Are You Successful?

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What is success to you? Do you get to define success for others? Who defined success for you? I mean really think about where you got YOUR ideas of what success is. Did you get it from your parents? Friends? TV? Social Media? Society? Religion? Yes. I said religion because some of us were taught incorrectly about being wealthy based on the lack of proper explanation of several scriptures. So, I encourage you to take some real time to define success for yourself without comparison to other people.

I recently out of frustration thought “I should be further along than I am.” And then a friend said it too about herself. And an associate said they felt they should be further along. But this is what was given to me when I said it: “By who’s standards? In comparison to who? You? Observing everyone around you and comparing yourself? Maybe by your own nice, little, neatly mapped out plans of your life on a whiteboard or in a notebook? Perhaps in your mind? Further along?”

I thought about this. I honestly was thinking about where others were and my own plans. I couldn’t be further from my plans if I intentionally diverted from them. This is why I wrote the affirmations in the blog yesterday: https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2023/05/24/where-are-you/ . But what was expressed to me about this statement was some of what I wrote in the above paragraph and also what is in the next few paragraphs.

You are where you are supposed to be. You are where you need to be. You are where you are however you think you got here. If hearing you are where you are because you made the choices you made seems too lofty or a dump reasoning, then hear this: “I am where I am because of some choices I made and some choices I did not. I am here because of myself and others whether I consciously or subconsciously (willingly or naively) allowed certain things to take place. I take responsibility for that but I do not take responsibility for the things I could not control. I take responsibility for my healing and I choose to make better decisions and choices.” I wrote all of that because it’s more complex than “You are where you are because of the choices you made.” And people never stop, nor do most care to see that. It requires thought, rationale, comprehension, and compassion and who has time for that today?

Feel the difference in “I should be further along” and “I am right where I need to be for change. I am right where I need to be for growth.” Say it aloud. Feel it. Remove the weight of “I should be further along” and see that feeling as an indicator that you are ready for change or growth. “Oh! I am ready for change. I am ready for a new adventure in life. This is getting boring or old.” You feel much lighter. You are more apt to take action for the right reasons after you FIRST define success for yourself based on YOUR internal dialogue. Not what the world or people say success is.

The heart of a human plans their course but the Lord guides their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Many plans are in one’s heart but the purpose of the Lord will prevail. Proverbs 19:21

~Nikki

Have you defined success for other people? Why? What is success to you?

Where Are You?

Photo by Oziel Gu00f3mez

YOU/ME:”I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE FURTHER ALONG IN LIFE.”

Me: SAY THIS and notice the difference in what you feel.

I am right where I need to be

I am right where I need to be for change

I am right where I need to be to leap out on faith

I am right where I need to be for growth

I am right where I need to be for expansion

I am right where I need to be to start a new journey, a new adventure in life

~Nikki

It’s My Hope For You — Be Inspired..!!

I wish you would learn to let go of things that weren’t intended to be yours. I wish you the ability to wave goodbye to the things that don’t fit into your story, walking away with your head held high and your feet pointed forward, moving slowly but steadily in the direction of the things […]

It’s My Hope For You — Be Inspired..!!

No Spend April Week 3: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Photo by Elise Bouet

This week I simply didn’t visit any sites, other than Amazon, that I shop on. When I became bored, I found other things that needed to be done or could be done. I told myself things like, “I wouldn’t know I missed it if I didn’t see it” and “It will be there when you need it” so, CHILL OUT NIKKI. You’ve done this before.

What I am learning about my spending and financial habits is my need to get it all right now. The urgency of if I don’t get it all right now, it won’t be there. And by “all” I don’t mean hoarding or buying so much of the same thing because it’s on sale that I don’t think about others who may need the item or discount as well. That’s right. I think we should think of others. I mean if I have things, I want to get done like have someone paint the family room, get the house power washed, install light fixture, I tend to think I need it all done at once. I have to remind myself often, “You don’t have to and you can’t do it all at once.” Where do I get this unrealistic idea for myself from? I think it’s a fantasy that comes from TV or the lifestyle of the rich and famous. The majority of us SAVE for what we want and need. Also, the failure of not having enough to get it ALL done because shouldn’t I have enough money to be able to do just that? And if I don’t, I must be mismanaging my money and maybe I should have chosen a better career. Finished college beyond an Associate’s Degree. WHEW!

