Equity-
the quality of being fair and impartial.
“equity of treatment”
~Nikki
International Women’s Day: Embrace Equity
Women’s History Month: GUSTO
Affectionately called “R.B.G.” by her supporters, Ruth Bader Ginsburg has inspired generations of women to break gender barriers. Even after facing gender discrimination as she pursued her academic goals, Ginsburg forged ahead and became the second woman–and first Jewish woman–to serve on the Supreme Court.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was born on March 15, 1933 in Brooklyn, New York. Born to a Jewish family, her father Nathan Bader immigrated to the United States, while her mother Celia Amster Bader was a native of New York. Ginsburg’s family valued education and instilled in her a love of learning.
After graduating from Cornell, Ginsburg subsequently started attending Harvard Law School. While at Harvard, Ginsburg was one of only 9 women in a class of 500 students. She often faced gender discrimination and was asked to explain how she felt about taking a spot in the program instead of a man. Ginsburg and her female colleagues were called on in class for “comic relief” and they were even excluded from using certain sections of the library. Ginsburg transferred to Columbia Law School in 1958 for her final year. During her studies, she made both the Harvard and Columbia Law Review. Ginsburg graduated with her law degree from Columbia in 1959 at the top of her class. However, even with all of her academic accomplishments, it was hard for her to find employment after graduation. She explained, “In the fifties, the traditional law firms were just beginning to turn around on hiring Jews. … But to be a woman, a Jew, and a mother to boot, that combination was a bit much.”[1] Ginsburg was able to land a position as a law clerk for the Honorable Edmund L. Palmieri, Judge of the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York in 1959. She served in that office until 1961.
Ginsburg was appointed to the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit in 1980 by President Jimmy Carter. She served there for thirteen years, prior to being nominated as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court by President Bill Clinton in 1993. She accepted his nomination and took her seat as a Supreme Court Justice on August 10, 1993. She became the second woman, and first Jewish woman, to serve on the Supreme Court. During her tenure as a justice, Ginsburg has fiercely advocated for gender equality and women’s rights. For example, she wrote the court’s opinion in the United States v. Virginia case, ruling that qualified women could not be denied admission to the Virginia Military Institute. She was also a voice of dissent to the court’s decision in the Ledbetter v. Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. case, denying a woman’s gender pay discrimination claim. Ginsburg subsequently worked with President Barack Obama in 2009 on the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act to combat pay disparities. At eighty-seven years old, Ginsburg continued to work for gender equality as a Supreme Court Justice.
Ginsburg died on September 18, 2020 due to complications of metastatic pancreas cancer.
~Nikki
Source: https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/ruth-bader-ginsburg
Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Quiet Restoration
Early this morning my tummy was aching. I have had issues with it since January 2023 and mentioned it to the gastroenterologist who I saw this week. I was there for an unrelated issue. I will have a colonoscopy as well as an endoscopy next month. Sounds like joy, right? Well, as I got up this morning and began my day, I didn’t feel well emotionally either. I was a bit conflicted about what I wanted to do and also there were other things weighing on my mind. I wanted to go out to dinner because my aunt wanted to take me out for my upcoming birthday but, I was not in the mood to sit through a lackluster sermon. I opted to listen to a livestream sermon and I found myself feeling disconnected and distracted. I was being triggered by one thing and distracted by several and this was creating disconnect. I wanted to escape somewhere and I also wanted to not hear anything. I wanted silence but, I felt there was something in this sermon for me.
There were two things, “Glory has triggers, too” and “There are times you will have to go back to what you left and there are times you will have to leave a place for whatever reason”. I understood the latter to be a reminder of seasons. There is a season for everything. Also, there are some places in life you never go back to and some people as well.
While I recognized my trigger this morning, the sermon opened up my eyes to the fact that not all triggers are bad. Some you have to face in order to release the power it has over you. And some triggers remind you of good places, good times, and good feelings. Some triggers remind you of who you are or how you overcame something similar. It gives you the power or strength to do it again or to move on.
