t mean hoarding or buying so much of the same thing because it’s on sale that I don’t think about others who may need the item or discount as well. That’s right. I think we should think of others. I mean if I have things, I want to get done like have someone paint the family room, get the house power washed, install light fixture, I tend to think I need it all done at once. I have to remind myself often, “You don’t have to and you can’t do it all at once.” Where do I get this unrealistic idea for myself from? I think it’s a fantasy that comes from TV or the lifestyle of the rich and famous. The majority of us SAVE for what we want and need. Also, the failure of not having enough to get it ALL done because shouldn’t I have enough money to be able to do just that? And if I don’t, I must be mismanaging my money and maybe I should have chosen a better career. Finished college beyond an Associate’s Degree. WHEW!
I also USED to do this with to-do lists until my therapist helped me to see my life had changed and I could no longer do it all. In fact, I wasn’t doing it all, all of the time, perfectly anyway. He helped me to see the unhealthy burden and pressure I was placing on myself. You know, the A and B making student. The do everything just right, perfect, on time, before time may have won me points, certificates, awards, and treats in school and on the job but, with increasing responsibilities like being a mom, working and going to school or being diagnosed with a physically limiting disease, it was unnecessary. It was no longer sustainable. There was no one to impress or please. There never was except myself and God (for me). And even God doesn’t need to be impressed by me.
The internal dialogue I carried was, “I could never please my mother. So, when teachers were pleased and employers were pleased, I finally made someone happy. Going over and beyond for boyfriends or people meant someone was happy. Even if it was at my expense.” The expense of my tired body, the expense of my time, money, the expense of my mind and feelings. Match this up with a giver and empath and you have a huge mess. So, feeling the pressure of I need to do it all and do it now or I have failed after all of these years, still seeps into many things. Even my finances. Even after much work in therapy.
It’s unhealthy. It’s unrealistic. So, here I am changing my thinking about money and learning about myself. AGAIN. Yep. HERE I GROW AGAIN.
Be patient parents with your YOUNG ADULTS, they are still trying to figure out who they are, who they are becoming. They are dabbling in their own styles and figuring out what they like and no longer like. Your princess doesn’t like pink any more. Your “buddy” doesn’t like blue but now likes rockstar vibes. Your mini-me was never meant to be you. They were meant to BECOME themselves, an individual.
It’s a PROCESS. It’s better you SUGGEST, ADVISE, REMIND. You don’t have to COMMAND, DEMAND, INSIST, MANIPULATE, CONTROL. You might have to accept and PRAY. I hope you’re not the same in your 40s and 50s as you were in your 20’s. Please give them GRACE and MERCY and LOVE. And the occasional eyeroll.
Why did I need a NO SPEND APRIL? I needed it to reign myself in from the allowed and planned splurge of my birthday month. I needed it to curb my appetite to spend when I am unhappy or the dopamine of finding unbelievable deals. I needed it to not go overboard and it flow into the rest of the year. I needed this to remind me that I have REAL goals and DREAMS and I need to continue to manage my money.
What are the rules for me? No clothes, no shoes, no purses, no jewelry, no make-up, and no beauty products. Oh and no home decor! I can go out. I can enjoy events. I can make purchases for my business.
I have not been to any thrift stores, consignment shops or places I often frequent like TJ MAXX or online for clothes. I tell you that saving those items to my cart helps! LOL By the time I get back to them they will be gone or I will have changed my mind.
I am considering extending this into May to challenge myself. The only thing I did purchase was a Cowgirl hat for the rodeo coming up. The other hats didn’t match my boots. Could I have changed my outfit? I could have. But…I didn’t want to! I was HADES bent on wearing it. I did find a nice hat for $24 bucks and decided to not spend eating out last week or go to an event. Do better, Nikki!
You’d be amazed at what could happen in less than an hour. I met a master gardener. Better known as an angel. This lady took my cart and wheeled it around and the both of us put my flower bed together. She said don’t worry about Home Depot we got this. She gave me so much wisdom about gardening with just a few nuggets. She even pulled my cart up front. It was like being taken under the wings of a sage. Every gardener admired my selection.
