What To Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One with Anxiety or Depression? Part 1

What do you do when it’s a friend or a loved one that has anxiety or depression?

Strong relationships can go a long way toward improving the outlook and emotional well-being when they live with mental health conditions.

Friends and family can:

  • listen with compassion when they need to talk
  • provide encouragement and emotional support
  • join them in hobbies or activities that offer a positive distraction
  • offer rides, grocery runs, and other more tangible forms of support when they have trouble getting things done

Simply knowing they have someone they trust in their life can often help them feel less alone, whether they actually want to talk about your symptoms or not.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/depression-and-anxiety#coping-tips

Mental Health: What Helps Me

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

One of the major keys to dealing with anxiety and depression is to get ahold of it before it spirals out of control. But exactly how is that done? Also, having a plan for when it does spiral out of control is necessary to expedite your recovery to mental and emotional stability. Therapy, scriptures, and affirmations are three major tools that have helped me. Also, having someone you trust when you can’t talk to your therapist and having a SOURCE, which I call God/Creator/Divine/Source when you have no one to talk to is major. For me, Source is always available but, I know there are things I can do on my own to help myself. And this is encouraged by Source.

I think you should really get to know who you are and how things affect you. The only way to do that is to be totally honest with yourself. I am sensitive as I found most creative people are. It allows us to channel our emotions into what we are creating. I have a tendency to take things more personally, overthink, and overanalyze. I have learned how to back out of those things and become an observer for the most part. I also know that it takes me time to move past things. Over the years it has become easier to move past things. I think that comes with wisdom and not age.

Here are some of the things I do to help me to get ahold of anxiety and depression:

I acknowledge what I am feeling and then I ask myself why I am feeling it. What happened? Who said it? Consider the source from which it came from and are they credible? No one is more credible than God for me. If it’s coming from a person I don’t know, a person that is negative, a person that doesn’t like me, why would I feed into their opinion? Exactly. Unless, deep down inside I feel that way about myself and I am honest if I do! If they say, “You are ugly” and lately I have been ripping myself apart I’m going to feel bad. BUT YOU have the power to change what you feel by changing what you think and speak.

I use affirmations for anxiety and depression. If I feel afraid to sleep, I say to myself over and over, I am safe in my body. I am safe in my home.

I use scripture pertaining to whatever I am feeling or scriptures to contrary. If I feel weak, I say I am strong. If I feel afraid, I say God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and love.

I pray.

I say, “Oh. I am feeling some anxiety today. I can fold my clothes. I can do some work as I work through this. I can do some exercise.”

If I have persistent thoughts or episodes, I make an appointment with my therapist (currently searching for a new one).

I talk to a friend I trust.

I cry. Crying is a release.

I pamper myself. I take hot showers. I oil and lotion up. I give myself a pedi/mani or go get one. I soak in a lavender Epsom salt and pink Himalayan salt mix. I schedule a massage session.

I go to my bathroom and read my yearly marching orders or my affirmations to reset my brain.

Now, what about when anxiety is CODE RED or depression is CODE BLUE!

My plan is to shut things down for a day or two this can include social media and putting phone calls on hold.

I call my therapist.

I rely on all the things above.

I immerse myself in Netflix, a blanket, and the couch.

I allow myself to sleep.

I lose myself in a hobby.

BUT the maximum I give myself is TWO DAYS and then I MUST come out of it. Anything longer than that can set me up for darker and deeper holes that are difficult and require help to come out of. I come out of it by pushing, forcing, and dragging myself to get back to a routine. A little at a time. And during this time, I make sure personal hygiene stays on top. If you don’t wash your face, brush your teeth, change clothes, shower, YOU WILL FEEL EVEN MORE LIKE CRAP. People tend to let themselves go in bouts of anxiety and deep dark times of depression.

During this time, I stay hydrated. I do allow myself some treats but I also make sure I eat as healthily as possible. Too much sugar or salt will make you feel worse. I add one of those packs of Vitamin C to my water. I sit on the porch. I go for a walk. I do 10 minutes of yoga if I don’t feel like doing 30. I do tai chi because it is slow movement. I may just stretch every two hours.

I hope this helps someone. Recently in Memphis, this week, we went through so many tragedies many of us are feeling things we can’t explain and some of us know exactly what we are feeling.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: I Need Space

Nicole Jackson

It’s important to know when you need space and to take it. You need to know when you’ve reached your limits. You need to recognize when your cup is empty and you need a refill. And sometimes that refill is for you and only you.

I need space. I want to relinquish my roles, responsibilities, and titles. I don’t want to answer anyone about anything. “I don’t know and I don’t care.” I would love to say that. “Figure it out yourself or get someone else” sounds good, too. I’d like to tell the inconsiderate people to buzz off. Buzz is not the word I want to use. Yes. I need space.

I need space before I have a meltdown, a blow up. I need space before I have some sort of physical malfunction. I need space before I become totally depressed. I need space. I need space. I need space.

I need to be called, ma’am or Queen. I need to be told, “Our pleasure” and not by Chick-fil-A. I need room service. I need spa services. I “DARN” sure need to be chauffeured everywhere. I need a live band. I need turn down services. I need to be asked, “Is there anything else we can do for you?”. I need the arts. I need to be prayed over in an ancestorial spiritual kind of way. And when I return, I return with bolder boundaries, consequences, rules, and regulations about how NICOLE will be treated from here on out.

I need space and I am going to take it. I am going to take it in a grand way.

~Nikki

Poem: On the Verge

Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava on Pexels.com

I am exhausted from being a daughter, a mother, a teacher, a preacher, a sister, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear

A sounding board, a punching bag, a punchline, a woman, a black woman, an adult, a spiritual being having a human experience, can you hear?

