I’ve been learning how to appreciate and give thanks to endings. I have to remember I’m in the year of endings. Endings bring beginnings and your beginning can be an adaptation to loving and living, a lesson, a change, or something new.
This is another reason I was so chilled about what happened Saturday (Another guy stood me up!) I laughed about it because we really didn’t have a connection for it to matter. Oh, the dating world is crazy at times. I still enjoyed the event and met a new friend. But in this situation and in all situations, it helps to know the seasons of your life so you can govern yourself accordingly. I can ground myself by reminding myself what season I am in. I can understand what is happening even if I don’t understand the all of the why. It helps me to stay focused on my dreams, goals, and visions for my life.
Last week was a week for the books. I held my 4th Woman emPowered Up Conference online and according to the numbers, it was a flop. My speakers were top notch. The very last night no one showed up and it was my turn to speak. I recorded the talk and then my daughter came on as I was wrapping it up. The challenge wasn’t remaining satisfied with being obedient and going forth, I didn’t care about the numbers as if I needed numbers to validate me or the conference. If that is the case, then why was I so sadden? Why was I angry?
I didn’t even know I was angry until I did a heart chakra guided meditation and it spoke about being angry. This is when Spirit spoke to me and said you are angry. I knew I was sad but angry? Let me figure out why I was sad first and then I will figure out why I am angry. I continued to do meditation. I did yoga while listening to music for the heart chakra. As I was doing yoga, I got these messages:
You are sad because you wanted people to receive the valuable information you had to give. You wanted more people to share your passion of wisdom and knowledge with. And for this you will be blessed.
You are angry that your family and friends didn’t show up but, you should not be angry with them. You can’t always be there for them, remember? And they can’t always be there for you. Extend to them the same grace and mercy you extend to yourself. Give them the same understanding and compassion.
I woke up at 1:27 this morning. I was fully refreshed because I fell asleep a few hours before my normal bedtime. I scrolled Facebook, and eventually got up to have a low carb breakfast because I was incredibly hungry. I figured after I go back to sleep and get up for the day, I would have coffee and cereal. Anyway, I was heading from the kitchen when I was suddenly struck by a painful memory of childhood.
Where did the thought come from? Well, I have recently been going through some things with my own young adult daughter and I guess I was reflecting on motherhood and how some of the things said and done to me affected my life. I am careful not to injure my daughter with deeds or words but, as I have been told by other parents, “Good luck with that.” No matter how hard you try to be the best or the perfect parent, not to do what was done to you, they will find something you didn’t do right and you will be made aware of it. Over and over. I have already been made aware. “Luckily” it wasn’t life alternating.
I think childhood injuries that take a toll on us mentally and emotionally have to be a constant of microaggression, aggression, abuse of any level, or some devastating trauma. But, even if it’s not childhood, it can be young adulthood and adulthood. I think about the things that happened to me in young adulthood and in adulthood that were done by someone to me. And I ask this question, not for you to answer. Not for you to feel bad about yourself but, for you to think about your words and actions. Have you been the cause of someone’s life long suffering?
I pondered how would one deal with that? Ask for forgiveness? What if you don’t get it? Then you have to forgive yourself and move on. Change? Yes. Please change. I don’t care how old you are. Change is ageless. You’re not a dog so you can learn new ways and habits.
I can make things more complicated than it needs to be at times by doing things I really don’t want to do. I then become agitated and my mood is apparent to those around me. I should note, this is only around family events or outings with people that have big negative energy. I don’t want to be there because of the attitudes and difficult personalities that may be present. I think of going to a restaurant or concert as an enjoyable event. I look forward to good times but, some people can suck life out of that.
So, what do you do when you really don’t want to go but, it’s a nice gesture? You know it’s coming from a genuine place but you just don’t want to “deal” with the complaining. I didn’t handle the situation well at all! In retrospect, I realized I needed to learn how to not let the mood of others complaining and to enjoy the outing better. I thought maybe I can redirect the conversation to more positive things. Maybe, I can counter act a “Eww this is not good and this is not that and ugh what’s taking so long?” with “My vegetables taste delicious. The food will be hot and fresh when it comes out.”
