Sunday Morning Musings: I Have No Words

I look out onto the porch this morning. It’s nice outside with the overcast of clouds. The weather is much cooler and welcomed. Yesterday we had the homegoing celebration of my godmother. Also, this week 3 more people I know passed away from Covid. I found out about one this morning as I logged onto social media. I have no more words this morning.

What do you say? Sometimes you just can’t process everything in life given to you in wave after wave. Before you can wrap your mind around one thing here comes something else. We are in a period of life where being overwhelmed seems to be happening even to the “strong” and the highly spiritual.

I may have no words this morning. Nothing prominent to say, I don’t think. Yet, I type these “words” but, to me they are just thoughts. They are just expressions of my feelings this morning which can change by this evening as I come into more understanding. As I may hear or read something or do something that makes the mood better. I ignore the fibromyalgia pain in my feet and calf. I can’t think about all the sadness in the world, in my world, yet I feel the heaviness in the atmosphere.

Sometimes you have no words. I remember one morning, years ago when I was having trouble with my child’s father, I was so angry on my way to work I tried to pray. I tried to pray but, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to pray for because the level of anger and rage I felt was not my normal. I was crying on my way to work. As the sun creeped up, I kept searching for words to pray and I just blurted out, “God, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I want to pray. I don’t know what to pray.” And I recall that Spirit intercedes for us. So, I asked Spirit (Holy Spirit in my religion) to pray for me. This morning, as I stood at the door looking onto the porch. I just asked Spirit to pray, to intercede on my behalf because I have no words to describe all that I feel.

~Nikki

September is Phased

September? Is that you? It is indeed September and it is in this month we begin to phase from summer to fall. So it is in nature, we ourselves begin to phase or it may seem as a turning point. This is prime time for you to STOP, REFLECT on what you have learned this year thus far and prepare to finish up strong in the next coming months. Will you finish up or will you have some things to carry over? There is no rush because when it comes to life you never get it all done. However, it’s the PEAK ENERGY in September that you want to tap into. It’s like this is the tip of the mountain and we slowly roll down the year from here.

Be open to change. Be open to change this month. We may have been reserved, closed off, this year but, this is a good time to open up to change because what you have been doing this year may not have been working. Maybe it needs to be tweaked or done away with all together. It’s time to try something new and different. It’s time to do it without fear or do it with fear. It’s time for a POSITIVE CHANGE. Whether it be a spiritual change or a change in your diet, catch the peak energy and move into the radical change that has been integrating into your life all year or hovering in your atmosphere. You’ve been thinking about it. You’ve been making huge changes all year long. It’s time to embrace it.

Shift and End. When something ends, it really never ends, it shifts so that something else can come along and take it’s place. Energy is eternal but, it can transform. Summer is shifting so that fall can take it’s place. The weather is changing. Hence, the “be open to change” and the shift of things such as your mindset, ideals, relationships, etc. All year has been such a drag for me. I looking forward to a shift in my life and positive change. Lord knows I am open to it.

Watch the EXTREMES. There are extremes available this month. Extremes in the change. Extremes in the attitude. Watch the HOW you move from thought to thought, mood to mood, ideal to ideal. Make it smooth, planned, as it does not have to be abrupt. It does not have to be broadcasted or sprung on others. It just has to be done.

The Lull (Down Times) As disruptions will happen this month/season because of the extremes of energy (summer and fall’s tug of war that will flow into October), hold on to your hat. Your hat is your faith, your beliefs. Ground yourself. We are dealing with viruses of all sorts and I am not just talking about the flu or Covid/Delta variant. However, as I type this two people I know have transitioned, passed away as a result of Covid. One person this morning and the other Monday. I hold on to my faith. I ground myself. Now, there will be LULLS. There will times before the new moons and there will simply be times where you have absolutely nothing to do. You will have downtime. You will create downtime. In that time, THINK of what is near and dear to your heart. People, hopes, dreams, vacations and think of how you want to manifest those things…NEXT YEAR. YES. I said next year. Write it down as it comes. In the LULL, bask in feelings of gratefulness and thankfulness. The LULL may be right before bed, if you wake in the night, or perhaps before dawn. It can be anytime and anywhere.

Emotions and Restlessness: After changes come emotions. Yeah, it was a good idea but, now you are having doubts. Now, you are getting pushback from the people around you that, “didn’t see that coming.” Well, you will need to process the emotions. Feel it. Does something need to be adjusted? Revisited? Yes. Do it. No? Let it go and keep going. This is the process.

Restless energy? Channel it into getting things done. Especially, things you have put off or things you know that are coming up. Home maintenance. Car maintenance. Etc. Instead of “What’s in your wallet?” like the Capital One Commercials, it’s a “What’s on your list?” inquiry.

