Tuesday’s Good Night

0247a0380cb19e87748d6cc4e537bc67

I give up freely what is not longer serving me. I release it to create space for what inspires me.

~Nikki

Advertisements

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What You Have Need Of

e33038a3482f8faf68b007ef6946b710

You’ve been blessed with an inheritance, a lump sum of money, you won the lottery, or you have a good job or career and have managed to put away for retirement. Yet, you worry from time to time or constantly about the future and if you will have enough. Maybe, you are young or old, have a large family or a single parent, and you are doing the best you can. Let me tell you briefly, about my situation.

I am in my early 40’s, approaching my middle 40’s ha! (No, I don’t look it and thank you!) Well, I happen to become ill, could no longer work, blew through my savings to survive and raise a daughter that will be graduating from high school next year. I found myself in the disability process for three grueling years. I won my case. And I thought it would be a sigh of relief and it was. However, like any person that has to start from a setback, start from rock bottom, I worry. But and on my anxiety and man, it takes on a whole other form or worrying. How can I make it off this? What will I do when the surplus runs out? Will my other dreams ever take off so that I don’t have to be on disability? What happens in 3 years when I go for a review? What if they say I am okay and I don’t need it? What kind of job will I be able to do at 46 with my illnesses? Will I ever get the home I want? You see where I am going and then loop that in your head all day. That is anxiety. Go to bed and wake up thinking about the same thing.

This morning I heard this in my spirit, “There is no sense in worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own. You can’t add one day to your life by worrying.”

And then I thought, but don’t you have to plan for the future?

Spirit:”Be wise like the ants. But they don’t worry. And consider the birds in the air, the are fed everyday. The flowers are clothed and they don’t worry.”

Me: “But, what about my dreams, and goal, and plans, and life? What about that abundance? What about prospering? I don’t want to struggle until I die!”

Spirit: “God knows the plans created for you. God knew you before you existed in the womb. God molded and shaped you. You are carefully, and wonderfully me. The Creators plans for you are to prosper and to be in good health. You have choices. Choose life. Choose the things that will better you. Go for it. Do it. Be wise. Use knowledge. And God  knows the number of hairs on your head. Not one falls without his (her) knowledge.”

Me: Let me blog this and hope it helps someone else.

God, the Creator, the Universe, knows what you have need of. God’s plans are always for you to triumph, be at peace, be in good health, and to prosper. But you do have to do your part and if you’re doing your part, researching your part, then do not worry. God will do the rest. The Universe is working for you, always and never against you.

~Nikki

Single Life: Dealing with Resurfacing Fears or An Out of the Blue One

15027468_10155482609888266_4511332985624643823_n

As I muddle through life and navigate this single life aspect, I often forget about some of the fears that once tormented me in relationships. Well, I think this may happen to those of us who have been single for a while. It may also be the reason while some can’t find a mate and the same reasons some don’t want to be in a relationship ever again.

As I drifted in and out of sleep last night, a funny thing happened. I started to think about after the dating phase and the possibility of a relationship, the things I may have to deal with again. What if the guy is a flirt or has numerous female friends and associates? I thought to myself, “Nah, I don’t want to do that again.” Shutters. I think of the drama and trauma and accusations that circle around “What’s the problem with him having so many female friends or being a flirt?” “Are you insecure? You must be.”  Well, I have dealt with all of the reasons I feel the way I feel about dating a big flirt and a man that has a boatload of women as associates. I can sum it up as saying, it’s not my cup of tea. After years of dealing and healing with the underline causes, and some of it is common sense and personal preferences, it came up last night. I thought I was done being concerned with that.

Well, the more I mulled it over in the day time, I realized, there is nothing to be concerned about because I don’t have to accept a big flirt or a guy with numerous women as friends and associates with behavior that makes me uncomfortable. Right. I have a choice. And one reason I remain single is because I know what things I can deal with and what things I cannot. I can no longer be coaxed, manipulated, talked into things I know just don’t work for me. And after all, is this not what the dating phase should reveal? And it shouldn’t take long into the relationship to discover if you’ve been bamboozled. No, not at my age. False alarm. I was worried about nothing.

I think it’s normal to have these things, whatever your things are, to come up from time to time when considering getting into the dating game. I think it’s important to be rational and to address any issues you may not have fully dealt with or just the ones that resurface.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Women Doing the Most to Our Own Detriment

c8795fe6e7a10efc354d670c593892fc

I had a great, terrible, struggling, successful day yesterday. Sound familiar? I hope not! My artwork was on display and I sold two more pieces. Sold my first last week. In case you are a new reader, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia and some other things. Well, I  am also very stubborn and I have a tendency to take on too much not considering y health. In the past, I never had to consider it. Old habits die hard and some never die.

Anyhow, at the end of the fabulous art show, I was hit with a MEGA migraine. My neck was hurting as it was very cold in the building. I had my compression gloves on the entire time (these help with my joints and fibromyalgia). Three weeks of crocheting, painting, driving to Nashville for a fall break with my daughter for two nights, and back home to get ready for the art show…you see, this is me being defiant. So, when hit with the migraine, I continued to pack and load. I heard the Spirit speak and say, “Get help.” But, I didn’t want any of the people there that I didn’t know to help me. I made two trips and I got to the car and well, nausea was for a reason. I got in the car and called one of my brothers. He came. He loaded the car, insisted on following me home, and insisted he unload the art. He also gave me some encouragement. I told him I get tired of being strong and I was sorry I had to call him out in the chilly weather and rain. “Sorry? We are family. That’s what we are here for in times like this.”

