Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Single, Saved, and Sick of It

It’s all about your attitude. You’re supposed to remain positive and chipper about being single. At all times. Said no one ever but, it’s been implied. Last night I was in quite a bit of pain. This morning it was the same. No one was here to help me. Again. And when I look back over my life, as an adult, there many times I bore my pain, my cross, alone. You can save the, “God was there” because I know that and you know EXACTLY what I mean when I say no one was there to help me.

Now let me say this, my parents were there and my family were there many times. Friends as well. But they cannot be there all of the time. I had to get up and get my own medication. I had to get up and go to the store with my child when she was small, alone. When I was in pain, there were so many times all I wanted was a hand to hold or to be held. Because I am not a saint, I do know what that feels like. I do know what it’s like to have someone there in that capacity. And I want it again.

If you are single, I want you to know that you can be lonely sometimes and it’s okay to admit it. It’s okay to feel it. You can be upset and sick of being single and that is okay, too. You can have your moments. You should have them. Get it out of your system and stop pretending that you never feel them.

It was refreshing to say today, to God, “I am sick of being single. I need some help. I needed help running a bath. I needed help getting and fixing something to eat. I needed a hand to hold and to be held. I am sick of being strong for myself.” I got it out. It’s not as if God doesn’t know what I really think and how I really feel. It was CONFESSION. God loves honesty and confession.

If two is better than one, I am ready for my two. I have been ready.

~Nikki

What to Do When It’s a Loved One or Friend w/Anxiety or Depression Pt 3

Validate

Think about the last time you went through something difficult. You probably wanted to talk to someone about the problem, but you may not have necessarily wanted them to fix it for you or make it go away.

Maybe you just wanted to vent your frustration or disappointment and get some soothing acknowledgment in return.

Support doesn’t require you to fully understand a problem or provide a solution. Often, it involves nothing more than validation.

When you validate someone, you’re letting them know you see and understand their perspective.

The support people often want most is recognition of their distress. So, when a loved one tells you about the challenges they’re going through, they may not need you to jump in and help. You might offer the best support simply by showing concern and offering a caring presence.

Some validating phrases you can use are:

  • “I’m sorry you’re dealing with that situation. It sounds so painful.”
  • “That sounds so upsetting. I understand why you’re feeling so stressed right now.”

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#validation

~Nikki

What To Do When It’s a Loved One or Friend with Anxiety or Depression. Pt 2

Be Socially and Emotionally Supportive

What it is

People show emotional support for others by offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion. This might include things like verbal expressions of sympathy or physical gestures of affection.

Emotional support can come from other sources, too — religious or spiritual sources, community activities, or even your pets. Whatever form it takes, this support can improve anyone’s outlook and general wellness.

Some people have a knack for being emotionally supportive, but this skill doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

ASK AND LISTEN

Ask…

When you want to provide emotional support to someone you care about, asking a few questions is a great place to start.

“How can I support you?” can sometimes work, but it’s not always the best approach.

While good intentions lie behind questions like these, they sometimes fail to have the impact you desire.

People don’t always know what they want or need, especially in the middle of a difficult situation. So, this question can be so broad it leaves someone unsure how to reply.

Instead, try asking questions tailored to a situation or the person’s state of mind, such as:

  • “You seem a little upset today. Would you like to talk about it?”
  • “I know your boss was giving you a tough time. How have you been holding up?”

If you know someone has faced some challenges and aren’t sure how to open a conversation, try starting with some general questions, such as, “What’s been happening in your life lately?”

Try to keep your questions open-ended instead of asking questions that can be answered with a “yes” or a “no.” This invites an explanation and helps keep the discussion going.

… and listen

It’s not enough to simply ask questions. Listening actively, or empathically, is another important part of providing emotional support.

When you really listen to someone, you give them your full attention. Show interest in their words by:

  • displaying open body language, like turning your body toward them, relaxing your face, or keeping your arms and legs uncrossed
  • avoiding distractions, like playing with your phone or thinking about other things you need to do
  • nodding along with their words or making noises of agreement instead of interrupting
  • asking for clarification when you don’t understand something
  • summarizing what they’ve said to show you have a good grasp of the situation

Using good listening skills shows others you care about what they’re going through. For someone who’s struggling, knowing that someone else has heard their pain can make a big difference.

healthline.com

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#active-listening

~Nikki

What To Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One with Anxiety or Depression Part 1

What do you do when it’s a friend or a loved one that has anxiety or depression?

Strong relationships can go a long way toward improving the outlook and emotional well-being when they live with mental health conditions.