The Virgo Bless Up. It’s not about perfection, it’s about refining things. It’s about structure. It’s about purification of what has been tainted. Make it clean. Make it sparkle. Make it spic and span. Crisp souls. Straighten up your talk and walk.

The Libra Line Up. At the end of the month, cash out. In other words, balance your energy. Make it harmonious. After all, you’ve been tapping into the peak energy of September. Also, check to make sure you are in line with who you are authentically. Weigh your next move.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Suffering Produces Perseverance

Last week, I had a very bad fibromyalgia flare. I mean the kind that brings tears to your eyes. I was the chairperson of an event and I had things to do and very little help to do it. I pressed my way through by pacing myself, resting, and getting things done. As you may have read a few blog posts ago, I lost another loved one to Covid. This month has seem to be a month mixed with a variety of sufferings ranging from loss of loved one, increased physical pain, emotional challenges, and a few missed targets of gossip and misinformation.

It has also been a month of blessings and gratefulness. I feel it has been the turning point for me spiritually. Some parts of me that were dead to Christianity are showing signs of life and there seems to be some solid foundation in what I believe to be true about God. So, what is with so much suffering? The question is not why must we suffer but, why do we suffer?

I say we it’s not about a “must” suffering because there are choices we make that lead to suffering. The solution is to simply make better choices. However, there are things we are just going to go through that causes us to suffer. Incidents and accidents. The loss of love ones. Sickness. A not so good childhood. Relationships turned sour and rancid. Pause. Deep breath. I was sitting with my eyes closed listening to a Christian meditation, which was more like a reading of scriptures, and I heard this:

Suffering produces perseverance. It does? It does. Well, how does that work if the person suffering dies? The defeated suffering by moving into a realm where there is not suffering. To stay here, would have meant more suffering. Ok, but what if they suffered and lived and as they lived, they still suffered because of their illness or injuries? They persevere by pushing through, by treatments, by taking on each day, by adapting and attitude of positivity and gratitude. The persevere to and develop character that can help someone else to get through what they go through, something similar, or life all together. They learn a thing or two about suffering and pushing forward. They learn some things about weeping may endure for a night but, joy (enlightenment, understanding) comes in the morning. They learn about getting through it. Either hope seems to just appear for some and others make a conscious choice to hope. Hope for better days. Hope for a cure. Hope for new treatments. Hope for the suffering to end.

I see.

I got through those terrible flares like I got through some of the others. Perseverance. I get through some by suffering through them because no amount of pain meds, heating pads, or ice can help. I suffer through the hours to get to the next day and they subside. I persevere through it with prayer. That’s all I have sometimes. All I have is “hope”…hope this ends soon. Hope tomorrow is better. I “hope” they can figure out how to treat fibromyalgia soon or in the future so others will not have to…suffer.

~Nikki

Friday’s Flight & Fright

You’re still a rose

Guess what? I had a healthy breakfast. I prayed, meditated, affirmations. My mood still hasn’t stabilized. I ate chocolate chocolate chip cookies and milk. My snack for tonight so, I can’t have that tonight again. šŸ˜© What’s wrong Nicole? What’s the matter, Pooh Bear( family Nicknameā€¦don’t you call me this lol)?
I’m frustrated. Why? Because there is too much to do, too much happening in my world and the world, I can’t keep up, and I can’t seem to get all of what I want in a man and things (people, men) keep showing up that are almost what I desire. I’m sure I have somethingto do with all of this. Plus, another trip coming up and while I’m cool with going as the fabulous third wheel, would be niceā€¦(stares in singlehood).
Listens.
1. Take him or leave him, you’re going to have a wonderful time.

2. You don’t have to accept who shows up, remember? And if you choose “almost” you’ll “almost” be satisfied. Plus, I’ve given you several signs that this is not the time for a relationship. Remember? Either relax and enjoy the company or enjoy your own company. Breathe deep.

3. Yes. You have something to do with most of this but, not all of this. You have nothing to do with the events you have no control over like Afghanistan and the passing of your godmother. Your part, to pray, was and is done perfectly.

4. You can organize. You have lacked discipline. It’s true. You have procrastinated. It’s true. Why? You have been ill. You have not wanted the responsibility of some things. You haven’t enjoyed a particular environment. You haven’t done the ONE major life thing because of fear and THIS is what is clouding your mind. If you want clarity to come easily, DO THAT FEARFUL THING.

5. Make no commitment to any man right now. I repeat, it is not time for a relationship. It is time for your soul’s purpose.

6. Take one step. I’ll take two. Move towards destiny and I’ll create waves of manifestations. We are a team.

I shall be with you always. Even until the ends of the earth.