After he left, he sent a scripture, “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalms 55:22 I needed that. And you know what else I needed? I needed everything that happened yesterday, how it happened, and when it happened for multiple reasons. Plenty of lessons in yesterday as well as life nuggets.

  • Women (and men) that are too prideful to ask for help suffer unnecessarily all to prove we don’t need anyone’s help, or the helpers don’t need help, or whatever it is we are trying to prove or image we are trying to uphold
  • Some of us are like this because we have been let down so much, talked about so much for needing help
  • We will override a gut feeling, the Holy Spirit, and voices of reasons to do it all on our own and then damn near die and some have died
  • I constantly have to remind myself to ask for help, it’s okay to ask for help, it’s not righteous to always be the helper and it’s not weak to need…anything including help
  • No man or woman is an island. Even if they think they are. They are disillusioned at best.
  • Family is good to have. Friends are family, too.
  • I could have strangers. I am a stranger that will help anyone in need.
  • I shouldn’t be so hard headed but sometimes I get tired of being bound by RD, Fibro, etc. etc. and etc. And I just go mad lol

So, I recover today not only from last night but for the last three weeks. Breathe, meditate, medicate, elevate, easy going do it easy, and realign with the universe.

~Nikki

44065339_10157888125183266_6710877487942860800_n

 

 

These are the two paintings that sold. Lola of the Universe and Bloodgood’s Blessing.

Fix it Jesus. No, You Fix It.

67df63c725ddf3a9f3352b805bbca323--making-hard-decisions-hard-decision-quotes

There are just somethings in this life you have to take by the horns and fix it yourself. I waited until the last minute to resolve an issue. I sought wise counsel and I got great, but mixed advice. I thought I saw the right thing to do or was it that I saw what I wanted to see? I thought I felt the right thing to do, but it was too hard to do. I was vexed in my spirit for two weeks! I knew all along what had to be done. I only wish I would have done it sooner.

The lessons and reminders for me are:

  • Leadership requires making hard decisions sometimes
  • This wasn’t a Fix it Jesus moment. This was a moment of growth in my journey. It was very uncomfortable. I had to work through that emotionally and I am still working through that.
  • Vibes and energy are important. If you don’t feel it or them, if they do not feel you, just don’t mix it with business or pleasure. People are responsible for the energy they bring to you and you are responsible for yours. You can put out good energy and they can still bring their weird or bad vibes. What are you going to do?
  • If you are in business, you should bring good energy and vibes. You are providing a service, but people are paying you for it. Why would you bring bad juju? 😀
  • You are not asking for a favor, you are acquiring a service. (wise counsel)
  • Keep it short, don’t go into detail if you feel they won’t be receptive anyway, and keep it professional. (wise counsel)
  • They told you how they felt about you through actions and attitude. It’s okay to do what you need to do. (God, Holy Spirit)
  • This helped to decipher if I were being sensitive or if this was my GUT speaking. Hence, feeling vexed versus hurt feelings. My gut was practically screaming!
  • You know what energy you want to bring to an event. You know your audience. Trust yourself to cut what doesn’t flow.

 

~Nikki

your-emotions-are-making-it-difficult-for-you-to-accept-hard-decisions-quote-1

5e974ae20083e27466993839bc224e08

It’s Business and It’s Personal

Enjoying spa treatment

Great customer service is important to me. It can be good and I am just fine with that. However, what has been bothering is dealing with business owners who have the worst attitude or a bland attitude with some customers, but a blatant chipper, upbeat, smiling and bubbling personality with those that have money, fame, or just someone they think can get them closer to their dreams. I just want to be treated with respect, like my business and my money matters.

I dealt with a person for their service and the first time they were nice. The second time I saw them at an event and they were so busy trying to kiss up to the crowd they wish they were a part of, they blew me off. I asked them for their business card and they said to me: “Like, you are going to come.” I was so offended. They had no idea what I was going through and what it cost me to patronize their business. However, as time went on I decided maybe I should give this person another chance. Well, guess what, once over the phone they had the same snobby, funky attitude they had once before. I’d already paid them for an upcoming service and I immediately began to regret it. In fact, I considered cancelling it, but I did not want to disappoint the people at the event.

Once the event was over I decided to never use that person’s services again nor to recommend them. As an African American in this country, it’s important to support African American businesses because many times we, along with other minorities, INCLUDING WOMEN OF ALL RACES, are the minority. If we are going to do business, no matter the race, I must be treated the same way you treat others. I’m important, too.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Flawed Diamonds Do Shine

30425217_10157384707498266_6114346468955841679_o
My Coffee Mug, Crochet Hook, Yarn

Flawed Diamonds Do Shine by Nicole Jackson 7/27/18

Flawed diamonds are very common A perfect diamond is rare

These situations, tribulations, burdens, pressures of life are things WE ALL SHARE

For who can travel this life unscathed?

A girl is born, but a woman is often made

They say what doesn’t kill you makes stronger, but there are times I feel as though I am being buried alive!

Abba! Abba! Father! I have cried. Under these circumstances how do you expect me to thrive?

It’s dark in here!

And the Master Jeweler replies: “Yes, it is my dear.”

And it’s hot! I can’t breathe! And I am falling apart again!

And the Master Jeweler replies:

High temperatures and pressures you may crack, but you will not break, I need the light to get in.

Trust me, the Master Jeweler. I am expertly skilled in my trade. I formed you. Designed you. Carefully, with great detail, you are wonderfully made.

I cut, repair, adjust, and inspect. I heal, I cover, I lovingly correct.

I have prepared this season. I have set forth this time.

A diamond is a diamond and flawed diamonds do shine!

~Nikki

My poem may be shared, but not copied, printed, or altered without my permission. Thanks.