I feel. I have tried not to feel or to be as “feeling” as others wanted me to be. I was told I was too emotional. I have tried to shut down my feelings. Pretend I don’t have any feelings. I have tried to emulate others who are TOUGH because you are TOUGH if you don’t feel or show any emotions…RIGHT? You are weak if you do. RIGHT?
I won’t answer those questions. They are thoughts fed to you as facts by others. You can answer them for yourself. God created me to feel. God told me so. I was created to have a heart for the people. I couldn’t be a writer or as nearly creative if I didn’t feel. I couldn’t rush to the side of the underdog if I couldn’t feel. I was not created to pretend to be something I am not.
The insight given to me in questioning God as to why I was made like this was this:
“I created you in my image. I feel. I feel more than you feel believe it. However, you are in a place where you can’t take on everyone’s battle. There are lessons for them to learn. I created you emotional. Your lessons with your emotions or feelings is to learn to MANAGE them not to get rid of them. How to care but not so much it drowns you. The lessons for the super tough “I don’t feel nothing” is to learn to feel and open up. Be who I create YOU to be and be proud that you are a person that FEELS openly and honestly.”
Once I got that eye opening insight I am learning to MANAGE my feelings. I am also no longer trying not to be emotional. I am who I am. Ya’ FEEL ME?
8 Awake, my glory (my inner self); awake, harp and lyre! I will awake right early [I will awaken the dawn]! Psalms 57:8
Your inner self is your glory. Getting your inner self up before dawn so that you can worship/meditate/pray. Now this is how you wake up. Waking up to wake up the dawn with whatever your instrument is (prayer, music, song, meditation). That blessed me. Or you can think of it as greeting the dawn with praise and worship, meditation or prayer.
I also thought of it like this: In your darkest hour or hardest time you can awake your inner self, your soul, and bring in the dawn. It’s no secret that meditation, prayer, music, song, praise brings in LIGHT. That is what the early dawn does…it brings light to the world., light into our situation.
Yesterday, I wanted to get out with friends but no one was available. I decided to head out alone to sit on a patio, get a bite to eat, head to Mississippi River and catch the sunset. Perhaps, be inspired.
I did just that and parked next to a car where the young man was sitting by himself. Later I found out he was 26. I hesitated to get out but, I wanted some good pictures (shared below). I spoke and the next thing you know we talked for over an hour and a half as the sun set. We talked about nature, being humble, spiritual things, the community, the violence, history, what’s in the food we eat, aliens (yes aliens lol), the what ifs, a few personal references about turning points in life, success, what is it? what is money?, Tupac (rap), traveling etc.
Everything under the sun watching the sun…And we shook hands after we snapped our pictures and went our separate ways with a simple “Nice to meet you and see you around”. Leaving no names.This was a Divine Appointment to exchange with a like minded individual and to be enlightened and to also be a light.
You are free to do whatever you want to do in this life but, you are not free from the consequences of the laws that govern the heavens, the earth (laws of nature) and the laws of the land. – Nicole Jackson
You’re too YOUNG to have…Arthritis.
Response: First of all, it’s not Arthritis it’s Rheumatoid Arthritis and yes there is a difference. Second of all, I know.
Well, you know, we all are getting old, we all have Arthritis.
Response: It’s not arthritis, it’s Rheumatoid Arthritis. It’s not your grandma’s arthritis. It affects more than your joints.
What’s wrong with you anyway?
Response: That’s a rude way to ask me.
You’re ALWAYS sick.
Response: Probably because I ALWAYS have R.A. (Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibro).
We didn’t ask you because we thought you may be sick or “that” may be too much for you.
Response: That was very considerate of you BUT, could you please ask me what “I” would like to do and not decide in advance what I can and cannot do? Thank You.
You’re always sleepy.
Response: I don’t sleep well at night.
I really hate R.A.
I remember my parents telling me when I was in school “Your education comes first. You don’t have time for boys.” I can’t say I always listened to this instruction but, I can say it always came back to me. I tell my daughter to focus on her education while she is in school and eventually, college and not on boys. This is the time to figure out what makes you happy and what you enjoy. In other words, don’t make boys your priority. Impress yourself.
Well, as a woman, I want to tell you, I still don’t have time for boys. However, I do have time for men. I don’t have time for boys for different reasons other than education and trying to figure out what makes me happy and what I enjoy ( I was a late bloomer in that area and I am still figuring some things out). When you are mature in your emotions, when you are working towards achieving a more fulfilling life, be it socially, emotionally, physically, etc you don’t have time for boys. Boys will jerk your emotions around. Boys will destabilize your foundation. Boys will waste your time. Boys will play games. Boys don’t know what they want. They are still trying to figure out their role as a man. Sure they work. Sure some have financial goals but when it comes to relationships I find boys are still in it for selfish gain. I find men are in it for the satisfaction of themselves and their partner. I think you can be a man in many areas but a boy in other areas. I think the same about women. We can be a woman about our financial affairs but, a girl when it comes to what we allow in a relationship. What I mean by both of those statements is it comes down to growth and maturity. When you were a child, you acted like a child but when you became an adult, you should have or at least be aggressively working on putting away childish motives, attitudes, actions, fears and phobias.
Let me clarify this: I have time for men, who may be boys in an area but, are doing their best to grow in the area of love and relationships. However, I can’t allow the repeated abuse of my heart.
You cannot have balance if you do not ground yourself first-Nicole Jackson via Holy Spirit. I asked this question this morning during “coffee” meditation and this is the answer given to me. In my study this year to become my Authentic Self, I am on the subject “Balance and Grounding.”
“Ground YOURSELF in YOUR beliefs as it relates to your religion and beyond (yourself, world views). Know what it is YOU believe and understand it. Know what it is YOU don’t believe and why it is you don’t believe it. Whatever you believe and do must be grounded in love or you will not have balance. ”
“I am not upset with you, I will not disown you, I will not pay you back, for not believing everything you read or hear. What kind of God would I be? I created you a reasoning being but, I also created you spiritual. In due time, you will understand or have no need to understand. You have all of eternity to understand (study and research) or experience (trials, errors, success-no such thing as failure) what you don’t “get” or “feel”. I am patient. Nothing can separate you from my love. You don’t have to feel guilty about not understanding or not believing or not agreeing.”
“Know this: There are spiritual laws in effect and earthly laws in effect. I have covered all the bases for your success…even if it doesn’t look like success.”
Grounding. I got it. I can get it. I have to take some time to figure out what I believe and what beliefs I have outgrown. Including the ones about myself. I can’t keep putting on beliefs I have outgrown via understanding and experience-growth. I probably look like a graduate trying to sit at the Kindergarten table in order to please the Teachers.