I also USED to do this with to-do lists until my therapist helped me to see my life had changed and I could no longer do it all. In fact, I wasn’t doing it all, all of the time, perfectly anyway. He helped me to see the unhealthy burden and pressure I was placing on myself. You know, the A and B making student. The do everything just right, perfect, on time, before time may have won me points, certificates, awards, and treats in school and on the job but, with increasing responsibilities like being a mom, working and going to school or being diagnosed with a physically limiting disease, it was unnecessary. It was no longer sustainable. There was no one to impress or please. There never was except myself and God (for me). And even God doesn’t need to be impressed by me.

The internal dialogue I carried was, “I could never please my mother. So, when teachers were pleased and employers were pleased, I finally made someone happy. Going over and beyond for boyfriends or people meant someone was happy. Even if it was at my expense.” The expense of my tired body, the expense of my time, money, the expense of my mind and feelings. Match this up with a giver and empath and you have a huge mess. So, feeling the pressure of I need to do it all and do it now or I have failed after all of these years, still seeps into many things. Even my finances. Even after much work in therapy.

It’s unhealthy. It’s unrealistic. So, here I am changing my thinking about money and learning about myself. AGAIN. Yep. HERE I GROW AGAIN.

~Nikki

No Spend April: Week 2: Why?

Photo not by me

Why did I need a NO SPEND APRIL? I needed it to reign myself in from the allowed and planned splurge of my birthday month. I needed it to curb my appetite to spend when I am unhappy or the dopamine of finding unbelievable deals. I needed it to not go overboard and it flow into the rest of the year. I needed this to remind me that I have REAL goals and DREAMS and I need to continue to manage my money.

What are the rules for me? No clothes, no shoes, no purses, no jewelry, no make-up, and no beauty products. Oh and no home decor! I can go out. I can enjoy events. I can make purchases for my business.

I have not been to any thrift stores, consignment shops or places I often frequent like TJ MAXX or online for clothes. I tell you that saving those items to my cart helps! LOL By the time I get back to them they will be gone or I will have changed my mind.

I am considering extending this into May to challenge myself. The only thing I did purchase was a Cowgirl hat for the rodeo coming up. The other hats didn’t match my boots. Could I have changed my outfit? I could have. But…I didn’t want to! I was HADES bent on wearing it. I did find a nice hat for $24 bucks and decided to not spend eating out last week or go to an event. Do better, Nikki!

~Nikki

No Spend April Logs: Week 1: How It Started

Fail!

The very first week of April I went to Macy’s with my mom and spent money on something I did not need.

Let’s roll back tape. So, I knew I was going to spend quite a bit during my birthday month in March. I have no regrets about that. Okay, one regret. I could have saved that splurge that put me $80 over budget but, since it’s something I can’t return, I may as well let the regret go. I decided in March that April would be a NO SPEND month to reign me back in. I have things I need to do and things I want to do and saving money is one of those things. I also want to be able to enjoy myself while I save. But to what extent? Is that possible? Plus, it’s going to take more than a month to save what I want to save. One should always save. I didn’t go on any vacations last year. Going out of town for a conference or chaperoning my daughter and her friends were not a vacation. I do want to get away this year and I DO care where I go. I care that it is budget friendly.

Since I failed the first week, I decided that April 9-May 9 would be my month mark. I also decided that I needed to understand WHY I wanted to FAST from spending and what were the rules to this? What could I buy and not buy? What did I hope to gain or accomplish? I have not had the best of luck when it comes to saving. What do I mean by that? In the past whenever I save, something happens. It seems I can’t get to where I want to be as fast as I would like to.

I had car trouble this week. ASTRONOMICAL the cost to get my car fixed. Once again what I had saved has dwindled right before my eyes. At least, it’s almost and not completely wiped out. Maybe that’s not a bright side but a partly cloudy side?

~Nikki

Women’s History Month: A Woman’s Worth

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As we near towards the end of March and Women’s History Month, I think about all of the women that have made history that we know about and all of the many women that make history and a difference in their communities we will never know about. In a world, and especially in countries and cultures where women are often thought of as second-hand citizens, and in America and other countries, once were (still are) considered property, what is the value of a woman? Studies done by men in the past determining the intelligence and the emotional dissecting of a woman were nearly always biased and harsh. Even in religious texts women were treated poorly. Yet, I could never understand how you could be religious and treat another human being poorly. That’s another topic for another day.