This morning I decided to make a choice to silence the trigger. I feel good about the choice I made. Today, I want the simplicity of life. I want the CHILL of the day. I want quiet vibes. I want to sit at the park or by the water and feel the breeze. I don’t want to talk about anything stressful and I don’t want anyone that is stressful to call me. Radio silence. So, as I run one errand today, I will probably go to one of my favorite parks and relax. I will take my planner, notebook, and earphones. I think I need this as I prepare for my birthday and receive my “marching orders” for the year.
~Nikki
Women’s History Month: Nikki Giovanni, Powerhouse Poet
Yolande Cornelia “Nikki” Giovanni Jr.[1][2] (born June 7, 1943) is an American poet, writer, commentator, activist, and educator. One of the world’s most well-known African-American poets,[2] her work includes poetry anthologies, poetry recordings, and nonfiction essays, and covers topics ranging from race and social issues to children’s literature. She has won numerous awards, including the Langston Hughes Medal and the NAACP Image Award. She has been nominated for a Grammy Award for her poetry album, The Nikki Giovanni Poetry Collection. Additionally, she has been named as one of Oprah Winfrey‘s 25 “Living Legends”.[2]
Giovanni gained initial fame in the late 1960s as one of the foremost authors of the Black Arts Movement. Influenced by the Civil Rights Movement and Black Power Movement of the period, her early work provides a strong, militant African-American perspective, leading one writer to dub her the “Poet of the Black Revolution”.[2] During the 1970s, she began writing children’s literature, and co-founded a publishing company, NikTom Ltd, to provide an outlet for other African-American women writers. Over subsequent decades, her works discussed social issues, human relationships, and hip hop. Poems such as “Knoxville, Tennessee” and “Nikki-Rosa” have been frequently re-published in anthologies and other collections.[3]
Giovanni has received numerous awards and holds 27 honorary degrees from various colleges and universities. She has also been given the key to over two dozen cities. Giovanni has been honored with the NAACP Image Award seven times. One of her more unique honors was having a South America bat species, Micronycteris giovanniae, named after her in 2007.[4]
Giovanni is proud of her Appalachian roots and works to change the way the world views Appalachians and Affrilachians.[5]
Giovanni has taught at Queens College, Rutgers, and Ohio State, and was a University Distinguished Professor at Virginia Tech until September 1, 2022. Following the Virginia Tech shooting in 2007, she delivered a chant-poem at a memorial for the shooting victims.[6]
Source: Wikipedia
I was able to witness via television Nikki Giovanni receiving a Grammy for her album, The Nikki Giovanni Poetry Collection. I thought it was amazing to see a poet (a poet!) winning a Grammy. When I look at her being MORE than a poet, that is what inspires me.
To learn more because there is more: https://nikki-giovanni.com/
~Nikki
Women’s History Month: Gwendolyn Brooks, A Well of Knowledge
Gwendolyn Elizabeth Brooks was an American poet, author, and teacher. Her work often dealt with the personal celebrations and struggles of ordinary people in her community. She won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry on May 1, 1950, for Annie Allen, making her the first African American to receive a Pulitzer Prize.
“Even if you’re not ready for the day, it cannot always be night” -Gwendolyn Brooks
We Real Cool
The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.
We real cool. We
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.
In my Junior High/Middle School, I was influenced by the poems of Gwendolyn Brooks and Nikki Giovanni. It was my first exposure to women writing poems. This was the first poem I read. I love the simplicity of it but it’s the last line that struck me.
~Nikki
Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Don’t Go Back or Forward
DON’T GO BACK TO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DELIVERED FROM
I had a discussion with a person I was involved with and there were a few “ah ha” moments that enlightened me on his behavior. Although, we are somewhat friends with boundaries (I should do a blog post titled Friends with Boundaries), we have had two huge discussions about our past unofficial relationship. It’s almost like a balloon being blown up slowly to its capacity and then you let it go and it flies around the room and lands “splat” on the floor. We exhale and it’s like, “Well, don’t know how we got started on that but, you enjoy the rest of your evening.” I think it’s unresolved issues that are aired out in these sessions.