I need to accept, and keep accepting that some things will never change and I need to be able to deal better in a certain environment. I’m making things worse by adding my attitude to the mix.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. − Reinhold Niebuhr
I’ve been called to 18 Days of Solitude and was given permission to share this: Your efforts were blessed and they are blessed. If you’re coming from or came from a place of TRULY good intentions, your efforts are blessed. If it failed, if it didn’t work, if it wasn’t received, your efforts that came from a place of truly good intentions are blessed.
Coffee on the porch this morning before service. I’m being called to some form of solitude by God/Spirit. I have no idea what’s being taught or what I’m supposed to do. It’s unfolding. I’m researching. I’m asking for guidance. This is new and strange. I may as well embrace it because I’ve learned that resistance to a call only makes it harder. 18 days of solitude. God speaks to me with the Word, through others ordained/sanctioned to speak to me, wisdom that is everywhere, by spirit and Spirit, with dreams, visions, signs and numbers. Speaking of dreams… nah, I can’t share that one yet.
Have you ever been called to solitude? What did you do during those times alone?
Just grateful. I don’t care what it looks like right now in my life, your life, it’s going to be what we said it would be. It’s going to be the choices we make and the actions we take. These impediments and obstacles are opportunities to grow and learn and to flex our creativity. I’m counting my blessings in the face of obstacles and I’m feeling grateful. Gratefulness produces more things, more blessings, more miracles, more manifestations to be grateful for.
Adversity, trouble, hard times, does not mean the absence of God. ADVERSITY doesn’t mean you’re not going to get the promises for your life or the desires of your heart. Sometimes you have to STAND, SIT, BE STILL, LEAD, or MOVE IN THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY. During adversity, TRUST THE GOD OF THE PROCESS IF YOU CAN’T TRUST THE PROCESS. ADVERSITY is boot camp. ADVERSITY is a battle. ADVERSITY is strength training or the exercise of your STRENGTH. You’ve got this. FLEX. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!
2022 comes with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and Repairing or Strengthening Relationships. Relationships of all kinds will play a vital role this year in your life. Pay attention to the lessons you learn. Some will shape you, push you forward, and change you for the better (no matter what it may seem like at the time). Just don’t let anything distract you from your dreams and goals this year. It may have been all about you the past few years but, this year it’s about you and others. Play well with others. Disconnect from some and love at a distance and “with the love of the Lord” with others.
Make people feel loved and appreciated. Encourage as many people as you can. Show up when you can. Make phone calls. Send a thank you text with some detail (Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to xyz). Let it be known that you value your employees, friends, family, coworkers, strangers. “I appreciate everything that you do for me. I am so glad to have you as my cousin.” Lend a hand and donate to charity. Cook a meal for someone. Send flowers or fresh fruit. (ACTION).
Oh…family dynamics. You must deal with it. Once and for all and get on with it. If they want to hold on to it let them. You let go and remember, love from a distance if need be. Move around it. On the flip, strengthen those family bonds that you do have. Quality time with loved ones and friends are in order.
You may think this one is a no brainer when it comes to your child or children but, put down the phone or tablet and LOOK at your children’s faces when they are talking to you and when you are talking to them. Maybe the pandemic has made being glued to screens worse. I don’t know but, I do know it is important to LOOK into the eyes of the ones you love, especially your children and give them your undivided attention. They need to be seen and heard. Especially, with the instability of navigating our world.
You will meet NEW PEOPLE IF you want to that can have an interest in what you are doing or that may have connections for you. This is why I say once again, pay attention to the people that cross your path. But also pay attention to the classes or opportunities that come your way this year. Maybe there is someone at that event or in that class you can make a meaningful connection with. Yes, these events can be online as well. God works in mysterious ZOOM ways, too. I’d highly recommend being INTENTIONAL about where you go and whom you spend your time with this year.