A woman’s worth is priceless. Invaluable. Yet we, even women, continue to devalue women based on economics, social status, race, religion, bodies, and lifestyle. A woman has proven over and over again her value to this world and some women of color have to prove to other women the same thing those women are trying to prove to men. In my opinion, you can’t want equal pay and rights for women of your race and religion only. Either fight for ALL women or take some time to work on your inner self to find out why you don’t want to share your victories with ALL women. Resolve that conflict. If women are to move forward and to make more history, it has to be done in unity. In unity, there is power. In division, there are weak spots.

~Nikki

Women’s History Month: Behind Hollywood on the Set Scenes

By Tokunbo Salako  with AP   •  Updated: 14/03/2023

Given the enormous success of Everything Everywhere All at Once at the Oscars, you could easily be forgiven for missing one of the night’s other significant and memorable moments for women. 

The ceremony also saw costume designer Ruth E. Carter become the first Black woman in history to win two Academy Awards. 

Four years after winning Best Costume Design for Marvel’s Black Panther, she took home her second honour in the category for its sequel, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

As lead costume designer, Carter played a crucial role in making the film a cultural phenomenon with her garments helping to bring the fictional country of Wakanda to life.

Here is a partial article about the history of black women in costume design by Shelby Ivey Christie. Link at the bottom for complete article.

Until the late 1950s, black actors appeared on screen mostly as slaves or domestic workers, leaving little room for creative costuming. Hattie McDaniel’s Oscar-winning role as Mammy in 1938’s Gone with the Wind is a prime example of this kind of caricature casting; her wardrobe was marked by a house dress, an apron, and a headscarf. Similarly, when James Baskett appeared as a plantation worker named Remus in 1946’s Song of the South—a role he won an honorary Academy Award for—he did so in the type of plain, tattered pieces synonymous with poor blacks at the time.

1957: Carmen Jones

“I’d have to say my favorite costume moment is Carmen Jones,” shares Stacey Beverly, a Hollywood costume designer who’s worked on GirlfriendsThe Game, and Black-ish, among other projects. The 1957 classic stars Dorothy Dandridge as Carmen Jones, a factory worker who, outside of her blue-collar job, wears a now-famous look: a curve-hugging red pencil skirt and black off-the-shoulder top. This was significant—not only were audiences seeing a black woman portrayed outside of a domestic role, but that black woman was also the epitome of glamour, dressed in luxe fur coats, dresses cinched at the waist, and hoops (gold hoops, to be specific, which were not de rigueur in 1957). Dandridge made history as the first black woman nominated for a Best Actress Academy Award, and while she didn’t win, her portrayal of Jones did succeed in sending an empowering message to scores of black women.

1966–1968: Batman and Julia

In 1966 Eartha Kitt was cast as Catwoman in Batman—a role that saw her costumed in a tight leather catsuit and mask, bringing the sex appeal and allure of black women onto the small screen. Two years later, when Diahann Carroll became the first black woman to star in a TV series by landing the title role in Julia, the milestone was also a seminal moment for black costume design. A widowed single mother—which many black women could relate to, as the U.S. had entered the Vietnam War three years prior—Julia had an impeccable wardrobe reflective of the times. As the ’60s ushered in a fashion awakening that saw a departure from classic A-line silhouettes and an embrace of mod styles, Julia was costumed in swing dresses, paisley prints, and leisure suits; her hair was worn in the short, asymmetrical cut popularized by Vidal Sassoon, and she completed her looks with round-toe shoes and nude lipstick. Black women finally saw themselves as active participants in American pop culture and trends. They weren’t just the women who scrubbed the floors and burped the babies, they were now professionals, earning their own money and curating trendy wardrobes. Mattel partnered with Carroll to create a Julia Barbie, and in 1969 Carroll won a Golden Globe for the role.

https://coveteur.com/2019/02/22/history-black-costume-design-film-television/

~Nikki

I love fashion and I wanted to be a fashion designer growing up. It was the only dream I had had for a very long time. It still burns within me. I like anything that involves clothing. However, costume design in on another level of creativity and imagination to me.

Women’s History Month: Making Your Own Her-story

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I know you are probably thinking you haven’t made history as a woman but, oh yes you have! You are making history in your own life that will become HER-STORY. You don’t have to be famous or to break a glass ceiling. You just have to look back over your life and see all that you have overcame. You just have to look forward and think about what’s next and plan it out. We all have a story to tell and stories that are forming as long as we are living. Why do you think the elders in our lives have so much to talk to us about? How do you think they gained so much wisdom? Our mothers, sisters, aunties, cousins, coworkers have HER-STORIES.

Tell me something you have overcome! Or share something you have done or do in your community!

~Nikki