~Nikki

PS: Stop saying yes out of obligation to things that I’ve disconnected you from. Stop inserting your help where you have not been lead to help. You cannot help everyone or every cause. You can’t sign up for every thing and then say you don’t have time for your own soul purpose, dreams, goals, duties. That’s fear. Explore that fear of success. You can’t want and not want success. Love, Spirit. šŸ’‹

What Wednesday: Old Dominick Distillery

Bourbon Cider Punch

This weekend I took a tour of a local distillery with a friend. We started it off with a cocktail, the Bourbon Cider Punch. The whiskey, bourbon, and vodka are made in house. It’s a 45 minute tour that explains the history of the Old Dominick and the founder Domenico Canale whom has ties to Memphis. It was interesting to find out how the alcohol is made and the many different processes it goes through before aging. Each type of liquor has a slightly different process than the other. I was impressed with the technology involved.

At the end of the tour there is a tasting! The gift shop is really nice. I could have easily over spend in there! I really needed to get out of the house Sunday after hearing about the loss of my godmother Saturday. I am glad I decided to say yes to a friend that called and took me to dinner, then to the distillery, and ended the evening with cheesecake from the best cheesecake place in the country, The Cheesecake Corner. You can find it here in Memphis, TN and it’s a must place to visit if when you come to Memphis. Also, dinner was at Gus Fried Chicken. Another local favorite for spicy chicken. We ate like we were at home. Finger lickin’ and some smackin’ lol.

Not part of the tour, my weekend also consisted of hanging out with my mom and sister. We had lunch at The Olive Garden on Friday.

I have been a really bad flare up with fibromyalgia since Tuesday. I am talking about bringing tears to my eyes and last night was rough. Today is a little better but, not much. I am just trying to get through things the best way I can and that’s with prayer and meditation. Oh, and therapy.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: You Wish You Would Have Done More

Coffee cup with news paper at coffee shop, summer vintage with sunlight background.

It’s inevitable you will reach some point, some situation, some loss of a loved one where you will think or say, “I wish I would have done more.” Maybe, “I wish I would have done differently.” These thoughts are natural as we are beings with the gift to look forward and backwards. We look back for many reasons. Looking back can be helpful as well as a hindrance.

If we look back to measure how far we have come, that could be good if we rejoice about it. If we look back to see what we can learn from a situation, that is helpful for our present and future. However, it is when we look back and realize that we can’t fix the past and become filled with regret. “We wish we would have done more or differently.” How do you not let that consume you? How do you live with the guilt? I can tell you that you must find a way or it will eat you alive. It will gnaw at your conscious. Here is what I know and I hope it can help you.

Forgive yourself and know that you are forgiven by a Higher Power.

If the person has passed away and you wish you would have done more, made amends, or did differently by them, just know that they forgive you. Amends have been made. There is no “space” in the hereafter to hold grudges and unforgiveness. There is only peace. There is only joy. There is only bliss.

Do differently NOW with the time and the people you have left.

If the person is here now, go to them and ask for forgiveness and CHANGE your ways. The best apology is changed behavior.

If the person will not forgive you, that is on them. You have did your part. Forgive yourself. Continue with changed behavior. And remember, you are forgiven.

My oldest brother passed in February of this year and I can say with ease and peace, there is nothing I wish I would have done more about. We had a great relationship as sister and brother. My godmother transitioned yesterday and I wish I would have given her more. I wish I would given her more on her birthdays and mother’s day. I intended to have her and my god sister over at my new home for dinner soon. I won’t get that chance. I wish I would have made that pineapple upside down cake she suggested I make as I have began baking. What can I do about these things, now? I can’t do much about these things now. I can be grateful for the life she lived and the impact it had on me. I can invite my god sis over. I can give more to my god children. I can bake and perfect the pineapple upside down cake. I can cherish all of the invaluable lessons, that are precious gifts, she gave me. For a woman that went through so much, she not only displayed resilience, she had a joy about life that shined like the sun on a clear blue sky fall day.

I’ll do more now.

~Nikki

Whatever Wednesday: Good Eats

Richardson’s Farm (from Senatobia, MS) at the Memphis Farmer’s Market

About two weeks ago I went to Memphis Farmer’s Market downtown. It is one of my favorite things to do on a Saturday Morning. The photos about are colorful bell peppers from Richardson’s Farm located in Senatobia, Mississippi. It is a black owned farm. I learned what yum yum were and I have since enjoyed the, cut in half and filled with pimento cheese. Also, cottage cheese, cream cheese, and guess what? Rotel dip was suggested from one of the ladies selling the veggies. I can’t wait to try them with a Rotel dip.