Friends and family can:

  • listen with compassion when they need to talk
  • provide encouragement and emotional support
  • join them in hobbies or activities that offer a positive distraction
  • offer rides, grocery runs, and other more tangible forms of support when they have trouble getting things done

Simply knowing they have someone they trust in their life can often help them feel less alone, whether they actually want to talk about your symptoms or not.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/depression-and-anxiety#coping-tips

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Tearing Down Paradigms

Me: Why does this have to be so hard?

God: Because walls don’t come down easily. It takes demolition.

Me: I don’t like this.

God: I know. But, it’s for your good.

That did not make me feel much better. Knowing something is for my good but, the huge challenge of not just shifting thoughts but, tearing down fixed thoughts. Breakthroughs are BREAK-THROUGHS and they come by breaking something. This mental war to remove a fear is a battle I haven’t fought in a long time. I am not sure if I have ever been through something like this and if I have, I can’t remember. So, how do I deal with this thing? This…huge fear about a particular thing. This fixed array of thoughts?

I’m not quite ready to face it but, I know I have to. In the meantime, I am trying to understand the root of this fear and how to control my thoughts and tear down thoughts at the same time. In my research, this came about, “THOUGHTS ARE DIFFICULT TO CONTROL BUT, NOT IMPOSSIBLE”. The NOT IMPOSSIBLE part gave me hope and it’s continuing to give me the strength to keep up the “good fight”. Think about it, so many things we do or have done are difficult but we do them!

I got that from Swami Makundananda along with these things:

  • It requires EFFORT
  • It requires PRACTICE. Effort and Practice.
  • It requires DETACHMENT. Effort and Detachment

And this will lead to success.

I am trying and it is a very difficult challenge that has come at a time when I wish it had not. Yet, here I am in the middle of it. If you believe in prayer, send up some for me. If you believe in love and light send that, too. Continuously. Overcoming this paradigm is draining and I am just beginning to uproot it through understanding. Not to mention, my attitude is “I don’t like this!” and I am trying to conform to “acceptance” because I know accepting it will make it easier.

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Get Innovative

And now you must be INNOVATIVE.

You must get creative. I looked in my refrigerator. I looked in my pantry. I said, hmm. I have some rice. I have some leftover mixed vegetables. I have some leftover baked chicken. I have some soy sauce. I can stir fry a meal.

Jesus said, I have two fish, and five loaves of bread. I can get creative and innovative. Work a miracle and feed 5,000!

Nehemiah looked around, saw some stones still whole from the fallen wall. He saw some stones, not whole but still big enough to build with. Then he got creative. He got innovative.

He got some HELP. Don’t forget YOUR HELP. Don’t forget some help. Some “help” are the people that remain. “YOUR HELP” is the LORD. All of my HELP comes from the LORD.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Take Inventory!

TAKE INVENTORY!

Have you ever had a job where you had to take inventory? Have you ever looked in your refrigerator or pantry to see what was in there and what you could make to eat? Well then, you took inventory. You’ve got to take inventory of your life.

Nehemiah looked around for what was left, what he could salvage, what he could, rebuild with. He looked around to see who was left and he strengthened those that remained. What’s left? Who’s left? What skills do you have?

As long as you are looking back, you’re getting weak. As long as you are talking about when you were in high school, you are getting weak. As long as you are wishing on a star, you are in a position of weakness. Strengthen what remains, so you can rebuild.

We’ve got to rescue the good things we have going before they’re gone. Spend your energy trying to revitalize what you have, not resurrecting what you don’t. Pay attention to who and what remains.

Take Inventory!!! You are looking at what you’ve lost, but you need to focus on what remains and strengthen it.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: My Limiting Beliefs Surrounding Money

Photo by Nicole Jackson

So, I’m taking this 5-day FREE class on Millionaire Frequency and it’s about an hour and a half long each day. The question was asked, “What are your limiting beliefs surrounding money, wealth, and success?” I immediately said, “I have none” and then I said “None that I know of”. Well, let me tell you, that was a lie. I clearly heard the Spirit say, “Yes, you do.” And as I tuned back into what the man was saying, he mentioned to look at where you are, how you go there, and where you want to go. He talked about looking at your accounts and your spending and saving habits.