The other day I asked him if he thinks about the conversations after they are over. He said yes. So, do I. It’s like pieces of a puzzle and some things make sense after the session and others are still a mystery. A mystery I have no desire to solve. I pondered the conversation and then I started getting messages from EVERYWHERE about “NOT GOING BACK” to situations or relationships that you have been delivered from. Message received.
DON’T GO FORWARD
I am reading a book titled, “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and as I was reading the chapter that describes the characteristics of the parent, I realized not only do I pick relationships where the person is emotionally unavailable but, I also have picked some associations where this occurs. I also, have remained in some circles that I now realize embody the characteristics of the emotionally unavailable parent. When this was brought to my consciousness, I was dumbfounded. I am still shocked today. However, the thought is, “STOP. DON’T GO FORWARD.” Yet, I attempted one last time to connect and saw nothing except a sarcastic response. What am I afraid of I ask myself and do I really want to know the answer? Why am I still hanging around? The truth is I already know the answer and I need to accept the truth.
With these two things occurring in a week, I realize that just because you know the truth, make a declaration, things don’t always end immediately and things may end immediately and linger. A train doesn’t suddenly stop. Breaks are applied miles before its destination. Some relationships come to a halt months after they end. None of this makes me feel really good but, it does make me aware. I have hope that something much better is ahead.
~Nikki
The Love Experience: Humanity & Diversity
Let’s say you are driving down a street and ahead you witness an accident. You pull over and get out of your car. You run to the scene and the first thing you do is:
A. Check to see if those involved are the same race as you
B. Check to see if they share the same religion as you
C. Check to see if they share the same political party as you
You don’t do any of those things unless you have some sort of evil embedded in you. The only thing that matters at that time is if the person is okay and if not, how can you assist. Why does it take some sort of crisis for you to not care about those things? I think you should not care about those things when it comes to REPECTING others’ beliefs and ACCEPTING others as HUMAN BEINGS created by GOD per your religion or belief system. If your belief system doesn’t teach you to cherish other human beings and their lives and to care about their overall well-being then you need to find a new religion or belief system.
According to a new study, people who live in diverse communities tend to identify with all of humanity and help others more. A research team led by Krishna Savani and Jared Nai of Singapore Management University reports people who live in such areas are more inclined to voluntarily help others. This reflects the fact that they are more likely to identify with all of humanity, and therefore “see the world as a family.”- Tom Jacobs https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/are_people_kinder_in_racially_diverse_neighborhoods
I didn’t live in a diverse neighborhood but, I did have other races and religions in my neighborhood. In fact, I grew up next door to three white women who became our family. I now live in their house as the remaining sister called me up to ask me if I wanted to buy her house since I was always next door helping my parents. She now lives in her hometown where my daughter attends college. I grew up with neighbors, mostly black and maybe about 3-4 white families, Christian, Muslim, and non-religious that would tell on us or correct us if we were doing things we should not have been doing as children. We also spent the night at each other’s home and we just followed their lead as to what to do. No one required us to worship their God, choose a political party or talk about our race.
When I went out into the real world as a young adult, on my first job, I experience my first “racist and prejudice” environment working at JCPenney in the stock room. About a year ago, I saw the lady, my supervisor, that was as prejudice and racist as they came. I wanted to tell her a thing or two but I simply moved along. I can also tell you that I experience prejudice towards a disability by a black school teacher. My dad handled that situation as the school teacher was actually a neighbor. I remember being told to leave the room as my dad was on the phone with her. She was so kind to me after that. It was when I was first diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.
As two black women and two white women peers through the windows of a closed business that is putting up sale signs because they are going out business, we discuss what we want and point out things. Then we stand around deciding which day we should come back and what percentage we think the clearance will start. We share tips. We don’t think about anything else. We are only concerned about shopping and bargains and the disappointment of the store leaving our area. At that moment, these are things that bond us.
As always, I don’t really care about your beliefs or nonbelief, I care that you LOVE. I care that you SHOW KINDNESS and COMPASSION and work to remove anything in you that does not allow you to do those things. These beliefs that ALL of a group of people are “this or that” way is NOT TRUE. These conversations, judgements, and lies passed down from generation to generation about a group of people need to be removed and discarded from your consciousness. The things your radical uncles or aunts told you about certain groups need to be sorted and held as opinions and not facts. YES, have discernment because there is bad and evil everywhere in every race.