And then I pulled my cart up to valet for my plants and the man says let me get you a number. He grabbed the number 44 which is one of my favorite numbers or any sequence of four. The lady says what number did you give her? Let me see that. She said oh you have a good number that’s the year we were born and we’re married. Are you married? I know we’re not supposed to ask that anymore in this Society. I said not yet. This may be a sign. She said it’s a good number for us.
Last photo is a Bergonia
Garden Tips:
Plant in odd numbers
You don’t have to buy so many of plants that spread like Hostas or Elephant Ears. You may overcrowd your space because they comeback every year with increase
Ferns are beautiful. Except a woodland fern will take over and they are hard to get rid of.
Look for a thick stem, healthy looking stem. Anything limp or broken needs to be removed to conserve energy.
Don’t plant them too close to each other. They need room to spread their roots.
Don’t plant too deep. Where you see it’s already planted in the nursery pot is where you plant up to.
Once you plant, break up the soil around it to give roots room to spread.
The very first week of April I went to Macy’s with my mom and spent money on something I did not need.
Let’s roll back tape. So, I knew I was going to spend quite a bit during my birthday month in March. I have no regrets about that. Okay, one regret. I could have saved that splurge that put me $80 over budget but, since it’s something I can’t return, I may as well let the regret go. I decided in March that April would be a NO SPEND month to reign me back in. I have things I need to do and things I want to do and saving money is one of those things. I also want to be able to enjoy myself while I save. But to what extent? Is that possible? Plus, it’s going to take more than a month to save what I want to save. One should always save. I didn’t go on any vacations last year. Going out of town for a conference or chaperoning my daughter and her friends were not a vacation. I do want to get away this year and I DO care where I go. I care that it is budget friendly.
Since I failed the first week, I decided that April 9-May 9 would be my month mark. I also decided that I needed to understand WHY I wanted to FAST from spending and what were the rules to this? What could I buy and not buy? What did I hope to gain or accomplish? I have not had the best of luck when it comes to saving. What do I mean by that? In the past whenever I save, something happens. It seems I can’t get to where I want to be as fast as I would like to.
I had car trouble this week. ASTRONOMICAL the cost to get my car fixed. Once again what I had saved has dwindled right before my eyes. At least, it’s almost and not completely wiped out. Maybe that’s not a bright side but a partly cloudy side?
No one can be there for you 24/7 and you can’t be there for people 24/7 either. Folks have lives outside of you and you have other things going on.
Yeah, you will be disappointed and let down in this life. You don’t have to be mad and upset with people that couldn’t be there for you. Because guess what? You’ll let someone down. They’ll be disappointed because you couldn’t show up.
There isn’t but one person that can be there for you 24/7 and that’s you. And even that’s shaky at times. There is a GOD that is there 24/7. And that’s going to have to be enough if you’re going to depend on any being to get through this life. So, forgive them, give grace and mercy. You’d want it. Let it go. They are only human and so are you!
You think if others are not supporting you, God isn’t either. False. Don’t project on to God all of your concerns about the authority figures in your life, friends or relatives. God is not involved or part of the dysfunctions of a hierarchical society. Trust God’s love. God would not only heal you but God will support you as well.
Getting used to this “evolved” me is like driving a new car. You know how to drive but you’re unfamiliar with where everything is. The car and you aren’t one yet. It feels different. I’m reacting differently or either reacting the same but quickly correcting myself. I know I have work to do because we will always be working on ourselves. Well, those of us that understand that life is about growing until you leave this realm.
I’m in a space where when it comes to some choices, no matter what I choose, it will work out. And that feels strange. It feels strange because things haven’t worked out for me the way I believe or thought they would often. Maybe, I am really starting to believe and understand that things will work out when you try. I mean when you really put forth effort and make informed or the best decisions you can make. Maybe, it’s starting to work out when you mature. When you listen to others that know what they are talking about and have actually lived this life for a while. Maybe, it’s because you have more experience and you have grown in ways you never thought.
I’m also in a space where alignment is happening and I can actually see it. I can SEE it happening. Such a contrast from my year of endings last year.
Nikki's Confetti Life 