Ripley’s Farm (Ripley, Tennessee)

Talk about the BEST peaches I have tasted in my life! Ripley’s Farms! They are known for their tomatoes and I always seek those out but, my GOODNESS the peaches! I can’t wait to see them this Saturday. I need, and I do mean need more peaches! I gave my mom one and I regret it lol! I wanted that peach back after my other three were devoured. She called and said, “Where did you get the peach from? I haven’t had a peach so good in years!”

I had a BLT two days in a row with my heirloom tomatoes. Best tomatoes are heirloom or vine tomatoes hands down!

I learned the difference between heirloom tomatoes or vine tomatoes and the tomatoes that are shipped to the big box stores. I learned about the process to get the tomatoes in the store vs the ones that are pulled from the vine when ripe. The texture and softness is a major difference. The taste is also better!

With my veggie and fruit haul, I definitely research things to make with tomatoes and how to freeze bell peppers. I like bell peppers in stir fry veggies, omelets, and of course in sauces. I can also cut up tomatoes in those sauces, cook, and freeze.

Below is my market bag I crocheted. It is amazing how it stretches. It’s 100% cotton, re-useable and washable. I sell these and ship them for $10. Usually, I use leftover cotton yarn from different projects so they come in all sorts of colors.

~Nikki

I forgot to mention I tried bok choy for the first time and I really like it! New veggie alert!

Bok Choy from one of the farms at Memphis Farmer’s Market
And never leave the market without MEMPOPS…never…

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Everything and Nothing

There is absolutely nothing wrong with obtaining all of the material things you want in life. The thing is, unless you are truly happy or at peace on the inside, in the mind or heart, or in other areas of your life, none of those things will amount to that which you truly seek. So go ahead and build the biggest house. Line your driveways with cars. Take as many trips as you would like. Buy all of the clothes and shoes that can fit into your closets. When they high subsides, the misery will rise to the surface and spew over again.

You can lie to strangers and tell them, “All is well.” It is true you can fool some of the people some of the time but, you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Some of us can see straight through the malarkey. In many ways this is a sad situation because one spends the bulk of their energy (time and money) trying to prove to themselves and the rest of the world they are “happy” while they could spend the their energy getting well. And by getting well I mean taking the courage to address the real issues in their lives.

As I type this Sunday Morning Coffee Musing, a scripture from the Bible pops into my head, “What profits a person to gain the world but, loses their soul?” I know we are accustom to taking this scripture literally and as if the person is going to Hell. However, what does it mean on another level to “lose the soul?” The essence of the person is lost and what is left is an empty shell. Some walk around putting on all day long and in public spaces. Yet, when they are in the privacy of their own homes or in the company of close family, the venom of bitterness and misery is applied. It’s in snarky comments and funky moods. Empty shell behavior.

~Nikki

I looked to my cousin and said, “You know, a person can everything and nothing at the same damn time.”-N. Jackson

Wednesday Vibes: DIY Vegetable and Fruit Spray

DIY Fruit and Veggie Spray

If you have a 32oz spray bottle this is the mix: 1 cup of vinegar, 3-4 cups of water, a squeeze of lemon or lime juice. If you have a smaller bottle, adjust according to your knowledge of the original “formula”. One part vinegar and 3-4 parts water. Simple!

These are some of my fruit and veggies from the farmers market in my city, Memphis, TN. I really love getting my fruits and veggies straight from the farmer without the middle man. So, every chance I get to go to a farmer’s market or stop at farmer’s fruit and veggie truck, I do!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Thrill Is Gone

So, I’ve been dating almost immediately after my last relationship (yes, so soon) but, lately I have NOT been feeling “it”. Heavy sigh. The thrill is gone. No one interests me and the interest I did have in one particular person seems to be fading fast. I think it may be more “me” than him. He is who he is and I am who I am. And I am who I am becoming. I don’t think you should ask a person to change their personality to fit your world. Habits? Maybe. Pet peeves? Maybe. But personality? No. So, what’s going on with me? What happened to the thrill of dating? Why am I easing to a stop? Or being urged to pause temporarily?

What was dropped in my spirit last week, “Nikki, temporarily let go of the very thing you desire to get the very thing you desire.” Are you thinking what I am thinking? Probably not. I was thinking, “WOW. I get it.” I am too wrapped up in it. I’m thinking about it too much. I’m trying too hard to manifest it. I am trying to feel something that isn’t there. I’m trying to wait and see when there is nothing to wait or see. I’m avoiding the inevitable. I need to call a time out. “Coach, I need to sit this one out.”

Also, I have THINGS to do. I have pressing things to do. However, it seems as if what I am being asked to do, per Spirit, is not to STOP but to PAUSE. I need to get started on my life’s work. I need to finish the third book. Hopefully, I will have some vendor opportunities this fall/winter for my crochet items. These are more pressing issues than dating at this time. I do believe I was given that message because it will significantly give me the balance I need between my life work and my personal life.

~Nikki