I don’t care what you need from me, I don’t have it to give

Take your blame, take your shame, take my name out of your mouth

I could care less than a damn what you are talking about

Is that harsh? And so are your demands on my time and my mind

I have lost myself and the rage is making me blind

I am on the verge of depression

Miles from a much-needed therapy session

I’m having thoughts about wishing I never existed

Thoughts of why I ever enlisted

To come to this place called earth

Whose idea was it for a rebirth?

I’d scream my head off if I didn’t need it

But I’ll just say I am fine and you’ll believe it

Because nothing can ever be wrong with me

As if you are the only one that needs to be free

Free from responsibility and tasks and drama and reality

I am going to escape this place and dive into fantasy

I’m packing my bags. DO NOT DISTURB. DO NOT WAIT until I get back

Solve it or seek a professional as a matter of fact

I’m on the verge, the verge of change and evolution

I am on the hinge of a permanent solution

I’m going to cry a river and set sail

Inhale, exhale, and wail

by Nicole Jackson

My Reset Weekend

On my way to the Eiffel Tower in 2019

I’m back from my RESET Weekend and I’ve decided to extend it into this week. Overall, I feel great but I’ve really felt some discouragement due to the disappointment in the lack of participation in an organization I’m a part of. I’m having to channel my inner David and ENCOURAGE MYSELF.

I can do all things through Christ that strengthen me.
All of my help comes from above.

Wait (hold on a minute, rest up, do nothing, be patient) for the Lord to renew your strength (by sending you a Word, giving you deep rest, sending solutions & confirmations).

The JOY (what I know) of the Lord is my strength.

I did some deep cleaning in my kitchen/sitting area and my pantry/laundry room on Saturday. I also took a bath in lavender Epsom salt and Pink Himalayan Salt (1 cup each). It draws out the toxins and helps you to relax and unwind.

~Nikki

April’s Lessons & Reminders

Here is where I take notes of lessons and reminders of the month for myself. Although I believe the majority of my lessons and reminders were learned last week as I shared in last Sunday Coffee musings (link below) there were still a few things I learned/remembered this month.

https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2022/04/24/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-what-are-you-teaching-me/

  1. Stop trying to explain yourself to people that are committed to misunderstanding you.
  2. “That will do” for some concerning the home and environment but for me I need neat surroundings outside and inside. Some people cut their yards and some people like to cut and beautify their yards. I am the latter.
  3. To some people, even the things they don’t like or care about will become a competition because you like it, care about it, or are doing it. How sad to be them.
  4. Keep saying NO to what you don’t want until what you do want shows up. This includes dating.
  5. I found contentment in the little “big” things like sitting on my porch on a breezy afternoon and organizing my pantry/laundry room. Also, tossing out things and organizing my craft room. (Still working on that).

~Nikki

No One Is Better Equipped

When you say I don’t know what I want or I don’t know what to do, you NEGATE Infinite Intelligence within you. You VOID, you nullify, you make ineffective the GOD within you!

You really are saying you are too lazy to determine your own experience or that someone else IS better equipped to determine your life. NO ONE IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO DETERMINE YOUR LIFE, YOUR GOOD, YOUR EXPERIENCES, BUT YOU!

~Nikki

Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker

YOU ARE THE CHOICE MAKER

Here is what you need to know and begin to speak:

YOU ARE THE CHOICEMAKER. YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF YOUR LIFE.

You must understand that you are one with the Creator, or God, or The Infinite Intelligence. In other words, you were created by an intelligent being therefore you have the ability to make intelligent decisions about your life. You are ONE with GOD. You are one with the CREATOR. You are one with Infinite Intelligence. It is within you ALREADY. TODAY. RIGHT NOW. The Power to Make DECISIONS is already in you.

Refrain from INDECISION!

~Nikki

Book Reference: Raymond Charles Barker

Indecisiveness and The Turmoil It Brings

We are discussing the power of decision making. It may seem like a small thing to you but, the highest function of your mind is to make decisions. Hence, “make up your mind” is a phrase we use often. Every day you are making decisions about your life. Even when you decide to be indifferent and not decide, it is called indecision.

Let’s talk about that first. Indecision is the individual’s choice to fail. If you decide not to make a decision, then the Universe or Life will make the decision for you. Life waits for no one. It goes on. And usually, you will receive what you do not what or what you fear the most. Your energy of indecisiveness brings forth what you are feeling which is hesitation, frustration, fear, and uncertainty.

~Nikki

Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: One Mic

Last week was a week for the books. I held my 4th Woman emPowered Up Conference online and according to the numbers, it was a flop. My speakers were top notch. The very last night no one showed up and it was my turn to speak. I recorded the talk and then my daughter came on as I was wrapping it up. The challenge wasn’t remaining satisfied with being obedient and going forth, I didn’t care about the numbers as if I needed numbers to validate me or the conference. If that is the case, then why was I so sadden? Why was I angry?

I didn’t even know I was angry until I did a heart chakra guided meditation and it spoke about being angry. This is when Spirit spoke to me and said you are angry. I knew I was sad but angry? Let me figure out why I was sad first and then I will figure out why I am angry. I continued to do meditation. I did yoga while listening to music for the heart chakra. As I was doing yoga, I got these messages:

  1. You are sad because you wanted people to receive the valuable information you had to give. You wanted more people to share your passion of wisdom and knowledge with. And for this you will be blessed.
  2. You are angry that your family and friends didn’t show up but, you should not be angry with them. You can’t always be there for them, remember? And they can’t always be there for you. Extend to them the same grace and mercy you extend to yourself. Give them the same understanding and compassion.

And so, I did.

~Nikki