Well, when you explain it that way, I can see how I may have some limiting beliefs. He said to take some time and to really think about it. I did. There were instructions to write them out, examine them, and to tear them up as a physical sign to get rid of them. I wrote them down but I have not torn them apart because I want to examine them. I’ll get rid of them in a few days. I’ve been afraid of success and shared that. I thought I’d gotten rid of it but, it’s still showing up. I also found out or was reminding in this class that the old paradigm, way of thinking, programming, is very difficult to get rid of and it can only be rid by repetition and the planting of new thoughts. Did I mention this course has many spiritual elements?

Here are SOME of my limiting beliefs about money, success, or wealth. I am not ashamed to let you know. Maybe I should be but, I am going to share anyway!

  • Deep down inside, I fear it’s too late to talk about retirement savings because I am in my late 40’s. I didn’t prepare.
  • If only I had gone after my true dream and not let my parent stop me. I would be happy, successful, and living my dream.
  • I’m single. I don’t have a husband to financially support me as I go after my dreams and goals.
  • I am afraid that if I become wealthy, I will lose it. Something will happen and all of my money will be gone. Somehow, I will lose it all. (This is the root cause of fear of success for me and others. This thought of the inability to maintain wealth or status)
  • I’ve missed my time

Now, these are some of the thoughts, old paradigms, programming that pop up in my mind and cause friction between me getting to where I want to be financially. However, I am committed to my goals and dreams. Here are some of my new thoughts, programming, paradigm. You are in control of your thoughts. You can change what you think. Change your thinking, change your life.

  • Age is nothing but a number. It’s never too late to become a millionaire or to save, invest, or all three
  • No one is stopping me now. I can dream new dreams and set new goals. I have. I will.
  • I have no husband? God is my provider. I’ve been providing for myself and my daughter. What am I talking about here? Such a flaky excuse.
  • If I can become wealthy, I can hire the right accountant to help me manage my money. I will not lose my money. I have grown so much and become much more financially conscious. My habits are changing.

What about you? Do you have limiting beliefs? Maybe you, too, are unaware of them. I hope you can take them and replace them with new thoughts and beliefs. This way you can begin to form new habits and patterns to help you financially…and spiritually.

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Seize the Moment

Be honest with yourself. Have you fallen into a lull?  Are you going through the motions, not realizing that you are sleepwalking through what has the potential to be your best and most fruitful years with God?  Think long and hard about it. Are you going through the motions? Are you wasting time? Are you in the routine and rut of life? Have you grown complacent? Complacency will SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! There is a huge difference between complacency and contentment. Complacency means this will work for me forever or I have given up. It is what it is. But contentment means, I am satisfied for now BUT, I need something else. Something better. It is what it is but, there is greater ahead. There will be greater after this. Haggai 2:9 says this other house will greater than the former! And in this place I will give you peace!

Maybe you don’t realize you are sleepwalking through what could be the BEST and MOST fruitful time in your life!!!!! It aint over! It aint over! Your work, your life, is incomplete! You are not finished being a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend, a spouse, you are not finished!!! You’ve got more life left in you! You’ve got more to give! Wake up!

You’ve got to wake up. You can’t stay mad too long. You can’t stay sad too long. You can’t stay nonchalant too long. You’ve got to grow. You’ve got to move on. I know it’s difficult. I know it’s scary. I know it’s not fair but you must, we must wake up and see what’s going on. We must open our eyes and deal with the reality and tragedies that are going on. God is asking you to care about the church. God is asking you to care about yourself!

Believe it or not, God really does care about you. God cares about your success, progress, your hopes and dreams. God cares about your disappointments, heart breaks, and let downs. God cares. And I am mighty glad that he cares, and he is working things out for you! But you’ve got to get back in the game of life! You can’t win sitting on the bench!

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Leftovers

Scarf made from leftovers, the remnants @theconfettishopbynikki on FB and @theconfettishopnikki on Insta

When Nehemiah heard about the ruined wall of Jerusalem, he wept. (pause) I just want to let that sit there. He cried. It’s okay to cry!  

Yet, he rebuilt the walls of the city by using the remnants of the wall he had left and by strengthening those who remained (Neh 1:3-4, 2:17-20).

He took what was left, the remnants, the leftovers, and by strengthening those who survived, they rebuilt the wall. I know, I know, some of us have been destroyed. Our hearts have been broken. We have taken some big hits. Things from out of nowhere. After you weep. You have got to strengthen what remains of your heart, your money, your life, the church, and rebuild.

What do you do when you’ve suffered a great loss?  When you’ve lost sight of your purpose?  When your joy or your faith isn’t what it used to be?  

You wake up from your slumber, arise to the voice of God, turn your attention to what you have left, and begin the faith process of strengthening that which remains.  

~Nikki