I’ll never forget I had to correct an elder that was at my daughter’s birthday party over 12 years ago. She said, “Who is this little Hispanic girl? You know they love to eat up everything! It’s a shame you had to meet her mom and help her get here (I literally left the party to meet the mom because she was lost). They couldn’t speak English.” I was shocked and instantly angry. I shot back, “Listen to yourself! So, I guess black people don’t eat a lot. I guess white people don’t eat a lot either. When I go to the grocery store, I see baskets full from all races. She is my daughter’s friend and a very good one. Her mom is very sweet and brave to trust me with her daughter. We don’t talk that kind of talk in my home.” I blew a fuse! But not in front of the children and I am glad they were so far from us and having a ball they didn’t overhear us.
I can tell you that person is not the same as they were then. They have changed but it was not because of me. It was because of their walk with Christ.
John 13:34-35 New International Version
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
~Nikki
P.S. I really hate that race is even a thing!
Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Scenic Route to Becoming Fit
I have lost 14lbs since last March and I would like it to be 16lbs by March 2023. It has truly been a struggle as some of you know from my blogs. Gifted with the challenge of diabetes after I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, a few years ago I lost 12lbs after taking a Nutrition class from a CERTIFIED nutrionist in diabetes and after the doctor added a new med. I was not really working out consistently.
I have chosen the scenic route to weight loss and being fit. I call it the scenic route as it’s a long, slow way to lose weight. It’s a journey I have chosen to see as exciting as I discover new meals and recipes. I see it as a new way of making better choices. I see it as a reward for when I work out and I don’t really want to. Having Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia makes it difficult but, that is no longer my excuse for NOT moving my body. Because of the disease of Rheumatoid and the mystery of fibromyalgia, I am not supposed to do high impact exercise. But that doesn’t mean I cannot exercise at all. I have chosen the old-fashioned way of a healthier diet and exercise. A lifestyle change.
I have no huge goal. Therefore, I am not hugely disappointed if I don’t meet it. I am not doing this for an event or anyone. I am doing this for me. I’m not trying to be the size I was before I had my daughter 22 years ago but, if it happens, great! If I fall off or make the wrong choices I am not too hard on myself. I get back on track and keep moving forward. I just want to be fit. Less belly. I want to do all I can in my power to age well.
~Nikki
The Love Experience: Heartbreaks and Attachment Styles. What’s Yours?
According to Psychology Today, about 80% of people have experienced heartbreaks as it relates to relationships or dating. The main causes of heartbreaks were break ups, infidelity, and rejection. People with a strong attachment style (as opposed to those with a low attachment style i.e. anxious or high avoidance attachment)- tended to view their heartbreak experience as leading to some form of character rather than a deficiency within themselves. In other words, they framed their experience as one that helped them to grow and become stronger or as useful lessons about themselves, relationships, and life. A heartbreak is not indicative of bad luck or personal flaws or failure because heartbreaks are common. In research, 4 of 5 people said they have had heartbreak. -Psychology Today, The Most Common Causes of Heartbreak by Jessica Schrader
Let’s take a look at the “Attachment Styles” so that you can HONESTLY identify your style and understand it.
1. Secure
What it looks like: A lucky 60 percent of us have a secure attachment style. For these people, it’s a walk in the park to show emotion and affection in a relationship while simultaneously maintaining a sense of autonomy and independence, i.e. not letting the relationship become all-consuming.
They’re generally able to work through and move forward from conflict with ease. Secure folks aren’t the type to read through their partner’s phones or freak out when they don’t receive a text.
How it forms in childhood: A secure attachment style forms when caregivers quickly and sensitively give a child the support they need while still giving them space to develop their own autonomy. When parents recognize and attend to their child’s needs on a consistent basis, the child trusts they are there for them.
2. Anxious-preoccupied
What it looks like: Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style may have doubts about the relationship’s strength, feel unreasonably jealous, or harbor constant fears that their partner is going to leave.
