To whom much is given much is required-The Bible.
In a relationship, if I give you my time and heart then that is the “much that has be given”. You are absolutely right much will be required from you. Time is precious. You cannot get time back. My heart is priceless so if I give that I expect much in return.
There is a “Spoon Theory” used by those of us who have an autoimmune disease such as Lupus or Rheumatoid or Fibromyalgia. I will get to the relevancy of that shortly.
I woke up with much energy. I slept in a little. I went to the outlet mall in Mississippi which is only about a 25 minute drive from where I live. I went in one store with my daughter, my mother, and my sister. We left there and stopped for a late lunch on the way back. I dropped them off and came home. I felt my energy waning right after I left the outlet. I thought if I could get home and get some rest I would be fine to go to an event with my old classmates. I purchased tickets last week. I have had my dress and shoes and accessories planned for a week.
I came home but, I had to get back out because the dog (I am dog sitting for my brother-last minute) needed food. I came back home and I couldn’t relax. I know I needed to but, I just couldn’t. I asked myself, what the hell happened to all of my energy? I only went to the mall and back. Then I thought about the Spoons. I just started using this even though I have known about it for some time.
So where did my 12 spoons go?
- Two loads of laundry this morning and folded one= 1 spoon
- Breakfast-no spoons
- Clean up room (didn’t finish) = 5 spoons
- Get dressed=1 spoon
- Pick up sister and mom, drive to outlet=2 spoons
- Help daughter pick out clothes=1 spoons
- Drive home and drop off mom and sister=2 spoons Out of spoons at this point but, I have to do more
- Go back out get dog food=(-13)
- Fix a snack = (-14)
- Get dressed for bed (-15)
- Chic down!!!!
Well…there you have it. About tonight…
First, let me say I don’t generally use the term “baby mama” but here I used it to grab the attention of readers. This one is dedicated to the single fathers, divorced single fathers or however you became a single father is none of my business and this is a judgement free zone.
If you want to instantly decrease the drama of the child/children’s mother here is part one. Brace yourself:
- Stop sleeping with her. You are keeping a connection physically for you but, emotionally for her. If you are sleeping with her to see your kids or out of convenience I challenge you to grow up and find a better way to see your children such as petitioning the courts to get proper visitation rights and not giving up or giving excuses. If you are sleeping with her to keep her from sleeping with another man, I suggest you get over her and focus on your children.
- Stop leading her on. Maybe we will get back together next year, in the future, in out of space. Your leading her on is an indication you are still tied to her. I thought you said you were over her? Not.
- Stop parading a slew of women in her face. Why are you doing this anyway? Is that not petty? Another indication you are trying to hurt her for hurting you. It’s called spite. If you have a new woman say so or don’t say so. If you are now married then establish the line and make it all about your children.
- Put your child or children first but, let her know you are not the babysitter you are the father who does not mind watching your child/children on the days you are not scheduled. She doesn’t get to interrupt your plans for her plans every weekend so she can hit the club or the Quan ( a new dance craze). The moment you say no she has a problem but the moment you need to rearrange it’s a problem. Tell her if you have to be flexible then so does she and mean it. Either it’s going to be rigid or flexible with both parents.
Digest this and Part 2 will come later. My book Healing the Single Mother is available on amazon.com
Wealth and riches shall be in my house.
Everything I lay my hand to succeeds and prospers
I prosper, my health prospers, my relationship prospers
The more I give the more is given to me
The more I love the more I am loved
My loyalty is returned 100 fold
Life is precious. Respect your life by taking the best care possible of yourself on all levels. Cherish the lives of others by giving them your undivided attention when they are telling you about what’s going on in their lives, on the job, when the elders are sharing wisdom and their childhood memories, when your children come into your room for no reason, while having lunch with a friend. Look at them. Look at their face and expressions. Look at what they have on. Pay attention. So when they leave here physically and come to visit you in your dreams you’ll understand what they want and what they are saying. My grand daddy on my Mom’s side showed up. His presence trumps the entire family. It’s like God showed up and trumped the laws of the land and authority figures. I said in the dream “Finally, someone who make everyone be quiet”. In other words, when God shows you “his presence” it is to remind you that he trumps this physical world and the problems you are having. We know he’s ever present but sometimes we don’t see him in our circumstances. -Nikki