The anxious-preoccupied tend to overanalyze their relationship. They may obsess over their partner’s social media, thinking there’s hidden meaning to a post when in fact nothing is wrong. To keep worry at bay, they may over-communicate, texting all day long or needing to know where their partner is at all times.
How it forms in childhood: You may have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style if your caregivers were inconsistent and unpredictable with their attentiveness. With this style, caregivers tend to be overprotective and/or excessively hold and touch the child.
Often anxious-preoccupied children imitate this overbearing behavior in their own relationships.
3. Dismissive-avoidant
What it looks like: A person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may see themselves as independent and refrain from asking for help. They might deny themselves emotional intimacy because they don’t want to be perceived as needy, and they may reject such openness from others.
This is the type who has a seemingly endless string of semi-serious partners to whom she refuses to fully commit. Or maybe it’s the ex who wasn’t comfortable expressing vulnerability with you.
How it forms in childhood: When caregivers dismiss the emotional needs of a child, or treat them in a detached, aloof way, the child might eventually stop communicating their emotional needs altogether, as they believe it has no effect. This helps explain why dismissive-avoidant styles often have trouble expressing emotion and affection to their partners.
4. Fearful-avoidant
What it looks like: People with a fearful-avoidant style often crave a close relationship but feel unworthy of love or afraid of losing the intimacy once they have it. Because of their insecurities around love, they tend to avoid intimacy and suppress feelings that do arise.
The fearful avoidant might feel intense feelings of love for a new partner but right when things start to get serious they start to panic and search for reasons the relationship could never work.
How it’s formed in childhood: If your caregivers subjected you to abuse, neglect or rejection, or if they were volatile or unpredictable, causing you fear as a young child, you may have a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
5. Disorganized
What it looks like: Similar to the fearful avoidant style, people with a disorganized attachment style want and crave love but experience severe stress and fear in relationships. They’re often overcome with low self-esteem and talk themselves into believing that no one will love them.
If they are in a relationship, they may rely heavily on their partner to ease their stress or anxiety. Yet, they may never feel at ease in a relationship because of a lack of trust and a fear of abandonment.
How it forms in childhood: A disorganized attachment style is often rooted in unresolved trauma. This may be trauma you experienced as a child or it could be inherited from a parent who faced severe emotional hardship in their own life.
You may also have a disorganized attachment style if your caregiver had a personality disorder and was therefore unpredictable in their parenting strategies.
Source:Attachment Theory 5 Styles greatist.com Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — By Jennifer Chesak on March 13, 2020
I want to hear from you! What is your attachment style? There is no shame here. Mine is Anxious Preoccupied. I therefore desire a Secure Attachment but, I’ve been getting most of the other stuff and no wonder it’s been a train wreck in the past! Mostly fearful-avoidant is what I seem to attract.
~Nikki
Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: What is Home?
What does it mean to be at home? Home is a place of refuge. It is a place of peace. It is a place where you are nurtured and sustained. It is a place to which you belong and have a right to be. In this place you are nourished and your needs are provided for. It is the place where you keep your intimate things. It is the place where you love and make love, the place where you play and grow and study. It is the place where you care and you serve. It is your base, so to speak, within the world. No matter what you do or where you go, you are always coming back to this base to become grounded in your humaneness again. Well, this is also what it means to have a spiritual home, except that a spiritual home cannot be contained within four walls. Your spiritual home is Wherever You Are. – The Sacred Yes, by Reverend Deborah L. Johnson
When it comes to your childhood, were you at home? When it comes to fitting into your family, environment or community are you at home? With those in your circle, are you at home? In your relationship, are you at home? When you’re at your job, does it feel at home? I know you would think that a job is not supposed to make you feel at home but a toxic work environment or being out of alignment with your purpose can make you ill. Are you home anywhere in your life?
When I am writing, I feel at home. When I am in my own home, my own sanctuary, because I am not married or in a relationship that is cankerous, I feel at home. Most of the time because I desire a good, healthy relationship, I sometimes long for home. However, I seem to always find my way back to my real home. It’s a home withing self. It is God. I fell at home when I am creating
~Nikki
Nikki's Confetti Life 